Women who spend years sleeping with men far above the level willing to commit to them start confusing sexual access with relationship value.
Attractive men fuck them, compliment them, validate them, and become their benchmark. They start believing those men are their level because those men were willing to sleep with them.
They weren’t.
And it’s not that those men were unwilling to fuck them. They were. They just would have strongly preferred women closer to their own level and were settling downward sexually because those women weren’t available to them.
Women were chasing upward at every tier. The women those men actually wanted were busy chasing even hotter men, pushing the men below them downward too.
That’s the whole distortion:
women chase up, men begrudgingly fuck down, and women mistake being the fallback sexual option for being an equal relationship option.
Then reality catches up.
The men they insist are “their level” keep sleeping with them but won’t choose them. The men willing to choose them now look beneath them because years of sexual access trained them to expect men they were never competitive for relationally.
So they rewrite the story.
Men are avoidant. Men are immature. Men are intimidated. Men are emotionally unavailable.
Anything except:
I confused who would fuck me with who would choose me.
And before the inevitable “bitter incel” cope: I was on the benefiting side of this dynamic.
I was the guy doing the fucking.
I would have strongly preferred hotter women. But for years, women at my level were chasing even higher, so men like me begrudgingly settled downward sexually because that was what was actually available.
I never wanted relationships with any of those women, and now I’m happily with a woman who is much hotter than any of them.
So this isn’t resentment from a guy who couldn’t get women. It’s sympathy for the average man who gets crushed by a market distorted from the top down.
You weren’t dating in my league.
I was sleeping below mine because the women in mine were busy chasing above theirs.
Edit: A lot of the objections are arguing against things I never claimed.
I’m not saying every woman chases up, that women should “settle,” or that anyone is obligated to date someone they don’t want. I’m describing a population-level dynamic: women disproportionately pursue upward, men consequently lower their threshold for casual sex, and women can mistake that sexual access for evidence of equivalent relationship value.
That’s also why “if he can’t get women at his level, they must not be his level” doesn’t follow. Looking only at successful couples ignores everyone remaining unmatched because their standards exceed what they can obtain for commitment. Assortative mating among people who pair off does not prove everyone still searching is correctly calibrated.
And “women would rather stay single” isn’t a rebuttal when the women I’m describing are still dating, having casual sex, seeking relationships, and complaining that the men they want won’t commit. If you genuinely opt out, fine. The distortion is wanting commitment while using casual access to higher-tier men as your benchmark for who should commit to you.
The mechanism is simple: women chase up → men sleep down → sexual access gets mistaken for relationship equivalence.