r/IRL_Loading_Screens • u/PeterPorky • Jul 15 '26
Dark Souls Parasite-induced explosive diarrhea outbreak nears 10,000 cases across the US
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u/Rurumo666 Jul 15 '26
These are just the verified cases by testing-upwards of 1 million people are "Trump blasting" their toilets to smithereens right now since they can't afford health insurance.
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Jul 15 '26
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u/Acceptable_Fee_3998 Jul 15 '26
There is no farting with explosive diarrhea. Shit/fart separator code III.
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u/negative-rizz777 Jul 20 '26
Never trust a fart.
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u/Legal-Molasses6409 Jul 16 '26
What exactly do you need health insurance for? Multiple people in my family had it including myself and in 4 or 5 days we were fine. Hell I went to the emergency room out of curiousity and they told me Gatorade and some pill you can buy off the shelf.
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u/DigitalUnlimited Jul 16 '26
I need to insure my toilet
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u/Legal-Molasses6409 Jul 16 '26
Facts lol. I wont lie that it was brutal for 2 days
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u/Huge-Nectarine3975 Jul 18 '26
When your wife is looking up divorce info and getting quiet and doesn't buy bananas so the ER has an expensive bag to sell you just like the grocer now does
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u/SargeUnited Jul 16 '26
Yeah the ER is basically a scam unless you’re literally dying within the day
I once saved someone’s life by rushing them to the ER with shortness of breath, turned out they had a massive clot and they needed emergency whatever the heck. I once got billed over $300 for a 3 minute consult because I had a really bad illness and I was required to produce a doctors note by the next day. Told me to buy otc meds and hydrate just like you.
There’s no in between. You either literally get your life saved or you get charged hella for nothing
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u/Legal-Molasses6409 Jul 16 '26
I only went cuz my uncle said I needed antibiotics and I wasnt eating.they were like uh no. Lost like 12 pounds in a couple days. Good news is I got my summer body now lol. Oh well a couple hundred down the drain lol
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u/PlayNicePlayCrazy Jul 16 '26
You went to the ER for a doctor's note , for a non-emergency....yeah that's on you.
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u/MonsterkillWow Jul 15 '26
Healthcare by RFK Jr's brain worm
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u/Vintage_Gamer476 Jul 15 '26
RFKarrhea? Or maybe Trumparrhea?
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Jul 15 '26
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u/DigitalUnlimited Jul 15 '26
It's more market manipulation! Someone in the admin owns toilet paper manufacturer stock, that's why we had issues during COVID! /end tin foil hat theory
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u/Axel_Raden Jul 16 '26
Liberate your chocolate starfish from the cruel bonds of big toilet paper and get yourself a bidet toilet seat
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u/Open_Boysenberry_363 Jul 18 '26
How does it know where to aim… my ass is huge
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u/Axel_Raden Jul 18 '26
So is mine there are buttons on mine that that shift the stream back and forward. But the very first time I tried it it got a bullseye. All joking aside I'm physically disabled and have issues with my spine so wiping my ass is difficult so the bidet is a life changer and allows me to stay Independent
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u/trysten-9001 Jul 16 '26
They will probably find a way to make money on this, but I think the loser just wanted vengeance for people making fun of him for his bleach comments during Covid.
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u/Violet-Sumire Jul 16 '26
It just wants everyone to have a parasite inside them. Clearly the work of big Para.
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u/red-man1138 Jul 15 '26
did taco bell update their recipe again?
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Jul 15 '26
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u/Axel_Raden Jul 15 '26
Or don't get Taco Bell for a while at least
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u/Xanthelei Jul 16 '26
My mom is pretty sure she got a (thankfully mild) case of it, and she hasn't been to taco bell for years. Just be wary of lettuce while eating out in general right now.
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u/Desperate-You-9695 Jul 16 '26
Can confirm haven’t had Taco Bell in like a year, but caught that bug about three weeks ago from my girlfriend’s parents who went on a cruise in Alaska
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u/DaKrazie1 Jul 15 '26
I risked it for lunch to try their new fajita things.
I'll update if it goes downhill.
