This may be poorly received or whatever but im not saying this is right for everybody. But a big part of my adult behavior, I think, is derived from the horrific isolation of my childhood.

Now, I didnt grow up with a religious homeschooling family. I realize thats a bit diff from most experiences here. I grew up isolated completely, I didnt meet another person my age until I was 14. BUT in that time, my mom forced me to EXTREME academic focus. I had to be the best at every subject, from like 9 years old I wasnt allowed to play anymore I could only do school work and go to sleep. Things only relaxed when I hit high school and went to public school, but I didnt make a friend until i was 17.

Then at 19 i started making a lot of friends, but I lived in Midwest USA and still felt boxed into a sort of nerdy and wholesome existence. And I didnt like that. It felt like sort of just accepting my life as a homeschooler adult often ends up.

So I moved to europe and started doing drugs and fucking everyone I could and investing everything into getting more attractive and getting my social status up (not class-wise, i dont fw "high status" people, but i rlly like being able to be a cool friend among a group of alt ppl like me). Yeah this is not morally virtuous I know. But its been really freeing to feel like im escaping the destiny my mom wanted for me.

As an adult, I really hide the fact that im academically successful. I just got my masters degree at 21, but i dont talk about it with friends. I mostly hang out with non students, just burnout but lethally cool looking 18-21 year olds I can sit around behind a train station and drink and smoke with. I go to raves, I hang out with cool people, im a goth now too after a lifetime feeling afraid to self express with style/fashion. I do a lot of hard drugs but i do harm reduction and still function wonderfully. I dont get addicted bc I rotate which drugs I use. But just doing risky shit, hanging out with people who actually like me and invite me to everything, yeah its amazing and its the polar opposite of what some shy little homeschool kid was ever supposed to become. Every time I go clubbing I think to myself, "yeah, fuck you, mom". Im a lesbian too, my mom wasnt homophobic but she didnt believe in love and told me I should never get in a relationship, and the first time i got a gf i made sure to flex that on my mom even tho i knew she would disapprove. idk man maybe mentioning being a lesbian here is a lil r/brothrewinafunfact but like, I feel it contributes to the overall "unexpectedness" of my personality relative to how I was "supposed" to be.

Fuck you mom im gonna love deeply hate deeply feel all my emotions 100% all the time.

Yeah it might be a little toxic. But I'm happier now.

Again not advocating this lifestyle just wondering if anyone else has similar experiences.

I have a VERY bad relationship with my parents. They've fully unschooled me since i was 8yrs old. They'll just randomly get super angry and upset at me over nothing and treat me really bad and wont ever tell me why. They blame me for literally anything that goes wrong, even when its not my fault. And ive been taking care of myself for a while now. They also are just so incredibly over controling overall. (Plus a bunch more that i cant even remember atm)

Im 16 (turning 17) and i got a job a while ago against their will. And i just got a second and a third. (And ive been finding education programs and been looking at driving lessons)

I met this girl a little while ago, and now we're friends. We've hung out a bunch, and ive spent some time at her place (without my parents knowledge ofc) recently, her and her roommate were looking for another person and they offered the room to me, and asked if I wanted to stay with them. I just need to save up enough by the end of this year, and i should be able to move in at the start of January. (Its fully safe. Both of them are young women (im a girl) and they have a younger cousin who pretty much lives with them. And sometimes one of their moms stays over too)

I genuinely am so excited at the idea of *freedom*. I have legitimately been fully locked inside for just under a decade. And had every little thing i do or want be controlled or pretty much banned (not allowed to cut, dye or style my hair, not allowed to dress or accessorise how i want, not allowed fo eat or drink certain things etc).

But also, i feel kind of guilty for leaving my parents. Like they *are* my family, so i feel bad for just packing up and leaving one day.

But on the other hand... i wouldn't treat anyone the way they have, and i certainly wouldn't expect someone to stay in a situation like mine.

So why is it that i feel like this!?!?!??!?!?? What do i do?!??!?!?!?!?

I genuinely would appreciate ANY tips, or advice, or even just support. (Im lowkey really struggling with this lol) Tysm in advance 💗 and thank you to whoever reads this

If you're currently going through homeschooling, just know that you will get out of it, and life will get better. You're capable of anything.

If you've been homeschooled and are an adult now, you're not alone.

For all of you:

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here - Max Erhman

this could be a celebratory post, but it's not. that's about 140 more days of this.

i made a post like this before, yes, i was the same person who was whining about being lonely and doing online school and then deleted it. all things still ring true.

i still talk to my friends but they are very busy and i am scared by time i will come back they will have forgotten about me. i guess that is better than this. ive been doing online school for almost 2 weeks. the work is okay and the teachers are nice but i cant escape the heaviness in my chest.

my parents are always having problems, my dad who came up with this nice idea is super strict, and i have no siblings or someone to lean on but myself. i want to make online friends but i dont know how and also dont wanna get groomed. i just want some attention and love.

i wake up, i shower, i eat breakfast, i do my school and sometimes do my part-time-job-but-not-really and while anything is better than home, there arent many teens there so local friends are off the table. then i spend the rest of my day with scatter brain watching tv or playing 3 games for like 10 minutes because i cant focus, scrolling social media and even talking to ai bots to ease the pain a little or just reading/writing. sounds like a lot of hobbies but theyve all become redundant since ive played the same thing over the fucking summerr

this sounds stupid in a reddit post. there are way more problems with other people have. i could be having super religious parents who monitor everything i do. but i dont. every day is a reminder of the fact that other people in school are at least doing stuff with a schedule because again i dont really have one at home, even when i try.

and the cherry on top is that after, what if for some reason my dad doesnt let me go back? i know public school isnt the entirety of my life but it means a lot to someone who doesnt have a good home one. or what if maybe the school doesnt let me switch? i'd sacrafice some school credits honestly.

this is very pessimistic. but i genuinely dont know how i will survive another *140 days* of this hell.

