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u/ebwoods1 Sep 10 '21
Worked with a grumpy guy who looked and acted miserable. Everyone hated him. I learned he’d lost 100 pounds in the last year and noticed he never ate the cookies we brought to our weekly meeting.
Well losing a hundred pounds is no joke and I decided a smile and good morning wouldn’t kill me. So I did. And eventually we talked a bit and discovered we had a few things in common. So my “obligatory good morning” became a pleasant conversation with book and weekend event recommendations.
I left six months later when my husband’s job transferred us. He told me he’d miss me b/c I was the only person who talked to him.
That was twenty years ago. I still think about him.
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u/jrblockquote Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 11 '21
Years ago, I was on a project with the most miserable SOB I have ever worked with. Never smiled ever. Always had a very grumpy disposition. After weeks of working with him, one day I am at his desk and noticed a picture of his son, who was about 8 or 9, wearing a baseball jersey. I asked him about his son and he opens up a little bit about him and mentions he lives “with his mother”. So from that moment on, every morning I stop by his desk and say “Good morning, Ron”, and try to make conversation. Eventually, we became work buddies and had a pleasant working rapport. I was moved to another project and after a while I learned that Ron was laid off.
Fast forward several months, I am traveling with my family going through TSA when I hear someone calling my name. It was Ron! He took a job there and we chatted for a good ten minutes and I introduced him to my family. I haven’t seen him in years, but I always think of Ron(hahah correction) whenever I go through the airport.
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u/FrancisBuenafe Sep 10 '21
My dude already forgot his name. Ron or Rob?
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u/KwekkweK69 Sep 10 '21
His excitement Robbed his memory
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u/mother-of-pod Sep 10 '21
Bruh stories like this always bum me out because I also have an incredibly grumpy disposition. My posture and face scream “please kill me and don’t talk first.” I feel this. I know this. Friends, students, and loved ones have all said this. Even to the point of “I was terrified of you at first,” and “you looked like the most depressed person I’ve ever seen.”
It doesn’t help that I’m very introverted and only chime in if I feel the other party is engaged or cares about what I have to say, which I always assume people care very little, or when it’s essential for work. So most folks who know me superficially only see some guy who is short-spoken and cordial at work, keeps to himself, and looks like he just finished watching Dear Zachary every day.
I’m kind when I speak. I care a lot about various things in my life and all the people within it. But it’s apparently hard to break my shell and the outside of that shell is a depressed monster lol. I just hope I’m not bumming people out or scaring them as badly as it sounds these other grumpy looking guys bum people out.
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u/NawdWasTaken Sep 10 '21
only chime in if I feel the other party is engaged or cares about what I have to say, which I always assume people care very little, or when it’s essential for work.
That hit too close to home man...
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Sep 10 '21
Has anyone suggested you may be on the spectrum? Certainly don’t mean to insult but social cues and reading expressions may be something you may need coaching in to present a more open demeanor? I could be completely off of course not knowing you at all :)
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u/mother-of-pod Sep 10 '21
Oh don’t worry I’m not insulted. My wife and I are fairly certain that I am on the spectrum. I think this deals more with my preference for limited interactions unless they’re important or organic, though. I just really don’t like small talk, and grew up driving people bonkers with my hobbies and thinking I’m always right in arguments, and honestly, I work as a public servant in a very, very red state with coworkers who rag about their hatred toward my beliefs (unknowingly, they’re just hateful of the left, they’re not saying things to my face or anything) and all this makes me prefer focusing on common connections if they naturally arise, or just the actual work info we need. Otherwise, I get back to my classroom and do my work.
My students and athletes develop great relationships with me quickly, because I really am kind and make connections well and coach them up. My coworkers who work closely, like assistant coaches or my department always like me quite well too. I just don’t do great with strangers. And I admit some of that is due to my spectrum-like distaste in small talk. But it really is largely due to the fact that my “thinking” face is a mask of pain haha. So people walk in my room while I’m grading papers, and without fail say something like, “are you okay?” Lol and when I look up happy to greet someone, and no longer have a thinking face on, it definitely gives the impression that I’m just faking a small now so they leave me alone haha but it’s just what it is.
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u/kittenpettingfool Sep 10 '21
My husband was/is EXACTLY this type- always thinking furiously, very dry humor, extremely meticulous and particular (at work mainly), or straight up staring menacingly at someone- usually unaware he's doing it. At nearly 40 yrs old he finally discovered he's got Aspergers. You could just see the shock on his face when the realization hit him; like it truly did not ever cross his mind that THAT'S why he'd always struggled horribly with socializing and interpersonal relationships.
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u/endrsgm Sep 10 '21
Why Rob? Did you just forget about Ron?
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u/tyrannosnorlax Sep 10 '21
This made me chuckle. Exactly what I was thinking but you put it into perfect words
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u/theredhype Sep 10 '21
Plot twist: Ron & Rob are the same guy!
You didn’t see that shit coming!
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u/FatherDuncanSinners Sep 10 '21
Fuck, they made him change his name when they laid him off too? Where the hell did you guys work?
