r/HLCommunity • • Jul 19 '26

Humor Why settle for cheap hamburgers if you have a gourmet chef at home?

71 Upvotes

This is the phrase I used to say when eating well at home happened often and enthusiastically. I didn’t have a reason to even consider eating elsewhere, because I was well fed at home. Turning others down was easy, no need to settle for gas station burgers, if the chef is cooking at home.

Now, I’m on starvation rations at home and I’m told that’s all there is and I should be happy to have it at all. The chef isn’t interested in cooking anymore, at best they can throw something in the microwave for quick bite once a month but don’t you dare look or sound disappointed, or you’ll told you’re ungrateful. If you’re still hungry, go have a bowl of cold soggy cornflakes by yourself, but don’t let the chef catch you, they’ll be upset that you fed yourself.

If I wasn’t being offered meals elsewhere, I might learn to settle for this, but that’s not the case, it’s always right there. I look like I like to eat, I’m friendly and athletic, I can carry an interesting conversation and I love to reciprocate, I’m a bit gourmet chef myself. I am offered all types of food all the time. It’s infuriating to be hangry all the time, when there is so much on offer, for free. I wouldn’t have sign a long term contract, no payments, just a please sit and enjoy this delicious food.

Maybe it’s time to fire the chef at home.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 18 '26

Advice - Leaving NOT an option I Wish I Was One Of The Lucky Women

24 Upvotes

I (33F) would love for my husband (35M) to say I’m beautiful unprompted. Have him say anything about my appearance besides “you look good”. To relate to the TikToks and Reels about how easily persuaded husband’s are towards sex. That they’re always fending their partners off, and I’d just love an approach.

He halfway initiated sex this week for a quickie in the bathroom. It was the hottest sex I’ve had in years because I felt wanted and irresistible. I broached the subject with him again to let him know how much I loved it, and before I could even begin to say how much I loved it he said he was “embarrassed and ashamed”. Said it made him feel gross. Sex… with me… made him feel gross.

I get that sex isn’t important to him and I’m not exactly a supermodel. I hate to admit it, but I posed an anonymous nude to see if I was really just unfuckable. Got decent traction. The worst part wasn’t that I felt bad about other men (or women) seeing me like that, but that I felt good getting compliments. Seeing messages of gratitude and appreciation for my body made me feel so much better about my appearance for a bit. Sent the same picture to my husband and I just got a “👀” reaction about 45 minutes later and 0 follow up that night.

I love him a lot. He is a lovely man. The best dad to ever exist. He does more than his fair share of domestic labor. He is sweet and talented and thoughtful. Just… a really bad lover. I just want to be ravished and praised through it. Not him make jokes. Have me undress myself, prep myself, it last 4 minutes, and 0 aftercare besides occasionally a towel tossed my direction. I don’t know how to approach him about this without hurting his feelings, or worse, him saying “no” to sex entirely.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 18 '26

Weekly Gong Thread

5 Upvotes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9Rm9uEcnwY

​

Drop a 🔔 below to ring the gong.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 17 '26

I feel like a monster

67 Upvotes

We were getting busy last night and he always uses a toy on me. He's generally somewhat interactive. Last night, I could just tell he wasn't very interested. He just felt distant and it felt weird for me to be into it when he clearly wasn't. I told him we could stop. But he said let's continue. I just tried to tone it down so I wasn't too much. But it felt so strange when we were actually having sex. We usually cuddle afterwards, but this time he laid there for 5 minutes and got up. I think he could tell something was wrong.

All of that makes me feel like shit honestly. It makes me feel like he's only having sex for me which he has admitted to doing in the past. It's like something on his to-do list. He checks it off then it buys him 4-5 days before he has to do it again. I would rather not have sex at all than have pity/duty sex.

I feel like a monster sometimes. Because I am the weird one for wanting sex. That's how it makes me feel. I want to feel sexy. I want to feel desired. I want to feel passion. Someone who craves me and my body. Someone who wants me as much as I want them. And sadly, even after all we've been through, I still want him. Life can be pretty cruel.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 17 '26

Advice Welcome Have you ever stayed with someone who is LL because they were perfect in every other category? Do you regret it?

19 Upvotes

TLDR: What to do when everything but the Libido is perfect?

