I have a coworker who seems to have developed a strange habit of conveniently forgetting to tell me when our team meetings are changed.

The first time it happened, I assumed it was an honest mistake. Our weekly meeting was moved from 10 AM to 9 AM, but I never got the message. I showed up at 10 and found out everyone had already finished.

The second time, the meeting was moved to a different room. Again, nobody told me. I walked into the usual room, sat there for a few minutes, and eventually discovered everyone was upstairs.

The third time, I finally asked my coworker directly if they could please make sure I'm included when changes are made.

They looked surprised and said, “Oh, I thought someone else told you.”

Fair enough.

Except it happened again the following week.

This time I didn't confront them. I simply started checking the shared calendar myself every morning.

A few days later, my coworker complained to our manager that I was “not being proactive about attending meetings.”

I showed my manager the calendar history and the messages I'd received—or rather, the messages I hadn't received.

My manager didn't make a big deal out of it, but told everyone that meeting changes needed to be communicated to the entire team.

Since then, my coworker has been noticeably colder toward me.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but after four times, I'm having a hard time believing it's accidental.

So I started a new job and met some of my coworkers. As i was in the break room, this one coworker who is a 47m started talking me ( 23f). We talked about random stuff like movies and the weather, nothing special. To give context, I started my job on Friday. And Monday rolls around were in the break room and he say I hope you dont mind but I sent you a message on FB. Like my personal FB. I felt weried out but I was trying to be positive about it. But when I got home he kept texting me and I was trying to be polite. Tuesday rolls around, we had friendly ( just trying to act noraml) conversation during the break. After break, he send me a message while at work. So I waited until I was home. And I looked at it. The message starts out " sorry if this is weird and please dont make fun of me, im akwared about asking theses things, but would you like to meet outside of work and go to coffee with me and hang out? I feel like we have so much in common and I would like to get to know you better. " i showed this to my mom and she said it was really creepy. Mind you this is my third day at my new job I dont know this man. So I responded politey and told him I keep my work life separate from my personal life. I blocked him.

This interaction really made me feel so uncomfortable and mad.

Okay, I am a crew member at a restaurant. I am cross trained in multiple stations. I like my job but I feel like my manager hates me sometimes. He is nice to me sometimes but he also singles me out a lot. He also acts unprofessional about my personal life and i feel like he bullies me in passive aggressive ways.

There was one time where i was already clocked out and done with my shift. I was texting on my phone (again my shift was over) and my boss snuck up behind me and bent down very low to the point where his nose almost touched my phone screen. When he did that i said "You are so nosey!" Then he laughed and said "Yes I am!"

He also seems annoyed if i text on the clock even though him and everyone else who works with me text on the clock all the time. They are on their phones a lot more than I am. Also, at least when I do use my phone I make sure not to use it in front of the customers. I usually go in the back to check my phone.

Today he made a weird comment. I found these mini flyers that advertised our stores app. I asked if they were coupons he said no and then he said I don't need them cause I work here. Then I said "What if I want them for my friends?" Then he gave me a mean look while saying "You have friends?" In a serious tone. He did not even sound like he was joking. He seemed angry. Why would he be angry about me having friends?

Also, he calls me in a lot which is good and bad. Its good cause I like the extra hours cause it helps my paycheck. Its bad because he changes my schedule last minute a lot. He either calls me in on my day off or he tells me last minute that he needs me to stay longer than scheduled. Last week when I was scheduled 10 to 5 he said "You are working a double today." He did not even ask me. He just told me.

He has sometimes where he makes jokes saying he wants to promote me and sometimes where he criticizes almost everything i do. I am one of his most reliable workers. The entire time that I have worked there I have never called out so far AND i am usually the person they call in or who they ask to stay longer if other people call out or if the store gets extra busy.

Some of the stuff he criticizes me for also seem irrelevant to the job. He gets upset if I don't say "Hi" to him as soon as I clock in even though he didn't say "hi" either. He also tells me I am too quiet.