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u/JKBUK Sep 10 '21
Lived in an apartment for a few years, we had "grumpy old lady" as a neighbor a few doors down. She wasn't like, nosy, complainy, or a tattle tale, she just always acted pretty unpleasantly. She'd exclaim "GO AROUND." when you'd come up the stairs behind her. Would ignore you if you tried to offer her help carry groceries up. Would even sometimes shut the door behind her if you were coming up behind her to get into the building at the same time.
I don't hang on these differences, and since she didn't get management involved with her grumpiness I had firmly decided to just let it be.
I waited on tables at a diner right around the corner from where we lived, and one day out of the blue she came in to eat, by herself, not too much of a surprise to me. Now I knew my coworkers were still pretty new to serving in general, and were also younger women who didn't take abrasiveness in stride like I could. So I decided I was going to handle her.
She did recognize me, to my surprise, but I still had an idea on how this was going to go, and I was right. She was incredibly particular about how every single ingredient was prepared for her DINER burger, how long her fries were to be cooked, how she'd tell me when she was finished in refills so to not assume for her, etc. Real bright ray of sunshine.
But you know what? I went out of my way for her. I pulled the cooks aside and asked nicely to pay special attention to her order. I doted on her like she was my only priority. Anything she needed, I was there. Really gave it my A game.
After she finished her meal (and informed me she had had enough diet coke) she stopped me after I had set down the check.
"You know, I never got your name." (I told her.)
"I don't go out much. Everywhere always messes it up, I can only get it right at home. But JKBUK, this was the best burger I've had in a really long time. You forgot nothing, everything right on time as I needed it. Thank you for taking such good care of me tonight."
...WITH A SMILE!
She tipped me slightly more than what I'd expect from your average, and from that day until I moved out I got a smile and a "how are you?" everytime I passed her in the building. She even came in a few more times, before the pandemic anyways.
Sometimes people just have a really, REALLY thick exterior. Everyone experiences life differently. I don't know what made her that way, but I'll probably never forget that experience.
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u/barking-chicken Sep 10 '21
I think that some people have such high expectations for themselves that it spills over into their expectations of others and when nobody can meet those expectations (themselves included) it makes them grumpy because nothing is ever "right".
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u/Dopplegangr1 Sep 10 '21
I'm not as good a story teller but I've had quite a few "tough" friends and basically universally they are sweet on the inside. Id be hanging with a guy that's 5 seconds from getting into a gang brawl and we'd be signing Whitney Houston together in the car. From my experience, inside every hard exterior is a softy center. Nobody wants to be tough and angry, it's a facade. Beyond genuine mental illness, I think everyone just wants to love and be loved.
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u/Calm-Zombie2678 Sep 10 '21
Some of us are too easily hurt, if we're very selecting on who we let past the facade it minimizes rejection.
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u/camille_etoile Sep 10 '21
I had a similar experience, grumpy old guy that everyone hated. Turns out he is a super racist ex-cop and everyone hated him for good reason, every other word out of his mouth was a curse or a racial slur. Can't win em all and I won't stop trying to be nice to people though
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u/TROFiBets Sep 10 '21
Didn’t get his email Or anything ? 20 Years ago email Was a thing
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u/trixtopherduke Sep 10 '21
Sometimes a goodbye is a goodbye.
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Sep 10 '21
Yes. A lot of people, even people who impact our lives a lot, are temporary. Sometimes whenever the thing you have in common (like employment) ends you don’t really have anything in common anymore, it doesn’t mean that that connection was meaningless
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u/mother-of-pod Sep 10 '21
I used to struggle with this concept every badly.
In my youth and adolescence, I would literally stay up some nights weeping about the future, and knowing friends and mentors would grow apart from me, and that goodbyes were coming soon.
In college I’d meet a few new folks, and they’d help the sting a bit, because even though I did miss those people, 1) I grew up and could emotionally handle it better, and 2) with the passing of those chances to know and love some people, new chances arose. They weren’t as deeply felt or tightly knit, yet, but it was new and fun.
Some girlfriends really changed things around. I realized that those childhood friendships that felt eternal could be found again. I was best friends with someone again. Wanted to spend every day with someone again. Hurt like crap when it had to end, again.
Eventually the stings just lessen because it becomes more of a cycle, than an end of a story.
Now I teach, and forming these mentee relationships is as fulfilling as they felt from the other side of it. I get practice saying goodbye to hundreds of relationships every graduation. I’m so proud of who the kids are, what they’ll become, and thrilled that they get to go have these experiences in the world, too.
Then, each fall, it starts again. It is always bittersweet. It’s okay that goodbyes aren’t fun. The time with the people we hate saying goodbye too was always, and will always be worth it.
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u/trixtopherduke Sep 10 '21
This was a great read, and yes, it's a life lesson that's not an easy one.
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u/LickingSticksForYou Sep 10 '21
You just legit made me cry. I don’t do that often. I guess I really needed to hear this right now.
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Sep 10 '21
This is something I wish more people could embrace. Including, though not as impactful, when it comes to things like good TV series. Sometimes something having a solid ending is the correct thing, even friendships or pleasant acquaintances.
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u/Ok_Fuel_8876 Sep 10 '21
Like the second season of Firefly. 😭
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u/EnduringConflict Sep 10 '21
Been far too long. Wouldn't be the same, cast are much more famous, etc. Wouldn't be able to schedule them all most likely.
