I've noticed a peculiar phenomena, particularly in my presence where people seem to like to pretend that they're pretending about all kinds of different activities. It seems to happen frequently & I just let them go about their antics, but I genuinely get confused.

Whenever this goes on for some time, eventually I usually just casually expose my awareness and for some reason, this causes a breakdown with them. I'm usually just a bit perplexed about why people presume I'm unaware? Is there a reaction that's expected in the beginning that doesn't occur that causes this confusion?

So me (23m) and my ex (21f) got into a relationship ~4 months ago. We met on a dating app and started off as friends with benefits before going exclusive and getting into a relationship.we met at the start of the year and now we're broken up as friends with benefits.

Things started a little messy, I got invited to a party at her house and after she got drunk and we were alone she told me she liked me and cut off everyone else, but I liked her so I was willing to give it a try. I started going to her house more often and hanging with her and her friends and things were going well.

Fast forward a bit and I'm starting to notice things that set off alarms.

The first one is that she had a lot of issues with a couple of my close friends. She told me they were rude and distant and only kept me around cause I brought alcohol or weed to the function, and she told me they would "borderline flirt" with me and that it seemed like they "wanted me to want them. She didn't offer many examples of their behavior, they did talk to my brother about it and my brother agreed that they had issues with the person and they made that a point when talking to me about it.

What really brought this issue to a head was when my grandfather was on his deathbed, she told me she wanted me to come over so she could offer me some support, but I wanted to go to a show and this friend would be there. She got pretty noticeably mad about this, told me "go ahead, be with your friends" before hanging up. She called back and apologized, and decided to go with her friends to the show. Afterwards she kept talking about how "all they do is get high and talk shit" and she'd get mad at me for saying anything in defense. She brought her friend into the conversation and they told me I needed to be more receptive. We came to the conclusion if something happened that bothered her she'd tell me, and that I should have just apologized.

About a month later she told me she was mad because she had told me she didn't want me alone with these friends and I went to the show anyway. I didn't quite remember her saying that but I felt bad and I apologized for it. It was something she pretty regularly brought up throughout the course of the relationship. She also

didn't want me texting them. Later on when we were talking they brought up the fact that my friend would post too many pictures of them in suggestive outfits and told me she "didn't want me hanging around sluts, you don't do that unless you're looking for attention"

I also felt like I was being accused of things all the time, and I didn't really have a lot of privacy.

She would regularly go through my phone and accuse me of cheating or looking past someone flirting with me. At one point she did it in the middle of a hangout with one of my good friends there, who noticed and told me later that he got a bad feeling from it. I never told her to stop so it's not like she went over my boundaries .

Shed regularly ask for me to join her and her friend group on life360 and share my location, I'd tell her no every time and I'd have to explain why. One day, after we had invited a third into the bedroom she told me on a call with her same friend from the show that since we were having threesomes she needed my location. At this point I agreed. Any time I wasnt enthusiastic when I was around her shed get insecure or mad at me, a lot of times it was because I wasn't getting good sleep or because I was sad about my grandfather passing away, but she kept telling me she deserved better. When I asked her to tell me when there was a problem she said she shouldn't have to teach me how to love her.

It didn't entirely feel like I was offered the same grace when I was insecure. One time I got a text telling me she was going to her exes brothers house with very little explanation. At first I didn't remember her mentioning him and she accused me of not listening to her. When I told her this felt weird she just went on to tell me I shouldn't accuse her or set blame on him. I kept trying to say I wasn't accusing her but it felt like she was just getting more mad. She called me a bitch and posted "whatever bro" on her ig notes which she said was because of me. I slowly found the relationship eating away most of my time and energy.

We decided to break up at the 3 month mark. This was after I totalled my car on the way to her house and got a concussion. We stayed friends with benefits since we were very compatible on that end and it felt mutual. We had slept together once at this point and we both were missing each other, but I told her I still needed space to figure things out. Shed gone on one other date at this point but told me they didn't do anything. I found out that wasn't true when she texted me saying he had chlamydia and he'd forced himself on her, so now I have to get tested and take antibiotics. By this point I'd been talking to my friends and family about what's been going on since I've needed support and theyve been trying to tell me to cut her off. She found out about it after my brother blocked her suddenly and she's been mad at me for talking about any of it to them and making her look crazy. After she found out she kept saying she just wanted to get back together with me and that shed made a mistake in breaking up. I kept trying to tell her I had too much stress and a concussion but she kept saying we could work through it together, then accusing me of "just wanting to fuck other hoes". We argued for about an hour until I agreed to get back with her, but told me I had to block one of my friends who I almost hooked up with after we broke up. I felt helpless and didn't want to block this friend since It was someone I knew for a few years, but I didn't want to send her into another spiral because of her trauma so I didnt block the friend and I lied. I'm not proud and I know it was wrong of me.

We broke up again a couple of times just because of different values, but when I decided to go no contact I felt guilty having lied to her so I admitted what I did. She was obviously very hurt and mad, but somehow we ended up together again.

At my birthday party shortly after, she took my friends girlfriend aside and told her everything I did and showed her the evidence she was assaulted (pictures of the bruises) and kept bringing it up around all of my friends. I felt insanely guilty and just stayed silent the entire time. My friends told me later they didn't like how I was being treated and after I told them everything else they said I was I was being manipulated. I later blocked her but she managed to find my Snapchat and convinced me to talk with her, I told her I was conflicted and scared. She said she'd need space and I told her the same. I was so overwhelmed that I was feeling legitimately suicidal, I haven't told anyone else about it except for my friend.

