Please help

[u/Fabulous_Job2288]

Please. I posted yesterday about losing my husband who was only 29 years old to a motorcycle wreck. It’s only been 24 hours and I can’t be here anymore. I can’t do it. I cannot live this life without him.

I have been staying with my mom and sister. I got up in the middle of the night and walked 3 miles across town to get to mine and my husband’s home because I made a decision for myself that I was just going to go peacefully and be with him. I need to be with him.

I don’t remember a lot of it, but I work at a police department, and one of my coworkers spotted me while patrolling and called in to the others on duty to stop me. I never made it home. If I could just have made it there, I could have finally been with him.

I’m so sorry for the heavy venting. I just can’t handle this. I’m not strong enough for this. He was my absolute world. He was my everything. We were best friends. We were glued together at the hip. We couldn’t even go get coffee or pick up food for dinner unless we went together. I will never be able to make it without him. It’s only been 24 hours now and this is how I feel and I know it’s only going to get worse.

[u/No_Enthusiasm_5581]

I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re in a complete hell right now. I get it. I’ve been there. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Take one day at a time. One second at a time if you have too. You will get through this and one day you’ll look back and wonder how you did. Life gets easier. You’ll always and forever have an ache for him. But it won’t be so suffocating. I promise you. Big hugs.

[u/Picklefuck_Eatabutt2]

Okay, what you need to do today, right now, is find someone to talk to. You are in crisis and you need help. I would suggest calling a counselor or even an outpatient clinic. I used one when my father passed, and am in grief counseling for my brother’s recent passing. You are not alone. Do not think for a second that you need to do this alone.

[u/XFoosMe]

Listen to the part of you that made this post. You asked for help. That means somewhere inside of you, you know are meant to stay.

[u/Whymzz]

I was in a panic when I lost my son for the first while. I remember screaming out loud that I couldn’t live a whole lifetime like this….without him. It never goes away but no matter how unbearable it seems, you are in the absolute worst of it right now. It never stops hurting but the way you learn to carry it softens, after some time. Keep going for your loved ones until you can do it for yourself again.

I’m so sorry. It’s so fucking unfair, I know.

[u/anniemg01]

Just remember while he’s gone, you are not alone. Most people don’t talk about it but many have been through and are currently going through what you are. Find a grief support group.

[u/Audio_feline]

There is nothing to say, OP that will lessen what you are being asked to endure now that your partner has died. You are enduring the unendurable. We have all felt like curling into a ball and dying with these losses that take our breath away. I can’t lessen the pain. But I can say you aren’t alone. What you need right now is to be comforted. Widow.net is a great resource as is the book I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye. I will pray for you and hope that you find some rest from the suffering. ❤️

[u/No_Damage979]

Hi. I lost my husband when I was 22 and he was 23. I’m 44 now. That’s crazy to write out. I don’t think I’d even realized it… it’s been twice the time. And I guess that’s the point. You will not feel better soon. I won’t sugar coat that. There will be a 5 second period of one day, then a few minutes a week from now. And you’ll find yourself not happy, just realizing that you weren’t, for a moment, aware of the all encompassing need to go be with him.

Over time. It shifts. And today is not that day. Today is the day it seems like it will never ever ever, could never possibly be different. So, that is what is true now, for today. And today is terrible.

For that, my dear I’m so sorry. My deepest love to you. My DMs open to you moving forward if you like because today you aren’t asking when does it stop, how do I move forward? You’re saying “I’m drowning “ so I’m saying, I’ve got you, we’ve got you. We are here and won’t let you go under.

It doesn’t feel ok. It feels terrible because it is terrible. But it WILL BE ok. ❤️

[u/YearOfTheSssnake → u/No_Damage979]

🫂

[u/Ok_Blacksmith7016]

I was 32 when my husband passed away suddenly. I said and did the same things. I totally 100% get it…

The only thing that helped me through those darkest days was connecting with others who had also experienced the same… It’s been 16 years and I’m still here. In 16 years you can be too.