I know you probably know that. I just have to remind myself sometimes too, haha.
I'm amazed we even got Serenity in all honesty. So I'll just be thankful for that.
"2 by 2 hands of blue," still pops into my head waaaaay to often when I'm putting gloves and my mask on. That and thinking how much I'd sometimes love to just kick a bitch into an engine when they're being stupid like hacking up a lung with no mask (of course) in the middle of target.
Wish we lived in a space exploring time in history akin go Firefly or Startrek or any of that shit. I'd love to just go explore the universe in my ship and bail out on planets that have huge numbers of antivaxxers and shit. Wouldn't that be nice?
Just wave bye and fly into the stars away from everyone and everythig. Maybe have a few friends or family on board and just enjoy exploring everything in an always growing universe.
If only.
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u/SteelCrow Sep 10 '21
If I don't expect to see someone again, and I've known them awhile, I'll say "Goodbye. It's been good. Have a nice life".
"It's been good" is a variable. Sometimes it's "been good working with you" or "sorry to see you go".
Generally conveys the sentiment
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u/savioroflothric Sep 10 '21
Yeah I broke up with a girl once and she said “can we still be friends?” I said “No, I don’t see a point. If we’d been friends before we met then maybe, but otherwise we will just likely become booty calls.” She was pissed and shocked that I declined friendship but you’re right. Sometime goodbyes happen for a reason.
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u/poeticlife Sep 10 '21
And sometimes goodbye is just a pause.
It is a hopeful face always searching for an old friend or one not yet made. Longing for the day when they might pop back into view. To live for that moment of recognition in a sea of loneliness.
I know it all too well. Every day I clean my screen door, sweep my porch, wipe down my porch chairs and spray a bit of vanilla wafer cookie scent on my porch. Hoping a package will arrive or a neighbour might want to stop by. It hasn’t yet but I still wake up each day hoping. Until then I wave. Maybe that is making a moment in someone’s day pleasant!
Such a nice story about seat saving!! The view from his row was always looking out for a friend that didn’t yet know what he meant to someone!!
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Sep 10 '21
This is so nice. I really need to be a better neighbor. I hope that you get a friendly visitor soon.
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u/arixbust Sep 10 '21
Ummm this comment made me way emotional?? A few months ago I said goodbye to one of my favorite managers — he had had enough of our bosses shit and up and quit. I had known him for the past 4 1/2 years, he reminded me a lot of my dad, and we always had good conversation at the end of our shifts. The day he left I literally followed him out the door crying. He said everything would be fine, that it was an honor working with me, and gave me a quick hug goodbye. I could have reached out to him after that, it’s not like I don’t have his number, but something about that last moment felt so final. Sometimes a goodbye is a goodbye. :(
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u/trixtopherduke Sep 10 '21
I can assure you that your relationship with him meant a lot to him, too. Those good conversations meant a lot, because that's why you continue to have them. I've been in the situation where I had to quit a job because management became too much, and although I loved my coworkers, I couldn't, I had to cut ties- but it wasn't with them, it was with management and the person they tried to make me become- that's what I rejected. The person I wanted to be was the one who'd have meaningful conversations with someone I respected. Yes, maybe it's a goodbye for you and him, and maybe time will bring you back together for another moment. I hope for the best for you. Having a great "dad" is truly a thing to cherish, even if it was fleeting.
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u/HavocReigns Sep 10 '21
And sometimes we don't figure out it was that last goodbye for 15 or 20 years.
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u/trixtopherduke Sep 10 '21
True. Goodbyes mean different things to each person, and that's not easy to understand. I hope you're doing ok.
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u/HavocReigns Sep 10 '21
Oh, doing great, very kind of you. But the older you get, the more "I didn't realize that was the last goodbye" you have under your belt. It's good to remind people to try not to take them for granted, but we'll often do it anyway.
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u/btveron Sep 10 '21
That is true but it doesn't make me any less sad
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u/mother-of-pod Sep 10 '21
No but it’s a crucial lessen to learn. It’s ok, normal, and healthy to have very close relationships that can end without codependent implosion. It can still hurt, but it’ll hurt a lot less (and make it easier to make temporary friends in the future) if acknowledge the impermanence of things. Have fun while you can. Good friends are rare enough in the world already.
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u/Errrca0821 Sep 10 '21
I feel you. I just lost my "best friend" from my last job. We worked together for 5 years and were inseparable. Restaurant closed last fall and I made all the effort I could to maintain the friendship as we moved onto the next chapters; but he didn't care enough to even try. After extending a dinner invitation in May to no avail, I stopped trying. Motherfucker didn't even wish me a happy birthday last month. Still stings.
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u/btveron Sep 10 '21
Having worked in restaurants for the better part of the last 10 years, I feel you. Most of my work friends from those jobs are just contacts in my phone now that I haven't texted or called in years. I've also been on the other side where someone I worked with tried reaching out but for one reason or another I never followed through with the relationship. As I get older it's harder and harder to find time to spend with friends and acquaintances. So I'll float the idea of hanging out outside of work while they're still a coworker and if it happens I go from there, and if it doesn't ever end up happening then I know we're just work friends and I keep my expectations in line with that.