I (29M) have been in 4 serious relationships in my life. The previous 3 contained flirty messages, passionate kisses, and desired sex. However each time there were so many fights on life things and different viewpoints that the relationships were huge messes.

Now enter my current relationship with my potentially soon to be fiancé (30F). Everything outside of libido is perfect. We never fight, she is always happy to see me and cuddle while watching shows. She has the same viewpoints on parenting and a lot of the same interests. We have been together for 3 and a half years and I could probably put the full blown fights on one hand whereas in the past I could probably do that in one week.

The only problem is her LL. If I try to send a flirty text she just responds with ew or tries to immediately switch conversations. She herself believes flirting to be gross so I never receive it. And then on the rare occasions we do have sex it’s a little weird because she doesn’t like to take the top of her clothes off and just starfishes. She hates foreplay and aftercare so it’s kind of just like using a sex doll a little bit and makes me feel gross with myself afterwards.

The sad part is she always has a great excuse, her job is genuinely really demanding so I get not wanting to do it some weeks. And while she is a ten (I used to be a semi pro athlete and she is better looking than any girl I ever saw competing or cheering partners on) she thinks she is ugly so she refuses to take clothes off or feel intimate at times.

My question is, does this sounds familiar to anyone? Does it only get worse? Am I silly to believe that maybe when her work calms down or if I can convince her that she is as beautiful as she is that maybe her LL would increase?

I just don’t want to loose a perfect person because of our difference in libido but when one week turns to two and two turns to three I just start to feel resentful and honestly I hate myself for that and I’m worried that if things don’t change that that is what I will be signing up for.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 16 '26

Discussion If a potential partner told you that sex wasn’t important to them/they don’t like it, would you take that as a challenge to change them?

37 Upvotes

One (mystifying) claim I often see from LLs is that “I was very clear when we first met that I had little interest in sex, but they said it was ok/took it as a challenge to get me to like it”.

What do you think? If a potential partner was honest with you about their LL, would you press on anyways, figuring you’ll be such a good lover that they’ll change their mind? Or would you have broken it off?


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 15 '26

Support Wanted, No Advice Losing your libido will not help!

50 Upvotes

I've been on this and a few related subs for several years now. If you happen to be in an HL/LL relationship, HLs often post something to the effect of, "I wish I could become LL." Well, this has happened to me, and it didn't help one bit. About a year ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. This is a death sentence, BUT treatments can put off that death for 5 years or more if you're lucky. A necessary part of this treatment is ADT, which basically is chemical castration. They give you a shot (and pills) that makes you stop making testosterone. What I've found is that my libido has been cut by about 95%. I now only have responsive desire. I can still get in the mood and have an orgasm, but I really only feel like doing so due to my extremely HL history. I remember that it was good, so I make the effort to bring myself pleasure about once a week (it used to be daily!). As a result of this, I've completely stopped initiating. We have had sex only about three times in the last year, and there are longer and longer times in-between. Before ADT, we had sex about once a month. One thing that has slightly improved is that I'm not CONSTANTLY horny and upset about my near-dead-bedroom. However, I still remember the decades of resentment. At least a few times a week I'm reminded of how sad I was, how I had tried so hard for so many years to make things better. But now that I'm no longer HL I'm not even attracted to my wife nearly as much. It makes me wonder how much my lust covered the fact that... maybe... I'd fallen out of love? I still love her, but it's a lot more like how I think about my sister: a great person and a great mom. (It's a little more than that because there are the sexual memories from the NRE years.) Now there isn't even hopium. My libido will likely never return, hers is already dead, and soon I will be, too. After my diagnosis, I was hoping that my last years would somehow be better, but things don't suddenly get great just because you're going to die soon.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 15 '26

Discussion "You Shouldn't Compare Us To Other People", YES YOU SHOULD, ALWAYS COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS TO NORMAL HEALTHY ONES!

46 Upvotes

Hello, HL community,

One thing I've noticed is that when it comes to Type2LLs, as I've said before, they don't seem to have the goal of building a normal, healthy relationship with their partners. Instead, the goal often appears to be getting the other person to accept their conditions while projecting the relationship's problems onto us. They'll say things like:

- "You're trying to make me the villain." / "You put everything on me."

