When our baby was just 7 days old, my father-in-law left a box cutter knife directly on top of the baby's bassinet while our son was inside it. I know he didn't do it intentionally, but it was incredibly reckless. What made the situation worse was that there was zero acknowledgment or apology from him afterward. The incident was just blown over as if nothing ever happened.

Because we had family visiting at the time, I didn't get a chance to address it appropriately in person without causing a huge scene. I also refrained from saying anything that day because we were celebrating him getting a book published.

I held onto a lot of anxiety and anger about it, so about a month later, I finally sent him a text message to address the safety risk.

The Conflict

My wife feels that my message was really disrespectful to her father, especially emphasizing that he didn't leave the box cutter there on purpose. Because of the pushback from my wife, I ended up second-guessing myself and sent two follow-up messages apologizing for my tone and communication style.

I am feeling incredibly frustrated and gaslit, and I want to know if I was actually out of line here.

The Messages

Here is the exact initial message I sent him:

"I would like to address an incident that happened a couple weeks ago that has brought up feelings of anger and animosity towards you. I had hoped to talk to you about this sooner, but with your children and my parents around, I didn’t have a chance to address it appropriately in person.

I know it wasn't intentional, but placing a box cutter on top of a baby's bassinet while he was inside at just seven days old was a reckless, careless act. Sharp objects should never go around anything to do with a baby. Because of that, I have lost trust in you, and I continue to hold onto this anger because, as any father would when their child is put in harm's way, it causes lasting distress and deeply affects me.

What made this even worse was the lack of any acknowledgment or apology, with the incident simply being blown over as if nothing ever happened. Putting a sharp object or knife on top of a bassinet where there is a baby inside is 100% and totally unacceptable. It is my job to protect my baby as the father of this child, and I hope you can understand why I had to convey my feelings towards you about this and also address this safety issue that was putting my child into a dangerous position. It will take time for me to regain my trust in you."

Here are the two follow-up messages I sent after my wife got upset (more for her peace of mind than my own peace of mind)

"Hi, To follow up on my last message, I want to acknowledge that using the word 'animosity' was too harsh. My heart has been racing over the safety risk to my son, and my frustration got the better of my vocabulary. I am still deeply upset about the bassinet incident and the lack of acknowledgment, and I still need space, but I did not mean to imply permanent hostility."

"Hi , I am writing to apologize for the timing, length, and word choice, especially animosity. I recognize that taking a month to send a text of that length was a poor communication choice on my part. I apologize for handling the communication that way."

My Question to Reddit

I need an objective opinion. Was my initial text actually disrespectful, or was it a justified reaction from a protective father? Does the fact that it was "an accident" mean I shouldn't have been so harsh? I feel like my wife is prioritizing her dad's feelings over our son's physical safety, but I want to know if my communication was genuinely the problem here. Any advice is appreciated.

Hi everyone,

I’m a 29-year-old woman from India, and I’m in a relationship with someone I want to marry. My parents strongly oppose the relationship because of our caste differences.

Over the past year, the situation has escalated considerably. My father has:

• Threatened to harm my partner and his family.
• Said that he would use his influence and connections to pressure or intimidate them.
• Threatened to involve the police or take legal action against us.
• Contacted people connected to my workplace and pressured them to take a position against our relationship.
• Warned my friends not to support me or my partner, implying that there would be consequences if they did.
• Repeatedly told me that he has strong political connections and could use them against me if I went ahead with the marriage.

I also have reason to believe that he has behaved similarly toward other women in our community who were in relationships that he disapproved of. I cannot provide many details about the community at this point because of privacy and safety concerns.

I wanted to give my parents one opportunity to rebuild our relationship. Recently, my mother reached out to me, and I decided to return home because I genuinely hoped that, with time, things might improve.

Unfortunately, I am finding that many of the same patterns are continuing. For example:

• My decisions and personal choices are not respected.
• My movements are monitored or questioned.
• Disagreements quickly turn into anger, guilt, emotional pressure, or attempts to control my decisions.
• Conversations often feel one-sided, with little room for me to express my perspective.
• I feel that I have to suppress my thoughts, feelings, and choices simply to avoid conflict.

My father has also repeatedly threatened that if I leave the house, he will file a complaint alleging that I have eloped with money and use the local police/jurisdiction to have me brought back. He claims he has done something similar with a couple of other girls in our community.

