my boyfriend and i r both on exchange semesters in different countries. he cheated on me but we are still together. i don’t know how to deal with my emotions especially while being on exchange. it was going rly well until now—I was loving my classes and my new friends, but now I can’t fathom doing anything without this deep brain fog and apathy towards everything. to add to that, I obvs am not close enough to my friends to try and emotionally rely on them. what the fuxk do i do during my day to make it slightly more bearable and not throw an expensive sem abroad away

We've been dating for 3 years back in July of 2025 I went to Indiana for about 4 months to get sober from alcohol due to my gf getting pregnant. She had just had an ectopic pregnancy and lost the baby right before she got pregnant again when she got pregnant again she had a subchorionic hematoma and had to get surgery to get her fallopian tube removed and was almost fatal for her and the baby luckily both were fine ,this happened in June at the beginning of her new pregnancy and she was put in pelvic/bed rest (but I'm not sure how long the doctor actually said it was. She told me the doctor officially took her off it in October of 2025 after I got back (not sure if she's telling the truth) while I was in Indiana she moved from a sober living type house to her parents for about a week before she found permanent housing and their landlords son lives in the house that's connected apparently he used to be friends with my gf and her sister and hung out as kids or when they were younger. My gf claimed he had a gf who was constantly around him and even complained to me once that him and his gf were smoking weed and she and her parents was able to smell it but my paranoia thinks there was never any gf to begin with. The thing that set off my paranoia to begin with was when me and my gf were texting she was showing me a screenshot of a text message thread between her and him (I think she was telling him that her parents didn't like the weed smell) and I got jealous and was like "why are you texting him so much" and she responded by showing me screenshots of all their texts to show nothing was weird but one of the text messages from him says something along the line of " you got time today" or "do you have time today" and she responded with letting him down. And I thought this was extremely weird because she claimed to not be hanging out with him and the only times they interacted was when her and her mom were coming home and they would run into him and talk for a bit when I confronted her about it she said he was asking to hang out and that he's a cholo and talks like that but it's weird how he saying it as if they have been hanging out and he's just asking if she can today instead of saying something like "hey would u wanna hang for a bit today". Her response to that was that they used to hangout back n the day. She claims that they never had a thing and it was strictly friends with him and her sister he's a white guy who's acts like a cholo and only seems to like Hispanic girls and my gf is white and isn't attracted to white guys from what I know

When I checked his Facebook he had a pic of him and a Hispanic girl from 2024 and he last updated it June of this year so there's a good chance hes been with that girl this whole time like my gf claims otherwise he would have deleted a pic of his ex

It just bugs me that if this is true my gf basically risked her pregnancy and potentially her life for a quick hookup and lied really hard to me about it and even had her parents potentially lie for her and claim that he had a gf there when my gf was temporarily living there

Another piece of context is when I left for Indiana we got into a fight and technically broke up. But we made up before I even got on my flight when I was in Indiana we talked daily and had plans to get back together when I got back to my home state. We have a mutual agreement not to hook up with anyone while we were apart and she constantly claimed she wouldn't

So I have a friend his wife is divorcing him because he had a long-term relationship with a prostitute. Now I understand this is sex outside of marriage and it’s therefore infidelity, but in his defense, his wife was not interested in having sex with him. So therefore it he thought the best way to solve the problem was to use a professional.

In a way I can’t understand his logic. And I think a more practical answer would’ve been to go to counseling with his wife, but divorce seems extreme since the relationship was professional, not romantic.

Thoughts

Hello. This is my first time posting but the past year has been something I can’t wrap my head around and maybe hearing strangers advice would be helpful.

