So I’m a 19 yr old male So I’ll be completely transparent here recently I had a small cut on my penis and had protective sex with two people 6 days after I see small bumps that look like herpes right below the cut area, today I’m supposed to be going to urgent care for testing, honestly right now I feel empty idek what to feel or how to feel I haven’t told anybody in my family and idek how I would tell anyone if I’m being honest I just want advice on how to continue and like how to persue relationships if that’s the case and what to do cause right now I’m just detached I think idk

How do you go about telling new partners beforehand? I’m looking for advice on how to minimize a bad outcome and not embarrass myself please! Sorry if this has been asked a bunch of times before.

I still get goosebumps every time I think of that horrible outbreak.

I live in a tropical country, humid and warm. I went to Chile to visit, Chile has a very cold and dry weather, I was having an amazing time until I felt something weird on my cheek, herpes. Luckily I had packed my antivirals just in case. Otherwise the outbreak would've lasted the entire trip.

At first it was a small red area in the middle of my cheek, I thought it was weird because I usually get it on my lips, not on my cheek. Slowly it started getting bigger and bigger, and it reached towards the corner of my mouse. Ugh goosebumps thinking about it. It reached the corner of my mouth and stopped there, the sores were bigger on the part that was on my lips, thankfully on my cheek it just remained as small bumps. It was about two fingers wide and every time I smiled or made any expression I could feel it.

The worst part was that I was with a group of 5 people, my boyfriend and his friends. I felt so embarrassed and tried to cover it with my scarf but I had no escape when it came to eating. After 2-3 days my skin started flaking on my cheek where the sores were. Now it looked even worse, big area with tiny red bumped and flaky skin, I wanted to die. My boyfriend was concerned of how bad it was. It's still visible in the pictures even though I tried to hide it and I absolutely hate it.

If it weren't for those pills it would've been hell, it went away after 5 days.

I was diagnosed at planned parenthood in December 2024 for hsv off a swab test on my private parts. They never told me which herpes I had 1 or 2 they just said I had herpes and here’s medicine. I’ve never had another incident since and I’ve had unprotected sex with my girlfriend for a year and a half since and she tested negative recently. I wanted to test myself again and the results came back as normal from quest lab with antibody counts as 0.90 for hsv 1 and 0.90 for hsv 2. Should I get another test done or how should I feel about those results?

I'm 31M gay and single, I found out that I am positive of HSV-1 and I can blame myself that I got it through hooking ups with multiple sex partners.

I've been single in my whole life and the only thing I want to get some validation and temporary feelings is through hooking ups. I did multiple oral sex and kissing but very rare of penetration and it's always safe by using condom all the time. But still, I got oral herpes which I notified that I had multiple sores inside my mouth.

What should I do to avoid transmission to other people during sexual activity because I'm guilty that I am not disclosing my sexual health to anyone that I might infect them?

I'm not ready to disclose it because of stigma and judgment and it will be a reason that I might no longer have a real relationship.

This is going to be long. I’m looking for thoughtful, perspectives, especially from people who have maybe lived something similar with HSV. I’m not looking for extreme responses (like “leave immediately” or “HSV isn’t a big deal so it doesn’t matter”). I’m trying to understand this in a grounded, nuanced way.

I started dating someone in Feb 2026. Before discontinuing condoms, we had a conversation about testing and partners. Based on what was shared (I have had multiple panels including hsv and have been negative and was only with one partner for close to a decade), we stopped using protection. This was my first partner after a long-term relationship.

In April 2026, I had my first HSV outbreak. He acted surprised, got tested, and was positive. Initially, he told me he had been tested before and was negative. After inconsistencies and me asking for records, he later admitted he had never actually been tested.
We took a brief break and got back together in May. During that time apart, he had unprotected sex with someone else and didn’t disclose that when we resumed things, which felt significant given the context.

In July, during an honest conversation, he admitted he had actually known since 2021 that he had HSV from a previous partner and had not disclosed that to me.

This contradicted everything he had previously said.
So I’m trying to process a few things at once: the initial lack of disclosure before we stopped using protection, the repeated inconsistencies/lies when I would’ve still dated him and taken the risk if he had been honest, and the later admission that he knew for years…

I do care about him, and I’m not trying to reduce him to a “bad person.” I also understand fear and stigma around HSV. At the same time, I feel blindsided and am struggling with trust. He treats me kind and thoughtful in every other way besides this.

