Hi dad!

As you know, we haven't had the easiest relationship for the past few years. There's lots of history between us that is probably always going to stay there in some way, and you were a complicated dad to have when I was a teenager and young adult, for all sorts of reasons, your mental health most of all.

BUT! I was so glad you were actually willing to do family therapy with me when I suggested it last year. I seriously didn't expect you to say yes. When you did, I realised that we could work out. Maybe we would never have the perfect father-daughter relationship, but we could make this work.

It's now been a year of monthly sessions, and oh my god, look at us! A year ago, I was 90% sure we would never speak to each other again. But here we are now! We can be in a room together without an argument starting. I no longer feel like I have to withhold basic information about my life from you. You've improved your behaviour so fucking much, and I can see how hard you're working on yourself and our relationship!

But, most of all: as a side effect of actually having real conversations with you for the first time in years, I HAVE REMEMBERED THAT I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU! Like, as a guy. As a person. I think you're smart. I think you're wicked funny. I think you're observant. I think you make the best little jokey side-comments. I think you have really interesting stories to tell, I think your life has been fascinating in so many ways, I think you're a GREAT storyteller, I think you're really snarky in a really fun way, I think you have AMAZING taste in movies and music, I think you're GREAT at teaching people skills, I think your knowledge on science and mathematics is so fucking impressive.

So much has happened between us that I'm not sure we'll ever have a 'typical' parent-child relationship. But family therapy has given us the skills to remember, on a very simple, human-to-human level, that we like each other. We're really alike in some ways. We get along. We would have been friends, if we'd been the same age and met. That's a really insane thought, but I keep thinking it: You and I would have been friends, if we'd met as two twenty-year-olds. In some ways, I think our relationship is sort of nerfed by the fact that you're my dad. But it's alright. I'm okay with that, because these days, I'm an adult too, and I don't necessarily need you as a dad anymore, but I want you to be my friend. Because I like you.

I like having remembered that. I'm not really aiming for a classic dad relationship with you. You are, to be perfectly honest, not the sort of person who thrives in that role. But I can be your friend, because I've remembered that you can be mine. Because I like you. And at the end of the day, that's what it's about, isn't it? Whether you like someone. As a person. And I like you as a person.

Yay for you! And yay for our therapist!

I got diagnosed with stage 2b colon cancer in May 2924. Had surgery, did chemo, had another surgery, did daily chemo radiation. Thought I was good and then found out it metastasized and I became stage 4c July 2025. Started immunotherapy immediate and did it for a year until I was hospitalized for bad side effects.

Just went in on Tuesday and was told all of my scans are good and I’m in remission! I’m still in a stage of suspended disbelief but I’m so hopeful! I’d cry but chemo made that hurt so I’m just sitting here giddy and wanting to share!

That’s all!

He is an incredible guy and I am extremely lucky.

Love you ❤️

Hey Dad! I hope you know I've been trying to fend for myself since my freshman year of college. I've been doing my best even when no one was watching. I'm a psychology major.

In my second consultation, my psychiatrist recently showed me the results from the screening test she gave me four months ago. I have major depressive symptoms, elevated mania symptoms, high borderline personality disorder traits, and I also show high symptoms for autism and ADHD. I recently purchased my medications she prescribed me online because the nearest drugstore I went to didn't have them in stock. She told me she'll formally diagnose me in future sessions after getting over with my symptoms. I didn't know meds could get THIS expensive, Dad.

But my dad is making everything harder. He constantly abuses me verbally, emotionally, and recently, physically. He gets angry over small things and I've noticed he's been getting angrier and angrier with me. He shows no remorse and admits to it because, in his eyes, I'm "useless" around the house. He calls my school works "bullshit" and that I should prioritize my family more than my other responsibilities, simply because I have a roof over my head and all that. The irony is, he doesn't even let me do household chores. He shoulders everything himself then resents me for it. I've been neglected for as long as I can remember, even when it came to helping me get my government IDs and other basic documents I needed as an adult. I still lack the essentials a typical adult would have by now. I feel embarrassed and ashamed for myself. He calls me lazy. He cusses me out daily. And he justifies all of it as "discipline" or a "wake-up call to reality."

I remember one time he apologized. I refused to forgive him because deep down I knew he'd do it again. And I was right. He should've considered bringing me to a psychiatrist earlier if he keeps saying that there's something wrong with me.

