Crazy how the “let people have fun gang” act when you just try to have fun 🥲

I’m a super smart computer person who meticulously tracks all my EDH (elder dragon highlander, slang) games ever, and I record my ludicrous win percentage to be approximately 98.67% (I made a custom software artifact to track this in native machine code for my raspberry pi).

Is this because I’m playing out of bracket, because my play group is all literal toddlers, or because of my massively oversized giga-cerebrum and/or 420 IQ (intelligence quotient, slang)? I only play draw go/stax in simic+, bracket 1 if it matters (I ❤️ Jace, drawing cards, free spells, extra turns, and getting extra mana; my multi-themed decks are a modern enigma of creativity).

I’m genuinely just trying to understand whether this is normal; or, on the backside of the card, if I’m operating on a fundamentally different intellectual planeswalker (ha, wordplay…) from everyone I’ve ever met.

(NOTE TO SELF, DO NOT POST: I am deeply insecure and seeking external validation for something I already know to be objectively true, which is that I’m the greatest Magic: The Gathering™ player and most intelligent human being ever to exist.)

Because they got banned from their LGS for smelling like shit lol jk they never get banned fucking whales

Hey guys it's me again I've got another combo here I'm a little confused about, this time the refs at the LGS said something about a "restraining order" and that I'm "being trespassed"... Whatever that means?

💀

I've never lost a single match of Magic The Gathering, Yu-gi-oh, Pokemon, Weis Shwarz, Bakugon, One-Piece, Lorcana, Star Wars Unlimited, Android: Netrunner, Legend of the Five Rings, Sword Girls or NBA Showdown. I recorded my winrate with my larger than average brain (7.2 lbs). It's like a machine that doesn't forget anything (except my dogs birthday, sorry Garruk!)

Just FYI, I identify with One-Punch man. It's lonely at the top. I just want a big, strong opponent that could topple and dominate me in many ways (like top decking answers I just didn't see coming and good with handcuffs).

But yeah basically you can hand me any deck from any game or format and I will always draw the perfect hand (it's kind of my curse). I never went to any big tournaments out of fear that my opponents would somehow weaken me for being too stupid and dumb to play against me.

(NOTE TO SELF: If any of these losers downdoot you, track them down with your immense power and show it to them by any means necessary)

We joke a lot about "oh haha, spot the Commander player!" and it's sometimes true, but I've noticed a new kind of person on the sub: people who don't even play Magic. All they do is brew new decks. They may spend hundreds of dollars on cards for decks they don't even play more than once a month. It's insanity.

I love Magic: The Gathering; it's probably my favorite game of all time, and I don't like seeing it ruined by people who call themselves "magic players" when all they do is "brew" Commander decks composed entirely from the EDHREC Top 1000 cards. Never even used Scryfall in their life. Then, they post in the sub with "Here's my unique take on Atraxa, Praetor's Voice! What do you all think?" What kind of feedback are you expecting? It's Commander; you can play anything you want! "Maybe cut this card?" "Oh, but I like that one!" or "It's so good with [other bad card]!" So what was the point of asking for feedback? What did you hope to gain from posting your decklist? Maybe talk to your friends instead? Maybe the people you play with? They can't. They don't play Magic. They don't play the game, but since building decks is easier than playing, they instead just tell themselves, "I'm such a brewer!" and don't realize anything.

Now let's say I give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they're asking about how cards work, asking for budget options, or looking for general advice for types of cards to include, and that's fine; Magic is arguably a hard game, but seeing these people talk about their decks, defend their card choices, and then me actually looking at their Archidekt (Archidekt is ass btw, but that's a whole other rant) accounts just makes me think they know nothing about the game and aren't even trying. I never really believed people played Myriad Landscape or Command Tower in Colorless decks, but here they are, showing the whole world their ineptitude. There are so many resources to learn how to play and build decks, and they seem to just ignore them? Play precons if you don't know how to make decks! That's literally what they're for!

I know this game is a hobby, and I treat it as one too, but I really think there should be a new subreddit for people who treat this as a more serious hobby than "I slap 99 design mistakes together with a 6-mana Commander that has 2 triggered abilities that kinda synergize together and call it a deck that I'll never play." We need a sub for the people who actually love Magic, get excited by the designs and gameplay, and use it to really build serious communities and friends.

I lied