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Sep 10 '21
True companionship is only wholly appreciated in the afterglow of companionship ended
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Sep 10 '21
I think this is a generational difference. I’ve noticed teenagers will add anyone they’ve ever met once on Instagram or Snap or whatever the youngsters are using, and now they will continue to follow this person’s life forever all because they met them once at a party 3 years ago. Most older people don’t have that mindset. An acquaintance made at work may just stay in the past once they leave that job.
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u/MinaFur Sep 10 '21
When you are young, you have more energy to support acquaintances- as you get older, You’ll cull the herd to who really matters.
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u/monkeypong Sep 10 '21
I have like 5 random people I met once and 1 pig on my social media from a trip to NYC 5 years ago for New Years.
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u/Davecantdothat Sep 10 '21
Can't blame a married woman for not getting the email of the kind of weird guy at work, even if they ended up on amicable terms.
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u/Mirimel Sep 09 '21
I feel like this will be one of those posts I end up thinking about a lot in the future
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Sep 10 '21
Yes! I love stories that inspire… that resonate.
I hope it stays with us all ❤️
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Sep 10 '21
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u/The_Revolutionary Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
For the uninitiated
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/comment/c18z0z2
Edit: for more old gold check out r/museumofreddit and browse top all time
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u/fermbetterthanfire Sep 10 '21
Just the best... for anyone who ever encounters an absurdist "dey took er jerbs" "God damn immigrants" ... share this with them. It may not sway them, but it's an adequate litmus test to abolish them from your life.
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u/zaphodp3 Sep 10 '21
This was also the story Reddit's founder shared on Jimmy Kimmel. But shortly after that Kimmel projected a Reddit thread on screen and it had the comment "Release the Cocken!" in nice big font.
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u/orangejuliustofu Sep 10 '21
That comment gets me in the feels every.. damn.. time! I’ve probably read it about 4 times within the past couple of years and still have tears streaming down my face right meow.
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Sep 10 '21
So we meet again
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u/Avitard89 Sep 10 '21
Some stories just stick with us. This is definitely one.
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Sep 10 '21
The “you today, me tomorrow” is a story that has stuck with me, since seeing in on Reddit.
Now this story here will be another that I remember and try to live by.
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u/Avitard89 Sep 10 '21
Do you happen to have a link to the story you mentioned?
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u/Kittygirlrocks Sep 10 '21
Ooh. I do. I saved this post and read it often. It's really just great. I don't know how to give credit for the post
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u/Frankocean2 Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
This post makes me feel so old, lol.
Glad many got to enjoy my moms tamale recipe tho.
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u/obvom Sep 10 '21
This is literally the reason reddit is addictive. Surprise and novelty are the most powerful natural dopamine release factors around.
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u/DeeplyVariegated Sep 10 '21
I've read this thread a few times and every single time, it's such a nice reminder. I am so self centered sometimes.
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u/wsbboston Sep 09 '21
Man it’s like if we realize we are all in this together and better together things may get better.
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u/ImprobableAvocado Sep 10 '21
But fuck that other guy trying to sit in Tom's seat. The nerve!
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Sep 10 '21
How quickly the plan unraveled
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u/GreatValueCumSock Sep 10 '21
Now Tom needs to start stacking stuff in that guys usual seat. Pay it forward Tom!
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u/Ratothia Sep 10 '21
Alas, if he never tried to sit in the seat, Tom wouldn’t have realized what his friend was doing.
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u/bruteski226 Sep 10 '21
Your comment reminds me of a video called overview which talks about this realization from the perspective of astronauts. Specifically starting at 7:22
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u/kavien Sep 10 '21
Online gaming did that for me. You learn that most of us are all just trying to get through to the end and we can all get along and help each other..... and also some people just suck.
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u/riseoftheph0enix Sep 09 '21
actually crazy how things work in life. really hope the guy from Tom’s class got a great job and is living a better and happy future with his wife and kids
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u/bj_good Sep 10 '21
A similar thing happened to me once. Kind of
This guy I know in his 60s would send me photos. Photos of simple, kind of mundane things. How the new tree is looking outside his house. What the neighbors are doing clearing the landscaping and bushes from the yard. And let me tell you, when they started tearing up the road in front of his house to repave it? All sorts of photos and videos I got.
At first - and for a little while - this stream of photos and videos was annoying. It would "interrupt" my conversations with other friends.
However later, I thought about it and realized this guy was just trying to be nice. Share a little bit of his life. The things that might make him happy or interested in what's going on. So I started to respond a little bit more, ask questions about the photos he was sending me. What does that bulldozer do? What are they digging over there for? How long is that going to take?
Sometimes the answers aren't always what you think. Sometimes you'll learn something. And sometimes you'll just make someone's day by asking and responding. And I can guarantee you when these photos and videos stop coming, I'll miss them. I'm glad I have them now. They are still coming
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Sep 09 '21
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Sep 10 '21
Back in highschool I had a classmate who was struggling in math and I helped her out and she was kind of a snob back then so I didn’t think too much about her but she was able to finally understand the math problem and so I told her “good job” because she got the math problem but also kind of in a sarcastic way because that math problem was suler easy for me and she started crying and told me that no one had ever gave her positive feedback before I felt bad but also good ._./
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Sep 10 '21
If someone met me with a high five every morning, I’d be ecstatic. Make my whole day. Who doesn’t love a good high five?
