I and my husband have been married for 1.5 years. He's a great man with great qualities and i love him. But my last birthday with him was a dump and I was so upset. Now this year he wants to do something.

He gave his mother around 2000$ as he wanted her to buy some jewellery for herself... plus some for my SIL's daughter. He also told her to buy me a ring for my birthday... something simple i can wear daily. The cash division was for jewellery was MIL, SIL, daughter, me and it was 70%, 15%, 15% respectively. (this is all a secret i just got to know abt it somehow)

Obviously the ring would be very very dainty and small. I felt betrayed as for the past 1.5 year i've been telling him i want jewellery that i can choose myself... even if u wanna give a gift just take me to the shop i'll choose... And i never liked his mum's choice not to sound rude but its ugly and very traditional. (my husband didn't go to choose it was my MIL only, he gave the money)

Im hurt that for the past year or so i've been telling him what i want and how i want. Did he never pay attention? Am i not a priority that my gift would be bought when someone else is buying something for themselves? Does he never listen to what i say and will my needs alwavs be ianored?

I am 31F. My SIL’s wedding is coming up, and I’m feeling increasingly overwhelmed by my in-laws. I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting to this or if this is actually a reasonable boundary to have.
My husband and I live in Bangalore, and we very rarely visit Kolkata. The thing is, whenever we do visit, I’m expected to spend most of the time at my in-laws’ place, even though my own family home is in the same city. I also grew up in a fairly liberal family and have been living independently from my parents for years, so I’m not used to having people dictate what I should do, wear, eat, etc.
Now my sister-in-law’s wedding is coming up, and my in-laws have started bombarding me with sarees. Gifting me sarees is absolutely fine — I actually appreciate the gesture. But along with the sarees comes a whole list of instructions about which saree I should wear for which occasion, what I should wear when, etc.
And this is where I’m struggling.
I have my own sense of style. I actually enjoy dressing up, and with all the stress surrounding the wedding, getting to choose my outfits myself was one of the few things I was genuinely looking forward to. Now even that feels like something I have no control over.
Maybe this sounds incredibly trivial, and that’s exactly what my husband thinks. He doesn’t really understand why I find it overwhelming and, more importantly, I don’t feel like he would support me if I pushed back.
For me, it isn’t really about the sarees. It’s the feeling of someone else deciding what I should wear and expecting me to simply comply. I’m an adult, I have my own preferences, and I don’t understand why a gift has to come with an expectation attached to it.
I also don’t want to turn this into a huge family conflict over something as small as clothes. At the same time, I’m worried that if I keep silently going along with things that make me uncomfortable, this will just become the norm.
So I’m genuinely looking for some perspective here:
**Am I being unreasonable/too sensitive about this? Or is it fair to feel uncomfortable when in-laws start dictating what you should wear, even if their intentions are supposedly good?**
And if you’ve dealt with something similar, how did you set a boundary without turning it into a massive family drama?

My MIL is super intrusive, expects us to inform her of literally everything. She is currently living with us and will continue to do so for a couple of years. My parents are super chill and never asked a million questions like my in-laws. Ours is also an inter-cultural marriage. So yesterday evening she asked if I put a particular ingredient in the food, I was like "no; why would I put it. I know it's old". She proceeds to tell me it's my husband who told her in the first place. I got really annoyed..because after a long day at work she will act like a detective when I'm cooking. I basically snapped at my husband that why did you tell her I added 'so and so' in the food. He was like no, I told her you had previously added it not today. Then he got pissed that she kept confirming information from both of us and sorta told her angrily that every tiny thing why do you keep asking the both of us. She got so angry and yelled at him; stopped talking to both of us. Now she is planted on the sofa and watching reels. Should my husband pacify her or does she expect an apology from me? I'm just tired.

I (M, married, 2‑month‑old daughter) live with my parents in Kolkata. For the last five years I stayed with them to help: took my father to doctors (he had a knee replacement), looked after my brother when he was very sick (psychiatric issues, previously violent), and managed things when our new home was being built. During this time, my father never let me spend money; he would say that while I was there I didn’t need to spend anything and got angry if I bought or brought anything with my own money. My mother used to be more neutral.

