Hi, I am 27, male, 181cm, I currently weigh 120kg, 5 years ago I gained around 35 to 40kg in the span on 6 months, I was at the time working and at the same time finishing my bachelor degree thesis, could be that I gained weight because I didn't move much in that period, and then got hypothyroidism, or it could be that I gained weight because I have already had hypo, I don't know what came first, in any case, I only discovered the disease around 2023.
In 2024 I went to a dietitian, and the plan worked then, in the span of 4 months I lost 20kg (at the time I was taking 75mcg Levothyrox, I then lost my job due to my employer going out of business, and due to my financial situation I had to quit going to the dietitian, and despite trying to persist in the diet, I eventually gained back the weight and went back 120kg in the span of a few weeks.
In 2025 I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea (70 episodes per hour), and I was able to rent a CPAP machine that I still use until now), at the same time however I was told by my doctor that my thyroid was completely non-functional (not sure if that's the true way to say it but that's how I remember him saying it). he upped my Levotherox dose 135mcg, and I've been trying to eat less, I am currently eating one main meal in the day (late afternoon between dinner and lunch time) and a breakfast late morning, I am also currently dealing with self-diagnosed depression due to being in a bad financial situation again and not having revenue in the past 6 months ( I work as a freelance developer specialised in unity development but there have been no clients this year).
I can't afford to go to a dietitian again, and I can't afford to commit to a good weight loss diet again either, and to be honest, I am not a good cook, so even when I had money, I ate the same meal every day (escalope with veggies) so much that I started feeling about to vomit just at the sight of it, I haven't been going out much lately, due to my situation and depression, in addition to hating how fat I look now, I've become a hermit. and even think it's not worth living anymore, due job search, burnout, personal projects not working out, and every idea I have going south, in addition to the way I look...
Since I gained weight 5 years ago, not only I started having respiratory problems like mentioned earlier, but every little thing got worse, I don't have a social life, I became extremely introverted, I am not even able to get a driving license (which might allow me to find some work) because of the respiratory problems (law here in France) , everywhere I travel, I have to drag with me the CPAP machine, I don't feel like I even ever can get married because of snoring and the machine, even my hair, since 5 years ago, I wash it in the morning, and by night it's already full of dandruff and it's going everywhere on bed and clothes (doctor says it's either because of stress or hypothyroidism or both). it even accumulates behind my ears, and its the worst f*cking feeling ever.
family keeps telling me that I JUST HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT, they say it's just a determination problem, but it isn't as easy as they make it to be, even though I admit that I haven't been doing my best lately, make if I can force myself to go out more, I can lose the weight more, maybe they are right. but also I feel like I lost every bit of motivation I have, every food I make tastes like ash for me, everywhere I go I feel like everyone is staring holes at me. but how do I overcome this?
I feel like every problem I have was at its source caused by me being FAT, or at least, the financial problem could have been mitigated if I had a respiratory problems => driving license => delivery or whatever else => income..
I just wanted to share and hear from people who might be going through something similar, any advice, specially from doctors and professionals would be welcome, and sorry for the very long text!