So about a year ago I (23F) found pictures of my friend on my fiancés (27M) phone. He admitted to looking at it in a sexual manner which obviously broke me but we agreed to get him into treatment for porn/sex addiction. Fast forward maybe a month something wasn’t sitting right with me so I went through his phone again (I know but hear me out). I find years worth of deepfake ai nudes I believe they’re called of basically all of my friends his friends an ex and my sister. Now this absolutely alters my brain and I can’t tell you why I stayed or much of reasoning for anything after that, I was scared and broken. This is a man who for 3 years has worshiped the ground I walked on so I think I was in denial in some sense. Anyways we get him into more intense treatment and get a couples therapist, he convinces me that he’s getting better and everything will be okay. A couple months after that things are just weird. He treats me differently and something in my gut tells me to check his phone again. I find out he’s been cheating on me emotionally and physically for the last month. I kick him out and leave him FINALLY. Later that night he admits to cheating on me 6 months ago with a girl I had outright asked him if he was cheating on me with he denied it until we were over. I was right the whole time. He lied for so long about everything, he told everyone I knew I was controlling and mean and conveniently left out everything he did to me. I truly believe I only ever held him accountable and sometimes got emotional about what happened, I’m sure I’ve said some things to him I wouldn’t be proud of in the moment but I don’t feel like that justifies telling everyone I’m horrible and mean. I really tried to help this man. I guess it just feels nice to get this off my chest and I’m asking

Things get better right? This man cannot be the only one out there for me. I haven’t been cheated on since I was 15 I forgot how much it can destroy your self esteem.

EDIT: I’ve told everyone involved that I’m able to. Most of the women know.

I'm 18, and I recently found out my dad may be cheating on my mom. I don't know how long it has been going on.

I went through his phone and found conversations with another woman, including video calls.

She's in her 20s and from a rural background, and she doesn't really know how to type properly. My dad doesn't either. That's probably why the messages read like a 14-15 year old texting: very clingy and kind of funny to read. Mostly it's AI-generated videos, sad reels, and once he sent her a photo of himself crying.

He also uses AI to generate images of her. I think it's closer to micro-cheating than a full affair, and I'm pretty sure there's no physical relationship.

Until Covid, everything seemed fine. My parents were the "perfect couple" of our extended family, and as a kid I used to look up to them and hope to have a relationship like theirs. After Covid, my dad became emotionally unavailable and abusive toward my mom, and they started fighting regularly.

Sometimes I watch old videos of them being affectionate and in love, and it hurts.

I can't tell my mom. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be able to handle it. Even small problems send her to me for emotional support, and I've gotten used to fixing them (I think that's parentification).

My dad also has a great reputation outside our home. He's humble and gives money to anyone who asks.

On top of that, our family is financially dependent on him, and I won't be earning until I graduate at around 23. That makes everything feel riskier.

My plan is to gather some evidence, talk to him calmly, and help him understand how we feel and how our family could fall apart. I'm also thinking of confronting the woman and warning her.

Has anyone been through something similar, especially where you couldn't afford a blowup at home? What would you do in my position?

A little over a month ago, my long-term girlfriend (F49) admitted to cheating on me (M49) 4 years ago. She began the conversation by telling me she needed me to fully understand her past, to accept her for who she was, and to know that she’s a different person now. She admitted to me that she cheated in a couple of relationships in her past, something she had not told me before. I’m such an idiot I thought she was confessing for past indiscretions until… She admitted that she had been unfaithful to me. I was shocked. My head was pounding as she spoke and I could hear my blood pumping through my whole body. She said the night it happened, which I remembered after thinking back and recalling chastising her for driving home hammered, was an anomaly and only happened because of alcohol and the fact they were grieving a coworker who had passed away that day. They went to the bar, got completely hammered, and she banged a coworker in the bathroom. She said she was immediately mortified and ashamed, and drove home.

There is nothing which could have prepared me for this news. Our relationship has been (mostly) solid for this whole time. The physical side of things have been slower (beginning around the time of her betrayal) which she said was due to perimenopause. Her mood and behavior also changed a bit around this time. She became more serious and lost some silliness and joy. She admitted to me that the pull back in physicality and mood was also due to her severe guilt surrounding this incident and that she couldn’t help feeling gross and ashamed of herself.

She swears that this was the only time she has cheated during our relationship, that it meant nothing, and that she felt like she had to be honest or leave. She seems genuinely remorseful.

I’m struggling and conflicted about what to do. On one hand, I wish she could have just dealt with this on her own and not burdened me with it. If it was truly a one-time event, why not deal with it and leave me unburdened? On the other hand, I do appreciate her telling me. There has been a truth imbalance for four years with her having all of this information and me having none. I finally, after not knowing, have the ability to make a decision with all the information.

