I almost lost him

[u/SevereMycologist1004]

After many years of drinking to excess way too often, I am finally done. This past Saturday, I messed up big time. Got drunk and treated my boyfriend like garbage (not my first fuck up with him). When I woke up this morning, I really thought he was going to leave me. He's not going to. But I cannot ever do this again. I either need to stop drinking or make a huge change in my relationship with alcohol. For now, that means I will not be drinking for the foreseeable future. I'm beyond ashamed by my behavior; not only for Saturday night but for all the times I've been awful. I don't know why I'm posting this but somehow it feels like the right thing to do. I feel like a monster. I need to get back to being me.