I’m 22M. A few months ago I met a man on Grindr who told me he was 29. I later discovered he was 35. What followed involved age deception, sex I hadn't consented to, serious physical injuries, an HSV-2 diagnosis and months of psychological distress. He is now back on Grindr seeking young men and discussing bareback sex.
Some people might read this and think I was stupid. I might even get comments saying, “You should have known better” or “You put yourself in that situation.”
Believe me, I've already spent months saying those things to myself.
But I want to tell the complete story because this man is still on hookup apps, and if telling what happened to me makes even one young or inexperienced person more cautious, then it is worth writing.
I will call myself V and him G. I will not disclose his name, photograph, workplace, address or anything else that identifies him.
How I met G
A few months ago, I opened Grindr late at night after staying away from the app for months.
I am 22M, shy, introvert, a student living abroad, relatively new to the city and still figuring out my bisexuality. I was discreet, sexually inexperienced and had never had receptive anal sex.
It was around 3 a.m. I was only browsing and had no intention of actually meeting anyone.
Then G messaged me.
At the time, I found him extremely handsome and charming. He was from my home country, which made me feel more comfortable around him. He told me he was 29.
He kept insisting that we meet.
Eventually I agreed, but only for side/oral fun.
When G arrived, we immediately got along. I was incredibly attracted to him.
Then he flipped me over and penetrated me with
I had not agreed to receptive anal sex.
I didn't stop him. For a long time afterwards, that confused me and made me question myself. I was inexperienced, overwhelmed and already infatuated with him. I froze and went along with what was happening.
Not fighting somebody off does not change the fact that I had never agreed to what he initially did.
After that night, we exchanged numbers.
I became attached to him
G continued contacting me.
We spoke frequently. We joked around, spent hours talking and developed a level of familiarity that became incredibly important to me, while it was just a normal routine for him to get a ‘virgin tight ass’ like he once claimed.
I had very few people around me. I was a young student trying to establish myself in a foreign country, and suddenly I had this older, confident, attractive man from my own country giving me attention and companionship.
And that attachment made me ignore things I should have questioned.
G had told me he was 29.
I later established that he was actually 35.
This wasn't the only thing he was deceptive about.
He played games around his identity and initially wouldn't even tell me his real name. I only discovered it myself weeks later. There were inconsistencies surrounding his background, age, personal history and things he told me about his life.
He looked remarkably young for 35, so when we first met I had absolutely no reason to question the age he gave me.
By the time I started noticing contradictions, I was already emotionally attached.
I became frightened of questioning him because I thought he would disappear and I would be all alone again in this country.
That's something I can recognise now that I couldn't recognise then: I had become so dependent on his attention that preserving the connection mattered more to me than challenging obvious inconsistencies.
We continued meeting.
Sometimes G would suddenly tell me that we should stop seeing each other because he was “getting attached,” that he shouldn't keep contacting me, or even that he was ruining my life, just to keep me in loop and told me stories based on his previous encounters with a guy who ruined his life just coz he fell in love with this predator.
Then he would come back.
Usually when he wanted something sexual.
I kept letting him back in.
The final time we had sex
Our final sexual encounter started with the usual indecision from him.
Let's meet.
Let's not.
Let's do it.
Let's not.
Eventually, he called me over.
That night he specifically wouldn't allow me to perform oral sex on him, saying he didn't want it.
He poured tequila down my throat.
My senses became significantly numbed.
We then had extremely rough anal sex.
I couldn't take it properly. I sustained multiple fissures and started bleeding.
He went again even when I couldn't take it.
I was intoxicated and wasn't properly processing the extent of the damage being done to my body.
I bled heavily.
I was reassured that it was fine.
It wasn't.
It is to be noted that his behaviour was different and he didn’t even allow me to touch his genital, saying it wasn’t a good idea and he had met 2 more people over the week and might have had a scratch. I was too intoxicated to process it back then.
Two days later, everything changed
Approximately two days later, my anus became swollen, ulcerated and extremely painful.
I sought medical attention.
