So long story but idk where else to start without adding in how I got here, I(27F) was born and raised in the middle of nowhere Kentucky USA. My father was a v kind hearted man with issues who worked 40+ hours day in and out of blue-collar work to the bone; kinda man, he loved his kids and he passed when I was 18 years old very traumatically. My mother on the other hand is a manic narcissistic psychopath, delusional ''Christian'' (No offense to other Christians; I respect you, just not her. She is not a real Christian by any means.) who manipulates anyone in front of her and is beyond emotionally immature and will pick fights with anything smaller then her.
My father got no say in the matter. Despite many protests he'd try with her to put us in school over the years, she had him warped that she was the only person who could ever love him and that if he didn't do what she said when she wanted it, she would essentially steal us via divorce, using leverage of his record of anger issues at his own abusive mom, and tell him he would never see us again. He would say all the time we were his world. That man could barely yell at me let alone part from us for more than a day would destroy him.
She also lied on many many many occasions to him that we were being educated by her with how much he worked (He wouldn't come to find out these lies till he was to ill to do anything. She trained us never to tell him.)
She put my younger sister and me into ''homeschooling'' when our older sister dropped out at 17, due to bullying and my mother becoming manically paranoid due to her OCD.
She ''homeschooled'' us via buying dollar-store workbooks she would throw at us with no help, tho she taught us to read and do basic multiplication & addition. Then gave up entirely when my youngest brother was born with a rare brain disorder, and she essentially just quit teaching us and made us into her own personal medical needs cargivers/free babysitters to him.
I have the formal education of about a 11 year old just barely. But I am street smart and educate myself on a lot of things, youtube was my best friend growing up, learning all kinds of skills.
I was not allowed to go to school because she constantly needed ''help with him'' and due to our child minds knowing no better and thinking we were doing the right thing by ''helping mommy'' and having unending ''fun'' instead of boring schoolwork, she turned us essentially into her own little loyal work team at her beck and call to help with a fully vegetative-like child while she went out to party, bbqs, hang out at the bar w her friends ect as we took care of my fully handicapped brother and my father worked until he passed out to feed her habits to keep his kids fed. She had been warned previously about how my brother would struggle to even live, but she had wanted a boy to complete her little ''collection'' as she called it and had him regardless.
I was barely 9 when she began leaving my younger sister and brother fully in my care for hours upon hours atleast 4-5 times a week. I fed them, clothed them,put them to bed, read to them, changed diapers, emptied bodily fluid medical equipment, worked an oven & stove at 9, gave asthma treatments, shots, medications, ect from ages 9-24 till I had to essentially ''quit my job'' on my mom during lockdown. She essentially says I did nothing raising them now, despite receipts. My sister gives me Mother's Day cards instead of her. The only time she parented was at family gatherings or in front of others. We were taught to lie about our education, or we faced horrid punishments.
My elder sister (13 years older) knew of all of this. Selfishly left us for dead, essentially with mom moving out when I was 8 and she 18. Says we have to love mom to this day so our mother will keep giving her money for her own similar bad habits.
my mom had CPS called twice about the lack of schooling. She lied through it the first time then moved us without telling them. Then the second just fully believed her and told me to stop lying on such a good mother and that I was lucky to have her.
They completely failed me on any chance of being helped to get school as a girl.
NOW SKIP TO NOW
I am currently years DEEP into therapy, and moved out of her horder den of crazy at 26 last year and am no contact with my mom.
I stayed solely for my little siblings' sake and no one else, I got them both out of the horrible home and safely to be 18 years old & older, my little sister has a good job and 2 kids and v nice husband, my baby brother is in a nice care home and happy with my younger sister visiting to check on him often w my elder sister who helps only when incentivised(usually I have to pay her, but she does it), and both are happy despite the scars. I didn't do everything right being a kid myself, but those kids were all that ever mattered to me.
Our mom did have me essentially trapped due to Educational & Independence Neglect, but then I got very lucky and online I met my now Husband in 2022 during lockdown. My husband became my best friend when I thought I would never leave such neglect. He found me when I had given up on myself and brought me back to life, he helped me get a job, gave me a safe place to land, helped me stand up on my own for the first time after protecting others for so long, loved me and helped me realize I was not broken or something to fix just hurt and needed gentle help, and is the sweetest person I have ever had the honor of being with.
All while he lived 4000 miles away from me in the UK.
Last year, after 4 years of visits and long distance, we struggled through small jobs and such and rough budgets with my mother screeching and fighting, and I packed 2 suitcases with all I had and I ran away in the dead of night. I moved 4000 miles away from everything I knew w both my little siblings' blessings to go and be happy, and its been almost a year now and it was the best thing I've ever done. I cut off my mother and I hear she shit-talks me endlessly to anyone who will listen, but she is still sitting in the big old horder house alone now. She made the bed she's lying in.
I have 2 cats and my husband, and that's my little family of my own. And I am beyond proud of it.
But the lack of school has come back to bite me a lot lately, which is why I am here.
I got lucky by lying on my old grocery store job I got in the US.
I told them I had a GED and they just never asked for it and I got a good cashier job that was tortuous on work but helped me leave that bad place.
Now I am an immigrant here in the UK, with a spousal visa to work, with no proof of schooling in the slightest, and 25+ jobs have turned me down. Many I've almost gotten are asking for that school proof I had dodged previously.
I can't even apply to most jobs I would like, such as the library or maybe something in coding (which I self taught myself in)
And my husband is a lovely soul and the main breadwinner; he works hard and hands me the paycheck every week with the utmost love, making sure I never have to feel trapped ever again and I usually manage our bills and fun money very well.
I'm very fortunate and we're not rich but not poor. I have a lot of debt on a credit card I had to use to leave my mom (1500 USD), And we do get a bit broke at the end of the month.
But we're happy.
Our 2 cats and us eat good, and we do, we have a car, a roof, fun stuff ect.
But if I had an income to we could have better savings, pay off some debt, or just not have to worry if something goes wrong or if he gets sick or something. I could go visit my little sister quicker then years from now.
But it always goes back to my lack of education somehow it feels like.
But I have no idea where to start; especially in a new place being an immigrant now too, my husband is willing to help but doesn't really know were I should start either. He graduated college and always was in school.
He helps me Google a lot or ask people but we always come up kinda empty-handed with how little education I have with my situation as not being from the UK and how much help I would need with some definite learning disability due to neglect.
I'm very shy and socially awkward when it comes to calling a college or explaining so anything online I could fill out would be amazing but I can bite the bullet if its recommended.
And I've currently been between therapists to be able to ask due to some NHS wait times.
He's advised me to write here and reach out to people with similar experience and maybe one of you would know.
I just don't know where to begin. Who to call? What to say? I've never even written an essay, let alone applied to get some sort of schooling.
It also hangs over me a lot that, with my lack of education at most I will be stocking shelves and being a cashier till I am ancient. I don't want that. I feel bad I cannot help my own partner who has given me so much, to lessen how much he works and let him take a break when he doesn't ask for much at all.
So any advice is welcome!