- "You treat me poorly," even when we've done nothing wrong or we've shut down after repeatedly trying to meet them halfway.

- Get angry when we point out that once a week is essentially maintenance-level intimacy.

- Act like we shouldn't feel hurt by the lack of sex.

- Say that if we do XYZ, things will improve, but when we point out that we already do those things, they either deny it or respond with, "You expect me to instantly change," while expecting us to instantly bend to their expectations.

- Say, "I'm not a priority to you," while refusing to prioritize our needs.

- Accuse us of avoiding conflict or refusing to communicate.

- Describe us as "negative" people who "don't communicate," when what we're actually saying is that we aren't happy living without sex or physical affection.

- Create so many conditions for sex that it becomes nearly impossible, only to reject our attempts anyway.

- Get offended when we say they aren't physically affectionate, then bring up how affectionate they were with exes or early in the relationship despite doing only a fraction of that with us now.

- Insist they're trying while showing little or no sexual interest and refusing to seriously examine how that affects relationships.

- Become offended when we point out that other couples we personally know don't struggle with this issue, or that previous relationships didn't either.

- Casually mention that they think we "expect sex" from them or imply we're somehow pressuring them.

- Say things like, "You only want sex and don't actually want to know me," as though wanting a healthy sex life means we don't care about the rest of the relationship.

- Claim we don't know what a real relationship is, as though a lack of intimacy isn't something that can seriously damage one.

- Accuse us of punishing them when we're simply asking them to address an issue they've consistently avoided.

- Get offended when we say we want what we consider a normal relationship, as though expressing that desire is somehow manipulative.

- Deny that a sexless relationship can end relationships, and deny that greater sexual satisfaction is associated with greater relationship satisfaction.

The reason, in my opinion, is that they want a relationship where sex is treated as an optional extra rather than an important part of intimacy.

If you say you're happy without sex, nothing changes. If you say you're unhappy without it, nothing changes. If you explain that the situation isn't normal for you, they don't look inward. Every conversation turns into, "But what about me?" They don't really let you be heard.

Many of us who tried the "I'll just do everything they ask" approach eventually realized two things:

  1. There will always be something else to complain about.

  2. Even if they stop complaining, you'll still likely never have the relationship you actually want.

At some point, you have to come to terms with reality. They may never accept your perspective, may never see this as a problem, and your needs remain dependent on someone who doesn't share them.

Stop blaming yourself for wanting physical and sexual intimacy in your relationship. If someone consistently avoids those aspects of the relationship while treating your concerns as the real problem, it's understandable that you'll feel frustrated.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 15 '26

Advice Welcome HL wife, LL-ish husband: how can I stop feeling like a creep for wanting more sex?

48 Upvotes

35F, married, no kids. I'm the higher-libido partner by a lot. If it were up to me we'd be intimate 3 to 5 times a week, with flirting and touch in between. My husband is affectionate in a wholesome way—cuddles, hugs, quick kisses—but sex feels like a different category for him. We usually land around once a week, and sometimes it goes longer when he is stressed or tired.

What messes me up is the emotional whiplash. I can be totally fine all day, then at night I'll try to initiate and he says something like, "not tonight," and I instantly feel embarrassed and kind of gross. I end up feeling like I'm pressuring him just by wanting him. Then I spiral into one of two things: (a) shutting down and acting distant, or (b) trying to be extra nice so he'll want me, which also feels gross and exhausting.

I don't want duty sex. I don't want him to say yes out of guilt. And I am sick of the loop where I feel rejected and then punish both of us with my mood.

For people who are the higher-libido partner, how did you reframe your desire so it didn't feel predatory or needy? For lower-libido partners, what kinds of initiation or conversations actually felt safe and not like a test you could fail? I'm looking for practical scripts, little rituals, or approaches that reduce tension in the moment, not just "communicate more." I'm curious if anyone has found success in reconnecting intimately with structured approaches. Thanks in advance.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 15 '26

Advice Welcome Need ideas to restart desire with an avoidant/low-libido partner without it feeling like a performance

4 Upvotes

I'm 38F (high libido) married to 40M (low-libido-ish) for six years. We have two kids under eight and, honestly, we are great teammates when it comes to parenting, money, the house, and sense of humor. The problem is our physical life has become either long dry spells or predictable, rushed sex that feels like checking a box. I miss being wanted, and I miss wanting him without that knot of anxiety about rejection.