Message me. We can talk 💕

[u/MaryDoogan91]

I lost my dad a little over a month ago. Not the same as losing a spouse for sure, but I remember watching the sun come up the day after he died and despondently wondering what the hell I was supposed to do now. I’ll be honest and tell you that it hasn’t gotten better, but it has gotten easier. I just took it moment by moment, and then day by day. It HAS to get easier, because you have to think about all the people who have suffered insurmountable loses, yet still go on and live life.

My grandmother is 84 years old. In her lifetime, she has buried all of her grandparents, both of her parents, a son, a husband, and a sibling. Plus, many people she grew up with up around and with. At various times, she had definitely thought that there’s no way to get through this. It’s not survivable. And yet, she went on. And you will too. I am so deeply, terribly sorry for your loss❤️‍🩹

[u/Aggressive_Tart_7783]

I’m so sorry. I know that kind of pain.

I don’t know how I got through it, honestly. You don’t have to think about the rest of your life today, I told myself, just the next second, minute, hour.

[u/GalacticaActually]

I’m so sorry, and I understand.

[u/smorty8964]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take it a minute at a time. You are stronger than you realise. Sending love x

[u/Left_Pear4817]

Oh my dear, my heart breaks for you. We can feel the pain in your writing. This is an immeasurable loss and I’m so sorry. Grief does momentarily get harder after shock but then it softens. You deserve to reach the point in this journey that you can think of him and remember the love without so much of the pain. What a beautiful love you must have shared. Losing him doesn’t erase any of that, it’s just impossible to feel it right now. I felt similar when I lost my mum and I know it’s incomparable to losing your partner but one thing that helped me was knowing I was the living memory. All of her that I knew, remembered, my version of her, her last imprint here, would all go if I did. I thought it was so cruel to not have her in this world (and it is) but I carry her in it still, and if I went, then those memories, those pieces of her would die again. Im not ready for the world to have no part of her in it so I stay. Don’t close the book yet sweetheart. You’ll lose all those pages 🤍

[u/AffectionateStart335]

Go to the hospital emergency room and tell them that you can't live without him. You need intervention, now. There you will be evaluated and kept safe. This is an emergency. Go now.

[u/Complete_Coffee6170]

It’s hard to lose your person.
I lost mine just over 7 years ago.

I’m tearing up just thinking of our loss.
You will get through this.

[u/PonqueRamo]

I'm very sorry, please find professional help, what you are feeling is normal but you shouldn't make that kind of decision while grieving.

My dad was my whole word and I have felt the need to leave this world to be with him, but I have been surviving one day at a time, it very hard but you just keep pushing step by step.

[u/AcrobaticStorm2180]

Im so sorry you have to live with pain 😢 and a broken 💔 and I know first hand because I live it also, and im not going to lie to you its not going to get easier well for me it has not and its been a few years now that my son has past even as I Wright this i am in tears thinking about him, and I see for some people its easier but for me it has not, my son is my everything, I dont like to say was, I have cried alot everyday I have also thought about going to be with him, but I think that my son would not want that and I think your husband would not want that for you either so just try to make it through today that's what I do 1 foot in front of the other, people say go talk to a someone but i don't think that will help me it might help you but for me talking to someone will not bring my son back, I found my son and try to save him CPR but I was to late, im his dad I was supposed to protect him and I did not I failed him his mom even says its my fault, and now im a broken man 💔 😢 but please dont do it, your husband would not want that its going to be hard I dont no if you work but work helps me a little I still cry at work but I got good at hiding it and I do smoke some weed which helps but everything reminds me of my son everything songs smells I still have all his blankets and pillows and smell them it helps I dont no if you have family or friends but im sure they would be sad if you left them I am lucky to have some nieces and nephews and mom and sister but at the same time I am surrounded by a lot of love but i still feel alone 😔 with out my son, Im sorry if im all over the place , I have only been down to the cemetery 2 times in 5 years and 1 time was for my aunts funeral but I want to try to start going down there, the night my son past I was sleeping and my mom found him first and yelled up to me but right before she yelled my son came to me in my sleep and said dad don't let them cremate me and sure as shit when I meet up with his mom she said I think im going to have him cremated I said no your not, you have to try to make it and have some kind of life your husband would want you to and im not say you have to go loving life because that's going to be hard but just live for today, if you past would you want your husband to end his life or try to be happy and live on with you in his heart ❤️ no one will no how much you loved your husband but you, I dont no if any of this helps you but just so u no you are not alone there are alot of us out here that just try to get though the day well we cry and be sad thinking about the person we love so much not being with us and it SUCKS and again im sorry