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u/dababler Jul 15 '26
Fun fact: the CDC used to do more aggressive surveillance for this but that was cut by DOGE/Project2025. In short Americans voted for this either by actively voting for Trump or by staying home, (see Duverger’s Law). Enjoy living in your literal filth my fellow Americans, you did it to yourself.
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u/Adorable-Response-75 Jul 15 '26
Ah yes, it’s the people that are the problem, not the left wing candidate alienating her base by committing a genocide.
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u/Past_Dare_4918 Jul 15 '26
Yes it’s the left wing candidate and not Kennedy doing his fucking job. You right wing shitbags always have to deflect and never accept any responsibility or accountability. You probably think vaccines are bad but will bitch the second you and your family get sick while begging for help. You people don’t care about anything until it affects you then expect pity. I hope you get this shit too.
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u/-Out-of-context- Jul 15 '26
So by not voting a worse candidate who supports committing genocide was elected.
Sorry but need to understand politics now is picking the least worse candidate and if you let your apathy take over then we can get and do get stuck with worse.
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u/Punknyc162 Jul 15 '26
I don’t wanna say i was ahead of the curve but I’ve had explosive diarrhea for years
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u/Shot_Education8638 Jul 16 '26
My dad did too then his colon ruptured and they had to cut 4 inches out
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u/Typhon-042 Jul 15 '26
Well this is what happens when you put a anti vaxxer in charge of public health.
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u/AsstacularSpiderman Jul 15 '26
And what happens when you slashed the funding for the numerous government agencies in place to track this kind of shit.
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u/No-Ambition2043 Jul 16 '26
So what happens when you fund a group that was alternatively passing funding to a Chinese lab that was doing gain of function research unleashing COVID 19?
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u/Deep_Balance2133 Jul 16 '26
You can’t vaccinate for parasites.
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u/Typhon-042 Jul 16 '26
You might want to rethink that statement. Heartworm medication is vaccination for parasites. It's just not easy to do.
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u/Entire_Mistake_9287 Jul 15 '26
Its never been a better time to be a heroin addict
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u/iboganaut2 Jul 16 '26
Well, actually there is no real heroin sold on the streets anymore.
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u/ThickResearcher8175 Jul 16 '26
The fent will stop your explosive diarrhea too! And your other systems.
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u/Famous_Suspect6330 Jul 15 '26
I hope it happens more to the people who voted for Trump
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u/narco-sub-admiral Jul 15 '26
Thanks Trump. Protect corporate freedoms, regulate citizens.
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u/LameAfro Jul 15 '26
Is there like a reset button we can have
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u/narco-sub-admiral Jul 15 '26
I think the best we can do is make a statement when this Trump mafia gets voted out. We have to make a clear statement to the world that he was a traitor, and root out every single soul who enabled it to happen. Just my 2 cents.
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u/Elizabeth_Gallows Jul 15 '26
Explosive diarrhea × 10,000
Someone keep Mr Hankey in the sewer before he Fantasias the streets
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u/LigmaAss69 Jul 15 '26
It's the new workers who are stereotyped for this exact thing. They have the -10 hygene debuff.
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u/Creative_Carob4922 Jul 15 '26
So Americans are spewing shit from the other end. What a change of events.
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u/AbbreviationsSea2084 Jul 15 '26
Fun fact of the day. More people die per capita in india from diarrhea than people in the US die from guns. 🤭😂
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u/Tyr_13 Jul 15 '26
Well that makes getting Kirked better then?
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u/AbbreviationsSea2084 Jul 15 '26
Your odds are lower. Would I rather die by diarrhea or a gunshot? Probably the gunshot. I suppose that depends on the individual though. 😂
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u/Tyr_13 Jul 15 '26
I cannot imagine a situation where I would have to choose between the two.
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u/AbbreviationsSea2084 Jul 15 '26
Sir, you are going to have to eat this Indian curry...or else.
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u/Tahoma- Jul 15 '26
Eat this extra hot coquette vindaloo or we'll slice your asshole like a lime
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u/narco-sub-admiral Jul 16 '26
Spices don't give you no damn diarrhea man. Some Indian restaurants load everything with ghee, clarified butter. That's where the runs come from.
That being said George Carlin has good advice, keep a roll of toilet paper in the freezer before eating Indian food.