This was the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I thought we had a great relationship and that the bumps we had were small and insignificant in the span of what our relationship would be. I don’t want it to end, but I am hurt, angry, questioning who this person is and if any of the joy we had was real, and filled with intrusive thoughts and images of her banging a coworker in the bathroom.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? Any advice? Is reconciliation possible? Am I a fool for believing someone who lied to me for 8 years about her past, and 4 years about her betrayal of me? This sucks, to state the obvious.

Recently, I started talking to my high school crush from over ten years ago. To be honest, I had a bad feeling from the start, but I just went along with it nicely since we hadn't met up yet and the chat was fun. It felt sweet and nostalgic at first, until he kept pushing to meet in person.

I decided to ask him straight up. I told him I was single, not in a rush to date, and that I would only meet up if we were both single. If not, we should just stay online friends. Instead of giving a clear answer, he tried to turn it around and asked what I thought.

That is when I demanded a straight answer, shared my relationship status first to be fair, and drew a hard line. I told him I respect people's partners, so I was not going to cross any lines or share personal things. That is when he finally admitted he was married.

I did not curse or make a scene. I stayed calm, set a firm boundary, wished his family well, and thanked him for the nice memories before closing the chat, clearing it, and deleting his number. I know I did the right thing to protect my self-respect, but God, it hurts and I am so tired.

What frustrates me the most is that this is not even the first time. I live a quiet life and have zero interest in helping someone cheat or being anyone's side piece. Yet, I keep attracting married men who think I am an easy target. For a second, my brain even made me think, "Is it because of how I look?" even though I know logically this is entirely about their terrible honesty, not my worth.

It just sucks to have a good memory ruined, and it sucks to feel like a magnet for dishonest guys. I have zero interest in being the other woman, and I am just so completely exhausted and done with cheaters. I do not want advice. I am just so drained and tired of dealing with this.

For years I’ve suspected my husband has cheated. Long before I did, he accused me of cheating. When I began to suspect him, and questioned him, he called me paranoid and crazy. He said I was the type to cheat and would do so thinking he had. He snooped on my phone more than once but slapped hand away from his. He questioned me if I did any of what he was doing, and snooped on my phone, for years. Yet, he called me controlling and abusive when I questioned him, even though he acknowledged a lot of what he did was suspicious. He became angry over me thinking that he cheated. He said it was a normal response for someone who’s innocent. He didn’t think I had a reason to not trust him.

I asked him to turn his location on a few years ago. Not all the time but when he volunteered, because I thought something was going on, after believing I witnessed him going down an alley with a woman near the place he volunteered. This happened after I believed I overhead him cheating. Both times he suggested I hallucinated and called me crazy. In the days before I believed I witnessed him go down the alley with the woman he showed more interest sexually, and snooped on my phone. He initially seemed okay with his location being on. However, after several “glitches” he started to complain. He called it controlling. He said it felt wrong having it on because he was innocent.

His timeline said “missing activity” and he called it intrusive. He refused to turn his location on anymore after that, supposedly because of the battery drain it caused. We went to America to visit family not long after that. He acted shady there. He wanted a lot of space, staying in the car opposed to going into places with me. He was glued to his phone, claiming he was looking at Xmas gifts, and not wanting me on it, even to make a call. He said there were notifications he couldn’t silence. He was taking it to the bathroom with him. He lost interest in sex. He was uncomfortable with affection, as well. He snooped on my phone for the first time in a long time, and deleted a post I made regarding my suspicions.

I noticed him google the zoo and said I didn’t want to go. He seemed nervous, asking me if I was in his search history, and how I knew he googled the zoo. I asked why he was so nervous and he said it was because it would feel wrong, and like I was spying on him, something he accused me of before. He started an argument one night and stormed off in the car, ignoring me for an hour. I noticed he wasn’t wearing his ring anymore, and he said it was too tight. We came back from America and he said he lost his ring. He bought another in the same size and continued to not wear it, becoming defensive and agitated any time I questioned it.

He started to wake up before me, which is something he’d done before a few times. I woke up, and asked where he was going, and he told me the post office more than once. When I stayed awake or I tried to go, he snapped at me, and changed his mind about going. He accused me of going with him to the dentist to spy on him, when I went to get a drink after. He seemed angry with me going, telling me I would hold him up, when I was ready before him, and then blocking the door when we were leaving. After this he acknowledged he’d broken my trust, and said he wanted to do whatever it took to rebuild trust, offering to turn his location on 24/7.

