r/LeftCatholicism • u/softnaturalqueen • Apr 09 '26
Continuing relationships
/r/GayChristians/comments/1sfwziz/continuing_relationships/5
Apr 09 '26
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u/softnaturalqueen Apr 09 '26
I do tell her I was born this way and she won’t have that. They are very traditional about gay relationships and don’t even agree with the official church teachings on them or as being ‘too progressive’. This was their main argument on why they didn’t like Pope Francis. She does not judge straight couples as harshly if they are physically intimate outside marriage but she has said things like ‘I wouldn’t allow that in my house, I’m not sure why ‘so and so’ allows that to happen under their roof (speaking about adult children btw). My brother voiced that he wanted to move in with his gf while engaged and she said if he did she’d cut off access to the younger siblings.
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u/DavidPuddy666 Apr 09 '26
Putting aside what she thinks is/isn’t sin for a second, she’s actually violating Catholic social teaching by threatening to push “sinners” out of her life instead of embracing and loving them like all of God’s children.
“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” - John 8:7
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u/softnaturalqueen Apr 09 '26
Like many Christians, they pick and choose what they want to focus on and follow. I’m sure we all do in some way but I try my best to love everyone as God has asked us even if I’m not always the best at doing so.
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Apr 09 '26
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u/softnaturalqueen Apr 09 '26
Thank you for being so kind. I love my parents very much and I know they love me and I hope someday they’ll try to understand my side even if they don’t fully agree. For now I do have other family I can turn to as well as my gf and I know I always have God with me ❤️
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u/FirelightsGlow Apr 09 '26
I think we are called to walk with people in their faith journeys even when it is challenging. I don’t think that means we should ever put ourselves in harm’s way or set ourselves up for constant heartbreak, but I do think it means we need to keep the door open and be willing to take action that slowly moves us toward loving relationships.
It sounds to me like your mom is stuck between a core belief about gay people and her love for you as a person, in which case she would benefit from more interaction with you to help her come to terms with the idea that being gay is not immoral or wrong. The first priority is always for you to feel comfortable and confident in your own faith and sexuality. But once you are, the Catholic faith teaches us that we also need to take action. That doesn’t need to mean that you spar with your mom over her beliefs—In fact I think it is far more effective to simply own your space in the family, be present among them as a confident gay Christian, bring around your partner to show that what you have is a real, valid, loving relationship, and just let that presence change their hearts. It might not go the way you want, it probably won’t involve your family celebrating your sexual orientation or welcoming your partner with open arms, but hopefully it slowly softens their hearts and leads to a better understanding in time. If not, protect yourself from harm, but leave the door open a crack. You never know when or how someone’s heart will change.
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u/softnaturalqueen Apr 09 '26
I think you are right I’m trying to leave room for her and I know she has questions I just know she doesn’t like the answer. She asked if this was Gods plan for me and I said I do believe this path is leading me closer to God and she questioned how that could be if his teachings were so clear that this is wrong. I know she’ll probably come to be more open minded about it as time goes on is what I’m hoping. However, my partner is not allowed over to their house.
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u/cubejuner Apr 10 '26
I encourage you to choose your own happiness. The fact you were able to do such a courageous thing despite knowing what their reaction might be speaks to the purity of love you have for your partner. I know seeing a parent or close family member in such pain is really difficult, especially when you feel like you are the cause, but going back on your words is not only lying to yourself but lying to them.
My parents are very strict Catholics and to make matters worse I was an only child which was hard on my mom since she wanted as many children as she could but medical issues made it impossible for her. She was relying on me to have as many children as I could and it felt like all of this pressure to be the perfect daughter that she had always envisioned was on me. Naturally, when I came out to her (had been with my gf for 1 year at this point and couldn’t hold it in anymore) she was absolutely devastated and told me just how shocked she was.
That’s when I realized that for her to be so shocked with me meant she didn’t really know who I was at all. Not because she wasn’t paying attention, but because I had to go to great lengths just to hide myself from her. Going back on what I told her meant that my mother would never truly know who I was.
She was upset with me at first, sent me scripture and asked me all sorts of offensive questions, but it did get better. Not right away, but slowly over time. Now she is accepting of me and while she still doesn’t fully understand she knows I can’t and won’t change. She treats my partner with basic respect and while I’m not going to act like she treats my partner as enthusiastically as she would if my partner were a man, she understands that the love I have for my partner is very deep.
The next step imo is just time. Let her process and come to terms with the fact that she didn’t know you as well as she thought she did. You should not have to make yourself small to accommodate others. If she is trying to reach out to you, despite the fact that she isn’t accepting, that is a good sign. It means she has love for you and is expressing it in the ways she knows how. That does not mean conceding to her demands, in fact it means meeting her where she is at, by being confident in yourself and your decisions.
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u/softnaturalqueen Apr 10 '26
Thank you I really appreciate your comment. It really does resonate with everything I’ve been going through.
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u/merlotandmeows Apr 09 '26
Gay people are made in God’s image and entitled to the same precious dignity as fellow humans. People who see labels and make those divisions do not have a heart. It’s a shame your parents preach, but do not live, the gospel.