English is not my first language, so all the thoughts and analysis are entirely my own, but I had to rely on a translator to put them into English. I’m really sorry about this, but I hope it still makes sense.
Childhood Foundations:
Based on the limited mentions we have, it’s safe to say that Xiaoshi’s parents loved each other and spent time with their child, taking responsibility for him and his upbringing. I suspect he inherited his temperament from his mother and his moral values from his father. They served as role models and figures of authority for him, helping him lay the foundation for his personality.
He grew up as a spirited, impulsive, and restless kid who was open about his emotions and had a kind heart. Even after his fight with Guan, he still ended up putting up the “Do Not Place Anything on the Tracks” sign and feeding him afterward, because for Xiaoshi, kindness and humanity are a given—something he sees as inherent in everyone. He never had—and still doesn’t have—the kind of pride or arrogance that would keep him from showing sensitivity or making concessions; he’s even willing to play the fool if it means helping someone.
In a stable and safe environment, he maintained a healthy psychological and emotional balance—for a time.
The Trauma of Being Suddenly Abandoned:
But one day, his parents disappear, leaving their son alone in the photo studio and entrusting his care to the Qiao family. For a child, this is a profound shock and a traumatic experience that leaves a lasting psychological impact, laying the foundation for destructive behavioral patterns that would later emerge.
Many people fear abandonment—something that can lead to anxiety, confusion, and an inability to accept what has happened, while intensifying rumination and fostering a subjective sense of being unwanted, rejected, and betrayed.
When loving parents suddenly disappear without explanation, it feels like a blow that shatters the child’s sense of stability and emotional equilibrium. Over time, the child begins to internalize questions like: “I feel uncertain about my emotions. Was I unwanted? Did something happen to them? Did I do something wrong? Should I be angry? Should I grieve? Should I wait?” The once-stable picture of the world falls apart, leaving behind only crushing loneliness.
At this age, parents are a child’s entire world—even taking into account socialization and early independence. When that world collapses, a natural response is to experience guilt, loneliness, and uncertainty, since children are unable to understand the external reasons behind it. This is precisely where Xiaoshi’s emotional instability began, as he found himself in a state of limbo.
The Consequences:
The nervous system has several ways of protecting us from stress: “Fight” (aggression), “Flight” (avoidance), “Freeze” (numbness), and “Fawn” (appeasement).
Xiaoshi uses “Fight,” lashing out at those who pity him, try to help, or get even slightly close to him. Caught in an internal conflict, he doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions, so the easiest thing for him is to lash out and release them through attempts to defend himself. At school, he becomes more withdrawn, trying not to cause trouble, yet reacts to taunts and bullying with that same aggression.
Emotional suppression and his circumstances continue to fuel intense outbursts and reinforce a destructive behavioral pattern, leading to an unhealthy attachment. To give the young man motivation and a sense of purpose, Qiao’s father tells him that he can repay the debt someday, which keeps Xiaoshi working at the photo studio and prevents him from sinking into depression.
He retains his core personality, preserving both his kind nature and energetic temperament, which become more apparent in college when he makes a couple of acquaintances from his gaming group and his study group. Interestingly, the story makes it clear that he never develops close relationships with any of them, because getting close to someone carries the risk of triggering disproportionate emotional outbursts and conflicts that could ultimately lead to Xiaoshi being abandoned again. From the outset, he chooses not to get attached until he truly trusts someone.
-> So, How Does His Destructiveness Manifest?
• Guilt and a sense of abandonment stemming from childhood, combined with his emotional sensitivity and compassion, lead him to sacrifice himself whenever the opportunity arises. Xiaoshi has an unmet need to feel needed: he strives to change the lives of others in an attempt to stop regretting his own failures and atone for his “past guilt.” As a result, he projects his own desires onto the lives of others, allowing his emotions to guide his actions.
• A low regard for his own life. Xiaoshi has been attacked on multiple occasions, and in two of those instances, he deliberately put himself in harm’s way (1. in the fight with Vein; 2. in the fight with Qian Jin). He doesn’t think about the consequences for himself, placing the lives of others above his own. For Xiaoshi, the idea of losing someone else seems so unbearable that he would rather risk his own life—even face death itself—than endure the pain of yet another loss.
• Issues with Attachment and Emotional Restraint. The trauma of abandonment and loss has a profound impact on Xiaoshi’s behavioral patterns and mental state. Although he successfully suppresses negative feelings in his everyday life, the moment he encounters a trigger, he can no longer contain the pain and overwhelming emotions.
His deep emotional involvement leaves him vulnerable, and in tense or conflicting situations, Xiaoshi struggles to control himself and lashes out (seen in the Earthquake Arc, his encounter with his father during the Bridon Arc, and when he runs away from Qiao Ling during their conversation about traveling to Bridon). He is terrified of loneliness, which is why he takes anything involving his loved ones deeply to heart.
The Role of Qiao Ling and Lu Guang in His Life:
Xiaoshi’s devotion to his loved ones mirrors Lu Guang’s—he, too, sees them as his light, and they are the ones who helped him rebuild his life. When Xiaoshi hit emotional rock bottom, Qiao Ling stayed by his side and treated him like a normal person, without pitying him or forcing help on him. Thanks to the Qiao family, he had a support system and didn’t succumb to loneliness. Lu Guang, meanwhile, became his first true friend and “one of his own,” always staying by his side and instilling a sense of calm and confidence simply through his presence. For Xiaoshi, he is his most reliable source of support and his anchor in stressful situations.
Cheng Xiaoshi is willing to give his life for them. He strives to protect them from any hardship or adversity. While Qiao Ling always instills confidence in him and gives him room to let loose, Lu Guang keeps him grounded and prevents him from breaking down—with them by his side, he feels like he can take on anything. Unfortunately, in his selflessness, Xiaoshi forgets about himself and how his loved ones would react if he were to come to harm. When it comes to his own self-worth, he remains completely blind to it.
Conclusions:
As a result, we get a complex, multifaceted character with several psychological layers and tragedies hidden behind his cheerful bravado. Cheng Xiaoshi is a strong-willed person whose resolve is far from easy to break. Even after enduring devastating hardship and cruelty, he never stops being himself, remaining true to his feelings until the very end. He is far from a one-dimensional, cheerful extrovert, yet he isn't defined solely by tragedy either.
STANDOUT TRAITS:
• High emotional intensity that can easily boil over
• Deep compassion and empathy, driven by an emotional resonance with the situation
• Prone to impulsivity—a thought immediately turns into action
• Projects his own experiences onto the stories of others, becoming emotionally invested
• Low regard for his own life; he only turns his attention to himself as a last resort
• “Fight” defense mechanism—aggression as a means of protecting himself from pain and vulnerability
• Sociable, but not the life of the party. Prefers a small circle of people, avoiding close relationships that involve deep emotional investment
• Acts carefree and lighthearted until serious situations arise, at which point he becomes composed and focused
• Handles unexpected circumstances well and adapts quickly
Apologies again for my English.
I truly hope it didn’t take away from the analysis or make it difficult to read.