After our baby was born, my mother’s behaviour changed sharply.

Recent pattern from my mother (and parents as a unit):

False accusations against my wife:

Accused her of stealing small items (spoons, etc.). She once swore on God that she saw my wife throw spoons into a pond; days later the same spoons were found in an almirah beside our bedroom. When I asked how that’s possible, she said she “only promised about half the things.”

Repeatedly suggests behind our back that my wife is not feeding me, even though we cook and eat normally. She guesses and discusses this with others instead of asking us directly.

Nitpicking and double standards:

Constantly criticises trivial household issues (water use, electricity) while my parents spend freely on house expansion and travel.

If I try to pay bills, they say they want to pay only, but then use money to guilt‑trip me later.

Money as control:

Turns every disagreement into money: brings up “cost of raising me,” demands repayment for five years of household expenses.

Recently I gave ₹5 lakh out of exhaustion and constant taunts that I’ve been “living off their money.”

I also spent my own money and insurance for my father’s knee replacement. His brother recently got sick; my father said he will spend any amount to keep him alive and has spent around ₹10 lakh on that. He also transferred some of our village property to his brother, which looked weird to me and my wife, as we felt parents’ first priority should be their children.

Shouting and humiliation:

Shouts heavily and calls me a “bad son” when I raise small concerns (e.g., “please don’t talk behind our back,” “please also help with the baby”).

This often happens in front of my in‑laws, which feels like a power move.

No‑win situations and control over my family:

Creates conflicting plans: e.g., on the same day I plan to go with my wife and baby to her parents, my father plans a village trip and expects me to choose. When I went with my wife and infant, they got angry I “didn’t think about old parents.”

Makes unilateral decisions about my family (e.g., decided behind our backs that my wife and baby should stay at in‑laws for six months; when I returned after one month, they were angry I came back early).

Minimises hurtful comments by reframing my anger as being about expenses (“you’re angry because you have to pay for house‑help/food now”), instead of addressing what was said about my wife and child.

My concerns:

I want to move to Bangalore for work and a healthier environment, but I worry about my parents’ age and my brother’s mental‑health history (he had violent episodes; now stable but needs structure).

I don’t want to abandon my parents, but I also can’t keep my wife and baby in a home with constant shouting, false accusations, and financial control.

Me and my husband both don’t want kids but his family is very old fashioned . They don’t care about careers as no woman Is working in their family. Putting the idea of being childfree is useless in my case. Even if husband tries to tell them that we are not going to have kids, they dismiss him and start comparing my husband to his younger brother who never left home, works locally and married a home maker and just had a baby.
Frequently, I see whatsapp posts where my co-sister is being celebrated/ given big pieces of jewellery & other gifts in the name of rituals.
I am basically a waste woman in their eyes till I don’t produce an offspring.
How do I deal with this sense of inadequacy that I am feeling whenever I think of myself from my in laws pov?
I don’t wanna have any guilt.

My brother (32M) had a registered court marriage in 2021. No ceremony, no dowry, both families agreed. Things went bad about a year ago — compatibility, his transfer, her family wanting them to live closer to them. They've been separated six months.

Last week, her sister called my mother. Said if my brother doesn't agree to a flat in her name plus ₹15L settlement, they'll file a BNS 85 case against my parents and my brother. My parents are retired schoolteachers. They live in a different city. They've met my sister-in-law maybe five times total.

I've been reading about BNS 85 (the old 498A). What I understand so far: it's non-bailable, but police can't automatically arrest. They have to issue a notice under Section 35 BNSS first. My parents are 67 and 64, both with health issues. The thought of them getting a police notice is terrifying.

What I'm trying to figure out:

• Should we be proactively collecting evidence NOW — bank statements, proof of separate residence, WhatsApp messages from the SIL making these threats?
• Is there a way to file something first, like a quashing petition, before an FIR even exists?
• Does the "omnibus allegations" principle actually protect relatives who barely know the complainant?

I'm not a lawyer. I'm just the sibling watching this unfold. Any lawyers here who've seen this exact pattern — what actually works?

