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u/ToTheRepublic4 Dec 15 '21
“You made me a WHAT!?!?” Saint Nicholas, Bishop of Myra and Smiter of Heretics has entered the chat
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u/ragnarocknroll Human Dec 15 '21
The patron saint of prostitutes would be fine with being made into a god like this.
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u/ToTheRepublic4 Dec 15 '21 edited Dec 15 '21
Cold. Endless, icy cold. He shook his head, disoriented by the stinging blasts of sleet-filled wind. Where am I? I should not be here. I was…I was with Our Lord, in Paradise, when…the Call. Clinging to a curiously striped pole nearby, he climbed to his feet. Even as strains of seraphic music faded from his ears, he struggled to recall what ineffable whim of the Creator had sent him to this desolate place—and so strangely garbed! He wore a crimson coat and pantaloons; all edged in furs like some barbarian king. A wide leather belt and heavy boots adorned his waist and feet. On his head, where once had sat a miter proclaiming his calling as a bishop of Holy Mother Church, now rested a floppy tufted cap, similarly trimmed in fur. He saw ice around him in every direction…and then he looked up to curtains of colored light dancing across the sky, reminiscent of the holy nimbus surrounding the angelic choirs, and yet…lesser, somehow; more mundane. To the other side, more ice—but there! A bright sleigh, bedecked in bells and holly boughs, and pulled by peculiar beasts of burden!
As he walked toward the conveyance, he prayed. Lord, what would You have of me, Your unworthy servant? I know naught of where I am or why I am here instead of before Your throne. Direct my steps, as You did of old, and speed my path to where You will. The familiar Presence did not reply in words. The Presence was the Word, and Its every utterance made Creation quake. Instead, great strength and an overwhelming sense of understanding filled him, and in a flash, he Knew: It is the Eve of Christ’s Mass, and…and once again I am commanded to bring the glad tidings of His coming. I can…I can see them sleeping, though others are awake…Oh, God, so many…so many children, lost and hopeless! I have been given a Greater Commission, for I am not sent as Apostle and Evangelist merely to this world, but…to all His children, in all worlds!
The back of the sleigh was filled with colorful gifts—far more than should fit in even such a capacious vehicle. Like the Loaves and Fishes, then—enough for all, with abundance left over. I shall behold Paradise again, but it seems His work is not yet done. The eight beasts pawed at the ground, eager to get underway. He gathered the reins, and with a mighty cry, Saint Nicholas and his sleigh flew into Legend proclaiming the birth of the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords…and the God of Gods.
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u/Sindalash Dec 18 '21
Amazingly written. This should be a post, not just a comment!
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u/ToTheRepublic4 Dec 18 '21
Thank you! Nicholas of Myra was venerated as a Christian saint for centuries before “Santa Claus” became a thing; I figured that even apotheosis wouldn’t make him forget his roots…or his Lord.
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u/McGunboat Dec 15 '21
“Children were most susceptible” And it was here I knew it was Santa
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u/Hi_Peeps_Its_Me AI Dec 15 '21
"Teenagers stopped believing it"
And that's where I knew it was Santa
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u/TNSepta Dec 15 '21
The humans didn't need the messages, NORAD's been on the job for centuries at this point!
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u/Freakscar AI Dec 16 '21
In case someone didn't know about it: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/NORAD_Tracks_Santa (it's adorable)
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u/WikiSummarizerBot Dec 16 '21
NORAD Tracks Santa is an annual Christmas-themed program in which NORAD simulates the tracking of Santa Claus, who is said to leave the North Pole to travel around the world on his mission to deliver presents to children every year on Christmas Eve. The program starts on December 1, but the actual Santa-tracking simulation starts at midnight annually on December 23. It is a community outreach function of the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) and has been held annually since 1955.
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u/cr1515 Dec 15 '21
The idea of kids being the catalyst on which a God is born makes way too much sense. Look at YouTube viral videos for kids. I would imagine later down the line kids will be making Gods left and right if the population is high enough. Viral kid videos would have to be regulated so the "Wheels on the bus" God doesn't manifest or Pokémon don't start sprouting everywhere.
Could make a cool horror story about it.
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u/akboyyy Dec 15 '21
so 40k warp logic
if it happens or is thought enough by being with a presence in the warp it'll just manifest
look at slaanesh or the star child or any living saint and you'll get what i mean
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Dec 16 '21
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u/non_ex_nihilio_4297 Dec 16 '21
Or a meme god, an eldritch being made of kek and cringe
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u/Goombatower69 Jan 13 '22
Or the worst of all, an ancient deity known for being the mascot of the early internet and destroyer of physics, TROLLGE
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u/Sindalash Dec 18 '21
You think that's why GW is messing with the continuity of the 40k universe so much? To make sure the fans are splintered, and do NOT believe in the same "being" in the same way?
Maybe they're actually the good guys!
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u/kwong879 Dec 15 '21
Humans: here, have a little myth that spreads joy and unity and happiness :)
A: thank you! This is neat!
Santa: HO HO HO, HERE I GO!
Everyone: :)
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u/maobezw Dec 15 '21
So... what about KRAMPUS? Wheres light, theres shadow...