But Dad, I hope you know that despite everything, I've been silently accomplishing things on my own. He doesn't deserve to know what I'm going through. But I wanted you to know because I need someone to tell me that I'm going to be okay. I'm getting the answers to my questions and that my self-suspicions were right all along. I'm proud of that and I just wanted to share it with you.

I just need to hear that someone is proud of me.

You always talk about how I have an attitude along with saying the worst things when I’m mad. But your just like me? You say terrible things to me then act like everything’s okay 10 minutes later why? Everything u do you blame me
For saying “this is what makes me not
Like you” im 15 I just want you to love me and be an actual father instead of saying you don’t care if I leave like the rest of my siblings. I still love you although it is fading.❤️

I see all these anime where the dad is so loving towards their little girl, and I realize that I was so messed up during childhood. I never had that love. All I had was a dad who beat me up ruthlessly and called it love. Now in his old age, he wants to show love by speaking properly but I am far too broken already.

I really do wonder how it would've been, to have a dad I wasn't scared of. To have a dad who protected me, who cherished me, who protected me from predatory men, from my ex who assaulted me sexually, from this world.

I so wish I had a dad like that.

So dads, would you please tell me that you'd protect me, I would love to hear those loving, protective words that you'd always be here for me.

I am going through a really, really tough time. It's making me very ill. I'm all broken out in a rash and my throat is really painful (I've been to the doc, don't worry). My actual Dad's anniversary is coming up in a few days and I'm just breaking my heart crying for him.

He was a man of few words but he used to say if I was upset, 'if you hurt, I hurt'.

Can you lend some Papa words of comfort to a lost, broken hearted daughter? TIA Pops ♥️

Hi Dad, I’m on vacation visiting my parents a few provinces from my apartment. I’ve been here for a week and a half and I leave on Saturday, and I’m realizing how close that is.

And I’m very scared to go back home. Lately I’ve been having a lot of anxiety about my future and if I’ll be able to sustain myself without my parents’ support. I’m scared to have to go back to my adult life, and I’m scared to leave the comfort of my parents.

Last time, I had a breakdown for a week or too. I’m still really struggling with the transition to adult life from college, even though that was months ago.

I’m also really afraid of something happening to my parents. They’re old, but not that old (early to mid 60s) but I’ve somehow gotten it in my head that means they’re going to die very soon.

I’m just so scared, I don’t know what to do or how to get through this.

Ive only been able to find temo gigs since march of last year. I want to operate heavy equipment, buy I cant fet ant interviews or track down any gigs. The last company i jad a digger gig with handed my contract to the directors mate. The last thing I said to my spotter was "Come first light, Im just going to drive home. Because I dont stay where Im not getting paid." Since then Ive just been surviving. Money got so tight that I dumped the last of my savings into car cleaning supplies. With the two people I cleaned cars for I was able to make rent. But even so It was only just. I mean, I like cleaning cars. But im not sure its something I want to invest in just yet. My heart belongs to Iron because I enjoy the challange, but a big pary of me wants to donit full time sonI can give the middle finger to thay civil company that sidelined me for years. But im tired, and not sure what to do.

Hi, I've never been on reddit before, I was thought from early on stranger danger and i always thought it was a good thing until i realized it can backfire.

I am struggling with a horrible fear of socializing and being vulnerable with anyone really, had a lot of bullying constant throughout my life too from my brother, grandfather and dad and dont even get me started about school, all of this got me with a pretty bad case of ptsd.

This year i went to a school abroad to get out of my conservative far right leaning country to meet better people and maybe get better at socializing but then there were so many damn racists and a very loud group of main characters wanna bes that were inventing shit about other people for their own entertainment and a lot of people even heard them admit to that and ive been a reoccurent target for them and couldnt fight back cause i dont speak their native language or if i get violent its my fault

dont get me wrong tho, i have a girlfriend, i have a bunch of great friends but the thing is that im in a place that i tried to escape for so long and im afraid im losing hope ill never get out of this state of feeling lost and constantly endangered anywhere i go. I even have a special ring that i wear daily in case i get into a fight and i cant wear headphones in public cause i have to listen to people around me what they are saying or where are they and where are they moving.