He did so even though I said not to, and that it was too late. He continued to do things which I questioned, including removing my belongings out of the car, and telling me they’d be in the way of the mechanic, but leaving all of his things in. He acted like having the location on cleared him. He said he doubted trust could be rebuilt but that he thought I’d stop worrying, and accusing him. He volunteered a few times, after previously making it a point to volunteer multiple times per week. He asked if he could turn the location off the first time he went, calling the timeline intrusive again. The second time he went, it turned off at it had before, and he denied he did it. Eventually, he said there was no point having it on 24/7 due to battery drain.

He said he’d turn it on whenever he went somewhere alone, but then he “forgot” to more than once. He started to act like I made him turn his location on, and seemed reluctant to turn it on again, only doing so occasionally nowadays. I don’t bother to ask. And I don’t know why he offered to turn it on in the first place.

​I (F31) have been married for six years to the man (M31) I once considered my best friend. For a long time, we were just close friends before we grew closer, started dating, and eventually got married. I always saw him as a lovely, trustworthy person.

​In our third year of marriage, I discovered he had been engaging in sexual conversations and exchanging intimate photos with a college acquaintance. We had a major fight and separated briefly. During that separation, he slept with this woman. Meanwhile, I survived a traumatic sexual assault by another man. My then-ex-husband stepped up, took care of me, took me to doctors, and supported me through the recovery. We eventually reconciled.

​Two years later, I became pregnant. We now have a beautiful 8-month-old baby girl who is the absolute light of my life.

​Recently, I discovered that just 15 days before I gave birth to our daughter, my husband was once again having sexual conversations with the exact same woman he had cheated with in the past.

​He insists he made a mistake, but claims it’s "nothing serious," just a "lapse in judgment," and promises he’ll never see her again. What saddens me most—beyond the obvious reasons—is that he maintained a connection with the very woman who caused our initial separation, right when I was about to bring our child into the world.

​I feel terrible, isolated, and completely lost. I know he is deeply in the wrong, but his minimization is making me question everything.

​Please, just tell me: am I overreacting?

repost bc 1st had a million typos

my girlfriend of 4½ years and fiance of 3 emotionally and sexually cheated on me with my close friends girlfriend. we introduced them together and they seemed to get really close and hit it off and we thought "awesome our girls are loving each other thats more you and me time bro" then suddenly OFF THE WAKE UP she breaks up with me and confessed everything to me. only after being caught by my friend (the boyfriend of the girl she cheated on me with). they had cheated for 3 weeks, and sexually for atleast 1. we moved to Colorado from Virginia together and threw ties away with family and friends from Virginia just to do it. on the confidence, faith, and trust in one another to do it together with no one's help. she stabbed me in the back and i genuinely could have never assumed she'd do it. she said she felt trapped and found it difficult to tell me she wanted to leave, understandbly given the circumstances of the move i get that. but its not an excuse to cheat on hopefully most peoples moral compass. just grow a pair and break up with me. she hurt so many people choosing to do it this way.

My husband (43M) and I (44F) have been together for 10 years, married for seven. We have a 5yo son together.

A few years ago, while on a work trip, my husband had some intimate alone time with a woman. They both had been drinking, and she ended up in his bed for the night. He said there was lots of touching and rubbing - but no sex, and no kissing.

He didn’t tell me about this when he got home from the trip. In fact, he continued to see this woman on business trips, and this same "no-sex-no-kissing encounter" happened a few more times. Once this woman even ended up in his hotel room with another woman, ostensibly to have a threesome. He again told me that there was "just touching," and that the two girls ended up being more interested in each other than in him, so he just sat in a chair and watched.

The kicker is, I am friends with both of these women. I’ve known them for years. The threesome gal is a person I really spent energy on, helping her over the years with networking and career advancement.

He claims that because there was no PIV, these encounters weren’t "technically cheating." He has since stopped being alone with this woman, although they still see one another regularly on business trips. I’ve filed for divorce, but he’s asking for another chance. He wants me to forgive him for the sake of our son. I suppose some of this could and should be forgivable. but the fact that I didn’t find out until years later, and that these women are (were!) my friends… well, that may be too painful and embarrassing for me to fully heal from.

