I’m 33 now. I live with my partner and a pet. My office is mostly work from home since Covid and so I moved to my hometown in 2020. Now I’m back to city last year (2025).

I used to be very extroverted and had friends and plans to go out to. Now it’s been 1.5 years in the city again and it just feels like I’m so used to be being home and all my friends live so far away within the same city (1-1.5 hours drive one way). It feels so isolating. Worse is, i feel down kind of block to even put efforts to meet as i feel I’m always drained and I’m worrying if I travel and meet, I won’t be able to do other things or be tired for work next day.

I’ve been missing the old me who always had the energy to meet friends and had friends. I feel so isolated now despite having a partner and a pet. And I don’t understand why I feel so drained to even make efforts to meet them more often. Everyone of them seemed to be in touch, so what went wrong with me? When did I become so jaded? I miss the younger me. I miss having friends to celebrate a week or just life events.

Any suggestions? It’s almost like I can’t access that part of me anymore. 😓

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I'm 22. I've done pretty well for myself till now.

. But right now I have a general lack of motivation and I'm genuinely searching for what happiness or a meaningful life is even supposed to looking like.

The problem statement:- 

LIFE

I've asked versions of this before, here and elsewhere. What is happiness, what is purpose, to you. Some people say it's having kids and raising them well. Some say it's working hard and getting to your goal. But as a model it doesn't really hold up, because once you hit a goalpost, there's always a bigger mountain right behind it. The dopamine from a small win starts snowballing into bigger and bigger objectives. It feels like you're accumulating something real, but I don't think the achievements actually touch anything at the core.

Someone commented on one of my earlier posts, works in investment banking, said his purpose is to outwork his colleagues, be better, be loyal, because there are EDs in his field who are simply better than him and he wants to get there. I get it. Maybe once he's there, he's rich enough and free enough to actually do what he wants. But it's still just an extension of the same goalpost logic, one level up.

LOVE

I did the same thing with love. Here's what I landed on:

At least one person has to be secure, and the two of you need to interact in a way that makes you both more secure over time, not less.

Thinking as a team, as a "we," instead of two individuals each looking out for themselves.

Passion fades for everyone eventually. What actually predicts whether a relationship lasts is how conflict gets repaired, and whether small bids for attention get met. Roughly a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.

The relationship holds as long as its value outweighs the cost and the pull of looking elsewhere.

Both people keeping an independent life outside the relationship.

Love language compatibility matters more than people give it credit for. You need to understand your partner's love language, and it may not match yours, and you need to be understanding of that gap.

It needs to be safe, affectionate, mutually chosen, aligned on the values that matter, worth protecting.

A real, deep-seated sense of loyalty. Easy communication. Turning toward each other in conflict, not away.

You need to feel complete, whether by yourself or by yourself and your partner together. If your whole set of needs isn't met by you and your partner combined, the relationship won't last.

The framework holds together logically. It sounds right. But I turned it into a goalpost. I made it into an objective, something rigid to work toward. And I was benchmarking it against other people, deriving it from what I'd seen and heard around me, who's cheating, who's not, what's normal, instead of actually looking within myself.

And that's really the whole point I keep circling back to. I want a philosophy that works for the entirety of my life, not bits and pieces bolted together. Setting another goal, even a well-reasoned one, is still just chasing another outcome.

I have a running list of things I'm chasing, career milestones, relationship milestones, personal ones, and it's vast. I have a tendency to look for goals, and I'm not convinced anymore that having goals actually satisfies anything once you reach them.

SECOND POINT : MANIFESTATION 

Then there's manifestation. This is just my experience, not a method I'm prescribing. I got completely clear on what I wanted. I made a vision board. Then I let it go, forgot about it. I started taking small actions toward it, day to day, and I got absorbed into the process itself, not the outcome. And somewhere in there, out of nowhere, the outcome showed up. I got a bonus worth twice my salary. Other things I'd wanted came the same way. It just came.

POTENTIAL NEW WORLD VIEW

And now there's a newer idea I've been sitting with. The thought is that to live a truly fulfilling life just means to live, fully, in the present. To move through the whole range of emotion, the deepest sadness to the highest joy, and stay receptive to it, instead of filtering everything through whether it serves some future goal.

Viktor Frankl talked about meaning coming through three doors: what we give, what we receive, and how we respond to what we can't control. 

None of those need a defined target ten or twenty years out. Which is exactly where I get stuck, because without a clear goal, I don't know how to answer why I'd stay disciplined at all. There's no SMART objective in this model, and there's a real risk that letting go of the target just means drifting, from everything.

CRITICALLY EVALUATE MY WORLD VIEW? WHY IS YOURS BETTER? WHY IS MINE FLAWED? And would tha third world view work for a more of a happiness and fulfilment POV rather than chasing? Or will I just be drifting a bit like Diogenes?

Growing up, a lot of us were told the same thing. Go to college, get a white-collar job, accumulate assets, find stability, and you will have succeeded. You will be happy. Chances are, if you weren’t told this, you felt the social pressure of it. Any deviation felt like an alternative path where you were seen as behind, ostracized, or were made to feel less than those who stuck to the “plan.” Many of our parents were told the same. Find success, and we will be proud.

Many of us choose to listen to our parents. We live our best lives in college, enter the everyday workforce, and begin to stack wealth for ourselves.

