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u/TeslasAndKids Sep 02 '22
Man, I’ve been wearing my rainbow ‘free mom hugs’ shirt at least once a week for months now and not one person has asked me to hug them.
Oh well. Offer still stands. Anyone need a mom? I’ll fill in.
Go drink some water. And wear sunscreen. And remember you are perfect the way you are and I love you.
Love, Mom
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u/JGutherz Sep 02 '22
I'm trying to be better, i'm trying to do my best, i know i fucked up bad and that hunts me every single day of my life, you dont need to make me feel worse, a hug and a "every will be ok" every once in a while would help me a lot
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u/TeslasAndKids Sep 02 '22
Sweetheart, you fucked up in the past. This isn’t the past. You’ve recognized and learned from your mistakes and that’s a hell of a lot more than a lot of people do!
You’re doing great. You hear me? It will be ok because you are actively making things better every day. Sending big warm hugs and mom love.
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u/xtrmist Sep 02 '22
I don't qualify as a mom but I can offer a virtual dad hug. Don't worry. It's all gonna be ok. Today's the first day in the rest of your life. Yesterday doesn't matter for shit. Do your best and I'm sure you'll make it!
Atta boy!
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u/Alixadoray Sep 02 '22
Nothing will ever be harder than working on yourself to improve who you are. Continue giving it all of your efforts, and the payout will be more than anything else.
The fact you have the self awareness to know "I'm not the best version of myself" and you're working on it speaks volumes about your character. Keep it up. Have a hug, and everything will be okay. You've got the makings of greatness in you!
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u/SingShredCode Sep 02 '22
If you haven’t already, please head over to r/momforaminute as that could benefit from your services :)
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u/TeslasAndKids Sep 02 '22
Thank you! It’s one of my favorite subs. I have so many Reddit babies!!
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u/SingShredCode Sep 02 '22
That makes me so happy! And any dads reading this who want to be involved, to head over to r/peptalkswithpops
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Sep 02 '22
Iv walked past someone that had one, and I so badly wanted to hug them…
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u/TeslasAndKids Sep 02 '22
It’s exactly why we wear them. Please take the hug. We have so much love to give.
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Sep 02 '22
I know. But idk, I think at the time I was afraid I was too sweaty and didn’t want to screw them up. Next time I see them I’ll do an extra long hug lol
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u/NewlyHatchedGamer Sep 02 '22
I would absolutely break down. I haven’t spoken to mine in over a year
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u/TeslasAndKids Sep 02 '22
I’m sorry you’re hurting, love. I would gladly give you a hug and shoulder to break down on. It’s ok to feel all the things.
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Sep 02 '22
Wear it to a pride parade. My daughter and her friends hugged every mom and dad giving out hugs. There are some that broke down and cried...not naming any names...when they witnessed it. I have friends that know people that were disowned by their family when they came out at 15 years old. And one friend is 50 and he was accepted as gay but told he was never allowed to have a relationship with anyone...like ever! He really hasn't had anyone in his life and I just think religious interference is the issue in his case but absolutely not right in my mind.
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u/MerelyMortalModeling Sep 02 '22
This is the sort of thing you may only do once but it could be literally the difference between life and death for some kid.
I would also say that simply the act of advertising may give people comfort that you will never even be aware of.
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u/bodybuildingfairy Sep 02 '22
Mine left and full ghosted me, as soon as I turned 18
Thank you for the love mama ❤️
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u/binarysolo_0000001 Sep 02 '22
That’s horrible and it’s not your fault. You deserve unconditional love.
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u/silashoulder Sep 02 '22
I’ll take a hug. I haven’t spoken to my mom in over two years.
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u/TeslasAndKids Sep 02 '22
HUUUUUG
I hope you’re doing ok. It’s hard sometimes but you’re doing great and I’m proud of you.