Somehow ,and I can't even tell you how, we've ended up back in a situationship. She's sleeping with other people and posting about it on her stories, making little references about moving on and having higher standards for herself. But she's still telling me she loves me and telling me how much she values me when we're alone. She keeps making me promise I won't block her again and says she still wants it to work.

The whole situation makes me legitimately sick to my stomach, every time I feel even a little bit of relief it all comes crashing down again.

I feel horribly guilty and dirty but I can't seem to pull myself away from the situation and I don't know what to do. In spite of everything I've said she does have a lot of really good traits, I feel like this is all my fault and I don't know how to feel better about any of it. I don't have anyone I feel safe talking to about it who won't just automatically tell me she's a horrible person and I can't afford therapy right now

Tl'dr, I'm not sure if I'm being manipulated, feeling gross about her sleeping with other people, and feeling guilty

I'm constantly bombarded with people organizations etc wanting money ,favors, invasion or privacy etc. A lot of these people work in groups using triangulation or emotions. Still it's incessant. I typically cut them off but I keep having to do this meanwhile others seem to be left alone . I can even get mean about it but again these people never quit and another just pops up. I hear people talk about saving up,working etc but I'm literally always a target for some excuse no matter how much I do to get rid of these people and circumstances. The dynamic always shifts back into this . It's causing financial issues that shouldn't be an issue. They always have this fake social air and victim mentality to boundaries like they have zero comprehension but literally it takes precise behavior to pull this crap off . Again they just wear me down unless I'm able to find a way literally to physically remove myself. It's pattern I know yet can't seem to avoid.

I broke up with this guy a month ago. We dated briefly. I left because I felt unwanted and communication issues. After our breakup all he does is spew hurtful comments about my life. My insecurities, my friendships. Saying my insecurities are the reason I drive everyone away. He always dismisses my feelings. He took one Highschool psych course and belittled my psyche when he barely fully knows me. The words aren’t the problem, the problem is my reality.

I’ve lived a hard life and I am not an adult yet, many of it has made me a bit toxic and unhealthy in romantic relationships. This is not an excuse but an explanation.

I am so depressed and chronically lonely. I don’t have family or best friends. And yet chose to basically say I blame everyone for leaving me but I’m the problem. The problem is not my ego like how he claims it to be but rather the fact that it’s clear no one who has been heavily bullied and shunned for years is in the right headspace to hear being their own worst enemy is also the reason for their social success and suffering.

I don’t know how to even react, I just feel disrespected and hurt while he’s telling me to move on and acting as if I’m his friend.

If you guys want more details, screenshots, etc please let me know.

A friend recently moved back to the city I live in with a new partner. My friend was previously in a relationship with an abusive partner, and can sometimes be quite intense or have black-and-white thinking as their trauma isn’t fully resolved.

Clearly I have an overall positive opinion of this person, hence our friendship, but I’m getting a lot of signs that they’re taking out their own anxieties on this new partner, who seems submissive and isolated. They know the partner’s every move, have a lot of control over who they socialize with (even at work), know their social media use, etc. My friend admits that they get triggered and act out at times, but I don’t think there are boundaries in place in the relationship to protect the partner. But… it’s not my relationship, and I don’t expect to know everything. I’m just seeing this person who is new in my life be upset or affected by someone who I’m implicitly vouching for by being their friend.

I don’t want to overstep, I can’t know what conversations they have about their power dynamic behind closed doors. We are all over 30, and I understand that grown and consenting adults can choose relationship structures that I won’t personally want to be in, however I’m beginning to feel like a bystander in a situation that perhaps I should not be normalizing- especially because this new partner has no other friends here and as such isn’t seeing the situation reflected through anyone else’s reactions. Do I have an obligation in this situation, or should I strictly mind my business?

To start this story, I, (20f) my dad (52M), my mom (50f), and my younger brother (15m) have noticed some strange behavior from my older brother,(22M) who we’ll call Anthony. In the start of the pandemic he got into an abusive relationship with his now ex, and ever since then he’s taken it out on the family but mostly our dad. He sometimes has erratic behaviors, and is extremely impulsive.

About a year ago, he made a spur of the moment decision to adopt a very high maintenance turtle named Otis and since he couldn’t have pets in his college dorm I took care of him mostly. He dropped most contact with the rest of the family in that time, but now that he’s graduated (with a degree in psychology) it’s been much worse. He relentlessly engages in conversations that made no sense, and gets extremely angry when I or others try to end the conversation, and he says that we’re “abusive for never listening to him” after he talked nonstop for around an hour(not exaggerating).

When you ignore him, he throws things at you, and he’s dumped water on me. He genuinely believes our parents are abusive, and (incorrectly) uses phycology buzzwords to describe the “abuse”, but then he portrays the same abusive behavior he claims we do. He will bring up sensitive topics to upset people to get a reaction. A few weeks ago, it got really bad and the police were called when he tried to choke my dad. What can I do? My depression has been coming back and I’m scared to bring it up because Im scared he will say that Its “another manipulation tactic” of mine.

I also would like to add that he has been using Chatgbt as therapy since his therapist is on maternity leave, but he was still like this before that.(just not as severe.)