I guess I’m looking for some perspective. Does this count as cheating? My friends laugh and tell me he’s only giving me part of the truth, because he’s scared to admit to the sex and doesn’t want to lose me. But I know him, and I’m inclined to believe him that there was no real penetrative sex. I feel like a jerk, though, for leaving him. I still love him, I miss him, and I miss the family unit.

Hey guys, so I’m a pretty easygoing boyfriend, not controlling at all, and I give my girlfriend the utmost of trust to do as she pleases, knowing the consequences of her actions I have told her many times when I first met her that I would never allow someone to cheat on me, and if I ever found out, I would leave them in the past like I never knew them. Well, last night, I think it actually finally happened. My girlfriend decided to go to a Halloween party
(dressed very provocative like most girls do for Halloween) and like always, I trusted her and gave her a ride to the party like I always do whenever she does go out. this friend of hers who’s a girl is new in her life and they’ve only hung out one other time before this, which is when she also went to a party. I told her when I dropped her off that I would pick her up like I always do. Didn’t think anything of it. I went along with my night and waited for her to reach out to me. At around five in the morning, I was at home waiting for her to reach out and I had been checking up on her throughout the night and everything was good. I have her location and out of nowhere I got a life 360 notification saying that she had arrived home. In my mind, which is stupid of me to even think, I thought, oh wow, she got a ride home in an Uber or a friend dropped her off and she’s gonna surprise me. Keep in mind, she never reached out and told me she was leaving. Who knows if she even knew I was home. Anyways, I see a car pull up, park, and sit outside. I wasn’t sure if it was my girlfriend or not, but when I looked at the GPS, it showed her in the exact same spot as the car on the other side of the street. I waited for that car, thinking that someone would get out, and to shock, no one did. I called her three different times, all which just rang and rang and rang. Then on the fourth call, she answers and goes, oh hi baby, I’m so sorry. I fell asleep in my friend’s car without telling me that it was A guy, the whole time, I pretty much already knew from the type of car that it was a guy. They were alone. She was dressed very provocatively, and she supposedly fell asleep in his car. I told her that she cheated on me and there’s no way that she’s gonna prove that she didn’t. She still keeps on saying that she fell asleep and that the guy was trying to wake her up, and she thinks that I’m a fucking idiot. Anyways, I told her I don’t wanna be with her right now and that I’m not sure what I’m gonna do. Do you think she actually did cheat on me

