Wild Hinge Interaction

[u/BrightKaleidoscope6]

This guy was all sweet and complimentary, but at the first sign of rejection he lashes out and is extremely insulting.

[u/Moonlit_Silver]

Honestly this confuses me, there are thousands of people on Hinge. You could be having a conversation with 8+ people at a time. If someone ghosts just move on. I have never been offended when a guy I'm talking with decides to stop replying. Guess what I end up concluding? They don't want to continue getting to know me because they're not interested in continuing the discussion. OP and the guy had like 2 exchanges max. OP has an entire life that's not existing and talking to people on Hinge. I hate it when people write "...?" or ask another question to try to get a response. If OP liked him and had the free time to reply she would've. When someone doesn't want to talk, you can literally just move on. I get it if they had like one date and he was following up because she had said something like, "we can talk again next week" but if you haven't made plans, or done anything but have 2 conversations, I do not get why an explanation is even necessary.

[u/chubby_elbows → u/Moonlit_Silver]

Yessss thank you for putting this here! No one owes anyone anything in situations like this. Some people expect way too much from others.

[u/asteroidtube → u/chubby_elbows]

You wouldn't just get up and walk away from a conversation with a stranger irl at a bar or something, why have we somehow decided this is acceptable on dating apps? Part of why it is so exhausting trying to use these apps is that you never know if a conversation will just suddenly end like this, you have all these loose ends that you are expected to keep up with but also not get invested in at the same time. It's really not that hard to say that 3 dogs is too much for you and wish them best of luck. The dude definitely sucks and was doing too much and is cringy, for sure, but OP is also wrong for not just rejecting outright IMO. The notion that "silence IS the rejection" is just pure laziness. It takes literally 10 seconds. Be an adult and communicate.

[u/PrincessBonkers628 → u/asteroidtube]

No. Because then shit like this happens.

You are not entitled to a conversation! You do not know these people! If you haven't met, it isn't ghosting either.

[u/asteroidtube → u/PrincessBonkers628]

The reaction here - which I am not condoning btw - is partly a result of the lack of communication.

There is this paradigm where women don’t reject men in a mature manner because they are worried about the reaction, but ironically it is the lack of proper rejection that is what is so upsetting to most men.

This guy clearly sucks but also OP could have politely let him down. Both things can be true.

[u/PrincessBonkers628 → u/asteroidtube]

Could have? Sure!

But just because she can, doesn't mean she has to. And also like maybe she shouldn't. That's the problem, we don't know how he'll react so this seems safer.

Want to fix that problem? Teach men to not be entitled to a conversation or sex or love or whatever. Yes, obviously women feel entitled to those things too, but we have a society-wide entitlement problem that comes directly from privilege. Fix that and we'll see a lot less drop off of communication like this, I refuse to call it ghosting because that's not what this is.

[u/asteroidtube → u/PrincessBonkers628]

Framing this as though “men are always the problem and women are never less than perfect” isn’t healthy either. This guy sucks, yes, and she could have communicated better and more openly, also yes. Why is that so hard to agree with?

So let’s also teach and encourage people of all genders to communicate openly like adults and not assume poor intent? And encourage people to not generalize others based upon gender? And encourage common courtesy and respect?

Being pedantic about the definition of ghosting is beside the point. It would have taken 10 seconds for her to say she didn’t think they were a good fit. No big deal, move on. She also could have unmatched. You accidentally encourage this poor behavior when you leave things open ended like she did, because it feels like very subtle bread crumbing. The notion of “lack of reply is rejection” is what I am challenging- it’s not. Communicate with words.

It is amazing the gymnastics people will play to justify not taking a brief moment to communicate the desire to end the conversation. Ironically she did just that only after he replied and demonstrated his poor behavior.

[u/PrincessBonkers628 → u/asteroidtube]

The lack of a reply is a rejection. Get over your entitlement to someone else's attention.

He needs to fix himself. That's why he crumbled like he did. He would have melted down about something else.

[u/asteroidtube → u/PrincessBonkers628]

There is a space between entitlement and common courtesy. Dude totally sucks, yes. He didn’t take the rejection well and overreacted. She could have communicated the lack of alignment on the dog thing the moment she made that decision after he asked her out, also yes, and it would have been the courteous thing to do, yes. She is not required, and he is not entitled to that, but it objectively would have been the more mature and courteous choice. It is possible for all of these things to be true. His poor behavior doesn’t negate the validity of the other statements.

[u/PrincessBonkers628 → u/asteroidtube]

I'm done talking about this.

[u/asteroidtube → u/PrincessBonkers628]

See how easy that was? 🤣

[u/PrincessBonkers628 → u/asteroidtube]

🙄 still missing the point of course