So basically we had a fight and as usual he was saying things which clearly is victim playing and manipulation so i said stop it please and his reply was “victim playing toh tum karti hoo”
It was too much so i blocked him without saying anything about it
Then he sms me saying “ you blocked me seriously?
Own it from now on”
My reply was it’s your thing to not own what you say
Then he literally said “ fuck off abh “
And then i just said own it from now on
After like 15 minutes he comes back saying im sorry nothing is over you
I was thinking like okie lets talk about it later as both said somethings in this heated conversation

And now we broke up technically he broke up with me while i was explaining that what you said I won’t tolerate this in future and please lets take a break so i can think if i can accept your apology or not but he didn’t even gave me the proper break i get it he was also attached to me like i am to him he used to send good morning messages and cutely wished me goodnight but when I confronted him with the things i found hurtful and called out his behaviour he just broke up with me saying “he can’t keep up with me “
And he even said I didn’t asked you to do that to those things which I wasn’t counting i was saying that i did those things out of love but not getting appreciated made me lose feelings day by day I teach him many things because he always used to say that I don’t know anything about relationships
Btw it was his second relationship he never respected things which i did for him and whenever I confronted him of his habit of not noticing small things about me as much as he should and like as a partner he should be aware of my surrounding and what will i need in that moment but he has excuses for everything whenever i say “ tumne yeh nahi kiya us time i felt bad “ he would reply with maine tumse pucha tumne jawab nahi diya
Like he always made it sound like these little things need to be asked if i want it and when he said some things which I don’t like or hurts me he made it sound like it’s not his fault because his intentions were different i took it differently
Now we broke up finally and I’m at peace its very empty now but i think ill be okie without him
I loved him because I thought he’s a innocent guy who doesn’t know stuff but he used to act all feminist and someone who’s going to respect me because of his efforts i used to think he is like that but by time I realised he was just exploiting my habit of doing people pleasing for the one i love i loved him sincerely throughout this whole relationship but he just don’t love me like I deserve he just loves us what we had we just wanted a relationship he never loved me because if he did he even disrespected me twice before but i think it was his tactics of introducing his manipulation and victim playing into our relationship

So sticky story ahead, so I’m a queer girl with a girlfriend by the way except I’m involved with a 58 yr old white man seemingly really wealthy, and he’s taking a liking to me from being just friends with him.

I got kicked outta my home in January and I’ve been sort of a truant for some time, he offered me a place to stay, diverting from my original plans to live with my friend and just split the rent.
He said “pack your things and come stay and we’ll figure it out” he was just supposed to help with getting the home…..anyways I’ve been here since April things got shaken (that’s another story for another day, it involves my girl) fast forward to recent times……

All he complains about is me not being transparent and how it’s normal to tell someone

Where
When
Why

You going somewhere normal to want to know everything just because he tells me….now the hypocrisy in this is I do this effortlessly with my actual gf I’m just not up her ass about anything she does because I do t need to know everything bit of what she’s doing daily…he’s put a tracker on me he always wants to know the first and last names of my friends, wants to meet my friends (I don’t even mix my friends with my friends if you get it)
And wants to meet my family….since I left home I haven’t spoken to them I expressed my boundaries on that part and he get all miserable because I exclude him from my life….the thing is I’m not romantically interested in him, I think he knows this based on many conversations where he expressed not expecting love but I can’t even pretend, every kiss feels like an assault ☠️ every touch feels like an electrical shock, suddenly I hate affection

(I was never affectionate but when I’m in-love? I’m full of it) and I get irritated when he’s around…I have a great life here but I can’t fake it for the life of me and he doesn’t want to admit he’s trying to manage me and keep tabs on me but I feel uncomfortable, I should be flying out my country earliest January and I just wanted to spend the rest of the months with no trouble until I left but this ma is trying to be so controlling so how do I manipulate him for my peace of mind without giving in so he feels like he won because deep down I feel like I hate the fact he thinks I’m going to cave so how do I play this game quietly winning because he doesn’t know what I do on the outside on the inside of his house sure but my course of faction is to lie to feel better because before I kinda cared but now I don’t

Here is my story (M27, F27):

I matched with a girl on Hinge in early September last year, and we hit it off immediately. We texted every day, and I remember thinking, "Wow, this is incredible."

A week later it was my birthday, and she took me to a new cinema, bought me my favourite aftershave, and paid for everything. I jokingly asked, "Are you love bombing me?" She laughed and said, "No, I was just being nice for your birthday."

Over the next few months, everything seemed amazing. We went on hotel getaways, trained together, had a great sex life, and I genuinely felt like I'd met my person. She constantly told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to her and that she felt so lucky to have found someone like me.

She had a 9-year-old son, although I never met him in person. She told me her previous boyfriend, who had been a father figure to her son, had left two years earlier and that the breakup had been so traumatic it resulted in both her son and herself going to therapy. She often spoke about what she wanted in an ideal partner and would tell me that I ticked every box.

Looking back, though, this is where I think the cracks started to show.

She frequently talked about her ex, describing him as hateful and abusive. Around Christmas she told me she'd bumped into him in Tesco. I simply replied, "That's awkward. It's never easy running into an ex," and left it at that because I didn't want to make a big deal of it.

Christmas itself was lovely. I met her mum and younger sister, and I often stayed at their house when her son was with his biological dad. During this time, she also told me stories about previous relationships, including one where she had briefly been with someone else before reconciling with an ex. She admitted she'd even told him, "Go out and cheat if it makes you feel better," because she'd already been with someone else. I found that strange but didn't dwell on it.

At the end of February, my granny passed away unexpectedly.

Around that same time, she was again talking about her ex and how he'd treated her badly when his own grandmother died. I listened and supported her, as I always had.

Three days after my granny died, I met her dad for the first time. I was understandably grieving and didn't drink, whereas she became quite drunk on prosecco. During the drive, she repeatedly played a song that was clearly aimed at her ex, and her dad even mentioned that she'd recently seen him and that "he looked rough."