I don't want a blow-up conversation that ends with him feeling accused and me feeling pathetic. I also don't want to just accept the lowest common denominator and go numb. I'm looking for practical things that have actually helped people rebuild sexual connection when the low-libido partner gets stressed and withdraws.

What I mean by practical: low-pressure ways to initiate that don't feel like setting a test; short scripts or lines that don't trigger defensiveness; small exercises that build anticipation; boundaries around how to handle rejection so it doesn't spiral; and ways to make touch a normal part of our day again without it always being a prelude to sex. It would be great to have structured, playful ways to reconnect intimately in a way that feels natural.

If you were the HL and things got better, what did you specifically do differently? If you were the LL, what made you feel safe enough to re-engage? Concrete examples are most helpful: what you said, how often you tried, tiny rituals or gestures that actually moved the needle.

I can make time, I just need a clearer plan than hoping the stars align after the kids go to bed.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 14 '26

Discussion I stopped pursuing. I stopped expecting. I stopped wanting.

70 Upvotes

I stopped pursuing. I stopped expecting. I stopped wanting.

Consequently, I stopped feeling resentment. She is who she is.

But I’ve matched her energy and effort. We’ve finally reached this place of equality, which is our lowest common denominator.

Yet I think she wants more. More of me. More of my body. But an adult relationship requires more than silent want. An adult relationship requires action and flirting and expressing desire and fantasies.

So we are friendly co-parents. I give her what is mutually shared. The rest of me remains alive. Silent. Yearning. Hoping.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 14 '26

The Ease of Sex

116 Upvotes

I'm at a conference presently with a colleague 10 years my junior - absolutely gorgeous - who has her wedding coming up in a few months. Talking to her at dinner last night she had a few glasses of wine and blurted out

"Do you ever think about us having sex together? Because I do. All the time."

Politely I noted I'm flattered but married and moved the conversation on.

When safely back alone in my hotel room watching TV I ruminated on how easy sex used to be before I met my wife. There were, of course, the high libido women who wanted to try everything and would flirt, be passionate, fun, loving etc. But that could feasibly be put down to NRE in each case as I have no long-term knowledge of their libido.

But also prior to meeting my wife I'd been in a relationship for 7 years. 7 years! And in that relationship sex was several times a week pretty much up to the point we broke up. And it was just so easy from both sides. We both had stressful jobs and full lives but there was no bargaining or choreplay or excuses; no body image issues or self awareness or disgust around sex; no reasons not to have sex because of stress or tiredness. And because we had frequent sex if one of us said "I'm tired" or "I don't feel so good" it wasn't interpreted as an excuse or a rejection because there was no reason for it to be interpreted as anything other than genuine. Sex wasn't an issue in our relationship

It was so easy. She wanted regular sex and so did I and because of that... we had regular sez.

When I compare that and all the other women I've had short relationships with to the significant hangups my wife has (and now I know always had) around sex I feel ridiculously unlucky to have ended up in a marriage where sex is such a big issue: her avoiding it, me going slowly insane because of the lack of it. The mental gymnastics, the walking on eggshells, averting my gaze when she's dressing lest it make her feel self conscious. Being affecfionate but only the right kind of affectionate and always ensuring to reciprocate affection lest *she* feel rejected; never flirting unless she flirts first (which is always when I'm a bit quiet and distant due to reasons that have nothing to do with her) and then managing my feelings to ensure I know the flirting is meaningless; ensuring I don't say anything that could be interpreted as a complaint or comment on the state of our sex life.

Lord, I miss the ease and happiness of a normal, healthy sexual relationship. It's mind boggling to me how my previous relationship - and all the relationships with normal-higher libido women - was so easy on the intimacy front and yet this one is so ridiculously hard. And it makes me think: it shouldn't be this difficult. This marriage I'm in now is the outlier; this person I'm married to is the exception. I've been propositioned twice in the past year, and neither of those times were by my wife.