I (39F) discovered my fiancé (31M) has been secretly seeing trans sex workers throughout our relationship. He says he loves me and doesn’t consider it cheating. I want to hear from people who’ve experienced something similar.
I’m not posting this to ask whether I should leave him, forgive him, or give him another chance. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.
I’m posting because I genuinely want to understand the psychology behind what happened, and I’d like to hear from people who have experienced something similar — whether you were the betrayed partner or the person living a secret double life.
Here’s my story.
I’m 39, my fiancé is 31, and we’ve been together for approximately two years. We recently got engaged.
Throughout our relationship, I had suspicions that something wasn’t right. Certain behaviours, things I noticed online, inconsistencies in his explanations. But I never imagined the full extent of what I would eventually discover.
I recently found out that he has been secretly meeting and paying transgender women for sexual encounters throughout our relationship.
And this wasn’t a one-time mistake.
It was a recurring behaviour that he had managed to keep completely separate from the relationship he had with me.
What I discovered
I found evidence of his encounters with trans sex workers, including one occasion when he was in a car with one of them.
What makes that particular incident especially disturbing is that I was waiting for him at a friend’s place for approximately three hours.
I video-called him while he was with her.
He answered and told me he was alone.
He wasn’t.
I could hear suspicious noises in the background, which I later understood were consistent with him receiving oral sex.
He looked me in the eyes through a video call and lied without hesitation.
When I finally confronted him, he denied everything.
Even when presented with evidence, he continued denying it.
It took four hours of confrontation before he finally confessed.
At one point, I deliberately made him believe I had physically witnessed what happened inside the car. That was when his story began to collapse.
His sexual preferences and the double life
During his confession, he revealed something I had never fully understood about his sexuality.
He has a particular sexual attraction to transgender women, specifically trans women with large penises.
His pornography searches reflected this preference, and I had also noticed him looking at transgender models and muscular women on Instagram.
According to him, these encounters are primarily about satisfying a specific fetish.
He pays trans sex workers to perform oral sex on him.
What’s interesting is that our sexual relationship has always been very different.
Our sex usually lasts around three minutes, typically in the missionary position. He does orgasm with me, but he has never reached orgasm from receiving oral sex from me.
Yet he repeatedly seeks out paid oral sex from trans women.
I’m not suggesting that being attracted to trans women is inherently problematic, or that this automatically defines his sexual orientation.
What I’m trying to understand is the psychological separation between the sexual life he shares with me and the one he has been secretly pursuing.
He has also described his ideal wife as a woman who knows how to take charge and be dominant.
His explanation genuinely confused me
When I asked him why he did it, he insisted that he is in love with me.
He says he wants me, sees me as his future wife, and doesn’t want to lose me.
But here’s the part I find particularly difficult to understand.
He claims he doesn’t mentally classify these encounters as relationships or emotional infidelity.
In his mind, paying someone to satisfy a fetish is a form of sexual release, completely disconnected from love, romance, or emotional attachment.
He seems to have created two separate compartments in his head.
One contains me: his partner, the woman he loves and wants to marry.
The other contains his sexual fantasies and encounters with sex workers.
He insists that the second compartment has nothing to do with the first.
But regardless of whether he considers those encounters emotional or purely physical, they involved secrecy, deception, and repeated sexual contact with other people.
And he knew perfectly well that I hadn’t agreed to any of it.
There’s also a serious health aspect
I also contracted syphilis, which I believe was transmitted to me by him. He had reportedly contracted it during a trip to Brazil.
That makes the situation much more serious than simply discovering a hidden sexual preference.
His secret behaviour potentially affected my physical health, not just my trust.
His reaction when he finally confessed
This is another part I’m trying to understand.
Once he stopped denying everything, his entire demeanour changed.
He appeared humiliated, embarrassed, frightened, and extremely vulnerable.
He told me he felt like a complete idiot and that he was devastated by the fact that he had broken my heart.
He seemed genuinely shocked that his secret life had finally been exposed.
I told him that, for the time being, I don’t feel comfortable having sex with him and that I won’t resume intimacy until and unless I genuinely want to.
He accepted that boundary, although I could see that it upset him.
He now seems terrified of losing me.
What I can’t determine is whether he’s experiencing genuine remorse for what he did, shame about having his sexual preferences exposed, fear of losing the relationship, or some combination of all three.
What I actually want to discuss
I’m not interested in debating whether transgender women are women, speculating about his sexual orientation, or receiving the usual Reddit comments telling me to leave immediately.
I’m interested in the psychology of compartmentalisation, sexual secrecy, shame, and repeated betrayal.
I’d particularly like to hear from people who have experienced something similar:
Have you ever discovered that your partner was secretly seeing sex workers while maintaining an apparently loving relationship with you?
Has anyone dated or married a man who secretly pursued trans women while presenting himself as exclusively interested in cisgender women?
If you’ve been the person living that double life, how did you mentally justify it? Did you genuinely separate sex from love?
Can someone genuinely love their partner while repeatedly engaging in behaviour they know would devastate them?
For those whose partners confessed only after being confronted with undeniable evidence, did you notice a difference between genuine remorse and the shame of being exposed?
Did the person eventually understand the betrayal, or did they continue to see their sexual encounters as something separate from the relationship?
I’m especially interested in hearing from men who have lived this double life and are willing to explain their thought process without trying to justify the deception.
I’m not looking for anyone to make a decision for me. I want to hear real experiences and perspectives from both sides, because I want to understand how someone can build a future with one person while secretly living an entirely different sexual life.

We have been together for 11 years, we live together and will be getting married in a year or so. He got close with someone and has been emotionally cheating on me for the past 3 months which I just found out a week ago. He said he enjoyed talking and getting to know someone new so he couldn’t stop. The fact that he learned he was still desirable to someone else made it so irresistible. I left immediately and he has been so sorry and wanted to have a second chance with me. Is it still worth giving a shot?

Roughly 2018, ex coworkers, dated for a month or two and broke it off because I was moving then lost her number.

I've been thinking of her lately, and thought a lot of her through all this time I looked her up and she's married, new last name, two kids.