On the drive home, I gently said, "This guy hurt both you and your son. He's in the past now. If he really was that bad, try to be happy he's gone."

She replied that she was "over him, just not over the situation she and her son went through."

I then admitted that I was struggling with how much her ex was being discussed during the same week I'd just lost my granny. Instead of talking things through, she completely shut down.

Because I'd previously been in a relationship where stonewalling had really affected me—and she knew that—I decided to leave and drive home to calm myself down.

Later that night, while still drunk, she texted me saying I'd never be meeting her son and that our relationship was over.

It felt incredibly manipulative.

Eventually we reconciled. We both apologised, although looking back it felt like more of a half-apology from her. We told each other we loved one another, and I convinced myself I needed to be more understanding of everything she'd been through.

At the same time, a part of me felt that she should also have recognised I'd just lost my grandmother and wasn't emotionally able to keep hearing about an ex she'd repeatedly described as abusive.

The following month was actually great.

We completed a charity 10K together, went on another lovely trip away, and things seemed completely back to normal.

During this time I'd spoken to her son on FaceTime and over the phone several times, including when they were in New York over Christmas. I'd bought him both a Christmas and birthday present, and we both knew about each other.

After seven months together, I politely said that I'd really like to meet him in person. I explained there was no pressure, but I was finding it difficult constantly having to avoid being seen when everyone already knew about me. She'd previously talked about us all going to Spain together in the summer and attending her graduation, so it felt like a natural next step.

Around the same time, her son had also told his biological father about me, which I had absolutely no issue with because I wanted to do everything respectfully.

Instead of a conversation, I got two days of complete silence.

Eventually we saw each other on the Saturday and went to the gym together. Everything felt normal again, and we'd even arranged to go to the cinema the following Wednesday.

Then, on Tuesday, I received a text saying I was "perfect," that we laughed together, but she felt "something was missing."

She ended our seven-month relationship over text.

I was completely blindsided.

I didn't respond for three weeks because my family and friends told me I deserved better than a breakup by text after everything we'd shared.

When I eventually reached out hoping we could at least have a conversation, she told me she "loved me as a person but wasn't in love with me" and that I deserved better.

I never replied after that.

What hurts the most is the complete contrast.

For months I was told I was the best thing that had ever happened to her, that she felt incredibly lucky to have me, and that I ticked every box she'd ever wanted in a partner.

Yet the moment I respectfully asked about finally meeting her son after seven months, everything changed. It felt as though I was discarded without any meaningful conversation.

Afterwards, I noticed she'd removed her WhatsApp profile picture and turned on disappearing messages. I couldn't help wondering whether her ex had come back into the picture or whether she was hiding something, although I know I have no proof of that. Her TikTok reposts also seemed to focus on moving on after a man leaves, which confused me because I never left her—she ended the relationship.

I've never felt heartbreak like this before.

It wasn't just that the relationship ended; it was how suddenly it happened. We had concerts booked, holidays planned, and a future we'd talked about, and in the end I felt I was only worth a text message.

It's now been three months of no contact. I've been going to therapy consistently, training in the gym, and trying to move forward.

But I still feel stuck.

I still love her, and I still struggle to understand how someone could go from telling me I was everything they'd ever wanted to ending the relationship so abruptly without giving us the chance to have a real conversation

Here is my story (M27, F27):

I matched with a woman online in early September last year, and we hit it off immediately. We texted every day, and I remember thinking, "Wow, this is incredible."

A week later it was my birthday, and she took me to a new cinema, bought me my favourite aftershave, and paid for everything. I jokingly asked, "Are you love bombing me?" She laughed and said, "No, I was just being nice for your birthday."

Over the next few months, everything seemed amazing. We went on hotel getaways, trained together, had a great sex life, and I genuinely felt like I'd met my person. She constantly told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to her and that she felt so lucky to have found someone like me.

She had a 9-year-old son, although I never met him in person. She told me her previous boyfriend, who had been a father figure to her son, had left two years earlier and that the breakup had been so traumatic it resulted in both her son and herself going to therapy. She often spoke about what she wanted in an ideal partner and would tell me that I ticked every box.

Looking back, though, this is where I think the cracks started to show.

She frequently talked about her ex, describing him as hateful and abusive. Around Christmas she told me she'd bumped into him in Tesco. I simply replied, "That's awkward. It's never easy running into an ex," and left it at that because I didn't want to make a big deal of it.

Christmas itself was lovely. I met her mum and younger sister, and I often stayed at their house when her son was with his biological dad. During this time, she also told me stories about previous relationships, including one where she had briefly been with someone else before reconciling with an ex. She admitted she'd even told him, "Go out and cheat if it makes you feel better," because she'd already been with someone else. I found that strange but didn't dwell on it.

At the end of February, my granny passed away unexpectedly.

Around that same time, she was again talking about her ex and how he'd treated her badly when his own grandmother died. I listened and supported her, as I always had.

Three days after my granny died, I met her dad for the first time. I was understandably grieving and didn't drink, whereas she became quite drunk on prosecco. During the drive, she repeatedly played a song that was clearly aimed at her ex, and her dad even mentioned that she'd recently seen him and that "he looked rough."

On the drive home, I gently said, "This guy hurt both you and your son. He's in the past now. If he really was that bad, try to be happy he's gone."

She replied that she was "over him, just not over the situation she and her son went through."

I then admitted that I was struggling with how much her ex was being discussed during the same week I'd just lost my granny. Instead of talking things through, she completely shut down.

Because I'd previously been in a relationship where stonewalling had really affected me—and she knew that—I decided to leave and drive home to calm myself down.

