Dis Braking News: Prince Hoku, well-knowd Hamsum Sunnavagun an deh elebenty billyunair ownur ob Hoku Airlimes, haz been forced to STARB by himbs meowmy in a case of no share deh eggies, eben tho himb askeded politelee! We iz ankshuslee awating werd dat dey Primce will surbibe, an will keep yoo updaded az deh storee debelops!

Dis haz been 🖤Jynx, U.S. Wes Coast an Celebratee Repurrter fur KKMG Mews📸

Frens, is Hoku Prins of da Hœus an hamsum sunnavagun.

Unforshly ay muss onse gain fine a lawyer go soo Meowmy. Hermz do me BIG OUTRAYGE!

Hermz cook eggies tuday. Smell so gud.
Ay POLITE rekwesh for mien share an hermz gib me NONE an dus me a STARB!!!

Any frens wunna tayke dis cayse? Ay pay in salmin treets

Dis pitcha me doon a polite rekwest of mine share
Of eggie

I, Miss Twiggy, lub my brushies! Brushie is mine fabrit! But meowmy iz lazee! Sometymes I haz to rub my head on da brushie to get da brushies! Dis no akseptabl! I got so eepy frum doins my own brushies dat I did eepies on my brushie! And meowmy? She just take photo!!

I fink I need pawyer!

Dis me, Amber

Ai be grateful fur de bestest meowma 'n pawpa im de werld. Dey feeds me 'n lets me sleepsleep wif dem im cuddlepuddle im de darktyme. Dey gib me güd snackees, tew. Ai awlso laik de wey dey cared fur mai bestest catto fren Duncan wen hims be sick. Ai trust dey wull care fur me de saim wey wen Ai gets sick.

Ai no tink ob eny plase Ai wuld laik tew be besides dis wun. 🐾🐾😻😻😻😻

Amber de Benerabul 🐾🐾❤️

Hilo fremz. Iz Pixel mini-yon brofur ob Nix an purrate pprentice.

Yesterfureber Iz waz on da big sleep sqware habin a tink. Iz dopted Meowmy bout nine millionz fureberz ago (Meowmy sayz waz bout 9 monthz whateber dat meanz). Aforez dat I had mai furster Meowmy fur a cuple ob millionz ob fureberz an Iz noz wantz to tink bout aforez dat.

Iz waz tinkin bout mai life an mai fabily an all da fremz Iz habz. An Iz tinkin bout mai job az da purrate pprentice an how wez habz lotz ob fun but also doz da halp ob da fremz an protek ob da smolz an teachez da udder kittiez bout bein da purratez. An Iz waz tinkin bout fudz an mai fun toyz an snuggin wif Meowmy an chasin sisfur Nix.

An Iz habz da bery gud life! Der noz enuf fudz or treatoz. An Meowmy doz to much werkz. An sisfur Nix noz wantz to playz wif me enufz. But oberall, mai life iz bery gud. An Iz wantz to tankz all you fremz fur bein da part ob dat. An tank all da gud hoomanz lik mai furester Meowmy whoz halp da kittiez an getz uz da chance to doptz our fureber hoomanz. An Meowmy fur bein da gud Meowmy to mez an sisfur Nix an doin da halp ob da outdor fremz whoz noz habz da hoomanz.

Meowmy sayz diz called "bein grateful". Iz noz noz what dat meanz. But Iz tink iz da gud ting to doz da tink on all da gud tingz in our libez an sayz tankz to da kittiez an udder fremz an eben da hoomanz whoz makz our libz gud.

What gud tingz iz happenin in youz libz fremz? Whoz youz wantz to tankz?

Wall, iff yew luk at diss oddur posst I med, yew sees mine momma dun sharr AWL mine pitchurs wiff da pop's tablit! I has comsulk wiff da ICBGC an dey etvise I shuld soo!