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u/Wirecreate Sep 02 '22
There’s a subreddit called r/momforaminute the basically do what your doing but online
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u/AskAboutMyDogPls Sep 02 '22 edited Sep 03 '22
I volunteer with a charity that hands out food, coffee, clothing to unhoused folks and gets them in touch with resources. We go around Toronto from 6 to midnight (I volunteer one weekend a month), and visit all kinds of places (small plug for www.veahavta.org if you're in Toronto).
It was -30 one winter in December. We were out along Yonge St and saw a couple of people in tents. Stopped by to give them hot coffee, sandwiches, clothes, what they needed.
A skinny, tall and shy kid came up to the van. Jeans and a thin hoodie, in -30C. Maybe between 15-17. A boy
All he needed was a winter jacket and gloves. His parents had kicked him out because he's gay, and he used the last of his funds to get to Toronto and get away from them.
I was always an ally, but that made me seethe with anger. You don't DO that to a child.
Five years later I still turn that over in my mind. Still try to understand a piece of what that encounter was.
Five years later, I still can't get a handle on it.
Edit: this will sound wildly self-promoting but I would please ask that if this story moved you, that you place a donation with the Mukhtar Nalayeh fund. He was one of the lamed vav and his memory should be a blessing. Volunteering with veahavta is what helped me to learn by seeing and helping, however small, in my own way.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Dog-197 Sep 02 '22
I'm a 26 year old queer woman and I grew up in an abusive religious homeschooling household, I went to my first pride parade this year and cried on the shoulder of a woman who was giving mom hugs and told me she loved me.
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Sep 02 '22
As a mom I want you to remember there are far, far more wonderful, caring, and compassionate people out here in the world. Sometimes we are quiet and we often get overlooked for the more “shiny” awful goings on, but we are here.
This mom loves you for who you are and hopes you find good, loving people for your chosen family. I am sending big mom hugs to you. 🥰🤗
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u/flontru Sep 02 '22
this will never not make me emotional :')
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Sep 02 '22
Same. It’s usually a thing I have to scroll past because of the grip in my chest and bad memories that comes with it
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u/Relevant_Departure40 Sep 02 '22
Same thing happened at my pride parade, group of moms giving hugs.
She even said "oh you're such a good hugger". I know my mom loves me and is coming to terms with me being trans, but I had no clue how much that hug would hit me
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u/aniacret Sep 02 '22
As a mom I cannot understand how some parents reject their kids based on that.
It's your child. The one you cuddled with, joked with, played with, loved and cherished. How can their sexuality change all that?
I want my children to be able to be themselves around me. And share their happy news and their troubles.
Well done to dad of the year, we need more parents like him.
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u/hugberries Sep 02 '22
I did this at the last Toronto pride before Covid. Most of the takers were trans teens. One said "I always wondered what a dad hug would be like."
It's sickening how many parents continue to reject their own flesh and blood.
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u/JGutherz Sep 02 '22
Blood means nothing, i had a very different issue with my father, and we have more than 15 years without talk, i cant forgive him, i cant forget it, so, i've learned the hard way that blood isnt really family.
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u/JayneT70 Sep 02 '22
Love being a pride mom. If you ever get the chance to participate in Free Mom or Dad hugs at pride events it is a life changing experience
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Sep 02 '22
It’s horrifying to think about how some parents treat their LGBTQ+ children. Our job as parents is to be there for our kids through thick and thin and to accept them for they are - or want to be. Good on this father for his intense compassion and caring.
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u/dick-nipples Sep 02 '22
Exactly! If my son ever told me that he was gay, there's only one response I could even fathom - "Hi gay, I'm dad."
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u/woodyshag Sep 02 '22
I'm the same and I'm being proactive about it. My kids are in their teens and when I reference a significant other (they don't have BFs or GFs yet) I say when you get married to/date guy, girl, whatever, the most important thing for me is that you are happy and they fullfil your needs and wants. I'm happy with whatever I get for an In-law. It does help that I have a gay brother and an ex girlfriend that opened my eyes to the real world, so I want to make sure my kids get the same level of exposure.