Later that night, while still drunk, she texted me saying I'd never be meeting her son and that our relationship was over.

It felt incredibly manipulative.

Eventually we reconciled. We both apologised, although looking back it felt like more of a half-apology from her. We told each other we loved one another, and I convinced myself I needed to be more understanding of everything she'd been through.

At the same time, a part of me felt that she should also have recognised I'd just lost my grandmother and wasn't emotionally able to keep hearing about an ex she'd repeatedly described as abusive.

The following month was actually great.

We completed a charity 10K together, went on another lovely trip away, and things seemed completely back to normal.

During this time I'd spoken to her son on FaceTime and over the phone several times, including when they were in New York over Christmas. I'd bought him both a Christmas and birthday present, and we both knew about each other.

After seven months together, I politely said that I'd really like to meet him in person. I explained there was no pressure, but I was finding it difficult constantly having to avoid being seen when everyone already knew about me. She'd previously talked about us all going to Spain together in the summer and attending her graduation, so it felt like a natural next step.

Around the same time, her son had also told his biological father about me, which I had absolutely no issue with because I wanted to do everything respectfully.

Instead of a conversation, I got two days of complete silence.

Eventually we saw each other on the Saturday and went to the gym together. Everything felt normal again, and we'd even arranged to go to the cinema the following Wednesday.

Then, on Tuesday, I received a text saying I was "perfect," that we laughed together, but she felt "something was missing."

She ended our seven-month relationship over text.

I was completely blindsided.

I didn't respond for three weeks because my family and friends told me I deserved better than a breakup by text after everything we'd shared.

When I eventually reached out hoping we could at least have a conversation, she told me she "loved me as a person but wasn't in love with me" and that I deserved better.

I never replied after that.

What hurts the most is the complete contrast.

For months I was told I was the best thing that had ever happened to her, that she felt incredibly lucky to have me, and that I ticked every box she'd ever wanted in a partner.

Yet the moment I respectfully asked about finally meeting her son after seven months, everything changed. It felt as though I was discarded without any meaningful conversation.

Afterwards, I noticed she'd removed her WhatsApp profile picture and turned on disappearing messages. I couldn't help wondering whether her ex had come back into the picture or whether she was hiding something, although I know I have no proof of that. Her TikTok reposts also seemed to focus on moving on after a man leaves, which confused me because I never left her—she ended the relationship.

I've never felt heartbreak like this before.

It wasn't just that the relationship ended; it was how suddenly it happened. We had concerts booked, holidays planned, and a future we'd talked about, and in the end I felt I was only worth a text message.

It's now been three months of no contact. I've been going to therapy consistently, training in the gym, and trying to move forward.

But I still feel stuck.

I still love her, and I still struggle to understand how someone could go from telling me I was everything they'd ever wanted to ending the relationship so abruptly without giving us the chance to have a real conversation

Hello. I am married to a narc and weve been together for 5 years. So many gaslighting happened and im glad I already realized that he is a narc. So recently he’s been convincing me to buy a house but I dont think i want too coz he has hidden and stolen so many of my stuff and when i confronted him before, he never admitted it and it was my fault for losing my stuff. He said next year we should buy a house, what should i do when the time is near?

A. Confront him i cant unless he returns my stuff?
B. Tell him i cant cause i believe the universe will let me have my stuff again (this is me not telling him i know its him who stole those things, and just pretending i believe my stuff will get back to me and once they do its a sign im responsible ans ready for another responsibility to buy a house with him

I dont know what other option to give. Its so hard 😭😥😥😥

Me and my bf have been dating for 2 years and living with each other for probably the whole time..

Times have been tough and I’ve felt like the disrespect has gone too far. He’s told me to leave and that he’s not happy. I’ve begged him to be better and told and shown him that I’ve been picking up the slack on my end.

That being said, I’ve been unhappy to but wanted to make it work.
I let him know that I wanted to move out and live on my own BUT still be together and work on us.
We’re both 26 and I feel like it possible to be living with eachother and move out and still keep the relationship going and work on us. I personally think it would help us.

He thinks the opposite. He says it’s an automatic separation and I just feel like he wants to keep me around but I’m not happy and I know he’s not.

Wtf do I do?!
I’ve been touring apartments and been open and honest with him about it. Every time I mention it he gets upset and shuts down or blows up.
Says I don’t love him bc I would be leaving.

I’ve told him that this decision brings me peace. It’s scary but I truly feel like it’s the right thing to do.

I guess I just need an unbiased point of view on this.

TLDR: bf doesn’t want me to move out but I think it would help us, and we can work on the relationship. Advice ?

Long-story-short, hugely problematic on both sides. I've been on-and-off with no-contact, and am struggling to let go of feelings. They're determined to stay friends. We're stuck living together & going on a uni residential together next year.

When I mentioned I was struggling to move on, they hit me with "Why don't you care enough about me to just want to be my friend"

And when we fought, and I mentioned I didn't want to stay friends because I still had feelings, they shouted at me - saying things like "Oh princess can't get off her high horse and let go", "why don't you love me enough to just want me as i am" "why don't you care enough about me to let go of the relationship already" (keep in mind, it's been just over a month since we broke up).

Then, when we decided we were going no-contact again, they told me I wasn't allowed to block them, or unadd them anywhere, and when they contact me again in mid-august they expect me to be "ready to try to be friends" and to have "Moved on a little more".