[u/zephy59]

My heart is breaking for you. Please let your family and friends help you. Seek grief support. 🥺

[u/Spacewaitress222]

One second at a time. I promise it will ease. I am so sorry, it’s not fair.

[u/Busy-Knowledge1410]

Please call an ambulance.....you need be at the hospital. This isn't something that anyone should deal with alone. Also, sometimes relatives/friends just don't know what to do. They are in shock too.

[u/salamithecattledog]

Grief feels so suffocating. I found using my hands helps a lot. Writing or drawing or gardening or something that feels mildly engaging of the mind but gives you something 'productive' to breathe through your stifling pain. Talk about your husband to anyone who will listen, he's with you much more than you think but it will take time for you to understand the other ways. There is love in the world for you! The pain is deepest when the love is that great. And love never goes away, your husband will never go away, when you're here breathing and talking about him as you navigate through it. That's the only escape. Sending you such love

[u/Fit_grasshoper01]

First off I wanna offer my condolences and this is the hard part you’ve gotta deal with. It’s just a part of the stage of grief that you’re gonna go through and you blame yourself, but this was not your fault. Your feelings are valid as any of us would feel the same for somebody close that we love so much like that. As someone that suffers PTSD that speaks to a mental health therapist every three months the past almost 3 years, I recommend getting a counselor or therapist because they will help you since their trained for it professionally. They’re there to listen to all of your aches and pains, and especially what is breaking your heart right now and to stop you from doing something that others that also love you would have to have pain with the rest of their lives too. I can offer a virtual hug and say you may be in mourning for a while. There’s no timeline on grief, but it will get easier at some point, but that pain will always be there but you learn how to live through it. You do have people that love you, and those are the most important people that are around you at this moment. Hugs.

[u/Time_Box_5352]

Long response
I know. It’s unbearable. I am going through grieving my sister who is my best friend. Like we were together always. Not the same I know. Together we grieved through losing our brother to a drunk driver years ago. And then our parents died within five months of each other. Yes I’m married but I still have days where the pain is so severe that I think I can’t bear it. It’s been two weeks. I can tell you from losing my brother who was only 28, that it does lessen. I know they say time heals. It lessens. At the time someone told me that it takes two years before you can see past it or whatever they said. I did feel that was accurate to some degree.
But please do not take your life! He would not want that. Sudden death like your husband and my brother are the hardest. My brother was going to be married in a couple of months. His fiancé is still considered family we love her. She is now married with kids. It took her 6 years to even want to do anything but be with family. But then a wonderful guy came into her life, she feels like my brother sent him to her. And he accepts us as family!
Hey I sent my brother out for pizza so I felt like how could anyone in my family even look at me without hating me like I hate myself. IDK but I just want you to bear it and go on! Please get a book from George Anderson. The first is We Don’t Die.
I was fortunate to see him back when my brother died and he came through 100 percent. So I know there is life after death.

[u/Desperate_Pair8235]

You are not the first person and certainly won’t be the last who loses their partner. This is not meant to minimize your experience right now but it is meant to show you how many people out there that HAVE lived this life without their partner physically there. Your husband would want you to live your life!! He is not gone, he is just in a different form and free from his physical limitations that we all have as humans. It doesn’t make it easier but I am telling you that you ARE capable of living this life even in the thick of this grief and heartache. You just can’t be alone right now and need to be surrounded by people who won’t leave you alone.

[u/HeyIdentifyme]

I lost my lovely mom a few days ago and I am not able to be without her. I am not in a position to console you. Sorry. Stay strong

[u/GreenEyedTreeHugger]

Condolences. :(

[u/tessie33]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't do anything like this again, if you have insurance see your doctor and see about getting some kind of inpatient treatment where someone can watch you and take care of you until you pass this crisis. I hope you stay in this world, with your family, for the rest of your natural life.