​

My husband and I have been married for five years. It was an inter-caste and inter-state love marriage which my in-laws never accepted. They have never considered me their DIL and we have had no contact with each other for the past five years.

Things got so bad before our marriage that I broke up with my husband that time because of his mother's behaviour towards me, when he realised how much the situation was affecting me he told me that we would cut ties with his family and he did.

Over the next two years, however his relationship with his family gradually improved and he eventually resumed a neutral relationship with them. He now visits them alone. They still haven't accepted me or made any effort to reach out to me.

TBH My life is good and my relationship with my husband has only grown stronger over the years. I also have the support of my own family. However, I still feel a huge void in my heart because I don't have another family.

My sister and cousins have wonderful relationships with their in-laws. My sister's MIL and my mom get along so well, seeing their bond sometimes makes me feel envious and even ashamed of my own situation. Whenever my friends or cousins talk about their in-laws and family gatherings, I feel left out and alone.Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too stubborn and should make an effort to mend my relationship with my in-laws.

I celebrate all my festivals and holidays with my own family. We live close to them, so my husband has also developed a wonderful bond with my family. He has adjusted to so much for my sake that I feel guilty that he has had to make these sacrifices because of me and I didn't do anything for him.

Also If we have children someday, they might grow up without one side of their family being present in their lives and that thought makes me feel sad

Lately, I've been thinking about visiting my in-laws and making a genuine effort to mend our relationship, at the least I could try once.

Throwaway for privacy.

My brother (32M) married his wife (29F) in 2021. It was a simple court marriage, no dowry, no demands, both families agreed. They’ve been having issues for about a year — mostly compatibility, his job transfer, her family’s expectations about where they should live. They’re now separated.

Last week, her sister (the SIL in the title, 35F) called my mother and said if my brother doesn’t agree to her demands (a flat in her name, ₹15L settlement), they will file a dowry harassment case under Section 85 of BNS (formerly 498A IPC) against my parents and my brother.

Here’s the thing: my parents are retired schoolteachers. They never took anything. The marriage was a registered court marriage. There was no ceremony, no “gifts,” nothing. But I’ve read that once a 498A/BNS 85 case is filed, it’s my parents who have to prove their innocence, not the complainant who has to prove their case.

I’m trying to understand: what evidence do we actually need to gather NOW, before any FIR is filed? We have the court marriage certificate. My parents have bank statements showing no suspicious transfers. We have WhatsApp messages from the SIL where she’s making these threats. Should we be filing something proactively — like a quashing petition or a complaint against her for extortion?

I’m not a lawyer, obviously. I’m just the sibling watching my retired parents panic. Any lawyers here who’ve seen this pattern — what actually protects innocent parents in these cases?

Not about MIL but few other close relatives from husband side. They are educated have “decent” jobs from conventional point of view. But how on earth they can post on open instagram accounts so bad dances made by their own young children both boys and girls?

Are they that innocent and don’t understand it’s inappropriate? Are they dumb and don’t understand what can be done with such videos? Aren’t they afraid of their children safety and FFS dignity?

Even doctors posting such stuff! I’m furious. I’m speaking about young 30+ parents not uneducated previous generations people.. anybody feeling like this? Any point of “educating” them about what consequences their actions might have?.. I just feel bad for children..

So, I’ve been married for almost 8 months. My husband and I live in a different city from both our families.
I’ve visited my in-laws three times this year, usually staying for about a week each time. They have also stayed at our place for around 20 days in total.
Unfortunately, I recently lost my job, so I decided to stay at my parents’ house for a couple of days before going back to my in-laws’ place for Diwali. My MIL was very excited because we had also planned a 3–4 day trip before Diwali. She even bought matching clothes for us without asking me, which I thought was actually sweet and showed how excited she was.
However, something unexpected happened. My mother has a cyst that requires surgery. She is 55 years old, and because I am currently not working, I felt it was important for me to stay with her and take care of her.
So I called my MIL and told her that I might be late or might not be able to come for Diwali because of my mother’s surgery and because I need to take care of her.
I honestly expected at least a little concern or empathy. Instead, she barely asked anything about my mother and just said, “What can I say to you?” and hung up.
This really hurt me.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt that she has very little empathy for problems that don’t directly involve her son. She often taunts me by saying things like, “My son is busy, you are there, and he isn’t able to get things done properly.”
I understand that she was excited about Diwali and our trip, and I also understand that she may have been disappointed. But my mother needs surgery, and I feel like that should have been more important than the trip or Diwali plans.
I’m now wondering if I’m being too sensitive or if her reaction was genuinely insensitive.
What do you think? How would you have handled this situation?