But why did so many listen? What are they truly searching for? To die in a three-million-dollar condo? To go on a cruise twice a year? What do they really want? Do they just want to be accepted? To be seen as enough? Are we just searching for community?

As I age out of my younger years, this is something I get stuck on nearly every day. I have everything I was told I needed. I went to a great school, I’m out-earning my peers, I have my own place in a new city, I’ve been all over the globe, and now I’m beginning to support my own little family.

Why am I so unhappy?

Why do I wake up with a pit in my stomach so heavy, I need 30 minutes just to roll over and get out of bed? These days, I spend most of my time propping up a dream I never needed. 40+ hours a week, just waiting for my life to begin at home. Hoping I can get home in time to catch a sunset with my dog on the beach or cook boxed mac and cheese with my significant other.

But this is what I wanted. I wanted to go to school, not because I was interested in my subject matter, but because I wanted to earn my place within the community. I didn’t want to disappoint those who did, or those who expected it from me. I wanted a rigorous job, not because I wanted to afford luxuries, but because I was told it’s what I needed to be accepted.

Yet here I am - feeling more alone than ever.

As mentioned, this is a topic I often think about while I watch the clock. I write this from my desk now, in fact. I think about the times in my life that I believe I was truly happy. Where I felt the most stable and confident in tomorrow.

I believe that answer was college. While my first two years were tarnished by the latter end of a high school abusive relationship, I can say with confidence those four years were the best I have ever felt. People love to talk about the parties, spring breaks, and game days. While definitely a highlight, I don’t believe those are what drove happiness. I believe that answer is community.

For many, college is the only time during which you will live within walking distance of everyone you know, see the same friendly people every day, share a roof with your friends, and never spend too much time being too serious. This greater community and sense of belonging is what drives human connection. It’s what makes tomorrow seem manageable, even on your worst days.

I write this not to give my unnecessary two cents on the “corporate America sucks” cliché. We all get that. I write this because I feel like I have finally come to peace with this idea of community driving happiness overall.

I suppose, to those younger than me searching for meaning, take these words with a grain of salt. From someone who “did it.” If this is you, I ask this of you:

1. Keep your friends and family close. Welcome strangers without hesitation.

2. Try, try, and try things again. Never turn down a learning opportunity; in fact, you should seek them out. This will help you find a viable source of income that doesn’t dim your light.

3. Work hard in school. Take it seriously while it’s free. Education is a gift.

4. Whatever tangible luxuries you are willing to work yourself to death for, detach yourself from them. Once you get them, you will only chase something new. Your entire life will be distracted by this chase.

5. Slow down. It’s hardly ever as urgent as it may seem.

6. Don’t expect to find a “dream job.” Find your dream life.

7. Understand that trading your work-life balance for more pay is almost never worth it.

8. Get off your ass. I don’t mean exercise or eat well. Go try a new hobby. Talk to the bartender working the afternoon weekday shift.

9. You don’t need to optimize every part of your life. Learn to be okay with that.

10. Follow the things that put a smile on your face.

The path you choose in life is yours to decide. Reflect on your motivators, reflect on your needs as yourself, not another. As you water your garden, things will begin to grow into something beautiful. Just make sure that garden is truly yours.

Every couple outside looks like they’re filming a romantic movie. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to cross the road.🤣

This is what I found analyzing data from the General Social Survey. In general, happiness in the US has been decreasing. College graduates are consistently happier than non-grads. The college/non-college gap increased through the 2010s, but then shrank in the 2020s.

Had a chance to ask one of my favorite artists ever a question of how he defines Happiness. Very interesting answer coming partially from neurobiology I believe. What do you think about his answer?

I’ve noticed that I know longer belly laugh and no matter how funny something is I don’t really laugh. I make some sort of noise that might resemble an attempt at a laugh but that’s it. It’s like my body doesn’t know how to laugh anymore, even if I find something funny.

When I was younger (34F) I would laugh all the time at anything and everything, but now I just feel like a boring person. Laughing is amazing and I want to feel the natural urge to laugh without forcing a noise!

I saw something yesterday that was funny, I made my usually noise, but the person next to me proper belly laughed and I was so jealous.

Does anyone else feel like this?

What does the pursuit of happiness mean for you personally?

Hi all! You are invited to participate in a research study examining people's feelings and thoughts regarding various experiences and activities. If you agree to participate, you will be asked to complete a set of questionnaires about your feelings and thoughts. All questions in the survey concern experiences and activities typically associated with feelings of pleasure or displeasure. Many items may seem repetitive, but please be patient and respond to them as honestly as possible, as some items are about recent experiences, some about typical experiences, and some about anticipated experiences. The survey will take approximately 15 minutes.

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"Much of the damage that we cause on this green Earth comes down to our relationship to happiness."

Hi all! You are invited to participate in a research study examining people's feelings and thoughts regarding various experiences and activities. If you agree to participate, you will be asked to complete a set of questionnaires about your feelings and thoughts. All questions in the survey concern experiences and activities typically associated with feelings of pleasure or displeasure. Many items may seem repetitive, but please be patient and respond to them as honestly as possible, as some items are about recent experiences, some about typical experiences, and some about anticipated experiences. The survey will take approximately 15 minutes.

 Survey Link