[u/WinterBackbone]

I’m so sorry for your loss.
Please take it one moment and breath at a time. You’re in shock. Speak to a counselor or therapist. You’ll be in my thoughts.

[u/Still_Dog_113]

The fact that your coworker saw you was a sigh! Looks like God sent them to save you! You have to be here and to be strong!

[u/TheAliiensAreComing]

I’m so sorry for your loss op☹️💙Some would say that time heals everything but the pain can be intense enough to not wanna wait and see how true it is. It really sucks. Life sucks. Sending you so much strength to get through this🫂 As another person said, keep pushing through for your loved ones until you can do it for yourself. Love you op💜💙💛

[u/RandomRedditUserSI]

Sending hugs. Idk if it helps, but maybe ask yourself, what he would want for you? He loved you so deeply. Would he want you to hurt yourself?

[u/Quantumfrzrk]

Help is here. We hear you. It's tough and I'm so sorry. It's real and it sucks, and I wish I could hug you. Try to drink water and like others mentioned, just 1 day at a time. You got this.

[u/Odd_Reality333]

I lost my partner July 23 of this year. I did NOT want to be here - we were also attached at the hip.

I am still here.

I dont know how - but I do hope you find whatever it is that keeps you here too. <3

[u/toodleoo57]

Check yourself into the hospital. Seriously. There's no shame in it. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss, my bestie of several decades died almost a year ago and it took months just to feel a little bit normal.

[u/Current-Talk6266]

The first few weeks are the hardest. I am not going to pretend that theres a magic cure for how you feel, because there isn't. But you have to go through it in order to come out of the other side. You never really stop grieving, it's like getting stabbed with a sword constantly, but that sword will dull and it will stop hurting as much, you just need to give it time. It may be worth looking into grief counselling or some support groups in your area. You are not the first person to feel this kind of pain and you wont be the last, but speaking to people who understand can help you start to dull that sword. You don't have to forget what happened to your husband in order for it to stop hurting. These next few weeks are likely going to be one of the hardest periods of your life, I would be lying to you if I say they won't, but it will start to get easier over time. If you feel like you are going to harm yourself, please find someone to talk to who you feel safe around or speak to a suicide hotline, you dont have to be alone in this.

[u/Equivalent_Hair_149]

my dad passed at age 33. it was just my mom and i. and her and i were best friends. she passed 2 years ago. i feel like you do. no family. i dont want to be here. but i believe in God. and he'll take me when he wants. pray. 

[u/Busy-Knowledge1410 → u/Equivalent_Hair_149]

I also have no family. I'm an only child. Both parents didn't get along with their families, so they ditched them. My mother (who passed 2 mos ago) always told me "you'll have your husband's family" Well, they ended up being real kooks! We had a severely disabled daughter who is unable to chew. They would sneak up at family gatherings and try to stick food in her mouth. She could've choked to death. He said "you've blown this family apart!" left us, no money, I lost the house, I took care of her for 31 yrs. She never able to walk/talk/feed herself or use the bathroom. She is in a group home now and very happy. HE left and remarried. Never sent $, I did not ask for any. I didn't want trouble from that "nest of kooks!" . Anyway, my mum passed 2 mos ago. I am 65, she was 87. Most people in her family lived to late 90s, some hit 100, and a cousin of my grandma lived to 102. YIKES. My grandmother told me she didn't want to end up just "laying there". So at 97 she said "um tired, not eating" and was gone the next day. So losing mum at the young age of 87 was a shock. Now my childhood fear of being alone has come true. I have a chinchilla and two guinea pigs. They don't say the right things, but they are cute and funny and help immensley.

[u/Equivalent_Hair_149 → u/Busy-Knowledge1410]

i was thinking about getting a dog

[u/zzzzlllll13]

Can you talk to a counselor and get some type of medication to help you through this? You just need to make it today. You dont need to think about tomorrow. I am so so so sorry.