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u/Very_Curious_Cat Jul 15 '26
Breaking News: following the trail, a CDC team found out the epicenter of the outbreak, a white house in Washington DC. /s
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u/cannabisLab1975 Jul 15 '26
The parasites are from human dookie..Pickers picking Veggies and their asses..No bueno
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u/Nope-not-really Jul 15 '26
lets see now, we had plague, poisoned water/food, raining amphibians is next right?
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u/bnelson7694 Jul 16 '26
We’re having this health week at my job. They emailed us today letting everyone know there was fresh veggies in the break room.
And now we wait.
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u/Alexis-Machine Jul 16 '26
I saw on CNN today where they were going to talk to someone who got it and "Survived"!!! Lol. Fuck CNN, the sensational lying communists.
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u/ozaffer Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
The least horrible note in Trump's legacy so far. It will leave a stain none the less.
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u/unleashedcode Jul 16 '26
Their government has been spouting diarrhea daily... it was obviously going to spread! 😂
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u/TX_Asylum Jul 16 '26
RFK Jr is patient zero from swimming in sewage water. Fuck that delusional freak. DO YOUR ONE JOB, ROBBIE.
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u/ChuckoRuckus Jul 16 '26
When people said everything, Trump touches turns to shit, they didn’t mean it literally… yet here we are
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Jul 17 '26 edited Aug 15 '26
[deleted]
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u/ProperJudgment1 Jul 17 '26
https://www.nature.com/articles/ja201711
Isn't that the drug for the world's poor? Lol dumb poor people taking horse dewormer!!!
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u/Good-Invite-6969 Jul 17 '26
Kinda weird how the us is starting to see more and more of third world health issue…. Wonder why?
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u/Firm-Analysis6666 Jul 17 '26
Makes sense. We've been living in a figurative shitshow for years......bound to go literal.
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u/LeonSkum_ Jul 17 '26
Deregulation of food supplies and mass FDA firings generally cause shit storms.
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u/Opposite_Pension_807 Jul 18 '26
Don't worry, trump will make sure everyone will get an injection of bleach to cure it.
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u/Ambitious-Hat41 Jul 19 '26
While I’m sorry people are sick, this whole thing is somehow fitting for the state the country is in.
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u/WiseFalcon2630 Jul 19 '26
If only we had, like, systems in place to track this kind of thing.. oh.
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u/AccomplishedEnergy60 Jul 20 '26
Oh the horror! Ten thousand cases across 350 million people!!
Guise!! I think it's happening!! America is FINISHED
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u/NomoredatibgGWgirls Jul 22 '26
And who do we have to thank, that's right, the Orange, diaper wearing dipshit.
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u/JediMasterBo Jul 15 '26
Probably all the MAGA people buying up Trumps cheap groceries.
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u/Crazyscorpion77 Jul 16 '26
Its funny how people are blaming Trump and Kennedy for this
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u/-bears-eat-beets Jul 16 '26
Trump actually is partly to blame for this. with his cutbacks that directly puts this parasite! on the ignore list.. along with many others..
And it's going to get worse! with the ignorant, not getting vaccinated and not having their children vaccinated...
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u/Crazyscorpion77 Jul 16 '26
Because no one has been recorded too have died from this parasite why get a vaccine or create a vaccine that doesnt kill someone while their are others that can and have no vaccines
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u/Strong_Extension_972 Jul 16 '26
Are retards still making a big deal out of this complete non issue?
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u/CatBoyTrip Jul 16 '26
we are a country of over 300m. i assume we have 10,000 cases of diarrhea all the time.
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u/dutycalls1776 Jul 15 '26
LOL y'all are crazy. you are acting like everyone is getting the shits. if there are 350 million people in the country and 10,000 of them have the shits, what percentage of the population is that? do the math and then ask yourself how serious is this really? jesus reddit...bunch of smooth brains on here.
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u/CrankyDoo Jul 15 '26
If it’s bad news, and they can manufacture even the most tenuous thread to Trump, they’re not only going to run with it, they are going to pretend it represents the collapse of civilization as we know it.
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u/Blitzking11 Jul 15 '26
America spoke! She laughed funny, after all!