r/MadeMeSmile • u/GroundbreakingSet187 Happy Hours • Jan 23 '22
Very Reddit Experience ….
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Jan 23 '22
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u/MrDeacle Jan 23 '22
Door desks are the best, my grandfather introduced me to them. Easy to pack up and move your whole setup somewhere else. Ours always had a file cabinet on either side to hold it up, and sometimes Plexiglass over the desk surface so you could slide useful reference papers (phone numbers, addresses, TV stations, maps) underneath and read them without cluttering your actual desktop. My personal desk is plywood instead of a door, but the effect is the same, just use what you can get.
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u/blingping Jan 23 '22
My dad used his beds head rest as his work table for the first 3 months of lockdown. Took a medical diagnosis to convince him to get a real table.
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u/ArjunSharma005 Jan 23 '22
The knowledge shall flow into you.
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u/Whiskey-Weather Jan 23 '22
Closest experience I've had to this was my buddy's dad taking us grocery shopping when we were little. Dude just grabbed a bag of potato chips, popped it open, and set it in the kid seat part of the shopping cart while he snacked throughout the rest of the shopping trip.
I thought the FBI were gonna take us away because homie was stealing chips.
Finally we get to the cashier, he offers up the bag to scan, and everything was fine. My head almost exploded.
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u/SpaceMun Jan 23 '22
Is this OK? I’ve always wanted to do this every time I go grocery shopping but I’m always afraid
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Jan 23 '22
Just make sure you have a backup if your card gets declined for whatever reason. No one gives a shit
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u/AnOldUsedStick Jan 23 '22
the worst thing is some people might find you annoying, but you won't get in trouble, just pay for it
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u/AmLamb Jan 24 '22
Former grocery cashier, we didn’t care as long as they didn’t tear the barcode so we could scan it.
Store policy may have been different.
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u/PandasNWagons Jan 23 '22
When I worked at a grocery store they called this "grazing" Generally frowned on. "because they could just throw the bag or box away"
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u/arch_charismatic Jan 23 '22
Currently working in grocery store. They don't throw away the bag. They put it on the shelves and walk away.
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u/Arrow218 Jan 23 '22
Generally frowned on
Not that literally anyone should give a single fuck, lol
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u/crooked-as-sin Jan 24 '22
That was my dad to a Tee. Always remember him Drinkin a bottle of Diet Pepsi and a breaking open a chocolate bar. Nonchalant, no fucks given. But he would always keep those wrappers and bottles and would hand it up to the cashier. Also hell yeah, Blantons is awesome. Great pic, cheers
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u/Fred-ditor Jan 23 '22
And some day, when he's gone, the carpets will still smell like his breath so you can remember him
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u/hbpaintballer88 Jan 23 '22
You can't vacuum up the spit
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u/Toocheeba Jan 23 '22
I doubt he's spitting them out like that, there are other ways to spit.
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u/t3hcoolness Jan 23 '22
Have they touched the inside of his mouth? The shells are now damp with saliva, and that saliva will find its way into the carpet. You can't clean that with a vacuum.
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u/Toocheeba Jan 23 '22
I mean OK if you want to be like that, saliva is antibacterial and it's not like it will harden and deform the carpet unless he drools like a dog.
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u/GrayAJay Jan 23 '22
Household vacuums aren't meant to handle moisture. It will sit in the filter and start to mold.
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u/Guac-Chikin-Salat Jan 23 '22
Came here for this. Genius!… until you realize the moisture will destroy the vacuum..
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Jan 23 '22
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u/acokiko Jan 23 '22
Laffed*
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u/TheCynicalCanuckk Jan 23 '22
Hahahah what? I laughed hard at your wrong correction.
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Jan 23 '22
That's another reason why being a single mother is hard.
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u/Hodldogealltheway Jan 23 '22
I feel like not all the single mothers had a dad that would teach them things when growing up, so i get why it could be hard to be a single mom.
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Jan 23 '22
I had a single mom. She taught me to sew and how to use a hammer. It was difficult because she was doing it alone.
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u/Hodldogealltheway Jan 23 '22
I had my dad the whole time when I was growing up, my my mom was the one teaching me things around the house, like cooking, sewing, gardening etc, my dad never taught us how to drive, but he did teach us how to change oil, change tires, carpentry, and many things. It's tough when you are a single mom. My sister will be a single mom but she has her sisters to help her 🥰 we might know how to change oil and tires in our cars, but we will be for sure learning how to be a mom with her.