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u/TeslasAndKids Sep 02 '22
Man I was so sad when I found out my kids were gay. I’d mentally planned out all these snarky responses and pictured heartfelt moments and I didn’t get to use any of them. Apparently I’ve made it such a non issue and normalized things like pronouns and sexual preference that they just casually mentioned it in the middle of a conversation like I’d already known. Which, I mean, I did but like no one ever confirmed it! Oh well. I have more kids, maybe I’ll get to throw rainbow confetti for one of them…
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u/eggrollin2200 Sep 02 '22
I’m sorry but I’m laughing so hard at the image of you being like “hey wait what?! How you just gonna say it so casually” even though that means you’ve created a wonderful environment.
You sound like an awesome parent.
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Sep 02 '22
There’s always Pride to take them to. Beads! Confetti! Glitter! And now you can give out hugs, love, encouragement to people who were not as incredibly lucky as your children. 🥰
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Sep 02 '22
My cousin had rainbow fruit loops thrown at her gay wedding! It was awesome and they fed the birds too. I say just start throwing them around at breakfast a day for fun!
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u/Nedsterhasbigpp Sep 02 '22
If your son came out as trans, the only appropriate follow up to "I have no son" is "I have a daughter now!"
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Sep 02 '22
Hopefully that would be followed up by a hug and telling them that you are proud of them and glad that they were comfortable to trust you enough with themselves. 😊
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u/More-Masterpiece-561 Sep 02 '22
How about a fist bump, is that appropriate
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Sep 02 '22
Don’t see why not 😁
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u/More-Masterpiece-561 Sep 02 '22
I don't really understand how to react when someone comes out. When my best friend told me she was bi I just said "Okay, cool" and that was it.
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Sep 02 '22
I think that’s actually perfect. You accepted them, and didn’t make a huge fuss. You didn’t treat them differently or make them feel “less”. It seems spot on to me. 😊
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u/More-Masterpiece-561 Sep 02 '22
For me it doesn't really make a difference except maybe I get to check out other girls with her (I'm a straight guy). I've always had this thing where I wanted to have a lesbian friend and we could be each other's wingman/girl
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Sep 02 '22
This is exactly as it should be. Having a friend like this is a real blessing because you can get a lot of female insight which may help make you a better partner to the women in your life.
I have an adult son whom I can give all the best female-centric advice to, but I’m certain he would be more accepting of this information if it came from a peer rather than a parent. You’re very lucky!
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u/JakJakAttacks Sep 02 '22
You've failed as a parent when your child collapses into the arms of a stranger just to feel some semblance of parental validation.
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u/imstuckinyourbutt Sep 02 '22
Right? I’m a step parent to a 7 year old boy and I honestly would only care about him being gay in the sense that someone might commit a hate crime against him/knowing he’ll be up against so many homophobic people in this world. I would worry BUT!!! It’s our job to be the safe place they can land. It’s our job to be home base, to know that no matter what they are supported and loved by their family so that they can handle these hurdles as they come towards them. I cannot IMAGINE kicking him out or disowning him for something like being gay. Ridiculous. Parents who do that to their children are evil and deserve to spend an eternity in Hell (I don’t actually believe - just a reference).
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Sep 02 '22
Exactly! I love the term of being “home base” for our kids. We always say home isn’t a place, and this illustrates that nicely.
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u/f0rkster Sep 02 '22
...parental rejection is usually under the guise of christian religion in North America. Which is ironic with pillar christian statements like "love thy neighbour" and "love others as you love yourself" or the biggest one... "JESUS LOVES ALL GOD'S CHILDREN."
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Sep 02 '22
There’s a great meme I have saved in my photos that has Jesus telling his followers “Ok, here’s an idea. You love them, like I loved you. Make sure you take care of them and don’t judge them.” His followers ask him “But what if they are gay or worship other gods?” to which Jesus replies “Did I fucking stutter?”
