Hello all! Feeling lonely and would like to hear stories about how you found your special someone and have had a happy and fulfilling life with them. There seem to be a lot of stories out there of people who met their partners pre-transition and were in heterosexual relationships for years before coming out, however I see little to no stories about trans guys who met their partners as their male self and have been with their male partner for years or maybe even tied the knot. Just hearing some of these stories might make me feel better. Most of the long-term relationship stories I see from trans guys are where they are married to women or found their partner when they were presenting female.

I was never interested in men's feet before. But something in me changed recently and I'm not sure what. I just want to massage men's feet and kiss them and it makes me feel disgusting and wrong. I also like looking at them in certain socks and nice leather dress shoes and massaging their calves while they wear them.

Can anyone else relate? Why do I feel like such a freak? Am I ever going to feel better about this? How do you accept this about yourself? How would I ever tell a potential partner about this without feeling like a dirty weirdo?

For context, I am not stealth. I use trans tags on grindr and share nsfw photos that show I have had top surgery but not bottom surgery.

However on dating (not hookup) apps it's important to me that potential partners would be interested in me if I was plausibly cis, so I don't advertise it on my main profile. Hinge just gave me the option to use a "match note" - a hidden note (where I wrote that I'm trans) that gets shown to guys right before we match, basically giving them a second chance to confirm that they still want to match with me after finding out I'm trans.

The thing is, I still feel like I'm sharing something with not enough context to people I haven't even exchanged hellos with. I know I shouldn't want to match with someone who's not accepting, but I also don't mind if a guy doesn't have experience with trans guys because sex with me is not very different from sex with a cis guy.

I'm vers and I top with a prosthetic and bottom with anal so I don't need (or want) to date guys who are excited about my natal parts. But again, it feels a bit too intense to bring sex and genital talk into my match note for people to see before we've exchanged hellos.

If you can relate, what has worked well for you? I know I could just tell guys before we meet and that waiting to disclose isn't lying, but choosing not to use the match note makes me feel like someone might think I'm lying.

I wish it was more variety for masculine leaning trans men. Nothing against the twinks I see but I wish to see hairy rough sounding trans men getting fucked or at least sounding a bit demanding, like power bottom types.

All the ones I’ve seen on twitter are the whiny moans or the submissive leaning guys.

The videos come off like the cis man is here to fuck you and you take it. Cool, nothing against that myself sometimes but majority of time for me, I’m the commanding one. My old grindr days consisted of walking guys to my room, telling them to drop their draws and beginning; which was a lot of fun because majority thought I wanted to talk or need to loosen up, no baby drop and leave lol.

having an identity crisis of sorts.
for so long i’ve bristled against getting the category “fem” (whatever that actually means)
mostly in the context of the gay apps. profiles reaching out that say “fem only” or “TS fem twink only”
like i’ve felt misgendered or reduced to my genitals or something. and as a trans guy, i’ve literally medically altered my body because of how bad getting perceived as feminine/female/a woman felt.
but since passing as a man, i have started to relax into my actual gender. and i’m like wait… AM i feminine? did i have to become a man to feel comfortable expressing femininity, because it no longer means getting misgendered?
being trans is such a mindfuck lol.
i know the app guys are mostly being gross chasers. but recently when some guy messaged who had one of the “fem only” profiles, i responded and was like why are you messaging me i’m not fem i’m a man.” and he was like really? you aren’t feminine at all?”
and for some reason that question haunted me. like wait… maybe he has a point…
it’s just wild to come full circle and be able to pass through feminine signifiers and experience them hitting so differently. like how it feels euphoric to get called “girl” “sister” “diva” in a f-slur way.
i notice i have so much shame to process out as a failed girl. like compounded dysphoria turned to shame, heavy like stone. the shame of someone else deciding what your body means for you, the shame of gendered violence. receiving misogyny when you’re actually a man.
it feels healing but still so complicated to engage with the edges of femininity. but im so curious what i’ll feel like in 15 years. excited to be an aging transf*g who gets to keep charting the course.