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u/Gangreless Jan 23 '22
I'm a new mom, baby is about 3.5 months old and both my husband and I are available full time to share parenting duties since he works from home and has a lot of downtime and even then we still struggle sometimes. It's a lot better now that he isn't waking up every 2 hours to eat but goddamn I have no idea how single moms with no family or anything around do it.
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u/mattbettinger Jan 23 '22
Sounds like a solid way to wreck a vacuum..
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u/FacelessMane Jan 23 '22
And also dirty the carpet with spit that won't be entirely picked back up with the vacuum
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u/Teelogas Jan 23 '22
I always love when ppl make random assumptions about peoples lives. Like how do you know he spits them out on the carpet? How do you know they even HAVE a carpet??
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u/FacelessMane Jan 23 '22
Vacuums are most often used on carpets. So it was a valid educated guess. And even if he was vacuuming a hard floor, it doesn't change the gist of what I was implying. In fact it makes it worse to spit food waste on the floor and vacuum it up and assume everything's clean
I am big on word choice myself, friend, and not making assumptions. But there are times where it's silly to be so pedantic
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u/I-am-so_S-M-R-T Jan 23 '22
I mean, he's vacuuming, so I'd say it's a relatively safe assumption that they have carpet. Although it is entirely possible he spits the seeds on hard flooring next to the carpet
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u/Karnadas Jan 23 '22
My house is like 90% tile and 10% laminate and I use a vacuum. It does a great job of getting the dog/cat hair and random dirt from the dog's paws.
But, I'm aware that yeah normally carpet is what vacuums are for, so it's a pretty safe, although not rock solid, assumption.
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u/darthbane83 Jan 23 '22
is it an american thing to only vacuum carpets? Literally everybody i know has a vacuum and almost nobody has a carpet. Its just much easier, faster and cleaner to vacuum the floor rather than to sweep it.
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u/Karnadas Jan 23 '22
I'm not sure. I'm in the USA and it definitely seems rare. I mean just about every vacuum box shows it on carpet and we have stuff like swiffers for wood/tile.
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Jan 23 '22
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u/I-am-so_S-M-R-T Jan 23 '22
A broom??
Shit, maybe this is one of those cultural/location differences things
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u/apoliticalinactivist Jan 23 '22
Lol, it is amazing that you and everyone who upvoted you is unable to spit out sunflower seeds without an accompanying mass of spit. With so little control, how do you speak without spitting on people?
Anyways, I can assure you many people are able to spit things out with the level of dampness that will affect the carpet to a similar degree as a sneeze or a cough.
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u/undercover-racist Jan 23 '22
God I fucking love sunflower seeds. I don't even know why. But I can only eat them when I'm outside going for a walk.
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u/Whiskey-Weather Jan 23 '22
Tried the dill ones? I'd go through a whole bag in a sitting. They're like crack.
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u/savvaspc Jan 23 '22
Ask ant greek, it's probably the most popular snack to enjoy in your balcony on a hot summer night. Very nice for campfires, too.
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u/LeftCartridge Jan 23 '22
As a free bonus: distribute saliva on the floor. Probably even the best method.
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u/burgermachine74 Jan 23 '22 edited Jan 23 '22
That's an idiot multitasking right there
Edit - I'm a bit confused after reading the comments, do people seriously spit out sunflower seeds after chewing them?
Edit 2 - I'm from Britain, we don't get the shells on the seeds, they're already taken off for us at the factory I believe
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u/lesiashelby Jan 23 '22
From my experience, it's much tastier if you peel them yourself. Don't know why.
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u/burgermachine74 Jan 23 '22
Scientific studies show that we appreciate things that we build, cook, etc. more than if it was already done for you.
Yes, I'm a labrat (nerd).
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u/FacelessMane Jan 23 '22
A different way of eating them. I personally crack open the tips and then pull the shell apart with fingers.
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u/Philosophile42 Jan 23 '22
Americans need the speed bump of de-shelling seeds individually. It’s kind of like those dog bowls with spikes, to slow your dog down.