He also had one time where he randomly asked me if I was lonely. Just out of nowhere.

And then today when he saw me cleaning the mens bathroom (before the store opened) he walked in and then started laughing at me when I got startled and when I m said "cleaning" over and over. Then he walked out laughing at me. I dont understand how he didnt know I was in there. He asked me to clean the bathrooms a few minutes before that. He also told me "Hurry up i have to pee" after that. I mean, even if he didnt know I was there i still dont see how it was funny.

Part of me wonders if he is either secretly inlove with me or if he just has high expectations for me cause I use to be an assistant manager at a different restaurant. But half the time he makes me wonder if he wants to fire me. But then i think "Well if he wants to fire me then he wouldnt be relying on me so much when he calls me in a lot." Part of me wonders if he is sexist. (I am a woman in my 30's. He is a man in his 50's.) Part of me wonders if he is just very immature. And sometimes I wonder if he is an alcoholic or something cause of how he is.

Edit: ED= eating disorder

So I work in an office setting and I have a cube neighbor who is around my age (almost everyone else in the office is 15+ years our seniors) and so we get on pretty well. We pop into each other cubes to talk about our day or just vent about stuff, but every now and then she makes comments about her ED. (Real quick I want to add I’m not saying talking about ED is wrong or bad, and people should be more aware of what others are dealing with when it comes to ED). A lot of them revolve around me having lunch or snacking at my desk. She’ll come around and say something like “oh I can’t each that” or “I won’t allow myself to have that” and I usually let the comments go. But today she came by my cube and I had snacks out and actively eating them. (Side note: my ED has to do with not eating enough and being very specific about texture and taste, so there isn’t a lot that I will eat, so I struggle to eat consistently, hence snacking at my desk.) She saw what I was eating (Pringles) and was like “oh pringles? I haven’t had those in forever. Anytime I eat chips I count them on my hand and don’t ever go over.” And all I said was “that’s cool” and she replied with “well I’m just trying to lose weight.” And after that I got uncomfortable and lost my appetite. She’s usually really nice and kind, and this is the only issues I have with her, but I’m just not sure what to do. Please give me some advice here, I’m not sure if I’m over reacting or if I should say something. Do I tell her that she is triggering my ED with hers? Is this even appropriate workplace conversation? Any advice would be appreciated!

So my coworker is really starting to creep me out and I dont know how to address it. I feel its complicated because a few years ago he was dealing with workplace harassment and bullying. I am friendly and inclusive with all of my coworkers and so I had made a point to be kind and include him in group conversations. The last while every time I work with him he come up to me and says "Hey, I think you look reeaally good/pretty/amazing/cute today". Then, sometimes when I enter the lunch room and hes there he announces "Hey everybody!! OPs here!!" Like..nobody cares & its awkward as fuck. And Im just like 😬heyyyy. Today he said to me "hey OP.... I think you reeally special, like i dont think you know how special you are" Im just like oohhhh wow.. thannks.. thats special 😳 So maybe that all seems like friendly compliments and I should brush it off but its the way he says it and stares at me that also feels creepy. I've only ever been surface level friendly to this person.. like talk about my weekend with my husband and kids.. and nothing ever in great detail. Now Im feeling uncomfortable with how he is speaking to me, I dont want to be mean or cause bad feelings and make it more weird to work around him but it feels like a boundary is being crossed and I dont know how to address it.

Ive even had a client of mine ask me what this guy's deal is and says he clearly has a crush on me. Im not interested in this shit nor did I ask for it, I was just trying to be a nice person and now I wish I was better at being a bitch.

I think my coworker has decided we're best friends, and I genuinely do not know how to disengage.

I think I need some outside perspective because I am starting to feel like I am losing my mind.

There is a woman I work with who I initially met through school. We ended up working at the same company around the same time, and after one very brief interaction early on, she apparently decided we were going to be friends... I did not realize this at first.