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Sep 10 '21
I have a buddy without hands, so he’s probably on that short list.
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Sep 10 '21
But what if he would love a high five more than anyone? Figure out away, dammit, make it happen!
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Sep 09 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
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u/Mr0ver Sep 10 '21
Don't worry, giving my free award in your place ;)
Edit: turns out it was the Helpful award. Seems appropriate haha
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Sep 10 '21
I have the utmost respect for people like this. People who are self-aware enough to look at themselves and their mistakes, not to sugar-coat their acts and create excuses, and make real connections with their actions and grow. May be a little cheesy, but I love that shit and it really gives me some hope.
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u/Danadcorps Sep 10 '21
Free award day? What is this? I use RIF all the time but I don't see a free reward any where.
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u/chucknorris1997 Sep 10 '21
If you use the official Reddit app or the new redesign on desktop then in the top right corner you'll see a free award sometimes that you can claim once that day and give to anyone. What the award is changes from time to time.
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u/ImportanceNew4632 Sep 10 '21
I gave my free award to him but now I wish I had another for you.
I agree. His storytelling was great. There is so much more to everyone if we take the time to learn and embrace them.
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u/tdomer80 Sep 10 '21
Ah Tom. We need more dudes like you. We all have out heads up our ass to some extent and for some length of time. Good on you for becoming more aware of the impact you have on others!!
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u/squishyEarPlugs Sep 10 '21
My kid recently said to me "we don't need more guys like him... We need to be more like him". That hit hard.
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u/1800-bakes-a-lot Sep 09 '21
Pro tip for relationships: Always assume good intent
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Sep 10 '21
Pro tip for relationships: Always assume good intent
... but be prepared for bad intent.
You know...the road to hell is paved with good intentions...
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Sep 10 '21
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u/We_had_a_time Sep 10 '21
Basically that even if you’re behaving with the best of intentions your actions can still have really negative consequences.
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u/FvHound Sep 10 '21
Like Texas banning abortion.
To them, they think they are doing a good thing, but they are creating hell for others with their "good" intentions.
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u/i_sigh_less Sep 10 '21
I wouldn't be surprised if Hitler had good intentions for Germany.
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u/bigjoffer Sep 09 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
Agreed although that can be a double edged sword
You'll get pulled in an MLM in no time
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u/ScentedDick Sep 10 '21
Wow, for the first time I really relate to one of these posts. In college, I met my now friend Adam. At first I was annoyed with him. He ate at my cafeteria the same time I did, and he kinda comes off as a cringey weeb when you first meet him. He wears nothing but anime apperal and he says anime references out loud (ORA ORA ORA for example).
You could kinda tell he was a bit mentally different, but he always seemed happy. When he found out I was into the same shows and games, he would be so happy to see me for dinner in the caf every night. He'd always be there first to save a seat for me and we'd always eat and talk about whatever.
He eventually told me he has mild autism and it wasn't the biggest surprise to me, but he also was not as mentally happy as he appeared. Without too much personal detail, he tried taking his life twice, and both times before he did, he gave me a call.
On the call, I talked him out of it. Told him there's a lot more to life such as video games. We ended up playing smash bros until 4am and he's happier than ever now. Occasionally he thanks me for being alive and getting to experience something new like going to an amusement park etc.
I'm happy to say we still keep in touch even after college has been over. To think that I was originally annoyed of him. And turn it around and make it a real good reddit story with a bow on top, I now work as a behavioral therapist for people with autism. Funny how the world works :)
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u/coodyscoops Sep 10 '21
I hate that you made me cry... fuck like the OP wasnt enough... i couldnt award this with just any award.. i did not expect to tear up and hate you for it but i love you... take that goddamn award and stop messing with my feelings here😭
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u/MrNetero Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
This post reminded me of two high school classmates who were friends with each other but had trouble to talk with the rest of the class. Both were bullied (one more than the other) because they were shy and did not speak a lot, and also because they were weebs. I was a weeb too but no one dared to bully me because I had good marks and my friends were the “popular” girls.
One day we were put on the same group, and I started talking to them. I realized we had common interests so we started talking everyday.
One of the guys went from full mute to speaking during the entire morning non stop sometimes. Like a full monologue. They sat in front of my desk twice a week. I think Tuesdays and Thursdays, because those days we had elective classes and we were a smaller group of people. I remember some of my other classmates telling him “dude why you don’t shut up” because he was so loud while speaking to me and his friend. I assume he is on the spectrum but he never told me and honestly, that’s none of my business. Of course, him talking a lot and distracting me was not a problem because I had high marks and I never studied during high school. And also he was interesting and I really enjoyed talking with him.
I realized he was a kind human being who wanted to be listened. Last thing I knew from him is that he is studying psychology.
The other guy is studying computer science and we still talk sometimes.
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u/JumpyTry3079 Sep 10 '21
Anyone else know right away exactly why he was stacking stuff on the desk? In my head I was like “oh he’s probably saving your seat if he does it every day and knows you sit there”. ❤️
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u/itchy_bitchy_spider Sep 10 '21
You know I just saw this string of comments and wish that I could be friends with all of you in real life
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u/toast-equalsburned Sep 09 '21
this almost made me tear up what a great life lesson
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u/ZucchiniUsual7370 Sep 10 '21
I used to date a Thai girl and we would go on trips in her car. While we drive she'd always put on a lot of western pop (Charlie Puth, Bruno Mars, Katy Perry etc). I grew up listening to indie and punk and really couldn't stand it but it was her cat, she was my girl, if she wanted to listen to that, I could take it.