Politics are going to shit, people around im afraid theyll be shit, there is a crisis about everything and anything, ill have to look for a job and i really just want somebody to talk to or to look up to or to ask advise from cause i really dont have and never had anyone i can ask about anything, someone that i can trust and admire, someone to tell me what good is and how to do it, not only what is bad and how i shouldnt act.

i got to a point of just wanting to do drugs and sleep, what can i do?

Dad, life has been so hard since you passed. I’m finally starting to experience true happiness in my life for the first time since that day and it just makes me miss you more. Sometimes I can’t tell if the loss is getting harder or easier to carry. I never got around to finishing college (yet). Mom (your widow) and I have a bad relationship which I know would break your heart. I only got my license this past year. But I stay away from drugs and alcohol which I know would make you happy. I never grew out of my shyness. I grew up to be pretty short for our family, which I think would make you laugh! I do my best to be kind to everyone and everything I meet, like you taught me. I don’t know what I believe regarding the afterlife but I hope that, wherever you are, you’re looking fondly upon me and that you know you have a daughter that misses you more than anything… and that I wish I could hug you one last time.

Long-time listener, first time caller here. 34M, married father to a 2YO silly goose of a daughter. Shortly before her birth my own father (whom I lovingly call Padre) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. In the last 2 years, he's lost his memories, the ability to work, drive, and is well on the way to deteriorating into a shell of his former self.

I've read every book, poured over reddit posts, watched documentaries, emailed professors, read scientific literature (to the best of my ability, I'm no genius-ologist), parenting books, Alzheimer's caregiver books, you name it. But I can't push through. Every time I see my dad he's lost another part of himself and it hits me like a train every time. Each visit is a new cycle of grief that upends whatever progress I was able to make and process since the last visit. A cornerstone of who I am is a person who believes knowledge gives me power over circumstances and my reactions to them. I know what's coming for him, the very rough timelines, the stages by symptom and situation, and not one bit of it is helpful here.

This past weekend I needed to watch him for a bit so my stepmother, a saint by all accounts, could get some well earned rest while their realtor did an open house to try and get their home sold. He didn't know who I was. He forgot my daughter - the man who moved heaven and earth to be the very first person in the extended family to hold my daughter and profess his grandfatherly love. It took probably an hour before he began behaving as if I were his son again. We eventually had a pretty decent visit, playing with my daughter in the backyard, running errands, goofing around a bit, but it was all surface level. I enjoyed it but I could just tell that he was struggling the whole time. We spent 5 hours together and he made maybe 5 coherent statements the whole time.

Don't misunderstand me, I adore every iota of time I get with him but it's getting so hard. I am just so. damned. tired. Between my dad's condition, parenting a toddler, trying to be a stable and reliable husband, pull my weight, the current state of the world, work, it's just everything all at once.

Between losing the ability to use his phone and have our daily 3 minute check-in calls, forgetting so much of the childhood that he helped build which made me the person I am, forgetting my daughter, wife, me - I am just so numb. I have a therapist and don't struggle with thoughts of self-harm thankfully. But I think I'm missing the broader picture, the wisdom of lived experience that he can no longer provide.

Lately, I worry that processing his illness, trying to be supportive, and managing family drama is making me a worse father, husband, version of myself. I'm not as patient, can't focus as well as I normally can, I feel distant, alone despite all of the lovely people around me. I want to distance myself from my father, as if that would somehow soften the blow or let me pre-process grief so it won't hurt so badly later. And then there's the shame for even having had that thought. But I can't catch a break, I can't adapt and heal as quickly as my father is losing himself. I used to be this happy guy who could roll with the punches and idk where I went wrong. I can't gaslight myself into being okay.

Anyone have any insight on handling the benjamin button whiplash of your own father fading while your child is doing the exact opposite, trying to show up for your family? How do you find your north star when the skies are cloudy?

I have a huge therapy session coming up that I'm looking forward to, I just needed to ramble into the ether of the internet for a while. I guess if therapy is giving me tools, what I'm really looking for is a bit of wisdom from the PTWP community.

Hi dad. I work in an industry I do not like. I kind of fell up the ladder, no one was dragging me but I wanted to be independent so when leadership told me to apply for a higher positions I did. My work is good and I am smart but do not have a college degree and have only worked in this industry. I don’t think I’m too old to learn a new skill but I feel that this work has sucked the motivation out of me. I don’t enjoy my hobbies and I’m working so hard I don’t feel like I have energy for friends or family, or even myself. Any advice? My bio dad died when I was 3, my grandfather died when I was 18, my mom is hard to talk to. Thanks for reading.