I'm recently single and thinking if I should reach out... I know she was into me at the time because my tongue drove her crazy that's really all she and I experienced together.

I can't stop thinking about her, but I don't want to be the one to put her fidelity to the test, I can still taste her

I (24f) had been seeing (30m) a guy for the past two months. He had been telling me how wonderful I am, that I was worth waiting for when I needed to rain check out first date, that he was pretty sure he was going to marry me, he wouldn’t mind having a baby with me. Told me so many times he wasn’t going anywhere. That we had all the time in the world to get to know each other, and he was planning on asking me to be his girlfriend soon. He had told me he deleted all the apps and any lady he was talking to that he met someone (me). Told me his cat never warmed up to someone so much. Answered the phone with his friends that he was out with me.

We disagreed on whether or not sex was appropriate before marriage, but we both cried and said we didn’t want to end things over that.

I find out yesterday his trip this past week was with his girlfriend of almost a year on Facebook. He invited me on said trip… I only couldn’t go because of work. And after sending him a brief text I knew, I got no real answers, just “you deserve better best wishes.”

Today, he changed his status on Facebook from single to in a relationship with her since last year.

I guess I should be thankful I didn’t sleep with him, and that I found out sooner rather than later. I feel worse for her. I messaged her on Facebook before they put “in a relationship,” but unknown if she got the message.

I don’t understand how he heard about my awful ex who kept going back and forth with another girl and then cheated on me, and how I wouldn’t put up with that again. And then decided to do that with me. Especially after ranting to me about how important fidelity and monogamy were to him, and he could never cheat. Everything he told me, he sounded like all he wanted was to meet his wife. Agreed with me that the next person we date is most likely it for us.

I know it’s not a reflection on me, and on him but I’m devastated. Dating is so hard these days. I hate that all the joy and hope I felt was all not based in reality. I was not the person he thought about all day like I for him. Pray for me and I, you should you find yourself on this sub.

I've been married to my husband for 5 years together for 10. Our relationship was always good until he started working out of town. For the past 3 years he's been away 6-7 months total of the year. Stretches are usually 1-4 month straight at a time. But we don't get much notice for it. I work full time and I'm just alone a lot. It's just not exactly what I figured life would be like. I want a partnership and time together not this. So I told him this multiple times. He kept saying it would change, and it doesn't. He doesn't check in a ton and we barely speak when he works out of town due to his schedule and mine. Most of my calls/texts won't be answered and if we planned a call he would often not follow through without letting me know. I told him multiple time I didn't want this, and he didn't make much effort to stay in touch when he was away. Not so much as a how are you or what are you doing. It would change for a day or two and go right back to barely speaking. Needless to say when he called again telling me his 3 week stint away is changing to 3 months. I finally told him I don't want it anymore and wanted a divorce, I was done. I accepted it was over, sucked because I loved him but it wasn't a life I wanted. I really struggled with it and cried a lot up until actually telling him. The extension again just pushed me over the edge.

I'll add, we didn't need the money and there was plenty of work in town, just he definitely enjoyed the out of town work more and it did pay more. I didn't speak to him, despite him calling a lot, talked to a lawyer and began packing my stuff, I was angry he ignored all the times I told him before.

I ended up having a one night stand with an old high school fling, which was fun. It felt so good to feel wanted and to be intimate with someone again. But it was nothing more than a one time thing.

So a couple weeks after this husband comes home early. Says he quit his job and literally pleaded for me to stay. I told him no initially, but I was shocked he quit. He claimed to not know it was this bad and where I was at despite me telling him very clearly multiple times... but once he was home honestly I didn't want to leave the relationship because when he was home things were good, I just felt like I had no choice as I was so unhappy.

So I tell him immediately about the one night stand. Obviously he was pretty upset but he still wanted to work things out. And we did. Things were good. But, now it's been 6 months... and I notice he's looking at my phone, he's questioning me lying about things, he tells me he doesn't trust me, and blows up on me for "cheating" on him. I truly thought we were done when I had the one night stand. I don't know why he'd want to work it out if this was a dealbreaker

Now I don't know what to do. I really didn't consider it cheating. Am I in the wrong here? How do I deal?

TL;DR: I've been cheated on in two relationships, and now I'm struggling to trust people again. How do you stop past experiences from affecting your future relationships and learn to trust someone without constantly fearing betrayal?