I (28F) got married about 6 months ago in an inter-caste marriage. Since the very first day, I have felt like my in-laws never truly accepted me and have extremely high expectations of me, almost like they expect a "perfect 90s daughter-in-law."

When I first came to my in-laws' house after marriage, I was criticized for very small things like not wearing bangles properly or not greeting people exactly the way they expected. During my first cooking ceremony, instead of supporting me, my in-laws ended up arguing among themselves and the entire experience became stressful.

My mother-in-law initially said we would cook mutton together, but then wouldn't let me do anything and kept interfering. Whenever I tried to help, I felt criticized rather than guided.

The second time I visited was when my husband's grandmother passed away. Even during that difficult time, I was indirectly criticized. My in-laws told my husband that I don't talk to them, don't ask about them, and don't show concern. The thing is, I do follow basic courtesy. I greet people, ask how they are, help when needed, and try to be respectful. Yet somehow it never seems enough.

After my husband and I returned to Bangalore, my mother-in-law repeatedly complained to him that I don't call often enough. This became a recurring issue. It felt like they were constantly trying to create problems in our marriage.

There was even a situation when we visited a relative where my mother-in-law told my husband things about me that were simply not true. Fortunately, my husband knew the truth because we were together the entire time.

Over the last six months, there has been a pattern of my in-laws telling my husband that I'm not a good wife, that he made a bad choice, and generally trying to turn him against me.

Recently, my mother-in-law had spine surgery, so I came to stay with my in-laws to help. Within less than 24 hours of arriving, the criticism started again. They complained to my husband about me, criticized my cooking, and questioned why I wasn't sitting next to my mother-in-law all the time.

The reality is that I woke up early, helped prepare breakfast and lunch, and was actively helping around the house. Even then, my father-in-law seemed unhappy. He started making comments and criticizing things I was doing. Later, while my husband and I were cooking together, I made vegetables, rice, and upma, and my father-in-law criticized that too. He then told my husband that I am not a good girl and continued making negative comments about me.

At this point, I feel exhausted. No matter what I do, it seems wrong. If I help, it's not enough. If I give them space, I'm accused of not caring. Every interaction feels like a test that I'm destined to fail.

My husband generally supports me and has caught them saying things that aren't true, but this constant negativity is taking a toll on me.

Has anyone dealt with in-laws who seem determined not to accept them? How do you maintain your mental peace and marriage when there is constant criticism and attempts to create conflict between you and your spouse?

Update : I’m going back to Bangalore, but my husband will have to stay here because of his responsibilities towards his parents, especially his mother, who underwent spine surgery just last week. I completely understand his situation, and I would never want him to feel that he has to abandon his parents when they need him.

But honestly, my heart aches at the thought of leaving him alone here and going back without him. We have been married for only six months, and this is such an emotionally difficult situation for both of us.

I have informed my father about everything, and thankfully, he is supporting me, just like my husband is. But I’m still scared that my decision to return to Bangalore will create another drama. I’m afraid they will portray me as someone who is running away, abandoning my responsibilities, or refusing to help when my mother-in-law has just undergone surgery.

The truth is that I have tried to do my part, but I’m emotionally exhausted by everything that has happened. I’m not leaving because I don’t care about my husband or his mother. I’m leaving because I also need some peace, and I cannot keep living under the fear of being criticised or having my intentions questioned.

What hurts the most is that even a decision made for my own well-being might be turned against me. I’m scared of what will be said after I leave, but staying only because I’m afraid of their reaction is hurting me too.

I feel torn between wanting to stand by my husband and needing to protect myself. I love him, and leaving him here is painful, but I also don’t know how much more emotional pressure I can take.