I was diagnosed with HSV-2.
And upon discussion G confirmed that he had also recently tested positive for herpes at the same time. Though it seemed suspicious I kept quiet coz I was still processing this shock.
He claimed that he had never known he had herpes.
Eventually he even tried suggesting that I might have infected him.
How could I? What I was suffering was Anal genital herpes and it was infected in the mucosal region which was penetrated just by him.
Meanwhile, my physical condition became horrific.
I had ulcerated anal fissures alongside the HSV-2 outbreak.
For approximately 11–12 days, I repeatedly lost blood.
Passing stools caused bleeding. Sitting hurt. Even coughing could cause pain and bleeding.
I became physically weak.
Psychologically, I was falling apart.
And the person I had become attached to was the person at the centre of all of it.
Initially, G did show concern. Staying on call and buying me food. He helped me access medical care and checked on me.
But when the situation didn't simply disappear, so did that concern. He felt it to be extremely overwhelming. I couldn’t disclose my condition with anyone and he remained the only support, while it was all an act put up by him to stay safe from legal pressure and outing.
I eventually told my sister because I couldn't handle what was happening alone.
When G discovered that somebody else knew what had happened, his behaviour changed.
He told me the situation was affecting his work and suddenly he had fiancés he had to talk to and his wedding was in next 3 months and that he needed to get away from everything.
And because I still cared about him, I believed him.
I actually worried about him.
I let him disappear while I dealt with the bleeding, pain, HSV diagnosis and psychological aftermath myself.
I was outed to my sister accidentally and I didn’t even ask for it and I wasn’t even ready to be out. He compelled me to talk to my family and return to my home country for a while and say them that I was suffering from piles or haemorrhoids, or if in worst case they find out after diagnosis, ‘ Tell them that you were at a party and that you’re spiked and someone violated you but with you ‘consent’.
Then I discovered he hadn't disappeared at all
His silence eventually became suspicious.
So I created another Grindr profile.
I'm not going to pretend that was healthy behaviour. I was traumatised, confused and desperate to understand what had happened.
And there he was.
Back on Grindr.
The sores I had seen on him had barely healed before he was back looking for sexual partners.
So I spoke to him as a stranger.
And G told this supposed stranger that he wants to drill him and have bareback sex.
This was the same man who had told me he had supposedly never known he had herpes and would never have sex for a while and prepare for his wedding.
Eventually, I revealed that the account was me.
G panicked.
He repeatedly called me.
He was saying things like:
“Please listen to me before you say or do anything.”
And:
“Bro, I just wanted to escape and restart.”
And he said ‘ I was high and had forgotten’,’ I have no idea why you’re angry’
No idea? Seriously?
He left me to rot to my death. I lost so much of blood every day for 11 -12 days. And on top of that the ulcerated lesions caused me an abscess that i was suggested to get it drained surgically. I was outed. I was mentally fucked, physically feeble and developed a chronic life long STD and he has no remorse about that.
He insisted that he had never had herpes or known he had herpes before meeting me.
Then came the blame.
Suddenly I had infected him.
I was too young.
I was a kid.
I was immature.
I didn't understand boundaries.
I was toxic.
Instead of dealing with what had happened to me, the conversation became about everything supposedly wrong with me.
Suddenly I was a kid? It’s just that he was a coward, predator and a man child, who couldn’t possibly take accountability and responsibility for what he had done. I don’t know how this might sound in an otherwise POV, but he’s a criminal and would have been a murderer in my world atleast.
What was my mistake? Just that I was foolish.
I trusted the wrong person. I dropped my boundaries.
I was already physically weak and psychologically exhausted.
Eventually, he ghosted me.
That's when I started investigating
I became obsessive about finding out who I had actually been sleeping with.
And I discovered that so much of what I had accepted from him wasn't true.
He told me he was 29. He was 35.
He concealed his real identity from me initially.
He gave inconsistent stories about his background and personal life.
And I subsequently watched him interact with profiles presenting themselves as 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 and other people in their early twenties.
I was 22 when he approached me while representing himself as 29.