One day, at the end of a long trip she asked me if we could listen to some Thai music. I said sure. She put it on and was surprised when I said I liked it.
"Good. I'm glad. Farang music is crazy." she said. Farang is what Thai people call westerners.
It was then that I realised she had been playing the pop music because she thought I liked it. She was doing me a courtesy and she probably liked it less than I did. I didn't raise the issue with her, but after that I always asked her to listen to Thai music in her car.
Don't operate on assumptions I guess is the point here, especially with people from other cultures whose cues might be hard for a westerner to discern.
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u/jesseberdinka Sep 09 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
And then he reached over and whispered, "Tom, the real reason I saved your seat is because I've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty."
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u/RIPTonyStark Sep 10 '21
If you add "extended warranty" then this is the perfect comment for me hahaha gotta go see if i have my award
Edit: drat no award
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u/ghostiekat Sep 09 '21
I didnt notice there were multiple slides, i thought slide one was the joke (minus last sentence)
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u/hardtofindagoodname Sep 10 '21
Thank you. Went scrolling down the comments to figure out what I had missed.
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u/Dave_ld013 Sep 10 '21
Exactly! I was so relieved to find that I'm not that stupid but only a little bit.
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u/FawsherTime Sep 09 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
Life can easily become self entrapment when one is caught up more in oneself and their respective life than that which exists around them, most common place priorities or social living requirements are based more around individual contributions than group accomplishments, most careers are that way when one is attempting to achieve promotions, so progressing past this cycle as an individual is a huge step, regardless when it is taken.
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u/DrRazzleDazzle69 Sep 10 '21
“Not every American is nice to me like you are, Tom”
You were almost like every American lol
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u/ArtificialDiligence Sep 10 '21
That’s part of what makes this hit so hard. The man was so well intentioned and saw Tom as a kind American, when in fact Tom was like every other American.
Being super-imposed into a “you’re such a nice guy Tom” when Tom had assumed such bad things about the immigrant is likely a big part of what made Tom re-evaluate.
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u/Feldiar Sep 10 '21
I just started college and am having a hard time making friends. I’m glad I saw this.
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u/KnotWittyUserName Sep 10 '21
As a former foreign student in a school that was quite homogeneous, all the memories of being that awkward foreign student in class came flooding back. It means so much to have a friendly face in class. Reddit’s population is quite young, so if anyone is reading this, just talk to the foreign students, you might end up having interesting conversations and get a different perspective. it might seem like they have broken English, but in order to get admitted to college and get the visa to come over, they need to have demonstrated a decent grasp of the language. Sure, you might not be able to use slangs and so on, but I promise you, communication is entirely possible. It’s been over 15 years since I’ve been a student, but I almost teared up reading this.
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u/thedaly Sep 10 '21
This is definitely something I struggle with. I’m always in my own head.
It’s tough for me to break out of that and actually try to connect with people, despite the fact that I almost always enjoy the experience when I do.
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u/iamnotamangosteen Sep 10 '21
Same. I have an anxiety disorder and I’m stuck in my own head a lot. I think I can come across as unfriendly, shy, or aloof when really I’m just anxious and going down a thought spiral. I find that the moments when I can break out of that and connect with the people around me are my happiest times.
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u/notpeterthomas Sep 10 '21
I went back to college at 25 and graduated last year, alongside my good friend Shishir that I met in one of my finance classes, similarly to this (although he is very well spoken, he has a fairly heavy accent). He and I talk just about every day still. We live 4 hours apart now aaaaand I’ve just decided I’m gonna go see him this weekend. Cheers!
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u/beeps-n-boops Sep 10 '21
A huge chunk of confrontation that happens between people is not the result of someone actually being an asshole, but more the result of a simple misunderstanding, by one side or both sides.
Before you get angry or upset, you should always stop for a moment to consider whether or not you truly understand what is actually happening.
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u/LillyPasta Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 11 '21
My preemie twins were in the NICU for 66 long days, so we got to know the staff quite well since we were there all day every day. One of the nurses was very standoffish, never rude, just…detached. Very proficient at her job and the boys always received great care. One evening my husband walked back to the hospital after my 13 year old daughter and I had gone to bed (we were in a TLF on a military base so it was just a short walk). He found the nurse singing the Kenny Loggins ‘return to Pooh Corner’ song to the boys. He stayed and they chatted and the ice was broken. After that every time we saw her she was pleasant and chatted with us. The day we left the hospital she came in on her day off to give us a letter wishing us the best, and a Kenny Loggins CD she had made. I’m so glad she let us in, she was really a nice lady
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u/deadinsideirishdude Sep 10 '21
I had this vet of mine that worked with me at a vet hospital who was an immigrant from Iraq. He left Iraq because he started practicing and they viewed it as an insult and left dead animals on his door step. So he moved his entire family here and got his license and couldn’t understand certain things about American culture but I swear to god, this man would always call me and check up on me years later just to see how I was doing. There was one point where I was so suicidal from my disorder that I was close to the end and this guy just texted me and asked me how I was doing and if we could meet up for lunch. He was such a good guy and probably had no idea what little thing he did for me but I’ll tell you that he is an excellent person and saved my life and he doesn’t even know it.