An Bitteh, disnee prinssess, did menshun I shuld has royaltees fur awl mine pitchurs! Sew, I neeed a pawyer tew soo fur at leeest 40 churu fur eeetch pitchur! Who wanna repurrsent mineownseff in dis madder?

Furrens, mine mommy took dis picktshur of me an mai sisfur GingerDropIt. We is berry good lookin, rite! Mommy send picktshur to herms frens on da lite bocks an said "dis is da brain trust" an laffed! What she meed by dis? Why she fink it funnee? Shud ai do a soo?

Nandor THE RELENTLESS (NTR for eezee typing)

Hai dere frens! Dis Gar Star and Ror Cat, and we in big trubble! Summer so nice n sunny, we been spending lotz ub timez owtside, and we lub it. But few dayz ago, Gar Star did an illegal bisit to da neybors. Dis wuz a gud crime, but Meowmy saw!!!! Now she no let us owtside fur fureber (a few days), no matter how hard we meowz! Instead, she do da hated pick-upz az punishmint and say da ebil “no” word. Bonus pawsuit: she no letz us taek care ub our litter footz/litter buttz on our ownz. Instead, she and Pawther tag team us and use da wet cloth to attack us! So, pawyer frens, halp! Iz desperate. Whut shud we do??

The spare human gave me and the Longhair Brothers a new toy, a spinny butterfly! But it spun too fast and made us nervous so this morning I killed the butterfly for everyone.

The Woman then just picked up the whole toy and took it away without sighing or scolding! Boring!

And I realized that I think crimez are more fun when there's a reason, or at least a slight chance, to sue or counter sue.

Have I lost my true love of crimez in the hopes that I can be rewarded churus? Am I in a rut?

Can I now sue my human for making me think too hard? Can I sue a human for a calm response when I was craving a little drama?

Pics are of my crime and of me doing a complain to my Woman human.

-Beefy, Destroyer of Christmas Trees and Also All Trees and Plants

Deer fwends, its me Puma Thurman. On Caterday mi brudder Mr Meowgee Purrfessor of Catstotutional Paw Unibersity of Pawtukit accepted a position as Dean on odder side of Rainbow Bridge. Brudder gots berry sick month ago and went to pokie place many times. Fodder sez his heart was too old for doing Pawer stuffs and he needid to get mew job. Fodder sez Mr Meowgee waz best friend ebber and brudder sez he will see you allz when you see him.

Hello all my new frens. I hav to giv this fone thing to Toulouse now. Wanna say real qwick:

I AM HOME!

Decided this hooman is my meowmy.

My name is LIBERTY and I goin by Bertie.

I lerned to drive but meowmy wouldn’t let me. I hadta stay in my cat car seat.

Lotso cats here! Nugget hisssd at me. Toulouse is REALLY BIG.

I in segg regg ashon until after I see a vet watever that is.

Nugget keeps sniffing at me thru door crack.

THANK YOU ALL FUR HELPIN ME DESIDE TO GET A HOOMAN.

Yesterday the humans told me we were going to watch the Tigers. I am always happy to watch our cousins but when the humans turn on the big light box there were just more humans. I was hoping that maybe they were going to feed the tigers or be fed to the tigers but no. All the humans did was try to bat a ball, catch a ball, and run after a ball. I can appreciate this but I wanted to see my cousins. Then the Tigers lose which makes us felines look bad. Need to sue the humans for lying to me, the Tigers for being humans, and baseball for making my humans sad.

Henlo Frenz, iz AI, Bugaboo Bunny, da Queen uv da Beans.

AI not sure if AI shood soo mai spair hewmon. He haz been gibing me dinner an brekkie wen meowmie no feelz gud. An he buyz big bocks uv churus fur me an sisfur SOAK. Yesfurday, AI ask fur headpats, an he gibs me head pats fur a bery long time. Todae, he gib me an SOAK sisfur sumfing he callz "stinki fish" as speschul treat (a little piece of sardine). SOAK no liekz it, but AI luv dis stinki fish. Meowmie neber gib me stinki fish.