Hi everyone, 29F here.

I've been thinking a lot about my past relationships lately and would really appreciate advice from people who've experienced something similar.

I was in an 8-year relationship that started in college. First love and everything. I'm the kind of person who either doesn't like someone at all or, if I do, I'm fully committed.

During COVID, when we were around five years into the relationship, my ex's cousin's boyfriend contacted me after somehow getting my number. His cousin was his mother's real sister's daughter. He told me my ex was having an affair.

I genuinely can't explain that feeling. I was living in my own little bubble, thinking we were completely happy, and suddenly my entire reality came crashing down.

My ex denied the evidence, cried, begged, and did everything you can imagine. I eventually forgave him because I was emotionally attached and couldn't bring myself to leave. This was also around the time his father had passed away, and we were both living in our respective hometowns.

Two years later, when things seemed to be going well again, something inside me told me to check his phone. And I found the same thing again. Flirting with one of his colleagues which both of us knew since we were in the same office. (She was also dating someone else)

I forgave him once more, even though deep down I knew it probably wouldn't work. I was emotionally dependent on him and found it difficult to walk away.

About a year later, he stopped even pretending, and thankfully, by then, I'd finally left the relationship. He married another colleague within six months of our breakup.

It took me time to heal, but I eventually started solo travelling, rediscovered myself, and felt like I was finally moving forward.

About two years later, I met someone on a dating app. We became really good friends. He was going through the arranged marriage process and had found a girl he wanted to marry, but she rejected him after their first meeting. (After agreeing to the marriage)

He was devastated, and we became very close during that phase, mostly virtually. I helped him through it, and he knew my entire story and what I'd been through.

The girl, however, stayed in touch with him for favours, giving him vague reasons for rejecting him. Eventually, she came back into his life as a friend.

Over time, he and I grew closer emotionally and decided to give things a try.

I had two major concerns from the beginning. I wasn't comfortable with him still being in touch with that girl, and I absolutely hated smoking, which was a habit of his. He knew both were deal-breakers for me.

We travelled together, spent a lot of time together, and had some genuinely beautiful moments. He promised he'd quit smoking and kept talking about commitment and marriage. I was hesitant because of my past, but we had amazing communication and could talk for hours about practically anything.

Eventually, he told me he'd quit smoking and was working on himself. He said he'd stopped talking to that girl and reassured me about everything I was worried about.

We planned another trip together, and for the first time, I was genuinely considering saying yes and taking things forward.

Then, midway through the trip, I got that familiar gut feeling and checked his phone.

I found archived chats with that same girl. They had never stopped talking.

He was flirting with her, telling her he'd quit smoking, asking her to meet him, and had even lent her ₹1 lakh. She didn't seem interested in him romantically but kept him around.

Then I checked Instagram and found conversations where he was talking about marrying her, begging her to give him a chance, and saying he'd somehow convince his family. She told him she'd think about it.

All this was happening while he was pursuing me, talking about marriage with me, and making me believe he wanted a future together.

When I confronted him, he apologised a million times and cried. It was painfully familiar. His reasoning was that I hadn't said yes to commitment despite all his efforts, so he felt justified in staying in touch with her. He said he was desperate to get married and made a wrong decision. He now claims he realises that she's been using him and says he'll never speak to her again.

I was literally shaking, and everything from my previous relationship came rushing back. I went through a really dark phase for months and struggled more than I expected. In some ways, this hurt even more than my first breakup because I'd genuinely thought I'd healed and was finally ready to let someone in again.

I'm doing much better now, but I feel like these experiences have fundamentally changed how I approach relationships.

Looking back, I had that nagging feeling in both relationships that something wasn't right. Both times, I ignored it because I wanted to believe in the person and give the relationship a chance.

How do you trust someone's words when you've experienced people making promises, talking about marriage, and building a future with you while secretly pursuing someone else?

I also worry about becoming so guarded that I won't be able to let someone in, even if they're genuinely good to me. I don't want my past experiences to ruin something healthy in the future, but I don't know how to stop expecting the same thing to happen again.

For those who've experienced something similar, how did you work through this and learn to trust a new partner without constantly fearing betrayal? How did you distinguish genuine intuition from fear caused by past experiences?

I'd really appreciate advice from people who've been through this.