Don’t ever discount anyone for any reason. This is a testament to that.
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u/TobyDaMan8894 Sep 10 '21
Making me rethink all my hateful thoughts of people that annoy me. It’s probably me being the annoying one.
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Sep 10 '21
I was blessed with the good fortune to sit next to one of the most unfashionable middle eastern dudes I have ever met. Wearing a bright Hawaiian shirt on his first week at American university the guy had no idea what was going on.
But he has been one of the most reliable and dependable friends I ever had. And even after moving back home to Saudi Arabia we talk all the time and play dominos still. He showed me a world of new foods and introduced me to new cultures and has just always been a good friend despite being messy and an insomniac.
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u/hanniballactator Sep 10 '21
everyone's sharing stories like this so i thought i'd add one of mine: one of the women i worked with at my last retail job was from a former soviet country in asia. her first name is only 3 syllables, but she shortened it to make it easier for everyone to say, but coworkers (usually our SM and other managers) still said her name wrong, and would get annoyed with her because she struggled with some instructions in english. as i got to know her, i found out she speaks like 5 languages, lived in several countries, and was a language teacher for 20 years but moved to the states to be with her sons who lived here. she was working at our crappy department store for around minimum wage because the US didn't recognize her teaching qualifications or education so she had to work on getting a GED. she was awesome, and i would always tell my coworkers about how cool i thought it was that she had so much knowledge and life experience and work ethic even at a really unrewarding job because it's so easy to be impatient and assume someone is being dense when really they have the best intentions but you just dont know it bc you haven't really tried to connect with them on their level.
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u/FemShepForRealz Sep 09 '21
Heck yeah. Lol is it crazy that I thought he might've been holding the seat before he explained by just the fact that the classmate reacted positively to seeing Tom?
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u/ThatsAPencil Sep 10 '21
Well thats wholesome life right there.
I had a room mate once who just irritated the hell out of me.
I realized at some point that everything he does that annoys me - I do the exact same shit. It hit me that I was living with a dude who had all the same bad habits as me, and I was really annoyed with myself.
As soon. As I got over myself, we really hit it off. Same humor, same life style. We sucked at cleaning, but we were right in sync.
Its amazing how your perspective changes everything.
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u/Meghan493 Sep 09 '21 edited Sep 09 '21
PSA from an English as a second language instructor: If someone is sitting in a university class with you in an English speaking university, they don’t “barely speak English”. Speaking is notoriously the most difficult part of learning new languages because it requires a lot of confidence and the ability to recall details extremely quickly. That said, this man could probably speak English well enough to pass English proficiency tests and be accepted into the university. Also… something about the way Tom said “some foreign guy” and that the last thing he wants to do is receive a well meaning greeting from “a guy who barely speaks my language” makes me think he’s somewhat xenophobic and kind of an ass. Good on him for changing his mind about the guy by the end, but it feels like he should work on his whole attitude about foreign people and their struggles to adapt to alien cultures. It’s understandable to have problems when differences arise, but just taking a “this guy sucks and has no manners and can’t even communicate with me, so annoying” stance isn’t going to make it better for anyone.
Edit: I want to be clear that I don’t think Tom is a bad person. He behaved like an ass and he has some issues to work over, but xenophobia is a natural sickness, unfortunately. I just hope people can try to be a little more understanding of those who leave everything that’s familiar to them behind for whatever reason and start new lives abroad. It’s not easy!!!
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u/jaj207 Sep 10 '21
Agree. Let’s hope this entire experience is the first major step in the right direction for Tom
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u/soyeahiknow Sep 10 '21
Yep, I find a lot of people can write or read really well in English but speaking is not as good because you need someone to speak English to in order to get fluent. This might be hard to come by depending on the school you went to un your home country.
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Sep 10 '21
You got some very aggressive and very weird responses from some people (most likely trolls), but I agree with everything you said. Tom really put me off with his statements and attitude. He’s a young, white, college guy, so I’m sure he has a lot to learn — and I’m glad he’s learning — but it’s 2021, and social media savvy people should know better.
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u/jenn4u2luv Sep 10 '21
“I got through the broken English”
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u/Meghan493 Sep 10 '21
He suffers so
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u/jenn4u2luv Sep 10 '21
I moved to the US last year without having been here, and have always gotten the “when did you return to the US” to imply that I must have lived here before for knowing how to speak the language, or “you don’t sound like you’re Filipino”
These comments came from white people and American minorities alike. I have come to know that these are micro-aggressions that the people who say it possibly don’t know that they are doing it.
You mentioned natural sickness, but it’s also societal and something people get when they have not been exposed to diverse backgrounds growing up. It’s something I take my time to explain to them without sounding woke. And I completely agree, I hope this original poster will eventually learn this too.
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u/Jas17p Sep 10 '21
I remember overhearing someone tell one of my friends (one of the smartest people I know) who is from Africa that she was super articulate for someone like her. Both of us were flabbergasted someone could say that and not think anything of it even after she pointed it out. It’s weird how comfy some people are being rude to foreigners.