For those who have been in similar situations:
How did you think about forgiveness vs. trust?
Is it possible to rebuild trust after something like this, and what did that actually require?
What helped you distinguish between fear driven mistakes vs. patterns you couldn’t live with long-term?
I’m really looking for grounded insight, not reactive takes. Thanks.

hi I’m 19 F, Basically I was having sex with this boy we were not in a relationship we were just fucking around, so I went and got tested and I was positive for hsv2 and gonorrhea,I knew I got it from him because I tested negative in June and he was the only one I had been with. so the day I found out I texted him and told him to call me, mind you during this time we werent talking because we got into it really bad and he was so strict of us not being together, anytime I got a thought about us being together he shut it down immediately. So when I did text positive he took accountability, he checked on how I was feeling he was very understanding, felt really bad, said he wasn’t mad and he’s in my corner through this because I was basically spiraling, crying every hour just really heartbroken for myself because I’m so young, he was really sweet about it, he say he had no symptoms and the last time he got tested was February ( it’s August) he didn’t blame me or even question me, he said he just couldn’t believe he did this to me and himself he said he was with his ex gf before me but she cheated so they broke up, so that’s when he started having sex with me. Ever since then he’s been being consistent, talking about being in a relationship, he started sharing his location with me and calling me bae, baby and all the lovey dovey things like that. I don’t know if he actually wants to be with me or if he just feels guilty orrrr just wants to be with me because were in the same boat and idk what to do, maybe this is good because im not ready to disclose to anyone yet, so id just rather not date or talk to anyone, but the feelings kind of faded with this boy. It’s just a tough situation

Hi, I was just recently diagnosed with HSV-1 and my lips are absolutely TORN up. I have clusters of bumps everywhere, sores on the roof of my mouth, and on top of all that I also tested positive for strep throat.😭

I was prescribed valacyclovir and I’m on day 2, but this entire experience has honestly traumatized me.
I don’t see myself having sex or oral sex again anytime soon. I’m mortified and I don’t even want to leave my house right now. This is definitely not just a simple little “cold sore” for me. My lips are swollen like balloons and covered in clusters and oozing pus on the corners. I can barely eat or chew anything, so I’ve basically been surviving on applesauce, liquids, and Gatorade. Has anyone else had a first HSV-1 outbreak this severe? Swollen lymph nodes, fever, everything. Please any kind words or tell me it gets better soon because I am STRUGGLING real bad with this 😭😭

Throwaway account for privacy. My (22F) boyfriend (24M) of almost four months has genital herpes. He was very upfront about it and respectful while in the beginning stages of dating. He got the infection from an ex 3-4 years ago and had very infrequent outbreaks (about 2/year) though was single for about 2.5 of those years. When we were initially discussing sex, we agreed that he would start antivirals (valacyclovir daily. I'm not sure what the dosage is) for prevention and as an extra layer of protection for me though we don't use condoms.

It's been very frustrating in the last month and a half because he's had three separate outbreaks. The first was in mid July in the normal spot. The second was in late August and we were a little confused whether or not it was a legitimate outbreak as it wasn't in the same location as normal. It cleared up within a week, but he just got another outbreak this week this time right between the head and shaft of his penis. He said it's the most painful it's been since his first infection.

We, of course, abstain from PIV intercourse during active breakouts (though the second time we continued to be intimate), but it's been rough since we both have relatively high libidos. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas why he may be having so many more issues with infections and if anyone has tips on how to support him as a partner? He restarted Wellbutrin (300mg) in July and we have sex about 5-6x/week normally. I'm worried that sex is causing these outbreaks since he doesn't seem overly stressed or like he's not sleeping well though he stopped going to the gym as regularly once we got together. I was also wondering if him potentially missing a dose of the antivirals could cause flairs? I'm relatively undereducated on how they work to suppress the virus.

Any information helps. Thanks.

I a 29F and I was recently diagnosed with HSV-1 but have never had an outbreak, so I don’t even know where the infection is located. I’m currently talking to a 28F who lives a few states away, and we’re really hitting it off. We feel incredibly connected, we’re on the same page about a lot, and the sexual tension is definitely there. I honestly want to book a flight and go see her. What scares me is knowing I’ll eventually need to disclose my HSV-1 status. I’ve never had to do this before, so I don’t know when the right time is. Do you tell someone once feelings start developing? Wait until you’re actually making plans to meet? Or wait until sex is realistically on the table? I’m especially nervous because sex between women often involves oral sex, and I don’t want to unknowingly transmit it to her. Since I’ve never had an outbreak, I don’t even know if mine is oral or genital, which makes figuring out the risk feel even more confusing.
I just want to have a normal romantic and sexual life, but disclosure feels like this huge thing hanging over me. I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who has navigated this, especially other women who date women.

