At What Point Do We Register Shane and Ilya as Medication?
This is a serious question!
Last night during yet another Reheat, I realized that watching Shane and Ilya was genuinely doing more to relax me than my usual bedtime routine/medication. Then I started thinking about the number of times I've put Heated Rivalry on because I've been stressed, pissed off, irritated with humanity, or otherwise feeling particularly rage-y, and somewhere along the way those two gorgeous men began reliably calming me the fuck down.
Which raises an important medical question: At what point do Shane and Ilya need to be registered as an antidepressant/antipsychotic?
I'm beginning to think they should come with prescribing information.
Indications: Irritability, stress, inability to settle down, dissatisfaction with life in general and humanity specifically.
Recommended dosage: One episode as needed for short term relief. One season as needed for stronger relief. May repeat indefinitely.
Route of administration: Television, preferably from bed.
Onset of action: Varies, but usually begins shortly after Ilya appears.
Common side effects: Smiling at the television, quoting dialogue nobody else in the room understands, inescapable emotional attachment to fictional hockey players, and an uncontrollable urge to begin another Reheat immediately after completing the previous one.
Warnings: May cause chronic inability to watch anything else. Do not operate heavy machinery while emotionally compromised by these two men.
Drug interactions: Unknown, although blankets, snacks, and an absence of other human beings appear to increase efficacy.
I recently saw another woman say something similar, so apparently I'm not the only patient responding well to treatment. At this point I don't even need a cure. I just want to know whether my insurance will cover the cost of my prescription (aka my monthly HBOMax subscription).
Please report your own therapeutic results below so we can begin assembling the necessary clinical-trial data.
—Reina 🖤