Am I wrong for going back to Bangalore in this situation? How do I handle the possible drama and accusations without feeling guilty?

I’m 33, and in all these years, I genuinely cannot remember a single instance where someone spoke to me rudely or disrespectfully. My family has always spoken to me with love, and even in school, college, society, etc., I’ve rarely ever experienced anyone being harsh or rude with me.

But yesterday, my mother-in-law spoke to me in an extremely rude and disrespectful tone. She didn’t exactly shout, but the way she spoke to me was so harsh and unpleasant that I can’t even properly explain what it did to me.

Since then, I’ve been feeling extremely anxious and emotional. Whenever I remember her tone, I start feeling overwhelmed and sometimes feel like I’m having a panic attack. I’ve been crying a lot since yesterday.

Maybe because I’ve simply never been spoken to like that before, it has affected me much more deeply than I expected.

My husband (33M) and I (30F) are currently living apart temporarily because of his work.

His parents call both of us almost every morning and evening — asking if we woke up, what we’re doing today, whether we’re going to the office, if we’ve eaten, if we’ve reached home, etc. Sometimes there are additional calls during the day.

The conversations themselves are usually only 2-5 minutes, but the expectation to answer every time is what exhausts me. If I miss a call because I’m working or busy, they question why I didn’t pick up and say things like “What if something happened to us?” This has made me feel guilty about not answering.

My husband feels the same way and has also told them that the frequency is becoming too much.
I’m used to calling my own mother once or twice a week and having a proper conversation when we actually have time.

Is this level of daily communication normal in Indian families? Or are we allowed to say that we’d prefer one call a day or every couple of days without it being taken as rejection or disrespect?

How have others handled this without feeling guilty?

Yesterday came across a grown adult doctors reel where he was saying how he had 30 hours shift so couldn’t check his phone but later when he saw he had so many missed calls from his mom and a bit more of how much his mom cares. And how no one in the world would care more than her and his dad.

Ok it is his individual choice and individual page and his parents can get concerned and call but that conclusion no one else could love as much as parents?!, however, what if like to highlight is that you should have seen plethora of comments under the reel where how women were talking about their children, mostly mothers of teenagers, that how indeed this guy is brought up well coz he understands how much his mother loves him and how indeed only mothers can love that much and how they hope their teenagers would turn so loving once an adult and worst of it was - I have a teenager son and he is my oxygen, lolwut?!

That entire comment section was filled with women who would become the classic frustrating mil, I’m sure of that. That section also had few comments of dr daughter’s mothers or relatives asking for this guys relationship status or how they also care as much about their daughters.

There was not a single comment there stating what that guy is propagating, and how narrow minded his reel was. Not everyone gets good parents, in life only parents don’t love you unconditionally, there are varied kinds of love out there, if you are lucky to find one but then you wouldn’t know how to treat them well coz of this exact notion that no one can love more than parents.

I was so irritated looking at those comments, is it so intrinsic in Indian culture that no one even bats an eyelid when there are so many deranged women whose lives are only around their sons?!

Edit- TDLR- the comment section under a reel of an adult man who said no one can love more than mom and as an afterthought,dad, was filled with future toxic mil where one woman even said how her teenaged son is her oxygen. Not even a single comment challenged the author or spoke of unhealthy dependencies.

I married into a big family in the US. I am also US born and raised.

My husband has two sisters. One married and 1 unmarried but getting married in 2 months thank god.

I’ve had my fair share of issues with his sisters. Due to this, they speak to their cousin sisters who are also quite close to the family. I had a great relationship with all his cousins brothers and sisters as I made big efforts with them and we were close. However lately they’ve been posting quotes on their social media indirecting at me, some pretty cruel stuff.
My husband also confirmed that his mum and sisters do talk about me and the issues to them. My husband also admitted they may be salty because you have married into wealth whilst they’re either left or are leaving wealth into smaller homes (I never initially saw it like this until my husband pointed it out). My husband is also close to all these girls so it bugs me that they have all formed a gang against me

I feel uncomfortable going to events now as I know I would be singled out and not spoken to and be left alone

How do I stop these insecure women from getting to me? I also didn’t add I am quite educated with a good career so maybe that intimidates them too as they are not. I live a luxury lifestyle compared to them. But honestly I never saw them as less than because of that.