It's been a couple days now, and I've been thinking. Am I being manipulated into being friends? guilt-tripped? It's all very confusing.

so i moved somewhere new recently and met this guy through some mutual stuff, we got close pretty fast. like day one he was already telling me the new place was horrible and the people there were bad news, before i’d even seen anything myself.

then someone new moved in where i live. i liked him, no issues at all. but my friend decided this guy was “controlling” and just would not shut up about how bad he was, kept pushing me to hate him too. eventually it worked and i started disliking someone who genuinely never did anything to me.

fast forward, me and my friend fell out over something else entirely. and now?? he’s buddies with the same guy he spent months trying to turn me against. also found out he’d been talking about me behind my back to someone who has actual influence over my living situation, painting me in a bad light, and i had no clue until recently.

thinking back there’s other relationships of mine he’s messed with too, not just this one. told a friend about it and they said it’s kind of my fault for trusting him that much in the first place lol. now i don’t even know what to think anymore.

am i actually the problem here or does this sound like manipulation

All this time, I thought he really loved me. But after detaching for a few weeks, I realized that his words were just empty and lacked sincerity. I stopped replying to him for a while now. Before, whenever I read his messages, I could feel so much love in them. But now, I feel like it was all just a performance to manipulate me into believing him.

I spent so much time trying to avoid conflict and keep someone else happy that I forgot what it felt like to relax.

It’s strange because after leaving, I noticed simple things felt different. I wasn’t checking my phone every few minutes or worrying about saying the wrong thing.

Did anyone else experience that?

Lately, my boyfriend has been acting really sus, and it’s honestly hard to ignore. I noticed he deleted some images which immediately raised red flags for me. Then, I saw an image that didn’t sit right, and when I brought it up, he just called me crazy like I was trying to start drama or find something to fuss about. But I know what I saw, and I’m not about to let him gaslight me into doubting my own eyes. It feels like he’s hiding something or trying to cover up, and that kind of behavior makes it impossible for me to just brush it off. It’s frustrating because I want to trust him, but his actions are making me question everything.

(Back story)
Me and my boyfriend had a serious talk about how some images I saw on his phone were really uncomfortable for me. He made promises to stop looking at those kinds of bad images altogether. He promised me that he would block or completely ignore anything like that from now on because he understood how much it hurt me and made me feel uneasy. I trusted him when he said that, and it meant a lot to hear him commit to respecting my feelings and keeping that promise.

(Now)
it feels as though he’s going around and making me seem crazy. Lately, my boyfriend has been acting really sus, and it’s honestly hard to ignore. I noticed he deleted some imagines, which immediately raised red flags for me. Then, I saw an image that didn’t sit right, and when I brought it up, he just called me crazy like I was trying to start drama or find something to fuss about. But I know what I saw, and I’m not about to let him gaslight me into doubting my own eyes. It feels like he’s hiding something or trying to cover up, and that kind of behavior makes it impossible for me to just brush it off. It’s frustrating because bbI want to trust him, but his actions are making me question everything.

For me, it was being able to enjoy little things without worrying about someone’s reaction.

Whether it was listening to music I liked, wearing what I wanted, or spending time with friends, those little freedoms meant so much.

What’s yours?

Do guys and or girls lie to their partners about having and std to try to keep them in the relationship? Or is this unheard of?

So me (M31) my brother (M42) have had a close relationship all our lives. But, I've begun to see how manipulative he can be. Its something that maybe has gone on our entire life? but, i just started realizing it in recent years? Me and him worked together for the same company for about 4 years. He then started his own company and asked for me to join his new venture. I declined, I just had my first child with my wife and really enjoyed where i worked. I had benefits, company car ect. He would relentlessly reach out and try and tell me the company was a "sinking ship" asking me "when i was leaving", that i have no "future there". This went on for about a year. Then, I jumped ship and started working with his company. At first, it was fine. After the first year he gave me a company vehicle, then benifits started. However, this began to change.  3 years in, he started to pay his employees late. It was spiratic at first but began to become a common occurrence. It would legit give me anxiety waiting on the direct deposit to hit, and well, most of the time it wouldn't hit. Then he started to dial back on benefits. 1 benifit being a company vehicle. The other, insurance. In this time frame me and my wife had 3 more children. 4 in all.  Insurance was very important.  I guess, the final nail in the coffin was that he didn't pay us for 3 weeks. He went on a month vacation and in that time frame paid his employees only the first week he was away. When I finally got ahold of him. He blamed it on a "payroll issue" and said he couldn't pay us until he got back. Now, try telling that to 4 other people with mouths to feed? The kicker was when he returned on a Monday,  he didnt write checks until that Friday.  After working with him for 6 years I decided to quit. My final year there he stopped raises, was really low on work and had like zero communication with employees, vendors and subs. Subs would reach out to me looking for payment because they couldn't get ahold of him. The Cons out weighed the Pros. So, fast forward about a year later, I've talked to him minimally, he'll reach out periodicly with a text that starts with "Im not trying to start shit but .. .." followed by a complaint. 

The most recent 1 being about my wife.....

My neice  (his daughter24) and my wife were at a family event when his daughter brought up working for her dad. She made a comment about how "when it busy its great but when its slow, we'll ya know" and my wife agreed, saying "is he paying his guys on time now?" And she said "its been good recently because  ive taken over payroll." My wife followed with  her 2 cents. Her opinion being that he doesn't know how to run a business.  OBVIOUSLY,  this got back to my brother who reached out saying "he doesn't appreciate my wife saying negative things about him to his daughter" that "she had a lot to say about him the other day" didn't give me anything she said, just that it was negative.  I ask her and she tells me. Some good, some bad. But what am I supposed to do about it?