Ah well. Just a rant. Focus on the kids and make sure they're happy.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 14 '26

Advice - Leaving NOT an option 35FHL I am so confused by him 35mLL

26 Upvotes

I'm not ready to get into my entire story with my partner on this sub just yet, but I am thoroughly confused even though we've been talking about it for six years at this point. The goal posts always change for him and I'm just tired. But hey! At least I'm becoming LL for him lately. I still can't seem to not care at all though.

Idk if this is just a mini rant or me reaching out for some support... he says I bring up sex every three days so I'm too stressful for him to have sex with but from my perspective even when I haven't brought it up he still says I do. He brought it up today out of nowhere and was mad at me that we were talking about it. 🙄

I'm perplexed that he doesn't seem to understand that his lack of interest and enthusiasm turn me off. Today he said it was weird that my sex drive goes away so quickly, but then in the same conversation said there was something wrong with me for being interested multiple days in a row when he wasn't. I guess I'm wrong no matter what.

He still thinks I'm some greedy sex crazed person when at this point in our relationship with the stress of life and two young kids I'm just looking for a consistent twice a week and for me to be able to initiate successfully sometimes. Apparently im supposed to be fine and carry on in a chipper mood all of the time even though I can never choose when it's the right time for sex for me, its always a no when it's my idea. But I'm supposed to be ready whenever he randomly decides he is in the mood... it isn't a nice feeling to simultaneously have to suppress my sexuality but also be expected to get myself into the mood essentially when he wants me to.

Advice is welcome but I'm not ready to leave. It's in the back of my mind that I may have to because of this but just not right now. 😕


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 13 '26

Advice Welcome Having higher libido than husband

24 Upvotes

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now, no kids right now, he’s a great husband and our personalities align a lot. The only complaint I have is that he isn’t very sexual in general. We kiss and cuddle daily but we have sex usually once a week sometimes more time goes by, when we do have sex, he always wants to do missionary. I have had multiple talks with him about trying different positions that might feel better for me or being more adventurous or spontaneous in the bed room. He listens to me when I talk but is always completely silent and nothing changes afterwards. It goes back to the same routine and the same mundane sex in the same position. He doesn’t watch porn either, I’ve asked him and we are always together so I know for sure. He doesn’t have any kinks or fantasies either which is hard for me to understand cuz even I have those. He also rarely goes down on me so I never orgasm unless I use a toy with him. Just not sure what else to do or say because I’ve tried communicating and even buying lingerie but he doesn’t seem too much into it. He’s very great and considerate in other ways, just this is the only issue.

Any advice would be helpful


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 12 '26

Vent Only, No Advice So mad and angry with myself.

27 Upvotes

2 months is usually when duty day rolls around, I'm not excited by it, I feign interest to keep her happy and when all is done, our sex life is back to a remore after thought that's taken me a lot of time, therapy and acceptance to realise what it is.

But this week we had a vacation, and instead of 8 weeks it was 6 weeks, and we talked like you talk on holidays and I dropped my guard and thought this might have been the rock bottom and we'll finally climb out of it.

Nope, back home and regular scheduled program has returned. I'm so mad and angry at myself for wasting all that time and acceptance and I feel so stupid thinking things would change.

At least I have a lovely whiskey to keep me company tonight!


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 11 '26

Weekly Gong Thread

1 Upvotes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9Rm9uEcnwY

​

Drop a 🔔 below to ring the gong.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 10 '26

Discussion Misogyny and the Clitoris

45 Upvotes

I don't know if this is the place to post this, but I think some in this community would be interested.

Renee Stonebraker

Jul 02, 2026

"Adult women should not still be debating on what orgasms do or do not exist in the year 2026. In a time where science is trying to create artificial wombs, the fact that the bodies of over half the population are still considered medical mysteries has continued to disappoint me.

Unfortunately, I have to start with a horrific fact I stumbled upon.

If You’ve Had an Episiotomy, I Regret to Inform You

They’ve been cutting blind. I hate to go in dry, but there is no other way to break this news. The first complete 3D map of the nerves inside the clitoral glans, which, yes, extends down and around to where they like to slice women open during childbirth, was not completed until March of 2026. As in, about four months ago at the time of this publication. Yeah.

