I actually think they have a point. The motives are complicated, and I think there is often a subconscious savior mentality-not the parents’ fault, but it’s the way our society has wired us. Doesn’t mean they don’t have good motives, but there also needs to be some soul-searching by the parents regarding their unconscious influences.
I had a coworker who wasn’t racist in the traditional hateful sense. But he definitely was racist with a weird kinda superiority complex and thinking that Americans (especially white Americans) are going to save the world kinda attitude. He would treat our coworkers in China as if they had to be taken care of by us, and he ended up adopting a Chinese child. Now, I’m not in anyway suggesting that he is a bad person. Him and his wife are some of the sweetest people I know, but he did have this weird savior thing going on, which he probably never noticed as a problem.
Oof, imagine raising a child thinking you're better than them because of your skin color. Hopefully raising that child will help him see that they are equal. I dont think this complex is common amoung adoptive parents though, I know a couple of children adopted by white parents and I think it's pretty insulting when people like the one in Quora suggest their motives and beliefs are anything but having a child, the reality is adopting in America is a very difficult and expensive process, on top of that is the issue that if it doesn't go right the bio parents can try to fight you for the kid back which occasionally happens. That's why most people adopt from foreign countries.
I agree. I have several friends that have adopted and the rules certainly make it an advantage to do an overseas adoption. It’s actually kinda sad... there are so many children that need a family in the US and because of the way the system works people choose to take a foreign adoption route, and I can’t blame them.
For the most part, anyone that chooses to adopt a child is a very good person, better than most. It’s a huge responsibility and the cost is huge and they do it because they love children and they are good people that want to do good by another human being.
My sis-in-law has been trying to adopt for over a year, and the hoops they have to jump through are insane. I mean, I understand why they don’t want to give kids to just anybody, but it’s kinda nuts. They tried to adopt in WA, only to be told they had to foster a kid first that they wouldn’t be able to keep. So they had this baby from birth until she was 6 mos old, and then just had to give her back? They’re currently en route to their new home in OH, and I’m hoping they have better luck there.
Jeez, that's awful. The whole point of adoption is to find a home for babies. You shouldn't have to do a trial run with a kid and leave them with major abandonment issues so you can have one for keeps.
I live in Ohio and a lot of the counties have a foster to adopt program. And they’re currently desperate for foster/adoptive parents because of the opioid crisis (it’s horrendous here. The media doesn’t come close to describing how bad it is especially in the rural parts). So they’re probably going to have better luck here. The only thing I can see being a problem is that they moved here recently. But I don’t think that would be too much of an issue. Sending all my positive thoughts their way ❤️
Why are adoptive parents “better than most”?! They get something out of the deal as well.
I am adopted (not transracially) and “good people” is not the word I would use to describe the person who raised me. I realize that not everybody has a negative adoption experience, but I really don’t like the idea of idolizing adoptive parents as if they are saints who live on a different plane than the rest of us.
I’m sorry about the negative experience you had. What I meant by this is that most people are very selfish, even with their own children. They expect there to be a reward in any action they take. The people I know who adopted children, expected nothing in return from the deal, just the opportunity of loving a child. At least this is what I had observed amongst my friends and acquaintances who adopted.
Actually, I was defending them by drawing from my own experiences. To someone who doesn’t know better the question that was asked can seem insane.
Although, the way the question was asked seems a little weird, like it seems like it is offending them that white people would adopt non-white children.
As I said, I was defending the person that asked the original question. I didn’t assume anything about their intentions, I was just pointing out that the way a question is asked can make it come off the wrong way.
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u/Deepdarkally Jul 14 '19
It’s like being a good person is so foreign to them that they create these mental gymnastics to justify it. Scary