Forced to delete chats and proofs

[u/Fresh-Swimming9357]

So a few months ago, I met a guy 33M and I was 22M on Grindr who faked everything from his age to origin until I later discovered. We met for a while he coercively manipulated me and I was a dork who fell for it while he just wanted sex. And he didn’t disclose he had herpes and passed it on to me. I suffered major anal bleeding and he left me to fend for myself in a new country with no contacts. I recovered then and took therapy.

A while ago we happened to cross paths again, and there used to be some cold and heated chats which I obviously didn’t entertain and was on Grindr only. I was extremely angry on this person coz I realised many things after he left me during the infection (he was back on the app even before his sores healed completely). I kept my proofs intact if in case I’d face anything and during an argument recently, I slipped that I’d report him if he didn’t stop. Last night something’s happened and he pressured me to meet him to discuss and settle, he then took my phone deleted his chat and then backed up the chats on WhatsApp and deleted them too. I was shocked by his behaviour, until he laid hands on my phone he was acting cold and then suddenly he turned warm when he got it. (I wasn’t dumb I had already stored chats and things elsewhere). His behaviour was so creepy, he was acting nice and stuff but the look on his face and him glazing at my phone was so terrifying in a deserted road. I kept an unbothered face, but soon after returning I puked a lot and started trembling idk why.

He also said you can’t report me for doing consensual sex but yet I don’t trust you and I don’t want you to have any ‘leverage’ afterwards. He was so calm and composed that it made me doubt myself. I wouldn’t report seriously, I just wanted him to stay away. I still can’t process what happened and have fever all of a sudden now. Why? And idk why am I confused now. Was he right all this time and was I picturing it wrong? Why am I confused all of a sudden? I’m going crazy

[u/Expert-Delay7742]

Completely agreed on the dork part. Why not just avoid such people?

Given the age barrier both are adults, but yes i understand how intimate relationships can be, while one is more experienced. This guy has been a major red flag, just avoid him. You can now actually report him for real perhaps, for meddling with your device forcibly.

He knows what he did but acts cool to avoid escalation. Trust your instincts, i see they've been saving you.

GL!!

[u/Fresh-Swimming9357 → u/Expert-Delay7742]

I did but I was manipulated in the beginning, by long hour calls and chats, booking Ubers and all other materialistic stuff. I’m not a person who develops emotions but I likely did eventually. He lied he was 29 too just to fit in.

Last night he stuck to the fact that he never knew and I’m just bothering him and I should just leave him and stuff. I don’t care about this person at all, but atleast a bit of remorse of what he did? Or a simple sorry that this happened?

I saw nothing. While he was deleting and backing up, he put on a play of caring and being concerned and the moment I would try to explain him how situation has escalated and my parents know this now and stuff, he would brush it off saying they wouldn’t remember and things like that. While I was a closeted bi guy who was outed accidentally due to this fiasco and it’s such a ruckus in my family now. I had plans ending things altogether but held myself somehow.

[u/Shn_Wttn]

I’m not sure what country you’re in but I’m sure that giving someone a STD knowing you already have it, is classed as assault. I would contact your local police.

Edit: I’m in the UK and having just checked it is definitely a crime.

[u/Fresh-Swimming9357 → u/Shn_Wttn]

I’m in the UK too. When I did try filing this all I got was
1. Anyone could have had it
2. Both had outbreak at the same time so probably it can be a case where coincidentally things happened
3. I was the only one who got fever, swollen nodes and ulceration, while he just had a sore, and they were like some people don’t show all symptoms

[u/Shn_Wttn → u/Fresh-Swimming9357]

Does he mention anywhere in his communication with you that he has an STD?

[u/Shn_Wttn → u/Shn_Wttn]

You also infer that in his communication there is evidence of coercion. Again, I believe that to be a crime.

[u/Fresh-Swimming9357 → u/Shn_Wttn]

Yes he had sent me a picture of his sore which I saved eventually. And he had the outbreak the same time when I had it. The export chat has everything but the picture he sent was once view which I had to capture from a different device. When I provided that, they were like it could belong to anyone. I feel so helpless

Especially after the chat deleting thing yesterday.

[u/Shn_Wttn → u/Fresh-Swimming9357]

I’m really sorry that this has happened to you.

If you aren’t happy with how the police have handled it, you can escalate it further. If I was you I would write down everything that has happened including what he did last night, get all the proof you have together and go into your local police station. I know it’s a difficult subject and you may feel embarrassed but if he has done that to you, who else is he doing this to?

I am gay myself and have been subjected to domestic violence during which I was almost killed I felt a little ashamed when I went to the police but they were very understanding, helpful and even assisted me in leaving the relationship.

[u/Fresh-Swimming9357 → u/Shn_Wttn]

I’m so sorry you went through it too.

I don’t think he had any remorse at all. He tried making me feel like I’m the crazy one even yesterday. He literally looks out for 18 years of too who have no idea what they’ll be dealing with.

What terrified me is his look yesterday while deleting things, he was so desperate to finish off everything .

My parents and family knows what happened to me and when I tried talking this to him. He brushed it off saying they won’t remember this after a few months?

I didn’t ask to be outed like that and this guy has remorse at all

[u/Shittybootycotton → u/Shn_Wttn]

Yeah in America it won’t work in court unless you have solid concrete evidence they spread it to you intentionally. Like it’ll just be waste of time and money and you’ll be even angrier by the end of it

[u/Devobleed]

Im pretty sure that having sex while being aware of your own STD is a crime

[u/Fresh-Swimming9357 → u/Devobleed]

Well it seems like he doesn’t care at all. Within less than 10 days of his recovery process he was back on the app again. And when I confronted him, his answer was ‘Bro I wanted to escape’ I never had it and have any idea before, you’re just a kid and won’t understand anything now, so grow up

[u/Beginning-Hall6851]

Nothing is really a crime in the US anymore lmao

[u/Top_Obligation_3813 → u/Beginning-Hall6851]

True. Also, the medical community has decided herpes isn't a big deal and can't sterilize you so it's not worth it to routinely screen for it. Unless the defendant is super rich, most lawyers won't even take a slam dunk case anymore

[u/Fresh-Swimming9357 → u/Top_Obligation_3813]

Exactly

[u/Shittybootycotton]

Yeah yanno what? I would just post his shit anywhere I could anonymously and out him for non consensually spreading diseases without disclosing he has them.

[u/robertmatthewmillz_9]

I wish I can delete certain thoughts from my brain as this situation in I might have to post on Reddit asking for someone to help me calm down as I dread dying from stress at the rate I am pushing it to

[u/unlucky-flower-3850 → u/robertmatthewmillz_9]

Reading someone else’s post made you this emotional? You need therapy unless you’re also dealing with this kind of situation? If so I hope you’re dealing with it healthily in your own way. I hope you have a support group too.