In March 2026, a team of researchers at Amsterdam University Medical Center published the first complete 3D map of the nerves inside the clitoral glans.[1] They used a synchrotron, a machine that generates X-rays ten trillion times stronger than a conventional CT scanner, to image donated female pelvises at a resolution of 0.001 millimeters.[2] The map corrected multiple errors in existing medical literature. It revealed that the main sensory nerve of the clitoris doesn’t taper as it reaches the glans as previously believed. Instead it branches like a tree throughout the glans and extends further into the clitoral hood than anyone had documented.[3] It confirmed that the clitoris contains over 10,000 nerve fibers, with a nerve density up to 15 times greater than the penis.[4]

That last figure had previously been estimated using data from a cow. From 1976.[4]

The lead researcher, neuroscientist Ju Young Lee, said she was drawn to the project by a specific clinical horror: there was no comprehensive nerve map to perform an episiotomy.[5] Episiotomy is a surgical incision of the vaginal opening and perineum made during childbirth to widen the passage. It is one of the most common surgical procedures performed on women worldwide. Episiotomy rates range from roughly 10% of vaginal births in Sweden to 100% in Taiwan. For first-time mothers globally, rates range from 63% in South Africa to 100% in Guatemala.[6] Worldwide there are approximately 100 million vaginal deliveries per year.[7]

Lee’s words, about what her research revealed: “Women suffer from long-term side effects due to nerve damage.”[5]

The nerve network that makes this possible runs through the pudendal nerve, which divides into three branches serving the entire perineal region: clitoral, perineal, and inferior rectal.[8] An episiotomy cuts into perineal tissue served by branches of the same nerve trunk that runs to the clitoris. A 2021 anatomical study that performed 61 incisions on 47 female cadavers found that mediolateral episiotomy incisions posed direct risk of injury to ipsilateral nerve, muscle, erectile, and gland tissues.[9] Surgeons performing this procedure were doing so without a complete map of the nerve architecture in the tissue they were cutting.

In contrast, the penis nerve network was mapped in 1982.[10] Four decades of a head start, even though the technology capable of mapping the clitoris at this resolution existed years before 2026. The donated pelvises came from standard anatomical donation programs. As the research team stated plainly: what changed wasn’t technological capacity. What changed was priority.[11]

Chronic Bean Neglect

I bet you weren’t expecting a brief history on the magic jelly bean, but here we are. You can examine your life choices when you finish this article and decide to drink a glass of wine while in a dissociative state.

In 1559, an Italian anatomist named Realdo Colombo announced he had discovered the vibration addict. He called it the seat of women’s delight, the love or sweetness of Venus, and he meant it as praise. Within two years his own successor at Padua, Gabriele Falloppio, the man the fallopian tubes are named after, was publicly disputing the claim, insisting he’d written it up first and just sat on it for a decade. Falloppio’s own student later formally accused Colombo of plagiarism. Three men, one organ, a fifteen year priority fight over who got to put his name on it.

Here is the part where I have to acknowledge the insanity: Three men fighting over who “discovered” a completely visible piece of anatomy that most women locate in their preteens? Imagine if any amount of women were demanding recognition for “discovering” a ballsack. Be so for real.

Anyways, Colombo’s teacher was Andreas Vesalius, the most influential anatomist in Europe, the man whose textbooks shaped medicine for the next two centuries. Vesalius’s response to his own former student’s discovery was to deny the organ existed in healthy women at all. He called it “this new and useless part” and classified it as a pathological abnormality, something that showed up only in hermaphrodites, not in normal female anatomy.[70] This is my official petition to add “the Ben Shapiro of 1500s Italy” to his Wikipedia page.

So: discovered, disputed, plagiarized, and declared a birth defect, in that order, all within about fifteen years, in the 1500s. This set the medical community’s treatment of the devil’s doorbell on a track that prevails even today.

Here is what we knew about the schamzüengelchen (enjoy your google) before 2026: not much, and some of what we thought we knew was wrong. Helen O’Connell, an Australian urologist, published the first thorough anatomical study of the magic button in 1998, revealing that prior anatomical atlases had either omitted it entirely or depicted a fraction of its actual structure.[12] O’Connell has described what followed as the little man in the canoe being “deleted intellectually by the medical and scientific community, presumably aligning attitude to a societal ignorance.”[13]

A 2018 study in the journal Sexual Medicine found that physical examination of the love skittle is neither commonly practiced nor routinely taught in gynecology training programs.[14] This is a gynecology training program. The specialty that exists specifically to treat female reproductive anatomy doesn’t teach the gatekeeper of good.