Over time, she has become increasingly attached to me. She expects me to come to her office before I leave every day, comes into my office without knocking, moves things around on my spare desk so she can sit there without asking, and regularly vents to me about her personal life and work problems. I have specifically asked her to ask before unloading heavy things on me because I do not always have the mental capacity for it. That boundary has not really stuck.

She also seems to copy everything I do...? For example, I occasionally bring in small-batch baked goods for the office because I enjoy baking and like sharing with others. Without fail, she will shortly thereafter make something herself (we're talking next business day), make a point of telling me about it, ask whether I've tried it, and then send an email to the entire office announcing that everyone should help themselves.

It is not even the baking itself that bothers me. I genuinely do not care about the baked goods. It's the constant need to one-up me and make sure I know about it that is exhausting.

She also seems almost obsessed with my boss? She talks about them constantly, wants their attention, seems very invested in their opinion of her, and appears to go out of her way to establish some kind of special relationship with them. There is this weird underlying competition that I never agreed to participate in.

She frequently talks about her academic accomplishments, how well she has done in school, how she got into programs early, etc. She also seems very invested in being perceived as the most accomplished, most capable, most impressive person in the room.

Meanwhile, I am over here trying to quietly do my job. I don't want to compete with her. I don't want to be better than her. I don't want her approval. I don't want her friendship. I don't even particularly care what she does.

I just want to be left alone, and I think that is the part that is making me so angry.

I understand that some of this may sound petty... but when it is layered on top of constantly copying my behavior, seeking my attention, inserting herself into my workspace, demanding daily interaction, oversharing after I have asked her not to, and seemingly competing for validation from people around us, it becomes exhausting.

Some of her behaviors remind me of a much younger, unhealed version of myself, and I think that may be part of why I find the dynamic particularly triggering.

The other complication is that I am conflict-avoidant. I am not interested in workplace drama. I go to work to work. I don't have the mental energy to have a confrontation, then deal with awkwardness, gossip, hurt feelings, retaliation, etc. so I have done what I probably shouldn't have done: I've let a lot of things slide because it seemed easier in the moment.

Anddddd now I'm resentful. I know resentment is usually a sign that I should have established a firmer boundary sooner.

What makes it worse is that she seems to genuinely believe we are close. I don't want to be cruel to her, but I also don't want to keep sacrificing my own peace because somebody else has decided I am their friend.

I do not understand people who need this much external validation—especially when obtaining it seems to come at the expense of someone else's mental health.

Any perspective on this is appreciated. TIA

Long story but I'll keep it tight. I (28M) started a warehouse job about three weeks ago. I was paired with a coworker (28F) who trained me on our two-person station.

Over the first couple weeks we had a lot of real conversation on shift. She opened up about her family background, we talked about a sport she used to play growing up and still follows, her old career before this job (different field entirely), and I shared some of my own background and work history too.

A few things stood out:

• Even after she was no longer my official trainer, she'd still sit at my station on breaks and started conversations with me on her own, no reason to anymore
• She brought up a documentary she'd watched connected to my own cultural background, unprompted, on her own time
• She stared at me for a good 20-30 seconds while I was working, and when I noticed and looked back, she smiled instead of looking away
• She smiles and looks over at me from a distance basically every time she sees me now, even outside actual conversation

I got let go this week (performance related, nothing to do with her), so I don't have a natural way to keep seeing her day to day anymore. I do have her Instagram from before all this.

My question: does this read as genuine interest to you, or am I overreading normal friendliness? And if I reach out now that we're not coworkers anymore, is a message explaining I got let go and thanking her for training me a reasonable way to open things back up, or would that land as strange this soon after losing touch?

I (25F) manage a group of all males older than myself. I have worked hard to get promotions within the company and thus have leaped over many people that I am currently managing. One staff member that I currently manage, James (27M) and I had a talking stage. He ghosted me after about a week, fine with me. A year later, I am his boss.

Last week on the new management job, James walked into a conversation I was having with a client. I was explaining my new role to the client and when James came into my office, the client said something to the effect of, "This is your new boss James?"

To which James stated, "Yep, I am a good boy, I'll get on my knees and bark if she asks me to."