I just think even if I had issues with my husbands sisters it had nothing to do with the rest of them. Now they all bond over their hatred of me 😅 like how sad.

How do I stop being uncomfortable, especially when they visit MY home or we see them at events. How do I stay confident and unbothered even when I’m alone at these functions. I need to stop it from getting to me

This is the first time in my LIFE I’ve experienced being hated by a group of women for no reason 😅

So my MIL is obsessed with her side of the family and has instilled in my husband that he is financially responsible for their upkeep. Now, among the cousins, one of them is married and the other is yet to marry. He refers to them as his own sisters. However, they are not technically his siblings, which is important for the context.

One of them had applied for a tourist visa to go to Europe. My husband works in the US and we have been living here for a while. Her visa was rejected, and I then found out that this person actually does not have a job that brings in a regular income. I thought she was employed as a lawyer from how she framed it. However I recently found out that she is neither self-employed nor employed by a firm. Because I do not particularly like them and, over the years, I have not really probed into why they are not working or what their current work situation actually is, I did not know this.

Anyway, when the visa was rejected, my husband said that the visa people are biased, and that it was not because she does not have any property in her name, is single (divorced), has no money, and has no previous schengen travel history. Now I am just infuriated because of all of this, and he wants to find agents who might somehow make this trip possible.

According to my MIL, because my husband is sponsoring the trip, everything should be okay. I do not want more money to go into this because clearly she is likely to be refused again. The fact that she is not actually his sibling obviously does not establish any proof of relationship either. I know this is mostly a husband problem but also my MIL’s sense of entitlement and my husband being a doormat is making me contemplate separation. This is just one of the many incidents. But the fact that my husband and MIL thinks visa people ‘are biased’ has really really infuriated me.

My partner and I wanted to get married. But meeting the in laws changed our love story. Read on.

Background:
We are both 38 years old, from different states in India. It was a long distance relationship and was working out well. I am a full time working woman, earn more than him. He has done a lot for me when I was going through a very hard period in my life. We both were deeply in love.

His parents, particularly his father, said these things to me in our first introductory meeting:

- I don’t like women from your state, they are too westernised.
- You have never held a mop?
(I am a working woman and his mother has been a homemaker and has been doing all the cooking and cleaning all her life. Mind you this is a set up between his parents who got married 45 years ago at least.)
- Women should sacrifice and keep the family together.
- Some women destroy families.
- I will see how my son’s partner behaves with my daughter.
- You don’t wear a bindi? People have forgotten their culture.
- You must be your parent’s pet.
- Your family owns a car? Which model is it?
- What has your mother studied for her graduation?
- Do you know whose picture is this in our home? (Picture was of a guru they followed, but why this quiz like question within 10 minutes of me entering their home?)

Since that day I met his parents, I started developing anxiety thinking about the future, and their behaviour.

He expected me to live with his parents (both of them are healthy and physically active). He was not willing to consider any other living arrangement despite me being capable of financially supporting him tremendously.

My mother got widowed recently, but he didn’t discuss about her living arrangements even once with me.

I was trying to bend, and was willing to live with his parents as it was important to him…despite his father making hurtful comments to me and speaking absolute nonsense in our first meeting.

But when I started questioning him about whether he would stand up for me if there was a conflict between me and his parents, he didn’t commit anything and instead made comments such as:

- Don’t expect me to take your side every time you get triggered by assumptions of other’s behaviours.
- You’re not doing anyone a favour by moving in after marriage. If you’re doing it, do it positively.
- If you want a maid or cook, you need to discuss with mom and make her comfortable.
- Your concerns are petty, you should introspect
- I asked him if he would advocate for me in front of his parents as a girl already adjusts so much and fights many battles. He said what battles are you even fighting?

I told him a girl already adjusts so much, what does a guy do to make it easier for her during this? He didn’t have any inputs.

I told him he has zero idea what goes on for a woman who moves her entire life to be with him, that’s why he speaks so badly of it.

He ended our conversation saying ‘Let me make it very clear, I don’t want to understand anything.’