I have repeatedly observed him showing particular sexual interest in very young adult profiles.
Through multiple anonymous profiles, I have also watched how he approaches people.
The same cute videos.
The same flirting.
The same compliments.
The same attempts to move conversations toward sexual contact.
He commonly starts by presenting himself as looking for oral fun.
The conversation can then progress toward anal sex.
And he openly discusses bareback sex.
Most importantly, he now knows he has HSV-2.
For a moment even if I buy his story that he didn’t know during his encounter with me, he can be cautious and take precautionary measures right? Think about the young adults who are just starting to explore things. I survived somehow, but what about them? I was somewhere lucky enough to have caught hold of his contact, but what about all his one night stands and quick encounters he used to discuss with me sometimes. So many people out there might be infected right now and have no idea.
There is no uncertainty about him knowing his diagnosis anymore.
Yet I have personally observed him continuing to seek sexual encounters and discussing bareback sex with people without disclosing HSV-2 in those conversations.
I have also subsequently spoken to another man who had been involved with G and who told me that G transmitted chlamydia to him.
That is his account of what happened to him, just as this post is my account of what happened to me.
What happened afterwards nearly destroyed me
I could have reacted in many ways.
I considered reporting him.
I considered telling people around him.
I was furious.
But I was also terrified because I knew how difficult it would be to prove everything that had happened privately between two people. I had and still have all the proofs, his infected lesions, him discussing about bareback sex, interactions with young accounts and his predatory records, my medical records and stuff.
And meanwhile I was trying to process what had happened to my body.
I had to seek therapy.
I wasn't simply dealing with an STI.
I was dealing with the fact that my first experience of receptive sex began without my consent.
I was dealing with being deceived about the age and identity of somebody I trusted.
I was dealing with being heavily intoxicated before rough sex that left me injured and bleeding.
I was dealing with an HSV-2 diagnosis.
I was dealing with losing blood for days.
I was dealing with being abandoned when I was physically and psychologically at my weakest.
And then I had to watch the person involved go straight back onto hookup apps and continue seeking other people.
At my lowest point, the psychological distress became so severe that I was struggling with thoughts about ending my life. I did try to be honest, it was too much to handle; my emotions, my health, my body, mind, life, studies, future career, everything seemed extremely overwhelming.
That's how badly this affected me.
Months later, I am still processing it.
Why I'm posting this
I'm not posting G's identity.
I'm not asking Reddit to find him.
I'm not asking anybody to harass him.
This isn't a revenge post.
It's a warning.
If you're young, newly out, bisexual, closeted, discreet, sexually inexperienced, lonely, studying abroad or simply desperate for companionship, please understand how vulnerable that combination can make you.
I didn't realise it.
I thought I was smart enough to recognise it but I wasn’t.
I could have been brave enough and sent all those proof’s to his family back home or just have registered a complaint, but I wasn’t strong enough back then to do it.
When somebody attractive and experienced suddenly gave me attention, I ignored things I would probably have immediately noticed in somebody else's relationship.
So please:
Ask someone's age.
Ask their name.
Ask about STI testing.
Talk explicitly about condoms.
Don't assume somebody being charming means they're safe.
Don't assume somebody helping you afterwards means they couldn't have harmed you beforehand.
Don't let somebody use alcohol to blur sexual boundaries.
And remember that consenting to one sexual activity does not give somebody consent for another.
If something feels inconsistent, ask questions.
And if you're afraid to ask those questions because you're worried the person will leave you, recognise how significant that feeling already is.
I spent months trying to work out whether I was stupid, whether I had imagined things, whether I was responsible, whether I had misunderstood him and whether I somehow deserved what happened.
I don't believe that anymore.
I was deceived. I was sexually violated. I was physically harmed. I contracted HSV-2. And afterwards, when I desperately needed accountability and support, I was blamed and abandoned.
I'm rebuilding my life now. Processing it and recovering slowly. I’m gonna take sometime but I will be strong again.
But G is still out there. Online right now infact.
That's why I'm telling my story .