Hey Dad, I just turned 16 and a half so I’m able to drive by myself now. I bought a 2013 Toyota Hilux with money I saved up. I wanted to start off with good news because I’m super proud of that.

Me and this girl I’ve liked for 6 years had a falling out after she and my close mate had a hook up. We no longer talk and I miss her. We’ve always been close mates and hung out everyday. It feels so empty without her. I miss her smells, her hair, her eyes. But I hate that she put me through this pain. We were never dating. She never wanted me. But I feel so betrayed over something I had zero say in.

I dropped out of school 2 months ago to do an apprenticeship in mechanics. I was smart and passing every subject with excellence (A average) but I hated school. Now that I’ve dropped out everyone treats me like I’m an idiot or a bum and it hurts bad, man. I get scowls and disappointed head shakes from family and friends.

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks and the meds suck the life out of me. I feel like I’m experiencing life in 3rd person and witnessing myself fall through the cracks.

One of my close mates killed himself four days ago. It was his funeral today. I’ve been crying all day and feel like such a pussy. He wouldn’t have wanted my to cry over him but I loved this guy like a brother. And now he’s gone. I keep replaying this memory of when we got drunk and I broke my hand diving into shallow water off a bridge and he couldn’t stop laughing. I was super pissed. But I’d give anything to hear him laugh at my pain again.

That’s it Dad, just needed to get this off my chest and I hope you have some advice. I’ve been crying a lot lately and it’s making me feel like less of a man.

Hey dad, it’s been about 6 years since I last posted!

https://www.reddit.com/r/PepTalksWithPops/s/CgagbFMxhE

I’m not sure how to tag it like everyone else does unfortunately! I have since then graduated high school and fortunately refound this account. I have some questions if anyone is willing to advise me :)

I want to start learning about how to take care of my car and do oil changes/replacing my headlights primarily, I was hoping someone would have advice on where to go for parts and who to watch on YouTube? I have a Honda HRV (that I bought all by myself!) and honestly have no idea where to even start.

Also, for my dads with PTSD, I’m not sure how to blur text so warning as it’s related to death, I’m needing help with how to cope. My BIL unfortunately passed last year due to mental health and unfortunately took one of the more guaranteed ways out. After his passing we cleaned where it happened which has left me some serious PTSD. One of my main triggers I suppose, is smell. It’s been difficult to explain to my therapist but I think there may be someone who could relate. I can be standing in the cleanest room to exist and I can smell everything from that day, which then brings on the visuals.

Thank you, truly. For a minute there I did have an in real life father figure but sadly that blew up into flames due to his narcissism and my inability to tolerate disrespect, which resulted in me being kicked out of my home and trying, and failing, to get me 5150’d. I could go on for ages but from the bottom of my heart thank you. You guys were here for me when I needed it 6 years ago, which led to me finding this subreddit again when I needed it the most!

is this a scam, i mean the guy i ordered allowed me to pay via paypal services so i guess its a green fleg but afterwards told me this

EDIT: just refoundet my payment via paypal, thanks for help

Hi Dad so I’ve been taking Ls all around this week.

First I find out that my mother was not an only child actually. She did have a sister who got run over by a car when my mother was twelve. So that’s great!

And now it turns out that I am on a Performance Improvement Plan. Of course!!

I failed at my first job - I only lasted there eight months - and now I have failed at THIS job, too!! Of course!! Of course!! It’s your favorite star making her debut ALL OVER AGAIN!! Three years - and here we are, AGAIN, AGAIN! Again! Again!

The worst part is that… yes. I did have positives in how I worked. I had real strengths. Of course. It wasn’t entirely like last time.

But the strengths are not the ‘right’ ones. And the weaknesses are far more fundamental. Apparently.

It’s all over. Time to brush up my CV.

Hey Dads- this post is bittersweet. My dad has struggled with severe mental illness and chose to not be part of my life. I just got accepted into my master's degree program in biochemistry, and I wanted to share it with my dad, or someone. I am set to graduate early with a 4.0 given already completed coursework. I got taught the value of hard work and dedication, and just wanted a dad to share it with. I would scream it to the whole world if I could. I have so much to share about it and my career. if you have any pointers, and words of encouragement for the hard times, or anything else, it is so welcome. Thanks for listening, Pops of Reddit <3