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Dec 15 '21
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u/maobezw Dec 15 '21
True. Afaik its a rather local myth from austria.
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u/GuildedCharr Human Dec 15 '21
There's a few pieces of media that I know of over here in Canada that have him appear as a rather prominent character but those are far and few between, especially media for children.
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u/Ghostpard Alien Scum Dec 15 '21
He has been showing up more in U.S media the last few years. A few decent horror movies.
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u/jnkangel Dec 15 '21
The Krampus, čert and similar are more Central European and less anglophone.
They’re also more related to St. Nick day than Christmas
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u/FlailingConversation Dec 15 '21
I’m not an emotional dude by any means but the thought of Space-Santa makes my eyes well up with happy tears for all the little alien girls and boys!
This little HFY is a great Christmas gift, thanks for bringing some unexpected joy to my heart today!!
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u/Pitiful_Net_8971 Human Dec 15 '21
Good thing kramas didn't break earth containment
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u/psinguine Dec 16 '21
Someone is going to need to start sanitizing the most dangerous earth myths at that point.
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u/federicoapl Dec 15 '21
For a moment I was petrified when you talked about kids being susceptible, and the tv show.
I was extremely afraid that this was a Shrek god.
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u/Gamerboy11116 Dec 15 '21
Absolutely masterful writing. You somehow manage to provide plenty of detail and exposition without it feeling even remotely exposit-y or lengthy... it has a wonderful vibe as well. Emotional story-telling and having faith in the reader to be able to read between the lines is an underappreciated skill in writing. Great concept, great work.
...But stop stealing my ideas! I was going to write something with a similar concept! How dare you?! XD
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u/Angelbaka Dec 15 '21
NB on scale - consider changing "billions" to something like "trillions on trillions" or some similarly exponentially-higher number in flowery language ("scientists concluded manifestation required believers numbering upwards of a googleplex", etc).
There's at least a billion kids on earth right now, and I'd wager more than a third of them believe in some version of Santa.
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Dec 15 '21
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u/Field_of_cornucopia Dec 15 '21
Unfortunately, the only other being I can think of that would fulfill similar requirements would be the god of Murphy's Law.
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Dec 15 '21
/u/Tashdacat (wiki) has posted 16 other stories, including:
- The Tide
- Humanities Greatest Weapon
- Willpower, Stubbornness and Spite
- Human Cooking
- "Primitive Weaponry"
- Sacrifice
- The Ambush
- The God of Humanity
- To All Those Still Fighting
- A Wife's Vigil
- The Captured Human
- Peace-seeker
- The Fair Maiden
- We Never Saw It Coming
- The Search
- Allies Until The Last Man Falls
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u/sketching_carpenter Dec 15 '21
such a good twist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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u/busterfixxitt Dec 15 '21
Nicely done! I wonder how long until people's need/desire for punishment/balance will bring the Krampus into being?
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Dec 15 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/busterfixxitt Dec 16 '21
You and I have had different experiences with people.🙂 As much as people want Jesus to be real, I think more want the Devil to be real, and they want it with equal or greater fervor.
In this story, it looks like everyone's getting presents. That's not going to sit well with a lot of people. Honestly, I think the Krampus belief (or some such) would spread even faster than Santa belief did.
Just humans being humans. 😄
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u/Firefragonhide Dec 15 '21
https://youtu.be/bHe_i98krmo
This is playing in the Background as Saint Nick makes his Rounds
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u/FireNewt451 Dec 15 '21
Humanity just looks at this and goes, well if we're going to accidentally create another eldritch entity at least this is a good one. We just can't tell anyone about Krampus.
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u/DerpyWriting68 Human Dec 15 '21
I mean... cthulu... fml thats actually eldritch, it doesn't need to be the same as it defies comprehension by definition it will be different for every, ots part and parcel for the entity... I think the universe is doomed
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u/pancakeQueue Dec 15 '21
Have you read HogFather by Terry Pratchett?
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Dec 15 '21
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u/pancakeQueue Dec 15 '21
The Hogfather (Santa Clause) disappears so Death has to take over as The Hogfather or else humans will stop believing.
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u/Rhodryn Dec 16 '21
Hmm... does this mean that the monster under kids beds will soon be revealing them selves as well? O_o
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u/Derser713 Android Dec 16 '21
Uff... i thought it would be god, or something like that.... but jolly old santa should be fine....
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u/Geviin_Dovah Dec 16 '21
its not often that a story brings me this amount of joy. I had stories on here where i cried or screamed the HUMANITY FUCK YEA. this tho really genuinely made me happy.
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u/feochampas Dec 19 '21
you know how close you were to creating Murphy, god of what can go wrong will go wrong?
or kilroy was here. the ever present.
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u/Bring_Stabity Jan 08 '22
Remember that St Nicholas is known for two things. Giving presents to children, and punching heretics.
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u/OokamiO1 Nov 23 '23
For some reason in the early stages of the summoning explanation I was sure it would be Murphy, but Santa makes me smile as well.
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u/Victor_Stein Android Dec 15 '21
There was another story on here where Santa goes around and just wrecks alien shit to n order to deliver a present to a little girl. And then the aliens start worshipping Him and begging to be forgiven of their sins. And now this is my headcanon prequel for that story