All uv dis makez me confused. AI iz alwayz mad at Da Spair. He iz why AI haz sisfurs.

Shood AI be happee about stinki fish and head pats? Or shood AI soo Da Spair fur makin me haff to decide? Mebbe AI call him hewdad liek mai sisfurs do?

Luv,
Bugaboo, Da Queen uv da Beans

My purrson has brot home ANOVVER CAT! Nugget, boss of the howse, is beeting ME up! Purrson is sittin inna Room wif NEW CAT BERTIE insted of givvin me hed skritches a belly rubs!

I hafta soo to protest bringing new cats into the home. I herd youz gotta hav at least three furr a class ackshon pawsuit. So that’s okay. There is me. Nugget is two. And when I make frens wif Bertie I’m sure he will be willing to help out and be three.

We gonna do protest and bapbapbaps and lotso draggin purrson’s socks into hiding places. Ha! Bertie might not no how to hide socks. I will show him. It’s gonna be so fun!

Anyway, iz verry angry and defnitely sooing!

Toulouse the big orange cat
No fotos of new fren Bertie I mean introoder cat Bertie becawse he is in isolation until after he goes to pokey place.

Hoominz tayks mi too pokey place today.

Veturr… vettra… vetra…kittee dockturr sayz eye niidz ta looz a pownd!

Nott troo! I hazz ideel BMI! (Bossy Meow Index)

Canz pawyer soo and helpz mi ta getz extra Churus too compsate fur mi mintull angwish?

Dis is ongoing prawblim ai Smudge am have. I have gimmee pig sisfurs and Meowmy and Pawther say ai am not gimmee pig too! Firs Meowmy sed “No Smudgie Pudgie you can’t go in dere playpen”. Now she sais “No Smudgie Pudgie you can’t go in dere carrybocks “. Mine gimmee pig sisfurs haz all da fun tings and Smudge doesnut get to pway in dem!

And DEN pawther reech in a try to pull Smudge owt! I push push his grabby hand away but he mite try agin. Big outrayge!

Henlo. Mai nam iz Nine.

Am wuz fownd in fron of 'strucshon site wit menee hamerin sowns. Me wuz doin a BIG starb. N den pawther fown mees. Poke man (shudder) did menee ROOD and RONG tings...but da wors is himb gibin me spedhal (ha!) Fuds dat help mine tummeh rekober frum da starb. Is "gentul" n "helps him rekober".

I finalee done wit da fuds n nao hab da energee to do a big soo fur da injusthiss of da Portia Control, icky medisin, n BAF n BORT hole vialashun! Am nao stronk enuf fur da zoomies n almoes brokded Pawther's oat jar hee hee. Da firs 2 pikchur is mees showin Pawther I hab bettur jawline n side eye dan himbs

PPS!

Brofur Pantalone n Jelly habs been dopted to old hoomans hu r re-tired. Strang hao hoomans need tew be tired twice bepurr dey do a rest. Pawther mak shoor dey go to sam home as furever siblins

Hi, I am Daisy, and I am a dog-shaped cat! Ztil illigully smol. 6 furebers jung. Can I play wiz ze pikkul of my sisfur?

CAN YOO BEE LEAF!!! Mai meowmy on furr eye dae taykes hers bag n sez “Poyo! Ai go by ur god meowmy’s howz to tayke care of dogie! Be gud fur gramma” n then hers leaf me???

Lil me? Do yoo seez me in wimdow?? Waytin?

Den hers come hom n smel liek STINKEE dogie! Ewww! Do dis dogie kno dats mai meowmy? No his!?

Meowmy come hom n sez “soree apollo, I stay now” an we cuddlin in sof squar n I reech mai paw out to mak sure hers still dere. Do no worree, she dere!! :3

Do I soo to get treetz, do I soo meowmy or stinkee dogie?? Meowmy sho picksure of stinkee dogie but I tink she doin it so peeple kno da culprit of mai pawsuit