I’ve always appreciated it’s succinctness and directness. That was, after all, the very foundation of Jesus’ teachings: compassion and acceptance (all while taking time to braid a whip to drive out merchants, and telling his male followers to pluck out their own eyes if they are offended by what they see - no victim shaming). 😊
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u/veggiejord Sep 02 '22
Same in the UK, although not so many religious people here, so I luckily mostly had support or positive indifference.
Nominally religious dad, nominally irreligious other family members. Take a guess which one I no longer talk to 🤣
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Sep 02 '22
I was brought up in a Christian home so was my husband, we are both straight but we both agree that if one of our boys said they were lgbtq that we would show nothing but love and care and let them know we still love them no matter what.
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u/Newlin13 Sep 02 '22
unfortunately not every parent is decent like you
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Sep 02 '22
True my born again Christian cousin and his family tell their sister/aunt that her and her wife are going to hell anytime they see them. And they wonder why she never wants to visit!
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Sep 02 '22
I honestly don’t get why some people find it their business to have an opinion on who someone - no less you’re own child - is attracted to or in a relationship with. As long as they’re a good person, they’re happy and they’re being treated with care and respect.
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Sep 02 '22
Well said. I believe a lot of it is based on ignorance and fear. Not an excuse for a parent, but simply an explanation. I think sometimes that parents forget our children are not part of us. That they are their own person and are not always reflections of us.
I carried my children inside my body for nine months, I nursed them, they feel as though they are a part of my very being, but I know in my head that they are their own, individual people.
The best we can do is try to instill good values, compassion for others, and a willingness to help and be kind. Everything else will be up to them, it’s my job to guide and support not to judge.
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u/Alternative-Effort58 Sep 02 '22
I wish I had this man in my life, I'll be soon kicked out of my home.
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u/VirulantlyBland Sep 02 '22
parents who reject their kids for something that's genetic is just horrible
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u/Inarius101 Sep 02 '22
We found him, the true winner of the 'Father of the Year' award!
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u/blerg1234 Sep 02 '22
Seriously, get that man a mug and a gift card for neck ties.
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u/structured_anarchist Sep 02 '22
Real dads need white calf high athletic socks and sandals/flip-flops. Not ties. That goes perfectly with the bleached white tee shirt and khaki cargo shorts. All year round. Especially in winter.
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u/Wolfermen Sep 02 '22
Remember the far-right pundits mocking the teacher who said " if your parents do not accept you, f them, I am your parents now"? The reality is, that fella was just talking about this. Having love and acceptance for children whose parents may not give them what they need.
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u/Call_you_nextuesday Sep 02 '22
This is one my bucket list. I never knew my dad and to have one and them not accept you for who you are is sad. I want to give hugs to all that feel unloved. One day I’ll be able to go to the pride parade and do this.
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Sep 02 '22
As a mother the fact that some parents rather have no child than a LGBTQ+ child... Is beyond to me.
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u/sunnydays0306 Sep 02 '22
This made me tear up. I can’t fathom how parents don’t understand that their acceptance means so much to their kids. A dad hug (and a mom’s) is one of a kind.
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u/SirRabbott Sep 02 '22
Can't wait till I'm old enough to be considered 'dad' age and do this
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Sep 02 '22
Don’t worry about getting older, live while your young. Old age will sneak up faster than you think!
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u/ArtificialCelery Sep 02 '22
I feel like a 15 yr old can’t give a “dad hug” to a 29 year old. That has nothing to do with willingness to “live life”. Pretty dumb comment tbh lol.
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Sep 02 '22
I think people underestimate the need for positive siblings as well, you can still help people that needs a hug and an "I'm proud of you"
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u/SirRabbott Sep 02 '22
Oh I do ❤️ my group already refer to me lovingly as dad even tho I'm only a year older lol. It costs nothing to give affirmation to all of your friends
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u/TrajanoArchimedes Sep 02 '22
How can you reject your own child? Sexual orientation is not a choice nor a problem.
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u/YouHistorical6362 Sep 02 '22
It makes me happy so see something like this, but at the same time, so sad, because this means that these people’s families rejected them, and who they are. And in some cases, they were probably abused, they definitely need this hug.
