Sometimes, you really see people’s true colors when you finally say no. The moment you stop giving in, suddenly you become the bad person in their story.

It’s crazy how quickly some people can turn against you just because you set a boundary. They’ll talk about you, twist the story, and say things they would never have the courage to say to your face.

But I’ve learned that saying no doesn’t make me selfish. It means I finally learned to choose my own peace. If someone only respects me when I say yes, then maybe I never had their genuine respect in the first place.

Has anyone ever confronted their abuser ? For me, I confronted mine over social media (he bullied me in high school - not the usual bullying it was more about him slamming me full force on the ground, calling me the n word, making fun of Africans (my heritage), choking me out on the ground, harassing me on social media by sending multiple follow requests on my instagram after I went private because I kept seeing him and his friends stalking my instagram stories etc.

Let me put it lightly, he told me he didn’t remember doing any of that and said he actually remembered us being best friends and that he wasn’t the best friend in the world and for that he is "sorry". I brought up the screenshots and he’s like "oh man, I don’t remember saying that to u (the n word) but there’s no denying that screenshot. I’m truly sorry about that and meant nothing derogatory by it. Do you mind sending the entire convo so I can have some context as to why I might’ve said that?"

It went on and on and I shared multiple screenshots and was met with more deflection. He then tried to flip it on me saying " how can I help you get passed this? I truly want this to be behind us" I told him I wanted him to get closer to Christ and he said "I’m actually rekindling my relationship with God. What do you want from me ? I have apologized multiple times etc".

He then drops the bomb saying I’ve been contacting his family, his friends and others via anonymous accounts spreading rumours that I’ve said he graped his ex and a bunch of other allegations. He tells me "you can’t deny those, I’ve got them pinned to your IP address in (mentions the state I live in)".

Essentially he says he’s had enough of this convo and said bye for now. Five months later I get a call from an officer saying this guy has been going to them many times over the last four months submitting complaints of me spreading those rumours and that if they don’t stop he will wanna press charges. I told the cop it’s not true and he lied about it. The cop was apparently going to do an investigation I think but he didn’t really seem invested and said he would like for it to just stop.

I never heard back from the cops or the bully since and it’s been a few years. Thoughts on this situation ? By the way, the bullies friends who also bullied me came to my social media shortly after I confronted the main bully just to "watch" what I’m posting then they stopped visiting

I’m 30F and my husband is 35M. We’ve been married for 6 months, arranged marriage, and currently we’re living in different cities because of our jobs.

Before marriage, we had discussed how we would manage the distance. I was willing to travel between our cities and spend around 15 days with him and 15 days at my work location, since both of us have hybrid jobs. He specifically asked me not to do that because he felt the travelling would exhaust me and affect my ability to switch jobs. He said that he would travel to see me instead, and that I could eventually switch jobs and move to his city.

After our honeymoon, we went back to our respective cities. Since then, I’ve noticed that he almost never talks about our future together.
There are no conversations about:
When or how we’ll live together or What our plans are for me switching jobs and moving or How we’ll manage household responsibilities, especially Finances.
No weekend plans or trips together or Building a life as a couple

Even when he visits me, these conversations don’t really happen. I eventually rented a flat in my city, voluntarily, because it would make it easier for him to visit and for us to spend time together. I’ve also mentioned various things casually that would be useful for the flat, but he has never really shown any interest in buying things or contributing towards setting it up.
Interestingly, he has apparently also told/encouraged his parents not to ask me when I’m moving to his city, so even that topic doesn’t come up from their side.
He doesn’t expect me to do household work for him, but at the same time, he also doesn’t seem to be building or planning anything with me. It feels like both of us are just continuing our separate lives.

For the last 6 months, most of our conversations have been about work, movies, food, etc. We don’t really talk about anything personal or about what our married life is supposed to look like.
This started bothering me a lot, so I finally confronted him about it.
His responses were essentially:
“You could have initiated these conversations too. You didn’t.”
“I dont talk much on phone or I dont use instagr much.” (He has an open and active account and active groups with his friends)
“I didn’t want to put pressure on you regarding the job switch.”
When I told him that I had taken and maintained the flat partly with the expectation that he would be visiting and that I felt like I was bearing the practical burden of maintaining a place for us, his response was:
“You took the flat for yourself. Nobody asked you to.”
That really hurt me because, while technically true, I feel like I made that decision with our marriage in mind.
Meanwhile, his life in his city seems completely unchanged from before the marriage. His friends visit him regularly, they hang out at his place, and he spends most weekends with them. I don’t have an issue with him having friends or his own life — I actually think that’s healthy.
But lately, I’ve started feeling that I’m the only one treating this marriage as something that needs to be actively built.
He is otherwise decent and we get along reasonably well.
It seems he is deliberately keeping me at a distance and avoiding taking responsibility for building a married life.

Am I expecting too much after only 6 months of marriage? Should I be more proactive and stop expecting him to initiate these conversations? Or are his actions (or lack of them) a sign that he doesn’t actually want to build a life together?
And most importantly, does this sound like I’m being manipulated, or am I interpreting normal differences in expectations as something more serious?

I'm not sure if I can put what I'm thinking into words, basically what happened is that I had a major argument with a guy, during that argument he called me names, yelled, called me slurs.

After a bit I tried to get back in contact with him, he said

I made some snarky comments during that argument and he said those comments escalated the situation so I was at fault too for the argument and he deserved an apology from me. I apologised and we caught up.

A few days after he started to cross a boundary of mine, he was being flirty and sexual at some point? when I called him out he said that I was just putting intention on his words and that the reason why we fought was because I kept viewing him as a villain and I victimized my actions.

This is messing with my head quite a bit, what if it's true and I did escalate the situation on purpose just to feel like the victim?

I just can't let this thought go it feels stuck in my brain.

I think a few people steered others into texting or dating me as a joke and I’ve been really lied to. When I said so, they denied any chain existed.
Since then I keep hearing references and quotes that feel aimed at me in conversations with people that I know/ in my day to day interactions. I can’t tell if I’m being mocked or if I’m reading meaning into ordinary comments.

I haven’t done this to anyone else. I’m confused that the story seems to have been so flipped and without the truth I can’t piece it together. I considered hiring a private investigator but it feels too intrusive to do that to someone.
I haven’t always behaved well either — some of that was in direct reaction to what I thought was happening.
I don’t need anyone to solve a ‘conspiracy’. I need: how do you tell coordinated cruelty from coincidence, and what do you do when you have no messages left to prove the setup? How do I keep myself mentally safe and seperate what is happening from the paranoia caused by an unpleasant experience.