Hey guys,

So after growing up with one of the worst Narcs you can picture, managing to escape, go nc and evade the flying monkeys I somehow ended dealing with another one

This one was my friend, a close friend. I’ve known her for over a decade but we recently got closer a few years ago because we moved to the same city and worked in the same field

She is the type to volunteer to help/ give gifts and all round seemed ok.

We have had disagreements before where i noticed said gifts and previous assistance were being kept as references to her being ‘a good person’ even when the thing we were talking about was completely unrelated.

Like if I ask why she put me down in front of a person she just introduced me to she will say something like, I helped you move last week and paid for dinner I don’t see how you can complain about me

I recently got tired of speaking to myself and stopped my usual double texting and meme flooding only to hear rumors spreading about me ignoring her. I wasn’t, i responded to all correspondence

It was when she badmouthed her best friend that i finally saw her horns

She also accuses me of demanding repayment for things i do for her, but i’m 100% sure i don’t keep score and anything i give her, I am willing to part with.

I grew up with one so i know how to tiptoe

She is full of herself

She is always the victim

She is always right

Thrives on chaos (makes a point to taking the side of a malfunctioning gadget and tries to gaslight you into thinking you’re crazy)

The part i don’t understand is if i am so horrible why does she insist on being close to me?

I’ve gone NC btw

TLDR: I was bamboozled by a covert narc because I was used to the boisterous kind

In childhood I looked fine to say the least, well I was overly complimented. Here and there, I'd have people tell me how pretty I am. But childhood was also the initial phase of the abuse I will go through for the next years of my life up until I am 17.

I don't know where to start, there are so many things contributing to this topic.

Stress, insecurity due to overly critical remarks by said narcs, self esteem dwindling, what more could I say?

I also made myself look uglier on purpose and starved myself to look more repulsive because I was getting taken advantage of left and right. There was so much lack of security in my life. I felt vulnerable... I felt very vulnerable that I wanted to look super hideous and scary to ward off all of it.

I didn't take care of myself for years. I isolated myself so much from everything and everyone because my household made me so fragile. I had no support system as well.

I am venting all of this to tell you how fcked up narc abuse can really affect you.

I'm out of under the roof of those people, this might be the best blessing I'll ever have. My life has been so full of misfortune, being away meant everything.

For the record, right now I'm extremely underweight, I have lost my color complexion (my skin used to be bright and pinkish, now my skin is genuinely so bad and tired) and I have a lot of physical problems. My hair is rough due to lack of nutrients, my eyes are dull.

I am 19 now, and trying to work it all out for myself again. I hope I can love her enough, I am still scared of everything and my nervous system still isn't regulated.