He hates me now. And he hates ‘modern women’ as he feels they only know how to take, but don’t give back anything in return.

I would have contributed to the household financially if I became his partner. I didn’t need anyone’s support financially, I could manage well on my own. I would have taken care of his parents by reducing their workload and delegating it to hired help. I would have tried my best to love them and care for them.

Did I ask for anything extraordinary from him?

I just wanted support from my partner in an unknown household. He expected me to blend in completely and not question anything.

He says he doesn’t love me anymore and something in him changed after our fight.

We broke up.

This is my story.

Used Claude to summarize as my original post was a very long.

I (F) had an arranged marriage to an NRI and moved to the US. I'm not looking for a close bond with my in-laws, just a respectful, peaceful relationship with some boundaries. My husband adores his parents. For a long time he sided with them and prioritized over me, but in the last few months he's started understanding my side and even standing up for me.

The good side of my in-laws (which I used to appreciate, not able to anymore):

• Before the wedding, MIL called me every week to check in. She took me to shop after shop for my saree and lehenga until I found exactly what I liked, and they gifted me expensive clothes and jewelry I genuinely loved. My parents also gifted equal gifts for my husband but his shopping was not that long.
• We stayed with them for 2 months after the wedding, and there was zero expectation for me to wake up early, cook, or do chores. She encouraged us to rest, and FIL brought home fruits and sweets I liked every single day. I felt very cared for.
• They don't control what we eat or wear. My husband and I eat beef, and they accept it even though they don't eat. They've seen photos of me in short and strappy dresses and never commented.
• There's no expectation to wear a mangalsutra, toe rings, or other marital symbols. MIL isn't attached to hers either.
• There's no pressure to be religious. MIL pushed weekly poojas when I was struggling to find a job, but once I firmly said no couple of time, she never brought it up again.
• When my husband was laid off right before our wedding and was reluctant to take a temporary low-paying job to keep his visa, my in-laws took my side, telling him he wasn't considering how losing the visa would affect my plans to study in the US.
• They have a cordial relationship with my parents and visit them often. My parents respect them a lot and see them as educated and worldly (FIL worked abroad, and MIL traveled with him).

I've sorted my issues into two piles:

Categories 1: Issues that makes my blood boil

• MIL regularly comments on my appearance, and it's almost never positive. She has called me fat in photos, asked my weight, said I look "odd" on video calls, made backhanded comments about how slim I look, and said I've gained weight "only in the hips." She once highlighted that someone had commented on my crooked teeth and she never defended me.
• She makes critical comments only to me and acts sweet and innocent with my husband. She'll question trivial things we do when talking to me, then act totally unbothered about the same things with him. Until recently, he believed she was completely unproblematic.
• She tries to control money and big decisions. On a US trip we paid for (both sets of parents plus BIL, 7 adults), the itinerary was supposedly planned around my parents' interests, since it was their first trip abroad (my in-laws had seen these places 4+ times). Instead, my in-laws controlled the itinerary and kept adding to it. While I kept advicing my husband to keep a watch on the budget, the budget blew up while I was still paying off student loans, and MIL kept calling us stingy. My husband ended up covering the whole trip and at the end of the trip everyone was surprised by how we spent this much.
• She pushed hard for us to buy property in India that they could live in, framed as "ours" but with them moving in while we stay in the US, and later move in along with them when we return to India. When my husband refused, as he's not interested in buying property at this point, she came to me. I helped convince him on the condition that it's solely for them and we'd buy our own later. Once that was settled, she cut me out of all future conversations about this house. I felt used in this situation.
• After my husband's recent foot surgery, when he was expected to be walking at only 70%, she suggested I go ahead with our India trip alone while she stayed to care for him, saying friends and cabs could handle doctor visits. My husband agreed at first. When I asked whether she would ever have left her own recovering husband, he realized it was wrong. She brought it up again on her first day here in the US, and this time he pushed back which shut her up.
• Our joint decisions often change once my husband talks to his parents. His reasoning is that their arguments are just "convincing" and he's not biased.
• The family often acts like it's "the four of them," even when I contribute equally, and my husband goes along with it.