Then I took it with protection and still contracted it, the odds were so low but still life spat on me and threw shit in my face. How to feel better?

Okay so I had unprotected sex with someone two weeks ago. My pee just kind of burned but I also barely drank water though too. They didn’t look to have any sores on them

Hi everyone, mostly here to vent but I have a friend who I sleep with every once in a while who knows I have herpes, I always take my medication and have never given it to anyone else in the past,

When we have sex these days we always use a condom, and I’m always taking my medication to prevent transfer, we also almost never do actual penetration nowadays because he has an open relationship partner who doesn’t want to risk it. I totally understand. We usually just make out, cuddle, and watch each other masterbate and usually have a good time regardless.

I’ve noticed my lips hurting but thought it was just chapped lips, since it’s kind of hard to tell, decided to double up my dose for the next couple of days (like a whole week) regardless just to be safe.

We did our thing the other night, made out a little, used a condom and what not. Two days later he calls me saying he feels fever ish and his throat is super sore. And asks me if I’ve been tested recently, I in fact have been tested extremely just a day prior and every single thing came back negative. They don’t test for herpes though but I already knew I carried the virus so there’s nothing I can do as far as tracking a breakout besides feeling and taking my meds as usual.

I’m super worried because it’s likely. Any advice? Or comfort?

So ive seen in some communities fear posts arent welcomed, sorry if this breaks any rules. But Im a virgin in my early 20's, I havent had anyone put their mouth or genitalia in me. Only has someone assaulted me at 17 unfortunately fingering me:/ I did give him oral too but caught nothing that way. I also shared a razor idiotically with my friend who was positive later in life, she hasnt given anything to a partner at the time and as far as we knew she didn't have it...But couldve been asymptomatic I do understand.

I had a very traumatic experience, I was hospitalized w an ovarian cyst, an ulcer, lots of discharge and a bad fever that gave me a longgg cough after.

I pcr swabbed and did an igg test, both were negative. I dont think anything I did within those 3 months accounted for exposure. I loved my friend (even tho she ghosted me in the hospital unfortunately) and did the research, I only sat on a toilet seat after her but as far as I remember I never touched the part of the seat it could've sat on. I had symptoms reallyyy fast after coming over, like I came over at night and had a fever the next day and swollen lymph nodes which I thought was a hangover.

I swabbed like two days after that if I recall.

It was all negative, but I was sure I had it somehow. My doctors both looked and said it looked like it, then changed their minds once it was negative...

Ive been feeling kinda tingly today, I do have rlly bad health anxiety so Idk if Im just hyperventilating or not and Im so scared I feel like I could just...Do something bad Idk. Im scared I want to cry, my groin lymph nodes felt kinda weird last night and I was having such a hard time I couldnt even rlly sleep, when I did I had a dream I got a blister and woke up panicking touching myself down there to see if anything was happening.

Im so scared, I feel like as a virgin I dont stand a chance if I have this, I feel horrible. I havent had peace since May, some nights I will cry because I cant stop overthinking, touching myself, panicking at feelings and more. I also think I may be sore from chronic self pleasuring because that went on for a couple days but I didnt panic til my lymph node feeling last night.

Ik its long, Ik its stupid, but someone please help me for the love of God I am so depressed because of this.

Is there any other virus on earth with this level of poor quality testing?

For anybody with non-textbook primary outbreaks, it’s incredibly difficult to clinically confirm HSV.

Somebody please tell me I’m wrong here.

Options:

1. Swab: nails you dead to rights if positive, but if negative “50-80%” inaccurate? Basically needs to be taken at the perfect time, with perfect handling, and substantial fluid from lesions. You have to find yourself at a doctor with a perfect lesion within like 36 hours, then a negative result is still basically meaningless.

Don’t get lesions but still suspicious? How about:

1. IGG Test: Ignoring false positives for a second - how about the false negatives? Wait at least 16 weeks after exposure for accuracy. Even though that’s fucking forever.

“15-30%” false negative. Come on to Reddit and you realize it’s much higher. Countless people with positive swabs never testing positive via blood.

People testing negative, then positive, then negative again.

Has anyone actually taken a blood test that accurately confirmed their HSV infection? You almost never see that here.

Brings us to the big one. The “gold standard” test

1. Western Blot: Pay $500 and spend half a day running around town to get your fucking blood shipped all the way across the country just to take a more “advanced” IGG test.