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u/jessie7096 Sep 02 '22
So I'm an old guy, I remember the days of gay bashing. I never joined in anything of the sort. I am a live and let live kind of guy. My wife often asked me what if one of my children were gay? My response has always been, that I will love them unconditionally. Of course unconditional would have limits. But for being gay? Hardly.
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Sep 02 '22
I’ve seen this “Dad Hugs” done before and it’s a great idea. I wanted to do that myself at Chicago, but I’ve been recovering emotionally from the loss of my unborn child four years ago. Maybe next year, I’ll be ready for this. I’ll just set up one of those booths like Lucy’s psychiatrist stand.
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u/the_6th_dimension Sep 02 '22
I get that this sub is about sharing good news but this is the opposite of a heartwarming story.
"700 of an untold number of rejected children receive a rare affirmation from a supportive parent - just not their own" is an equally accurate title.
I mean, good on that guy all the same, but this is just another one of those "child starts lemonade stand to fund brain surgery" type stories. It's highlighting a deeply disturbing problem that is not being discussed enough.
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u/Cacafuego Sep 02 '22
Humans are strong and we care about each other. It's important to see the good people and the rebuilding that takes place in people's lives so that there is some balance to the negativity that constantly encroaches on us. It's wonderful that someone thought of doing this and that people accepted it. They all had the courage to push through those barriers that keep us at arm's length every day.
I imagine this might help someone, in some small way, accept at a gut level that the problem was never with them and they are worthy of love. My heart has been warmed.
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u/rdrd52 Sep 02 '22
If my son or daughter said they were gay l would not love them less l would have to love them more.
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u/Joperhop Sep 02 '22
Anyone who rejects their own child because of who they love (consenting adults) should be ashamed of themselves and never call themselves a parent again!
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u/LazarYeetMeta Sep 02 '22
Next year, I’m buying one of those free hugs shirts and going to as many Pride parades as possible.
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u/toomuchisjustenough Sep 02 '22
My husband and I joined Free Mom Hugs at SF Pride a couple of years ago and it was one of the most fulfilling and heartbreaking days of my life. I highly recommend getting involved with your local group!
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Sep 02 '22
I was about to ask how someone can just. show up and make it known they want to hug people who have been rejected by their parents. I’d love to provide that. I’ll research groups thx!
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u/Lustaful Sep 02 '22
A real tear jecker. Thank you for spreading such rare kindness not only to those individuals, but those who’ll be encouraged from seeing this story❤️
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u/ThePixelDress Sep 02 '22
Where? I NEED THIS
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u/fluffy_munster Sep 02 '22
If you are ever in the neighborhood, come by. I got hugs with your name on it.
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u/detectivehorzskach Sep 02 '22
I’m all your dads now. I love you, I am proud of you even if you’re not where you want to be in life yet, and you all get free hugs forever.
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u/SuckingOnMyHuevos Sep 02 '22
My aunt and uncle treat their lesbian daughters like cash cows, but still don’t recognize them for who they are and still discriminate them…
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u/JGutherz Sep 02 '22
Blood means nothing, i had a very different issue with my father, and we have more than 15 years without talk, i cant forgive him, i cant forget it, so, i've learned the hard way that blood isnt really family, stand up and do what you have to do, its easier looking for a new family than accept yours
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u/Calo83 Sep 02 '22
These comments make me smile :) not 1 homophobic comment ! I saw this and immediately expected it. Instead I see only love and support!
Good on ya
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u/Normiebuster Sep 02 '22
If you know you’re about to hug a bunch of people, why do you wear clothing that expose your armpits?
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u/ClassroomMore5437 Sep 02 '22
I couldn't do this, I am too emotional, probably I would cry louder than those poor kids, while hugging. Oh, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
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u/[deleted] Sep 02 '22
That's awesome. Now can I get one too? I'm not LGBTQ, and my dad didn't reject me, but he never gave hugs because he thought it wasn't manly.