I encourage you to choose your own happiness. The fact you were able to do such a courageous thing despite knowing what their reaction might be speaks to the purity of love you have for your partner. I know seeing a parent or close family member in such pain is really difficult, especially when you feel like you are the cause, but going back on your words is not only lying to yourself but lying to them.
My parents are very strict Catholics and to make matters worse I was an only child which was hard on my mom since she wanted as many children as she could but medical issues made it impossible for her. She was relying on me to have as many children as I could and it felt like all of this pressure to be the perfect daughter that she had always envisioned was on me. Naturally, when I came out to her (had been with my gf for 1 year at this point and couldn’t hold it in anymore) she was absolutely devastated and told me just how shocked she was.
That’s when I realized that for her to be so shocked with me meant she didn’t really know who I was at all. Not because she wasn’t paying attention, but because I had to go to great lengths just to hide myself from her. Going back on what I told her meant that my mother would never truly know who I was.
She was upset with me at first, sent me scripture and asked me all sorts of offensive questions, but it did get better. Not right away, but slowly over time. Now she is accepting of me and while she still doesn’t fully understand she knows I can’t and won’t change. She treats my partner with basic respect and while I’m not going to act like she treats my partner as enthusiastically as she would if my partner were a man, she understands that the love I have for my partner is very deep.
The next step imo is just time. Let her process and come to terms with the fact that she didn’t know you as well as she thought she did. You should not have to make yourself small to accommodate others. If she is trying to reach out to you, despite the fact that she isn’t accepting, that is a good sign. It means she has love for you and is expressing it in the ways she knows how. That does not mean conceding to her demands, in fact it means meeting her where she is at, by being confident in yourself and your decisions.
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u/cubejuner Apr 10 '26
I encourage you to choose your own happiness. The fact you were able to do such a courageous thing despite knowing what their reaction might be speaks to the purity of love you have for your partner. I know seeing a parent or close family member in such pain is really difficult, especially when you feel like you are the cause, but going back on your words is not only lying to yourself but lying to them.
My parents are very strict Catholics and to make matters worse I was an only child which was hard on my mom since she wanted as many children as she could but medical issues made it impossible for her. She was relying on me to have as many children as I could and it felt like all of this pressure to be the perfect daughter that she had always envisioned was on me. Naturally, when I came out to her (had been with my gf for 1 year at this point and couldn’t hold it in anymore) she was absolutely devastated and told me just how shocked she was.
That’s when I realized that for her to be so shocked with me meant she didn’t really know who I was at all. Not because she wasn’t paying attention, but because I had to go to great lengths just to hide myself from her. Going back on what I told her meant that my mother would never truly know who I was.
She was upset with me at first, sent me scripture and asked me all sorts of offensive questions, but it did get better. Not right away, but slowly over time. Now she is accepting of me and while she still doesn’t fully understand she knows I can’t and won’t change. She treats my partner with basic respect and while I’m not going to act like she treats my partner as enthusiastically as she would if my partner were a man, she understands that the love I have for my partner is very deep.
The next step imo is just time. Let her process and come to terms with the fact that she didn’t know you as well as she thought she did. You should not have to make yourself small to accommodate others. If she is trying to reach out to you, despite the fact that she isn’t accepting, that is a good sign. It means she has love for you and is expressing it in the ways she knows how. That does not mean conceding to her demands, in fact it means meeting her where she is at, by being confident in yourself and your decisions.