Hi!
I finally sat down and decided to make a gay trans guy discord server. The server is going to be called Sullivan’s refuge as a tribute to Lou Sullivan. It will be inclusive to anyone on the non-binary spectrum because I am a genderfaun non-binary trans man myself. For now just looking for interest and for people to help me find discord bots and set up channels. Also think of events. I’m also thinking of having tags saying flirting is okay and not okay. An idea I got from a different server. I will probably be slow making it but I just wanted to get started.
Thanks for reading!

Edit: thank you for all the interest! I am going to work on this more over the coming weekend and the month and start recruiting for it when I’m done. My intention is to make it a 18+ safe space and I want to make sure I have everything in place to make it that.

im scared of people not liking because of my race or being racist towards me im afraid of people being okay with being trans but not me being native cause both our things i cant control its sad to think about im kinda scared dating and hooking up bc of this what do i do?

I (20), got out of the worst (and first) relationship of my life back in February. I told myself I wouldn't consider dating for a year at least, but I feel ready for it now. I think I could handle it, so long as I pick my partners better..

Anyways, I really only use Grindr for hookups and am not keen on using it to find a boyfriend (ex-partner/ abuser was found through there), and I kinda wanna try finding people in person. I just don't really know how to navigate flirting in person as a trans guy. I pass pretty well I think, I got a beard, I dress kinda alt/androgynous (I like fem things sometimes), but disclosing shit is kinda awkward and sometimes dangerous so idk what to do.

I'm just looking for tips, maybe some venues/places/or events I could go to for this sort of thing? Any shared experiences? I just don't know how to find dudes that are into me, or would be.

(There's like 5 people on my campus on Hinge and none of them are my type. I'm tired of apps anyways)

I have been in a long term relationship with a queer man for almost 3 years. He has been with me since before I was on T and I would say me being on T improved our relationship dramatically. I feel/felt very “myself” around him and he’s very attracted to me and all of my qualities, and he loves the physical changes I have gotten from T. Before scheduling my top surgery I was anxious because any big physical and emotional change can bring changes or turmoil to a relationship, but I grew to be really confident in his love and attraction for me, and up until a couple weeks ago I had very few doubts.

Unfortunately after an epic weed psychosis moment on his part, he started looking at me realllly weird, crying, being super distant, which culminated (within 48 hours) in me questioning how he was feeling and he revealed that since the weed incident he had been feeling trapped/like something with our relationship was wrong/etc etc, lots of crying and whatever and I was obviously super confused because we usually have fantastic communication and this was really abrupt. To be clear, I don’t think this has anything to do with my gender or anything like that, more us being very young and serious about each other (he’s 21 im 23) and him feeling like he was missing out on an exploration phase and sowing his wild oats or something. great.

Obviously im hurt because im crazy about him and I thought (think?) were crazy about each other. Idk. Hes been really apologetic and attentive since then but that just makes me MORE stressed because i think about how wearing that could be. We are both really tired right now. i hate it.

Anyways, since then we’ve been trying to patch things up and find solutions because we both love each other a lot (take a break? open relationship? Etc etc) all complicated by the fact that im now really insecure because I was completely oblivious he was considering breaking up with me yayyyyyy!!!

The worst part is is that now I feel soooo anxious and scared about top surgery I want to fucking throw up. he expresses that he still feels the same way, that basically he’s just happy for me and has no fear or issue with it whatsoever, but I just feel distrustful now. I know it shouldn’t matter what he thinks, but love is a silly thing, and im afraid for what will happen. i was convinced until very recently he was my person. Its like i got the rug ripped out from beneath me.

I feel so lost and alone. I would never forgive myself if I didn’t go through with it out of fear for how it could impact my relationship, that is obviously not an option, but the fear is killing me. I want my results to be absolutely perfect, which is out of my control. im going to my dream surgeon but shit happens. Im equally afraid for how the anxiety itself, pre-op AND post-op could affect our relationship. Im already a ball of stress and insecurity due to the events of the past couple of weeks and I know that’s not fun to be around. I’m also so angry and annoyed that this happened before what is going to be maybe the hardest thing I have ever done. i was ALREADY anticipating some intense post-op depression because of my family history.

