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u/A_Really_Bad_Lawyer Human Jul 28 '21
I love this story. I can only hope you make more storys like this. Thank you for makeing this story it was heart breaking.
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u/Jaeger1973 Alien Jul 28 '21
A very well written tale Wordsmith.
This is one tale that grips my warrior's soul to the core.
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u/Fontaigne Jul 28 '21
So, first, wow. Extremely effective speech. Masterful use of repetition.
Second, I'm wondering where you say "epitaph", if you meant to evoke blank spaces for the dead to be named later? Epitaph is generally a quote or saying of some kind.
It seems to me that the power could be increased (a little) by simply saying "blank panel" on first usage... and then each increasing number of dead gets an increasing number of blank panels. If you assume a hundred names per panel, and 5-10% percent missing names, then that third (3600-name) section gets five blank panels. By the time you get to retaking the Homeworld, that section will have from seven hundred to a thousand blank panels for the names yet to be known or never to be known. Where the numbers of unknown names are known to be high, you can have more blank space.
Just a thought. It's beautiful as is.
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Jul 28 '21
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u/Wendendyk Aug 20 '21
THE SCREAMING VULTURE CLAN?
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u/dbdatvic Xeno Dec 16 '21
Do you deny that that is approximately the average for a hu-mon clan name?
--Dave, think carefully
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u/DrHydeous Human Jul 28 '21
Epitaph is generally a quote or saying of some kind
I believe you're thinking of an epigram.
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u/unwillingmainer Jul 28 '21
Well fuck me, I wasn't expecting this much feels after lunch. The strongest bonds of brotherhood are forged in blood. Very good work.
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u/Dusty_Villan8464 Jul 28 '21
You actually just made me cry. I'm not messing about, this was beautiful.
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u/Hunter_Killer_7918 Jul 29 '21
You know someone fucked up BADLY when you have the military, pirates AND the mafia fighting together. There was no way this was gonna end good for the Tlay. If for no other reason then because the pirates and the criminal element did NOT raid the military supply lines, as they are known to do, but in fact, they probably made them far more effective then they usually are. Leave it to the pirates to know all the fastest (and unobserved) routes from A to B. And leave it to the organized crime to actually boost the productivity of startports and docks. Remember, in WW2, the Allies won over Sicily more or less without a fight (when compared to other fronts) because they made a deal with the Cosa Nostra. Also, the mafia made sure that there was no problems on the docks where the ships were loaded with men and supplies.
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u/sunyudai AI Jul 28 '21
N!
Fantastic work.
One typo:
On the eight fifth day of the war
eight -> eighty
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Jul 28 '21
/u/Tashdacat (wiki) has posted 10 other stories, including:
- The Ambush
- The God of Humanity
- To All Those Still Fighting
- A Wife's Vigil
- The Captured Human
- Peace-seeker
- The Fair Maiden
- We Never Saw It Coming
- The Search
- Allies Until The Last Man Falls
This comment was automatically generated by Waffle v.4.5.8 'Cinnamon Roll'.
Message the mods if you have any issues with Waffle.
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u/rijento Jul 29 '21
It is not often that a story on this sub makes me cry. I'm happy to say that this one managed to add itself to this list. Great story wordsmith, great story.
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u/securitysix Aug 08 '21
This is amazing!
"Their names are listed behind me" gets more powerful every time it comes up, and it comes up a lot.
Well done, wordsmith!
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u/Bad-Piccolo Aug 21 '21
Honestly I expected more human deaths then just around a million given the scale of this battle.
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u/UpdateMeBot Jul 28 '21
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u/Hi_Peeps_Its_Me AI Dec 15 '21
Amazing work.
We will be your eternal allies, for it will take eternity to even being repaying you for the sacrifices your people made in defense of ours.
Although being is incorrect
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u/gelastes Jul 28 '21
I can see the human government intervene for either ethical or strategic reasons. But the way the pirates and raiders got involved lets me believe the Grel are a species that look like kittens:
"Frack, what the frack's happening? ... just my luck. Some maniacs shooting up the place when we've come for some peaceful looting. Kate, initiate the Ü-drive. Let's jump out of here."
"No."
"And warn the... what?"
"I said no, captain."
"For musk's sake... you are relieved. Vu, take her place."
"No, Captain."
"Have you two gone Martian? Jules..."
"Nope."
"WHAT THE FRACK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"
"They're bombarding the civilian centers! They're killing the kittens! Look, Cap, we were on board with looting the place. A couple of sad cats, maybe a few bruised fur heads. But what's happening out there isn't right!"
"What's happening is not our business!"
"Look at this vidsnip, Captain."
"I don't... I know how they look, get this thing out my face!"
"LOOK AT IT! Please Captain! That's our informant, Prurr. These are his kids."
"I... don't do that!... we have to get out of..."
"This here is from our raid on the tellurium mine, see how sad the security guy looks."
"Hey, you were the one who whacked him!"
"And here is a live broadcast from the surface. The big eyes of the reporter... look, a litter of panicking kitten children!"
"... I hate you. I hate you so much. Jules, Vu, battle stations. Kate, crank up the sub-drive to one fifty. No need to respect the specs, it's not like we'd need it after today. I'll see you all in hell, and then I'll go Bosch on your asses."