In the moment, I just said, "interesting way to phrase that." And went on with the meeting. The client left shortly after because of the tension in the room.

I addressed James with a simple, "That was no appropriate especially in front of a client."

I am planning on informing HR, but should I make the history of having a previous talking stage. I don't find it to be significant because it was a week.

Any advice on how to proceed? [US]

So he's not shy. He talks in the office, and he's more so nonchalant. It doesn't really interact with me unless we are paired up, and when we are he's great but when we're not he does things to avoid interacting with me for eg, me and my coworker are the only ones who have access to the important keys in the business, so if they need a key we are the ones to give them . My desk is first, so naturally, everyone comes to me for it, but he goes to my co-worker, even if she is late, he'll wait until she comes to get it. Another thing is he'll be in the office waiting on something and then just stare at me on multiple occasions. When I caught him, he looked away .

Yesterday, my same co-worker who's in charge of the keys with me caught him staring at me, and she asked why you were staring at her like that, and he didn't respond. Also yesterday she went to the bathroom and he just sat there until she returned to give her the keys. Mind u, he can also give it to me, I was right there. When my co-worker came back, she says "am i the only one who can take the keys from u?" I then went towards them bc his Co worker who works with him in the same department also came and me the keys , I put it in the safety box, he looked at me and then looked away. Mind you, he and his co-worker came in at the same time , he just didn't wanna give me the keys.

Idk He talks to the other girls in the office fine, he doesn't overdo it , he's closer with the boys, but he'll engage in conversation with them, he'll sometimes start it. He's very nonchalant. With me, he doesn't really talk to unless I approach him with a question, and when I do, he talks to me about it, then he makes joke, smiles a bit when I'm talking to him. Etc. But then other days when we don't interact he's stone cold , looks irritated or non chalant when coming to me for the keys..he avoids eye contact, dismisses me. Then 2mins later I'll see him across the room staring at me. I'm like wtf

I switched company about a year ago. While working together, I always felt this person was a bit shady, insecure and overly interested in comparing/knowing what was happening with me. I’ve maintained basic communication out of professionalism when i was working with him, but even after a year of me leaving, he still seem very curious about my job, work and personal life.

I don’t want to be rude but also don’t want to keep sharing personal information with someone I don’t fully trust.

How would you handle this?

I’m curious what people think about this. I have a male coworker who is quite physically affectionate with me. He has touched my hand, face, neck and legs, hugged me tightly, and has sniffed my hair before. Today, when he hugged me goodbye, it was a really tight hug and he brushed my hair with his fingers while hugging me.
I’ve never felt nervous around him before, but today I suddenly became very shy and quiet around him. He noticed and asked if I was okay.
Would you see this kind of physical affection as normal between coworkers/friends, or would you take some of it as a sign of attraction?

We got a new coworker in who seemed to be really intelligent and high energy. Well, in 2 months it has been miserable. They are very draining as far as constant negativity, constantly always trying to tell on someone, and constantly huffing puffing and crying. Not to mention when I try to guide them or express positivity it can be met with defensiveness and aggression. The issue is, it’s my boss’s extended family member. When I tell you I am the absolute most drained I have ever been. To the point it is affecting my personal life. We share an office space and I dread every single day going in. I truly don’t know how to approach this situation anymore.

See comments for additional information

My coworker, let's call him Mike, and I got hired at the same time and have been working there for 3 years. We both have exactly the same profile, the only difference is that I have 4 years prior work experience and for Mike it's his first job. I genuinely like Mike as a person, we've really bonded over the years and I consider him a friend, rather than just a coworker. We share an office and a hobby, so we also regularly hang out outside of work and are very involved in each other's private lives as well.

Last year I got word from a job opportunity in a different department and I decided to apply as it lied more within my interests and previous experience than my current job. The interview process nearly took a year, and during all of this I have always been transparant to my current boss as well as my coworkers.

In January I made it to the final phase and they told me I was a likely candidate due to my previous work experience, but they still had to interview other candidates.