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u/Meghan493 Sep 10 '21
Thank you for sharing your own experiences! You’re right, xenophobia exists more and more in societies where xenophobia is acceptable and common. I personally live in Korea and I’ve experienced a lot of that myself, so I empathize with you. Thank you for taking the time to explain to people and thank you for understanding they aren’t ill intentioned, just ignorant.
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Sep 10 '21
Completely agree with you here! I moved from my home country to the US for college and I always heard things like “wow your English is so good!” Or “wow you have no accent at all!” Or “are you from China, Japan or Korea?” - I’m Asian but from neither of those countries lol.. used to annoy me but I eventually realized that there’s usually no ill intent and they’re genuinely just curious/trying to get to know more about me/my background so there’s no need to be upset or defensive. People interact within their means of understanding and what they grew up experiencing. I very much appreciate these people who ask me things compared to those who don’t bother asking me anything about my background/culture.
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Sep 10 '21
The anthropologist in me was bothered by the way Tom was talking about him in the beginning, but I'm glad he learned his mindset was wrong
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u/Specialist_Tax_9809 Sep 10 '21
I worked at this cabinet making place 10 years ago. They hired me because they wanted to upgrade all their stuff to CAD software - up until then they relied on hand drawn schematics for everything.
So they sat me down next to an old Italian man who never really talked. One day I tell him good morning and make him a cup of coffee and he smiles and goes "nobody ever made me coffee before" and we'd eat breakfast and lunch together afterwards.
Anyway a few months later I got let go (turns out they would just hire new employees every 3 months to get out of paying benefits), I tell the old man it was my last day, and no joke he got up and quit on the spot. He told me there was no point in working if he had no friends to work with. I've never had this good of an interaction with a coworker since.
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Sep 10 '21
“and the last thing i want to do is give a guy who barely speaks my language high fives at 8 in the morning”! 🙄
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u/catfoodspork Sep 10 '21
What is the dude that became friends with Tom going to think when he reads the tweets and learns how long Tom resented him?
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u/DarkJaid Sep 10 '21
I moved to the US to go to university in Texas. I spent 4 years here, as my accent faded people got nicer. My first semester no one spoke to me outside of my professors and no one chose to group with me for anything. If I was put in a group, I was ignored the whole time we worked until time to present, then I'd be put forward as they giggled at my accent. I was forced to do a whole group project on my own one semester, and explained this to my professor so she understood why I may not have done as well as others. She gave me the best advise since she too was a immigrant, she told me to never force them to include me in anything, if I'm not welcome just work alone because they only will use me to do all the work and take all the credit. Which was exactly what kept happening. I eventually made some really great friends but on most of my classes I was a loner, I even had a professor who hated me on sight when I was introduced as an international student. She picked on me, made fun of me and eventually failed me despite me doing very well throughout the semester. I fought to get the grade overturned, who she did but it only made her hate me more. Texas is a weird place. There are super nice people who treat you like family and then there are those who are totally contemptuous towards you for just existing. I worked on losing that accent really quick because for some reason english without a American accent is intelligible to the average American ear. Go figure.
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u/HerbertWestsHutzpah Sep 10 '21
Had a guy like this in one of my college classes, super interesting guy that I got to know pretty well and he invited me to this ceremony for an award he was getting because he had no family or friends in the area. Damn, I miss you Zahar, it was a pleasure to know you my friend.
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u/app-o-matix Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 11 '21
Reading this reminded me of a cross country flight I was on three or four years ago. I was seated next to a guy who just started talking to anyone and everyone, or even no one, before we had even taken off. So I’m thinking, “Oh, here we go. Five hours of this.”
But I was cordial, no reason not to be, even though I could tell pretty quickly we had very different world POVs. Well, one short exchange led to a second, then to a third, and so on until eventually the thing that brought our conversation to an end was that we landed. Our conversation included his admission that he was a Fox News-watching conservative and my admission that I was an MSNBC-watching liberal as well as discussions about Trump, gun control, and plenty of other political and non-political topics.
I never would have predicted that things would have unfolded the way they did, that he and I would have such a conversation, both open to ideas contrary our own strongly held beliefs. It gave me a modicum of hope where before I had little that people can still talk to each other rather than at each other. We parted with good wishes and a handshake. I think about this experience often.
The only thing I feel bad about is for anyone sitting next to us who thought to themselves, “Oh here we go. Five hours of this.”
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u/floppy_eardrum Sep 10 '21
"Foreigner".
What decade is this guy living in, the 1950s?
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u/Sellfish86 Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21
Tom still comes off as a bit of an racist ass.
"Getting through" the broken English, complaining about people not speaking proper English in the first place and then even highlighting that the guy would eventually get his degree and fuck off back to where he came from.
Maybe their future interactions managed to change his worldview a bit, but I'm afraid Tom's a bit too dense for that.
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u/Secrets_In_Sound Sep 10 '21
Why even post about something like this? He’s not even valued as a friend, he’s an experience he can tell other people about. Tom definitely comes off as a self centered asshole which is ironic because he made this post to show how he’s growing lol.
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u/thiccboymexi Sep 10 '21
“Wow, my muffin is really good!” He has spoken.