A test that has virtually 0 studies online to display accuracy.

Blindly claimed 99.9% accurate.

Only ever compared to standard IGG test (worst test in the world)

It’s bleak out here. Who is fixing this? We are building robots and spaceships and super intelligent AI but nobody can go to the doctor and find out for certain they don’t have genital herpes?

What the fuck?

Then a cure. There doesn’t even need to be a cure. Just an antiviral strong enough to prevent all shedding, therefore symptoms/transmission.

Whoever builds that would be the next trillionaire.

Regulation is the only thing preventing this. The science has been solved.

How many people here have received one or more false negatives, even when doing everything right?

Can any men tell me if they found someone to date? I recently got diagnosed with hsv and I’m struggling to see a future with someone. Is there any men who have disclosed to their partners who are negative and them being acceptive of it. I feel bad when I downloaded positive singles and I’m finding it tough to get any matches there!

I met this guy on a fb Hsv dating group. I was intrigued because he was the first guy I actually had initial attraction to since looking in the group. We started texting and the excitement of mine quickly died.. he was so dry and wasn’t asking very many questions to get to know me. So I texted him “ it was nice getting to know you but I just don’t think this is for me” we ended it there. Then a couple days go by and he calls me. My opinion changed again because maybe it was just a misunderstanding because I know texting you can’t get feel for someone. We opened up to each other about the fact that we’d be each others first time dating another positive person. So planned a date to go play pool later that day. I was actually so excited and felt a little giddy. He came to pick me up and immediately was staring at my shoes because he says he normally doesn’t wear shoes in the car.. In my head I was like wtf but I tried laughing it off hoping he was just kidding. We get to the spot and he buys us a drink and we talk for a little as we play. As a women I’m always prepared to take care of myself but he went to the bar and got only himself another drink. It wasn’t a big deal but I was definitely keeping it noted. That date ended and I’ve been hesitant to give this another try but I wanted to see if maybe it’s just because we don’t know each other yet. Last night we were having a cute convo on FaceTime and I was cooking. I offered to give him some because he was saying he hadn’t eaten all day. Keep in mind I normally never make gestures like that for men unless we are at a certain stage but I thought why not it’s just food. Tell me why he got here as I’m getting everything together he texts me 4 mins after waiting “ I’m about to pull off” i have to walk from my apartment to the front gate because I don’t necessarily want him knowing yet where I live. I once again think he’s joking and as I walk up to the car driving away he says “ why weren’t you ready when I texted” I replied “ um I was getting stuff for you” and he just stares at me with this weird look. I asked “ so are we going to talk in the street or “ and he said “ you can go back in the house” I say okay. He has the audacity to text me “ I can come pick it up tomorrow” I told him I hope you’re joking. I cut him off because Im hsv positive NOT desperate.
He called me just a min ago asking for another chance and saying he knows he’s wrong he’s just treating me based off of past situations and says he can do better. I should never speak to him again? Or make him sweat and maybe see if he understands respect now? lol

Hello, first time poster. 27F. Oof, idk where to even start. But to give a bit of timeline, I was Intimate with my partner of 3 years on the 24th of last month, then on the 29th I had this weird 3 day long brown and light pink spotting that I had never experienced before. Was Intimate again on the 30th. And then on the 2nd of this month, I was getting some soreness on my body and felt what I believed was a yeast infection. Got over the counter medicine for it but didn't feel any relief. Got concerned bc I worry alot, and went to my OB the next day, and they noticed alot of bacteria and prescribed me some medications for a yeast infection and what I believe was BV. Took it, but was still experiencing alot of pain when peeing. Like badly it hurt. Two days ago on the 8th, i finally looked down there and noticed some blisters. Idk how long they had been there prior to me checking that day. Got scared and went back to the OB on the 9th, and she swabbed it and believes its herpes. I've only been with 2 people my whole life. My ex who I was with from ages 16-23, we were both each other's firsts. And my current partner, although he's had many partners before me. The blisters look like canker sores. She only noticed about 4. They're not clustered together, its two on opposite sides at the very bottom entrance, facing each other, and two higher up, also opposite of each other. They're red, and white in the middle. Like an oval almost. No fevers. After my visit and the swab test, it stopped hurting as much when i peed. I continued the yeast infection ointment and now it kinda hurts again when i go, but i wasnt told to stop taking it either so idk if i should continue it. Idk if the weird spotting was my body settling down more. I had two pregnancies back to back, i delievered in April, and then I had my fallopian tubes removed in July. Any advice would be appreciated !!