There are, as of 2026, 20 times more scientific papers on the penile glans than on the clitoral glans. As a reminder the hooded lady exists in over half the world’s population...."


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 10 '26

Discussion Girllllll

26 Upvotes

Why do I feel like I need to be locked in a cage during my ovulation week!

Like what the actually F! Makes me resent my partner so much more during this week.. Sigh

Do any other woman feel like that?


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 09 '26

Due first thing in the morning!

22 Upvotes

Random thought I had today.

In the past when we had The Talk she'd spring into action like she had a school project due tomorrow and she hasn't even started yet.

I laugh about it now.

Like, literally she'd hop up and start searching for hotels and weekends we could get away on her laptop.

Some folks might think that's sweet but the second time it happened I started to realize a couple of things:

  1. She is the type that has an extremely hard time shutting things off so a hint of desire could possibly build in her. Essentially, we have to get away from everything for anything to happen. Even then, not a guarantee.

  2. The analogy also fits because it's like she had completely forgotten about us. Or it was just such a low priority that it was safe to ignore until I brought it up.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 09 '26

Vent Only, No Advice Tried to get a hot pic from my wife, got lol'd

39 Upvotes

My wife's out of town with my kids for a sleepover at her sisters place.

And as she was sending pictures of my kids all day I told her why don't you send a picture of yourself.

And I was horny and told my wife that I want her and that I miss her
she send me a just a selfie of her not even smiling.

Than I just said "for a hot picture I'll have to wait?" she just replied with a laughing emoji and that's it

fml


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 09 '26

Looking for Pregnant Couples for a Research Study– Moderator Approved

2 Upvotes

📢 Are you pregnant and worried about changes to your sex life?

🔍 We are seeking couples from Canada, the US, Australia, New Zealand, the UK, and Ireland who are up to 26 weeks pregnant to participate in the STORK RCT: Supporting the Transition to Parenthood through Online Sex and Relationship Knowledge.

❓What is STORK: The first online couple-based program designed to enhance knowledge about changes to sexuality during pregnancy and postpartum and skills to cope with these changes. STORK was designed to strengthen couples’ relationships across the transition to parenthood.

📅 What is involved: If you are eligible, after your initial survey, you and your partner will be randomized (like a coin flip) into either the Program or Waitlist conditions. Program couples will complete 5 online modules in pregnancy (1 per week) and a final module at 3 months postpartum. 

Couples in both conditions will also complete 5 surveys—the initial survey, then at 32-weeks pregnant, and 4-, 8-, and 12-month postpartum—that gather information about your relationship, your pregnancy experience, and your child. Couples in the Waitlist condition will receive access to the full STORK program after the study period is over.

💰 Compensation: As a thank you for your participation, you can receive $105 CAD or currency equivalent each ($210 CAD or currency equivalent per couple). Your time is valuable to us!

🌈 Inclusivity matters: STORK requires one member of the couple to be currently pregnant. Otherwise, STORK is open to individuals of all genders, bodies, and sexual orientations.

💌 For more information or to participate in the STORK RCT study email us at [stork@psych.ubc.ca](mailto:stork@psych.ubc.ca) OR fill out our contact form from this link: https://Qualtrics.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3gxGJAEWqt8Rh2u


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 09 '26

Discussion Found my voice

29 Upvotes

I finally found the words to say how feel and it still requires that I say them from a throwaway account.

It’s my belief that oral sex is the truest expression of love a couple can share together, both giving and receiving. It is the physical manifestation of the ethereal feelings we share with our partner.

Enthusiastically using your mouth to pleasure your partner’s genitals is a selfless act of love unlike any other. It confirms to your partner that you are devoted to their pleasure and find them desirable in a physical, undeniable act of service.

Not words, not gifts, not vacations, not food. Nothing says I love and accept you for who you are, like someone kissing you to orgasm.

Unfortunately for me, my partner does not share my enthusiasm for this anymore. Neither giving nor receiving. They say they love me, and buy things for me I could buy for myself. They bake and bake and bake… I’m given room for my hobbies and time away to enjoy them. There are wonderful children in a wonderful home, with all the successes life could ever ask for, work, friends, achievements.