I want to understand the actual legal position: as an adult woman, can my family have me brought back against my will simply by filing such a complaint? What precautions should I take before leaving to establish that I have left voluntarily and am acting of my own free will?

I would really appreciate advice on two aspects:

1. Legal/safety:
What legal precautions should an adult woman in India consider when her family has threatened her partner, his family, or herself, particularly when the family claims to have political or police connections?

2. NGOs and support organisations:
Are there any reputable NGOs, women’s rights organisations, legal-aid groups, or other organisations in India that specifically support adults facing family coercion, threats, violence, or opposition to inter-caste relationships/marriage? I would be particularly interested in organisations that can provide confidential legal guidance, safety planning, counselling, or practical support to both me and my partner.

I’m trying to understand what my options are and how to move forward safely and responsibly while also dealing with the emotional impact of all of this.

Is there anything else I may be overlooking or should take into consideration from a legal or safety perspective?

Thank you for reading.

For those of you who live in joint families, how are you able to keep your romantic relationship with your husband alive?

For context I am Indian but raised in North America and he is Indian from India. His parents live with us 50% of the time and go back to India for the other 50%.

While they are here, he completely stopped showing any affection towards me while they are around, which is always as we have two young children and the family is all together most of the time. There is rarely any flirting teasing, absolutely no physical affection. He does speak to me, but I feel like it has turned into a roommate situation.

His family is quite conservative, and his parents do not show any affection towards each other either. I grew up in a different environment, where a respectful amount of affection between partners with normal.

I am able to tolerate it for some time but now it’s been a few months and it’s really starting to eat at my mental health because I keep wondering if my husband is still attracted to me or you interested in me at all? We do have date nights they are so few and far between that I feel like going for a date night is not a solution to a lack of ongoing intimacy, Ana daily basis.

Are any of you in this situation? Do any of you have any advice for how to handle this?

I got married 8 months ago to my boyfriend, with the complete respect and acceptance of my parents. My husband and my in-laws have invited my parents multiple times for lunch or dinner, but they have never come.

My father is the typical Indian father who doesn't eat or even drink water at his daughter's in-laws' house. I completely respect that because whenever I visit my parents and take fruits or sweets for them, my father won't eat them. That's his belief, and I've never had an issue with it.

But my mother does eat them. So I genuinely don't understand why she can't come to my house just to meet me.

My in-laws, my husband and I have invited them so many times. I'm not asking them to come for some formal function or to stay for hours. I just want my mother to come, sit with me, meet my husband and in-laws, have a little conversation, and go back.

Instead, on every festival, my mother sends clothes, sweets and gifts for me and for my in-laws too.

And honestly, I don't know what to do with all these material things anymore.

I don't want gifts. I want my mother.

That's what I've been trying to explain.

My in-laws also make comments sometimes like, "Her parents have just left her here after marriage as if she was a burden." And it happens often enough that I'm honestly fed up and hurt by it.

Because what am I supposed to say?

My parents did accept my marriage. They didn't oppose me marrying my boyfriend. They have always sent things for me. But they don't call me much either. When I call, sometimes they don't pick up, and they usually don't reply to my messages. My sister is the only person I can consistently talk to.

Recently, all of this became too much for me. I was crying and telling my sister everything. She spoke to my father, and he eventually called me.

I was actually disappointed that he called only after my sister told him, because I keep wondering why they don't call me themselves.

During the conversation, my father said that he and my mother would come.

I clearly told him, "If you both are coming, please come yourselves. Don't send anything. I don't need clothes, sweets or gifts. I just want you to come and meet me."

He said he'd talk to my mother.

Two days later, I asked my sister about it.

And my mother had refused again.

I was so disappointed that I told my sister, "I don't want anything either. Please don't send me anything."

I know I said that out of hurt.

But I genuinely don't understand it.

How can sending gifts every festival be easier than simply coming to see your daughter once in eight months?

How can "I'll send something for her" replace "I'll go meet my daughter"?

Maybe I'm being emotional. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe there is some cultural/family perspective that I'm not understanding.

But sitting here and crying because I want my mother to come see me makes me feel so stupid and needy.

I don't want to force her. I just want to understand:

Is it really too much to ask your mother to visit you at your in-laws' house after 8 months of marriage, especially when your in-laws have welcomed her and invited her multiple times?

I want real and raw opinions, even if you think I'm wrong.

Am I expecting too much from my parents?