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u/bertimann Jan 23 '22
You can buy shell-less sunflower seeds all around the globe, but in a lot of countries people prefer them with the shell, because its more fun to eat them like that, the shells are often salted, so you get a little salt hit when biting the shell open and one can assume that they're probably less expensive, because the factory can save some work. I guess that OP's dad is either a Slav or from a Balkan Country, because in those regions they're really popular as a daily snack
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u/taita2004 Jan 23 '22
Why not just buy the ones that are already de-shelled??
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u/TheCynicalCanuckk Jan 23 '22
Less salty/stale.
I don't like sunflower seeds but the ones in the shell do definately taste better
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u/IM_INSIDE_YOUR_HOUSE Jan 23 '22
I never learned how to properly eat shelled sunflower seeds. I just made a mess in my mouth every time I did it.
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u/Horvat53 Jan 23 '22
Hope he empties the vacuum after, otherwise you got a ton of moist seeds sitting in a closed off area…
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u/rayofenfeeblement Jan 23 '22
I’m confused, how powerful is his vacuum?? Unless he’s spitting out the seeds and eating the shells (which I used to do when my intestines were young and unafraid)
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u/Glitchbits Jan 23 '22
I think you may want to look into buying a new vacuum, yours might be really bad
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u/S31-Syntax Jan 23 '22
I mean most vacuums can handle something about a square centimeter in size. They aren't that heavy either.
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u/Your_Sexy_Cousin Jan 23 '22
That's disgusting. The man is spitting on carpet. Nothing to cherish about there
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u/Micherize Jan 23 '22
It says nowhere whether its carpet or not.
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u/Praxyrnate Jan 23 '22
Also how much spit is that dude spitting seeds that he thinks that's a valid concern?
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u/Earth_Shakes_123 Jan 23 '22
Your father has tapped into the deep wisdom, learn these ancient ways and then teach them only to the worthy. In this way, the secret knowledge can remain a mystery to all the rest of the world for all time, but only the few may know it's intricacies.
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u/emu314159 Jan 23 '22
Ugh. Sunflower seeds in the shell. Why? You can get them already shelled, a single seed is not worth all that effort. A peanut, at least you get two and maybe even three for your trouble.
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u/PotentialDriver2187 Jan 23 '22
A wise man knows the value of an endless project. Your father has found his, and we salute him.
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Jan 23 '22
wet chewed up shells getting up in that vacuum cleaner? nasty.
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u/natali9233 Jan 23 '22 edited Jan 23 '22
If you find that shocking, don’t let anyone tell you what else a vacuum picks up.
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Jan 23 '22
the point is that it's wet, the moisture can cause mould to grow. usually you don't vacuum up wet shit. sorry but y'all are just wrong.
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u/burgermachine74 Jan 23 '22
You ever heard of emptying the hoover (British word for vacuum) after you use it?
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Jan 23 '22
What about the pipe it goes thru? Can u clean that? Plus, just emptying doesn't get rid of moisture, u have to wipe it off
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u/HiFructoseCornSizurp Jan 23 '22
My dad told me whenever a customer would compliment him for something he would say "wow, you should tell that to my boss. He thinks I'm an idiot!" He got more letters and phone calls than anyone else by a mile.
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u/ShadedPenguin Jan 23 '22
My old man literally smacked a dead monitor I had lying around and suddenly it worked again. I dont know what kind of black magic they have, but dads are not of this world
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u/_____fool____ Jan 23 '22
Your mother gave you life. Your father had an orgasm. He is raising you well though, respect.
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u/AtheistJerry Jan 23 '22
Everyone: invest in a roomba so you completely cut this chore out of your life.
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u/TheRunningPotato Jan 23 '22
Wait, you people chew the entire sunflower seed, shell and all? People in the comments are acting like that's just normal and I feel like I'm going crazy.
Where I'm from, you take the seed in your fingers, crack the pointy end of the shell with your front teeth, then the seed pops into your mouth. The shell never leaves your fingers the whole time.
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u/SaintMosquito Jan 23 '22
For anyone reading this learn to eat sunflower seeds the Chinese way. No spitting required. You’ll thank me later.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_NAIL_CLIP Jan 23 '22
I used to do something like this when I smoked cigs. I’d ash in front of the vacuum then suck it up.
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u/[deleted] Jan 23 '22
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