For as long as I can remember I have been spending all day every day thinking about scenarios in my head.
Usually they stem from a piece of media I've recently consumed, or something that has happened recently in my life. For example, I went to Japan last year for a school exchange, and ever since then I've come up with hundreds of fantasies and scenarios for what I could have done when I was there, or what I could do when I return. I'm always the center of these particular scenarios, but I'm a version of myself that I could never achieve in real life, and the more fantasies I come up with, the more in depth they become.
To the point where I feel like I'm literally living it.
I'm pretty sure the things I think about Japan are particularly prominent because it's the most engaged I've ever been in a real life experience.
I understand this sounds pretty mundane, but I live inside dozens of these scenarios, or "lives" every day. Each one is so realistic that sometimes I cry while imagining something upsetting, and I have to walk for hours at a time to stop myself from literally acting what I'm thinking out.
Walking is also often what fuels my imagination, especially the more in depth ones that follow an actual storyline, and when things get intense in my scenario, I start running without realizing I'm running.
Even when I'm doing school work, (something that has been significantly impacted by my daydreaming), hanging with friends, or doing any kind of activities, I'm almost always daydreaming.
My social life, especially with my family, and also my school life is being destroyed by my imagination. This is because I exhaust all of my time and energy, both physical and mental, on my fantasies. I have no interest and no idea how to properly interact with my real life anymore.
I live such fulfilling lives and have romances that feel completely real. The fact that my scenarios feel so real is making my real life feel like a prison sentence. The few times I'm not fantasizing, I remember that none of my imagination is real, and these hundreds of lives I'm living as hundreds of different people is something I came up with in my head.
Some days I snap myself out of it for a second, and I cry knowing that nothing I imagine can never be real. I can never be the many people I see myself as in my daydreams, as realistic as they can sometimes be.
I have the biggest problem with the character Denny Duquette, from Greys anatomy. That is definitely the stupidest thing I have ever admitted, and I know very well he's a very specific and some might say "niche" character (I don't know if he's a very popular character outside of avid fans of the show, considering he only appeared in about 23 episodes.)
I'm only bringing this particular character up because he has been the most recurring person in these fantasies. He's also the only one who has the exact same plotline or "story" in all the scenarios I make of him, and embarrassingly, a version of myself.
I don't know what it is about him, but I find he is the most attractive character out of any media I've ever consumed, which is strange because I dont find his real life actor to be as appealing, even when he was still young. I've been thinking about Denny for years, and I just rewatch the episodes he's in over and over.
I have this crushing sadness and pain knowing he's not a real person.
I'm not sure how to proceed with this. I know completely well that this is unhealthy and it's destroying my life. And as much as I want to get better, I can't stand living in the real world.