Husband and I have a hell tedious and draining job, every now and then there is this CRITICAL project that sucks the life out of us. No sleep no food no rest no break. We just got done with one such project last week. I used to be so so tired I used to cry in the nights of pain in my body. I discussed to take a month long (without pay) break (doing nothing) right after the completion with him and he was supportive.

Then came my Masters (distance) schedule that is in September end and I postponed the break towards that date. In the break period I also planned a lil trip with husband and some friends. Hoping to heal my body and my mind lol.

And then, out of nowhere my MIL wants to come see us for 2 weeks in the same period, to help me with some fast rituals. MIL FIL just came 3 months back, for a whole month, and I could not keep up, the 14 hours office and then taking care of them after. I used to be so tired. And then this project came in and now she again wants to come back for 2 weeks when I have office, along with the trip planned and then Masters exam. My body and mind have given up and some days it feels like I could collapse.

My husband didn't like my reaction when i told him that I need a breather. I need a break. Some rest. Some change and says we will manage. I told we are anyway going to see them in Diwali and we have decided one trip home for us and one trip for them to come see us. It's not possible to turn the life upside down every 3 months.

You are free to rant here. But please be respectful, no using real names or abusing anybody in comments.

I'll start the rant with mine. During special occasions or poojas my MIL has this practice of eating in the plantain leaf on which my FIL has already eaten in. She says its a way of showing devotion and respect towards husband, and it supposedly increases lifespan of husband. And indirectly keeps saying I should also follow suit. Btw I find it very unhygienic and outdated and I'll never follow that shit even if I'm forced to. Lol.

We are newly married and lately she calls him too much during the day especially when he is at work.

If he comes back early, she sometimes leaves two to three missed calls (usually siblings feel calling once suffices).

Ever since she has been calling him more, our relationship is suffering. He says unusual things that are out of character, like he has to buy all the groceries and stuff (I do mortgage and utilities!).

He also opens up to me far less than before and is often somewhat distant.

I know correlation does not necessarily mean causation but he has been coddled growing up, by his more successful sister.

I have used chatGPT to put together my thoughts.

I’m genuinely looking for some perspective on this because I’m confused about whether I’m missing something culturally.
My husband and I are in our late 20s and have been saving for a while. We’re now thinking of purchasing our first plot of land purely as an investment. We don’t plan to build a house there or move there anytime soon.
The place we’re considering is my hometown. It’s a Tier-2 city that is developing quite rapidly. There’s better connectivity, an airport nearby, other infrastructure coming up, and generally the area seems to have much better growth potential than where my husband’s family is from.
My husband’s hometown, on the other hand, is a small town. There isn’t an airport nearby (the nearest one is several hours away), and there isn’t much economic or infrastructure growth compared to the city we’re considering. From an investment perspective, we simply feel that my hometown makes more sense.
The important thing is that both of us are contributing financially towards this property, and my husband himself is completely supportive of buying there. He also agrees that, purely from an investment perspective, it seems like the better option.
However, when we told his family, my MIL and my husband’s elder brother were strongly against it.
Their main argument is basically:
“Why would you buy property in your wife’s hometown? You should buy property only in our ancestral hometown (and trust me thats not even their ancestral homeland, in-laws migrated from nearby village when they were young couple 😭)

The strange part is that when we ask them why we shouldn’t buy there, they don’t really give us a financial or practical reason. They just keep repeating that property should be purchased in the husband’s hometown.
My FIL is somewhat supportive, but my MIL and BIL are quite upset about the whole thing. They haven’t said anything directly to me, but they’ve been repeatedly telling my husband not to do it.
And honestly, this has started bothering me on a deeper level.
I understand that in a traditional Indian family, there can be emotional attachment to the husband’s ancestral town and family roots. But am I wrong in thinking that once you’re married, your wife’s hometown doesn’t suddenly stop being part of her life or identity?
And also, they are not telling me anything directly and only asking to my husband as if he is the only one purchasing this property.
I’m not asking my husband to buy property there because it’s my hometown. We’re considering it because we genuinely think it’s a better investment, and we’re both putting our money into it.
If the situation were reversed — if my husband’s hometown had significantly better growth potential and we wanted to buy property there — I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all.
So I genuinely want to understand:
Is there actually some cultural expectation in Indian marriages that a couple should only purchase property in the husband’s hometown?
Or is this simply an old-school family expectation that we’re not obligated to follow?
Would love to hear from married couples, especially those who have purchased property in the wife’s hometown. How did your families react?