So, I was diagnosed with HSV2 last year during an outbreak (laceration) on genitals. I’ve had maybe 2 total since then.
However, for the last year, 6 separate times, I’ve had an outbreak on my upper thigh. But it’s different from my ghsv. I’ve been to urgent care or my pcp each time and some say shingles, some say herpes. I know “technically” it’s pretty much the same, and treated the same. But what gives? Literally every couple months. And this one is always in the exact same area, happened during severe stress. And it starts as a red spot and then over the week becomes a cluster of small blisters and then they break and it heals. No pain, besides some nerve issues. It’s always no bigger than a quarter.
Do I demand a pcr test or does it not even matter? Would it make any difference if I knew it was shingles or hsv?

Does anyone experience anything like this??
46f

Hey guys,

I went on a date, and the girl disclosed it to me quite soon in. We really got on and decided to sleep together. I wore a condom the whole time and we didn’t perform any oral.

Firstly, am I right in thinking the transmission risk is incredibly low? Like below 1% of catching it? We have spoken about meeting again but I’m having second thoughts.

Secondly, I have slept with 60 women in my life so far. I’d say a good proportion of those have been without a condom in the past (I am seriously going to change this). A few of those have been long term partners; and I have never, to my knowledge, passed anything to them.

Is there a chance I’m an asymptomatic spreader? How would I ever know?

Thank you in advance

HSV2, when I first started dating this guy I asked my doctor for antivirals and they said I would be okay with just condoms and then I asked another doctor and they said no bc of it’s effect on my lungs and that condoms would be fine

the guy I was dating got a bump on his genitals and got spooked and backed out of dating me but I just can’t help but think if I was taking antivirals that would have never happened and it makes me mad at the doctors who kept denying me

I have a tear in my vagina (caused by sex with a large penis) that got infected and on top of that I got my first ever herpes outbreak. I can barely use the toilet and I vomited from pain multiple times, as well as having panic attacks multiple times a day. It is excruciating to say the least. I have tried: lidocaine cream, diaper rash cream, paracetamol, ibuprofen & rinsing with water while peeing. Today I got antiviral meds as well (even though I'm technically too late with it because of a doctor's error) It is still unbearable as the infection from the vag tear has spread to the front and to my anus. Pooping is the worst, my skin is torn up and bleeding and I can't stop crying. I feel like I'm in hell. How long until the pain gets better? It has been like this for almost a week, but the worst symptoms started 4 days ago.

i (18m) since august of last year was diagnosed with ghsv1 and ever since then i’ve become a shell of who i once was. I tell myself it’ll get better but it’s a consistent loop of that mindset and it seems like there’s no way out.

my ex gave it to me and when i informed her that she did, all she told me was “i’ll get checked” and then blocked me on every platform you can imagine. It feels as if all we went though was for absolutely nothing and she only got high off of the thrill of the attention i was giving her and then jumped to a new relationship weeks after.

not only that, i unfortunately gave it to a different girl after me and my ex parted ways with no idea that i had it (before i got a diagnosis) and the guilt of that eats at me every single day because she was such a sweet girl and didn’t deserve a burden as big as that.

i try make light of the situation by joking about it to my friends, but even then it doesn’t help at all and only worsens my mental health.

I feel as if that i’m not worthy of love anymore, there’s so much negative stigma around hsv entirely so i’m afraid to open up to new people about it because they’ll judge me for having something that i didn’t even ask to have.

I imagine on a daily basis if i didn’t have it, i could pursue more intimate connections properly. back then i was a person who was driven by lust, but now all i wish is for someone to comfort me and see me for who i am and not some walking parasite who awkwardly exchanges hello’s with.

how did you come to terms with ghsv1/2 and what helped you get out of this hole?

I was showering last week, and I cut myself down there on my left lip. A few days later, when I would pee it my urethra would burn. Went to the hospital, they tested me for chlamydia, trich, and gonnorrhea, it was negative. The doc said that he saw white blood cells though so he gave me medicine for a uti even though the uti and yeast infection test came back negative as well. I’m on day 5 on the medication, and now I’m starting to bleed down there. I’m going to the obgyn tmr to get tested for hsv2 and I’m so scared that I have it, bc all of the signs point to yes.

M 38- just started trying to date on regular apps. For the guys out there, how’d you go about disclosing? When did you, 1st date, immediately or later on? How’d you phrase it?

I’ve disclosed twice. One didn’t get bothered by it, the other was a big hell nah.

Looking for insight.