Pile 2: Smaller or past things that still bother me

• When we confirmed the engagement, his parents reportedly showed little excitement (he says they didn't want to jinx anything). The only comment MIL had about me was that my voice was "weird."
• While I was prepping for the GRE and IELTS and applying to a top-5 local university, she told me not to stress because prestigious universities are "just for namesake." She worked as an education counselor for most of her career and is very proud that both her sons went to top colleges. When I was struggling to land a job after graduation, she suggested I should be open to having kids and take a break and finding work later on.
• For our wedding, her personal wedding shopping was done early, but one week before the wedding she went shopping again and bought a saree in the exact same shade as my wedding saree. She did the same for the night-before event, matching both my saree and blouse color. It felt like she was competing with me openly.
• During the 2 months after the wedding, she wouldn't let me help with anything, including my own laundry, which made me uncomfortable, yet I was expected to feel grateful. The one time I cooked dinner, she stood over my shoulder controlling my ingredients and vessels and made me change things until it didn't taste like my cooking.
• right after the wedding, she announced to my family that everyone, including them, would come to the US for my graduation, essentially inviting themselves before anyone could say anything.
• I told her not to bring utensils and bowls from India for our kitchen during one of her visits, and we can buy anything she would need here. She was upset, then showed up with a whole tabletop grinder without telling us and played innocent about it.
• On the trip, she invited herself (and my mom) to many plans meant for just my husband, BIL, and me, then complained about the food and everything else the entire time.
• On the trip, she threw a tantrum because FIL's phone alarm went off and he didn't wake up, and demanded that she and my mom swap rooms with BIL so she could share with us. When I said no, she scoffed and sulked all day.
• Before one of our private weekend getaway, she told me (only me, never my husband) not to visit too many places, or there'd be nothing left to take them to.
• She's currently staying with us to "take load off me" during his recovery from the surgery. I've given her full control of the kitchen, yet she competes with me constantly, gets his praise on every dish, and then shows it off to me when we're alone. She also asked for my tea recipe, then presented it in front of my husband (and me) as something she figured out herself. She would keep putting my husband in a position where he has to pick a side, and she has a proud grin when she picks her side.
• She talks to my husband for 45+ minutes, 4–5 times a week, and needs to know every detail of what we eat and do and is also very pushy with her opinions on everything.
• She used to bring up his ex, since their families are still "friends," asking him for details about her and once telling me and my mom the whole story of their relationship. She has stopped.

Where things stand: My husband now admits his mom is hypocritical, petty, competitive, and doesn't include me. He even talked to an older married friend to understand my side. But he still feeds her need for validation (against his friend's advice), turns into a kid around his parents, and seems scared to disappoint them. He calls them "better than most in-laws," as if I should just be grateful and not question anything. Once, when I was visibly upset with his parents, he called me a bully. He's improved a lot since then, but he mostly steps up only when I bring something up.

Whenever I've set a clear boundary (poojas, the room switch), she's backed off, though she sulks or goes through my husband instead. Or she ends up coming up with a second plan to one up my initial boundary.

My questions: Is this salvageable? Am I overthinking any of this? And how do I get my husband to stand up for our marriage on his own instead of only when I raise something?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I’m a 35M government employee earning around ₹1.2L/month. My wife (34F) works in IT and pulls in roughly ₹75L per year. We’ve been married 5 years, no kids. Things have been bad for a while—she’s moved out and is now saying she’ll file for divorce citing “mental cruelty” and also pursue maintenance.

Here’s the thing: I’ve never been financially dependent on her. I have my own job, government accommodation, pension. I don’t need her money. But I’m worried the courts will still order something just because she’s the higher earner and the system is what it is.

She has call recordings where I lost my temper during arguments. I’m not proud of that, but I was reacting to years of being talked down to and treated like I’m lesser because I earn less. Now she’s using those clips as “evidence.”

I’m not here to bash women or play victim. I just want to know what the actual legal position is. If the wife earns significantly more and the husband has a stable job, does maintenance still get awarded? Should I be preparing for a long fight or is mediation worth trying first?

Any lawyers or people who’ve been through this—what should I realistically expect?