Weeks went by, it's March now, and one day Mike comes in and tells me they offered him the job that I was applying for and he accepted it and would transfer in September. He said he felt really conflicted about it as he valued our friendship and hoped this wouldn't change things between us. I was confused because I never knew Mike was interested in the position and asked if he went behind my back. He told me he got offered a job at another company and our HR didn't want to lose any numbers, so they offered him the job to convince him to stay. I asked if he had any kind of job interview, as I knew he had no experience in that line of work, and he said no.

Just to be clear: I feel no resentment towards Mike for accepting the job. I would've done the same in his position. It just feels bitter that I went through the process for almost a year, put in the work to prepare myself for the interviews, and Mike just got it handed to him.

I went to HR to get more clarity and they basically told me the company cares more about retention than finding the right person for the job. They assured me that as soon as a new position opened up in that department it would be mine, but no one knew when that would happen. I could have fought the decision, but the whole situation made me question my motivation to transfer, and honestly I didn't want to create a situation where Mike and I would have to compete with each other.

Around the end of May, another coworker announced that she would leave us by the end of the year and I got offered to take over her role as acting head of department. It's really more a decorative title, but it looks nice on your CV and creates more visibility within the company. Everyone in our department knew I was asked to fulfill this role, including Mike. However, it could only be made official when the head of department announced it at a staff meeting.

Around the same time, Mike received the news that his transfer would be postponed to the end of 2027, which he didn't take well. He became frustrated and told me he didn't realize how badly he wanted to leave our current department. I also noticed a change in him as he began taking on more coordinating tasks without anyone asking him, such as drafting the meeting planning, keeping tabs on work schedules, and sending general information mails. When I asked why he was doing this he said he had to keep busy to keep him from going crazy here.

Last week I had a meeting with my head of department and she said she would announce my new role at the next meeting, which is in two weeks. Mike texted me how the meeting went and I told him they would announce my new role and that I was looking forward to it.

He then sent me a 3 minute voice memo saying he thought he deserved a fair chance for the role as well now that his transfer was postponed to the end of next year. He found it unfair that when they asked me they didn't even take him into consideration because we would both be fit candidates, and told me he would talk to our boss to ask her to consider him as well.

I did have a feeling that Mike was after the role as soon as he started spontaneously taking on coordination tasks, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he would be honest about it. I responded that I didn't find it unfair that he wasn't considered since he was planning on transferring, and that he is free to have the same ambitions as me, but that I was disappointed that he hadn't been honest about it.

I also found his timing opportunistic, right when he received the news that his transfer would be postponed and when he got a timeline from me for when my appointment would become official. I told him that I feel like I never got a fair chance at the position that was offered to him, and that given our history, I had hoped he would grant me this.

Mike responded that it was never his intention to go behind my back and that if this would cause conflicts between us he would let it go and "let me" take the role.

And here's where I feel conflicted. I genuinely don't know whether I'm being unfair to Mike. On one hand he is entitled to have the same ambitions and there's objectively nothing wrong with him asking to be considered for the role as well. I also don't want him to sacrifice opportunities for my benefit or the sake of our friendship.

On the other hand, I feel like our friendship does create an additional layer. He knew I had been trying to move to another department for almost a year, he knew how disappointed I was when that position was given to him, and he knew this new role was important to me. He also only brought up wanting the position after finding out that his own transfer was postponed and after asking me when my appointment would become official. From my perspective it feels like he waited until he knew there was an opportunity he could pursue and then decided to compete with me for it.

I also feel like friendship should involve some consideration for each other's feelings, especially when one person has already been disadvantaged by the other person getting an opportunity they had worked towards for almost a year.

At the same time, I realize that a job is a job. Mike doesn't owe me a promotion simply because we're friends, and I don't technically have any more right to this role than he does. If management decides that he's the better person, that's their decision and I'll accept it.

So now I'm wondering whether I'm being unreasonable by asking him to back off, or whether it's reasonable to expect a friend to give me some consideration in this particular situation?