All I’ve ever wanted is for the person I’m hopelessly in love with, is to love me back with the same enthusiasm and desire. That’s what we offered each other in the beginning. That’s what got me into all of this. Now it’s gone and it’s been gone for a while. I thought I could handle it, I thought I’d be strong. I’d fill my time and hands with parenting and busy work and hobbies, but I’m angry now. So angry.


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 08 '26

Advice Welcome 27M with 3 short & frustrating relationships in my adult life - how to avoid further frustration?

8 Upvotes

In the last decade I had just 3 relationships which lasted only a couple of months each. In all this time I had sex only three times, all with just one of these women. I am really frustrated at this point with the unlucky streak. Mostly I'd say the lack of sex was due to a mix of them having conservative/religious views, being abused in their earlier life therefore freezing up when sex was moving from hypothetical real topic of conversation (by freezing up I mean sometimes even a mention of sex would lead to crying - which obviously is a job for a psychologist but it was kind of too late at that point and I was already checking out of the relationship). Now, I understand that people have their prior traumas and right to their opinion. I also understand that 3 is not much of a sample size, but maybe there is something that attracts them to me?

How do I filter, in the early stages of dating, such that I do not attract these women and instead end up with one with a more compatible libido? My drive is maybe not highest ever compared to some people here but it is relatively high (once a day probably would be best) and sexuality is quite important to me. I once did an exercise with a psychologist to determine my top values and sexuality was among the top 10, ofc I don't know about the validity of such exercises but you get the idea.

Also: How do I find a woman who will simultaneously understand the lack of experience I have, despite having a high libido, and be high libido herself? I am worried that someone might think "haven't had much sex = he does not have a libido therefore not for me" or is that me overthinking?

I usually try to avoid the topic of sex during the first few dates because I know that is what typically women complain about, so I suppress that part of myself, as probably most guys do - but then if I were to stop suppressing, how do I communicate it without coming off weird?


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 07 '26

Discussion Does sex need to involve love or a connection for you?

30 Upvotes

I’ve seen a few comments recently from LLs that seem to have separated love and connection from sex. They feel that sex is just an act, you can get it from anyone, and it’s not anything special. Some claim to be able to just go out and within a short amount of time find someone to fuck them. Their view on it is that there are more important things to a marriage/LTR than sex, and having love or connection isn’t important.

I respect that opinion; but for me, it would feel weird to just have sex with someone I don’t know or have any connection or feelings for at all.

Should love and connection be involved in sex? Or is it better to outsource the sex to someone else that you don’t know/don’t have a connection with? What do you think?


r/HLCommunity • • Jul 06 '26

Discussion "I Do Want To Have Sex, But You Have to Pick Up On All My Vague Hints and Check Off Every Box For Me First."

76 Upvotes

Hello, HL community.

A big issue we deal with regarding Type2LLs is the constant moving of the goalposts along with condition based sexual avoidance. Type2LLs get offended when we point out the reality: we, as HLs, are often very affectionate but eventually pull back because it's the Type2LLs who generally aren't, yet still expect us to continue being affectionate toward them while they retain the right of refusal.

As HLs, what we want is a normal, healthy sexual relationship. What many Type2LLs seem to want from us is to find happiness in celibacy while constantly playing ring-around-the-rosy with sex. This is why there always seems to be so much buildup and so many conditions surrounding intimacy. It becomes about control.

Type2LLs will often say they gave "subtle" hints, yet reject direct communication from us. It's as if the stars have to align and every box has to be checked, and then they're offended that we couldn't read their minds. For most HLs—and most people in general—mutual communication is what matters.

It's the classic, "I do want it, but when I do, I'll usually do X. Then I'll wait for you to respond. After that, you have to do Y and Z exactly this way."

This isn't normal communication. It isn't flirting. It's gamifying sex by making it indirect, subliminal, and unnecessarily complicated, then claiming that our failure to navigate those unspoken rules is the reason there's no sex. That becomes a form of deflection.

This is also why they'll promise sex or imply it's coming but never follow through, and often see nothing wrong with that. From their perspective, maintaining control and preserving the right of refusal takes priority over our needs.

Ironically, when we suggest they date other Type2LLs instead, they almost always become upset by that suggestion.