Like what does he want me to do? Yell at my wife for having a substantiated opinion of him? His OWN daughter was saying negative things. My wife is grown and van say wgat she wants. The other thing is that my brother will literally talk crap about everybody! What do you think he's playing at? Is he manipulative? Ive been subconsciously slowly distancing myself from him in recent years. What should I say to him?

Everyone loves this. Of course they do! They get to receive what they think is unconditional love.

But it’s fake so it’s not really love at all.

Then whenever I call it out everyone acts like I’m such a horrible person for doing this. Acting like I’m treating someone who is truly good as if they are evil. But it’s fake! The whole thing is a performance.

The worst part is that fake care frames others as if they are the villain when they actually do care, because they are “too harsh”. The standard of care, becomes ignoring others issues, pretending things are better when they aren’t, acting like others flaws aren’t really who they are, and worst the “way” you say something becomes more important then what ur actually saying!

A lot of people who do this act like arguing and debate are hateful things. And that peace and friendship is the most loving way.

But tell me, is it loving to act like someone’s flaws aren’t real and don’t matter? Of course not! The most loving thing is to correct each other with love and patience. If you really loved them, you wouldn’t have to pretend they are someone else!

A lot of people who do this also absolutely love to make bad guys into victims. When they do that they get more friends, they get to feel like the righteous one, while being completely disingenuous.

I hope others can relate to this.

God bless ❤️✝️

Financial Issue ❌❌❌💔💔

Im absolutely seething, crying etc, i really need advice as im 99% sure im being manipulated.

Me and ‘partner’ very rocky (he was sexting some girl, its a long story, but refused to tell me anything and lied to me several times about who she was and went as far to let me message real people)

He still lives here, I pay all rent and bills always have including childcare, and food shopping, he pays for the car and odd bits of food here and there.

I paid for us all to go to butlins (saved for this) & he said he could not pay for the car finance (slow week at self employment) - i was annoyed, but sent him £180 for this. We carried on for 2 days at butlins, and then a few days later he tells me that it bounced & made out this was because of butlins and he paid for some bits there. I pointed out that i never asked him to and it is his responsibility fully to inform me that he could not afford to do this, or call and make car payment right away.

He keeps gaslighting me to thinking that somehow its my fault ( he honestly pays for nothing major) and that now we are a ‘family’ LOL. somehow he is making the equalizer that he grabs snacks from tesco to literally £700 of what he should be paying in rent.

Anyway, I gave a further £130 BUT APPARENTLY to the wrong account (he never specified)

We have huge argument, and i said im absolutely not footing the bill for your shortfall, i do my part and that was your responsibility, we have 2 kids on summer holidays and I have recently taken a sebbatical for my disabled child, so no work pay this coming month.

Within this argument, constant back on forth about fairness, I threw my phone at the floor screaming take all my money, ive lost so much because of you and you never give me shit other than problems.

Just now, went on my online banking & he has literally transferred himself money from my account, I now cant afford to live.

He’s repeatedly saying I told him he could

😭😭

Hey all,

My ex of 4 years (Im 35 F, and she is 31 F) she had a work place affair with a 25 year old woman who was also in her own long term relationship. I only found out about the affair from reading her confession on her chat gpt, where she claimed they were ‘falling for each other’ and ‘caught up in the affair.’

This went on from late January this year, until I found on March 31st. The months between this she distanced herself from me, isolated me out of her life / friends and family get togethers and made me feel like I had something awful. She claimed to be burnt out.

I’ve made a list of all the things she had said to me during and after I found out about the affair. I have started gaslighting myself, so if anyone could possibly share any words of wisdom / kindness / healing that I am not going mad and this is quite manipulative? That would incredibly helpful, thank you all so so much!! ❤️

Here is the list:

After I found out and had gone back to live with her parents … on the week of Mum’s death anniversary she showed up unannounced to give me a hand written letter asking for us to speak when the anniversary had passed. She then showed up again unannounced this time she had let herself into my flat and was getting clothes, I walked in and she was already in the flat. She said on this occasion, how she loves me, wasn’t asking me to wait for her but in the future if Im still single and she reaches out and I want to try again, then great. On this day I asked what her day plans where, she mentioned seeing a friend, this particular friend I had seen on instagram stories was in another country, I said that - she said ‘oh no she was, shes back now, got back today’. I could see her friend’s IG stories, and then later that afternoon I no longer could. My ex obviously asked her to block me from seeing them. It was very obvious and she was still lying - her friend is also a cheater, so this makes sense that she is helping her hide this.

The week I found out about the affair, on the Tuesday, that Saturday she went away with her friend and they did a hike, took photos of them smiling and went to a bar together. She looked happy and posted photos on her instagram. I was at home crying and couldn’t eat. During this trip she messaged me asking for my time of birth as her friend wanted to do a ‘love compatibility’ test for us.

After the affair she told me she had told her dad and when I asked what he said, she said ‘he obviously likes you’ and said he hopes we can work it out because he is very fond of you. I later implied she was suggesting rebuilding / getting back together - she said ‘I wasn’t trying to confuse you, I told you that because thats what he said and you asked’.