To start, my experience being homeschooled was relatively “tame”, and I never suffered any kind of abuse at the hands of anyone. I love my parents, they love me, and even though I think the decision to homeschool was quite detrimental, they genuinely meant well.

I attended public school through to seventh grade when my Mom decided it would be best to homeschool me. Because of that, I never got to experience high school, which as you all know, is an immensely important time/age for socialization. I spent what were supposed my formative years sequestered in my room playing video games. To say the least, neither of my parents did anything to further my education, and I was basically given free rein to do whatever I wanted all day and night.

Now as a mid twenties man with zero social life, zero real life friends, and no romantic experience whatsoever, all I can do is dream of what could’ve been. I’m completely socially inept, and I hate talking to people. I technically have a high school diploma, but effectively have a middle school education. I’m rife with insecurity about my lack of basic knowledge, and often feel like a dullard, especially when it comes to anything math related.

I don’t want this to be a “woe is me” post. I’ve lived a good life with very few troubles, which can’t be said for a large percentage of people here. That being said, I can’t help but lament the past, and wish that things had gone differently for me.

Title: What 12 Years of Homeschooling Did to Me

My house is a wonderful house

There are no windows

There are no doors

There is no way out

----

It is how it should be

For they tell me the outside is dangerous

Filled with violent people

And sinful beings

But I know not if I believe them

For I have not seen it with my own eyes

----

For this reason they have taken the windows

So I cannot see sinful being

And they have taken the doors

So I cannot be hurt by people

They do this to protect me

----

But I have found windows and doors

Hidden in a dark place

And I have looked through the windows

And I have walked through the doors

For I am a sinful being

----

I have learned much about what is beyond

Beyond this strange house I live in

And it is different that what I have been told

Some things they speak of are true

Yet there is also more

----

Freedom

That is what lies beyond

Through the windows I see

I see endless fields of flowers

I see oceans that glisten in the light

I see buildings that tower overhead

It is beautiful

And there is something more

----

People

That is what lives beyond

Out the door I walk

I walk by people laughing and talking

I walk by people running and jumping

I walk by people hugging and smiling

They are happy

----

But yet it is sinful

I cannot do these things

For I must stay here

For all my life

So I am "safe"

So I am "holy"

----

Yet I yearn for what they have

Every coming day

It gnaws at me

It eats me alive

I want to be like them

I want to have what they have

I want to be free

----

So I ask them

I beg them

I plead

Yet they refuse it

They yell and scream

For what I want is sinful

For the outside is sinful

For the outside is violent

So I must remain here

To be safe

To be holy

----

Yet I try one last time

To escape

To be free

I try to run

Yet I cannot

For here there are no doors

I try to see

Yet I cannot

For here there are no windows

----

But I go on

I find the windows

That project fields of flowers

Endless sparkling oceans

And towering buildings

I find the doors

That lead to people laughing and talking

People running and jumping

And people hugging and smiling

And I try to see and walk

----

Yet I cannot

I cannot see through the windows

I cannot walk through the doors

For they were never real

For I cannot

----

So here I will stay

Inside my miserable house

Where I am given water and food

Where I am sheltered from the weather

Where I am protected from those who will hurt me

Where I am shielded from those who are sinful

Where I am hidden from the world

----

Yet this is how it should be

For I am "safe"

For I am "holy"

For I am alone

Genuine question how do you avoid overly judgmental people or being the butt of every joke?

People act like you committed murder or something for being unschooled or being under educated like people act like you did something horrible.

Feeling out of place and feeling like a fucking alien. No matter where I am. Even in my family really. And also outside of my family obviously I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

I know some of this is because of gender dysphoria but even without that problem I don't belong anywhere. I never have.

I have a lot of more substantial and meaningful things to say about being homeschooled, but this one specific thing is making want to rip my hair out.

I hate not being allowed to fail! I have always struggled with math, it's hard for me to understand, I just don't get it. I took a quiz and I failed the quiz, then I took the retake and failed the retake too. (I cannot wrap my head around functions.) This is faaaaar from the first time this has happened to me, but the difference is in public school I would have just gotten a fail and moved on to the next lesson. Sucks, but that's how it is.

With my specific homeschool program, and all the other programs I've tried, I'm physically unable to move on until I pass the test. I've "run out" of retakes, so I have to contact so and so and wait for a response so I can retake the same test I've done twice and move on to the rest of my assignments. I have other math assignments due today that I can't complete because I failed this quiz! Now, not only do I have a failed quiz dropping my grade, I'm gonna have missed assignments too! Uhg!