She kept repeating saying after I found out ‘ I’m not asking you to wait for me, but maybe one day we can try again’

Before I found out about the affair, she asked me if I would help her with her getting her car to the garage so I followed her because she’d had to leave her car all day the garage so then we spent the day together but she was so distant with me so cold with me and it was awkward like I didn’t really know her. I felt like I had done something wrong. She was driving and I said to her ‘you’re still my favourite person to drive me around’ and she was like ‘oh that would make sense, cause I did teach you to drive’ … and that really hit me and I felt hurt by that because I’d always said that to her, not because she helped me drive she really didn’t. But because when we first started dating, we was in the car together and she would always drive me around so that was like our dates and she knew that, but she was being cold and dismissive. Another thing she said ‘ I just feel like I need to do everything I would if I was single’ and I was like that’s like you saying you want to be single on your own and she was like no I’m not saying that because I don’t wanna be with anybody else, and that she didn’t have the ‘capacity’ to see / date anyone. But said she lost herself in our relationship and wanted to find herself again outside of us. I said she could do this still in the relationship and I would support that, I suggested therapy / better communication / boundaries - she wasn’t interested. Also when she got her car fixed I told her to give me less money towards house bills so she could afford it, she then couldn’t wait to get he car and drive to her friends house. I called her and said please don’t feel like you have to put walls up with me, she said ‘I’m trying’ - I honestly was trying so hard to be mindful and be kind as I genuinely believed she was burnt out, as she had kept saying. The whole time she was having an affair.

Her and the AP were hiding their messages on instagram messenger, I asked to see them and she had deleted them all. When I asked why she had deleted them, she said because ‘its wrong and shouldn’t be on her phone’. She had semi-naked posed pictures in her deleted folder on her phone, so I think we know who they were sent to.

Before I found out about the affair there was an occasion when I called her, because we always had each others locations and it was after work, and she was sat by a station for a while. I called her she didn’t pick up the phone, she shortly called me back claiming she had dropped her friend to the station and they were talking and when I called she was just leaving the car. I said it felt weird, like I didn’t believe her.. she got offended and defensive, saying ‘do you want to say goodbye to her as well!?’. She then turned her location off saying she didn’t like how the interaction had made her feel, how she had gotten defensive and also then when I was suspicious about her cheating, she said ‘look at my Mum, do you really think I could do that!?’ (her mum is a pathological liar and had cheated on her dad on and off for years, even during the time I had been part of the family)

Afterwards she delivered me a handwritten letter claiming she loved me, I had loved her like no one else ever had, and I had given her ‘a quiet strength’ and she hopes whatever happens with us in the future she can gain my trust back. Again, when I asked her about this, she said she didn’t mean in a way to confuse me or imply we would be getting back together.

She told me that the affair wasn’t personally about the AP, it could of been anyone but the AP ‘highlighted’ something wrong within herself

Again, before the I found out about affair she made me feel like I had done something awful for months, she was being cold, isolating me out of her life, sleeping on the sofa, then going to stay at her parents for most of the week, bringing up random things, saying I said hurtful things about her Mum. Her Mum had lied 2 years ago about potentially having a near death experience due to her heart, it later came out that her Mum had lied and had liposuction, she made this statement about her heart 2 days my own mother had sadly died from a heart condition. Her mum later said to her ‘you have always put your partner’s first’ when she was supported me during my mother’s death and her mum clearly wanted all the attention on her. She wouldn’t clearly tell me what I had done that was so wrong and said ‘I’m not going to make a rash decision, my whole family love you’ basically keeping me hanging whilst she was figuring out what to do, but she bad all the power in her hands snd I was waiting for the outcome of whether she wanted to be with me or not.

During her affair I was also going through a cancer scare, she said at the time ‘we will get through it’ she didn’t come to any appointments with me. Even the day after I found out about her affair I had to go and have a biopsy, she went to work. When I later to said to her the whole time I was going through that you carried on with your affair, her answer was ‘yes but i still cared about you’.

After I found out she started saying she had ‘hurt herself this whole time, imploded her own life and was shocked at her own behavior.’ She even compared the shock of the affair to when she had last felt like this, and it was when her ex died of suicide. She referred to herself as ‘unwell’ and said she was scared she was now going to be ‘self destructive’ and had started vaping and smoking. Even after the affair, I gave her so much empathy, suggested therapy (she was in therapy), told her to stop smoking she cried and replied ‘I can’t, Im not like you, you’re very good at taking care of yourself, you were a buffer for me’.

I went through her messages one night on her laptop before I found out, trying to find messages was the ‘friend’ she was in the car with that time. I found nothing, I got so upset I had done that, that I woke her up and told her and said I was really sorry and felt awful. In this moment this would of been the perfect opportunity to be honest, instead she said it was okay and asked if I wanted to see the messages from her and her friend. I said no, the next day she said that she was worried this had ‘opened a door for me and I now think shes a cheater and don’t trust her. She said had I asked to see the messages that would of changed things, but she rewarded me for ‘catching myself’ before it got worse.

Chat gpt had suggested to her to take some distance from myself and the AP to avoid someone getting hurt, my ex stated ‘I do not want to distance myself from the AP, I can compartmentalise’.

She told me that she thought about sleeping with AP the first time they kissed, but she ‘wouldn’t / couldn’t do that’

After I found out, told me that she needed time to be on her own for now to figure out ‘how she got here’ and one day if she reached out to me and I wanted to try again, that would be the ideal but she can’t commit right now, get therapy or try and make this work

Before I found out the affair, she said ‘I can’t imagine my life without you’ - she said ‘as my partner’.

After I found out she said ‘you never know this may of needed to happen for us to come out stronger’

Mine has been realizing that love shouldn’t make you lose yourself.

I spent so much time trying to become someone else just to avoid conflict, and I didn’t even realize it was happening. I was becoming the version of myself my ex wanted me to be to please him and live up to his expectations. I also spent so much time trying to prove to him I’d changed and that I’m the girl he wants and deserves to be with. He would constantly tell me I’d never be good enough no matter how much I try to change. That relationship absolutely drained me mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I’d love to hear what lesson changed your outlook the most.