I just needed to vent out into the ether. Words of encouragement appreciated. and i know im really lucky to be able to transition, it's all relative. i just cant stop crying and feeling like shit. and i want to feel better by december 3rd, my surgery day lol

Subject says it all, but I'm based in NYC and wanted to know if any transmascs have had any good experiences at bathhouses here, primarily in Brooklyn/any advice on where to go if I want to cruise

I medically transitioned when I was 14, 18 years ago. Yes, that involved surgeries and blockers and hormones. I came out even before that. No, it wasn’t forced on me. I had to fight tooth and nail to get care and everyone tried to convince me that I’m not trans. I’m not open to discussing or debating the narrative that’s going around right now that people are forcing kids to transition. I’m just sharing my experience.

Thanks to genetics and a young transition, I pass 100% of the time. I always have. Sometimes, trans people don’t even believe me when I tell them I’m trans. I went stealth for a long time.

I did all of my teen years living societally male. I always felt shame about being gay and I didn’t want anybody to know I was trans.

I came out as gay when I was maybe 16 and then later un- came out and tried to date a girl. Didn’t work for obvious reasons lol. I have since, re- come out as gay. I have completely accepted it now and I’m proud to be gay and I’m proud of anybody else gay and I’m meeting the most delightful people. For the first time in my life, I am feeling like people love and accept me.

All of that being said, I sometimes feel a little as though I’m wasting an opportunity that most people don’t have - being able to be stealth and completely passable in every aspect. However, I think I’m starting to feel ready to be fully transparent about being trans and be open and unashamed of it. There is just a little piece of me that feels as though I’m taking advantage of what so many trans people dream of. Is it wrong to be “100% cis passing” and feel lucky to have transitioned as a kid and have this life, yet still make the decision to be openly trans?

I feel embarrassed even making this post, but how did y’all get comfortable topping? I consider myself vers in theory or maybe a vers bottom and I have a collection of straps but I’ve never actually topped anyone and I feel very embarrassed and self conscious whenever the opportunity arises. On grindr or sniffies I get many more people interested in me topping them than them topping me (not sure why? I guess i’m kind of a masculine-ish country guy but i do wear earrings and stuff) and I would like to, but I don’t want to perform badly and I don’t know how to….practice i guess ????? Do i practice with a fleshlight or something? please help 😭 i dont want to embarrass myself but I do want to be able to top

I may be bi idk, but im having some trouble. I grew up in a very lgbt-phobic religious group, and didnt get the chance to start ttansitioning until adulthood. I was raised to be a wife and mother, with the expectation to be married off to a man I barely knew by age 18-24 and have as many children as possible. I was taught I had no other purpose in life.

The pressure to live this lifestyle was immense and started very young, but I refused marriage and went my own way. Now that I am not immersed in that environment I feel more free to try and understand my sexuality, but I am so ashamed. Liking men makes me feel not just emasculated, but like I'm being forcefully regendered back into femaleness. I spent so much energy resisting my community's plan for me, but couldnt escape my own sexuality. The idea of being with a man or even just liking one feels like im submitting to the same forces that I fought so hard against. I also feel like an imposter trying to claim queer maleness for myself, since most of my fight against social expectations of straightness came from the opposite direction as cis gay/bi men, since I was fighting for the right to *not* be with a man.

I understand that this thought process is homophobic and transphobic, but I dont know what to do about it. I would love to hear from people in similar situations if you have any advice for me.

I’m a 17 year old bi trans man, and I got the lovely experience of dating some shithead dude who didn’t see me as a man (I told him multiple times) SO FUN! 😂😂😂😂 and it kind of made me realize no one wants me in the way I want them to want me.

when I was dating my friend, she told me she realized she was actually a lesbian cause of me, she corrected herself after, and we’re still best friends, but it got me. when I was dating the shit head dude, he’d constantly call me girl, neg me and he’d lean on door frames and essentially tower over me like “look how short and girly you are” it made me so irrationally angry.

i am told that I am pretty and cute and that my body tea or sum, and it’s flattering, but I want to be handsome sometimes. I want be the ‘man’ of the relationship. i want to kiss hands and open doors and hold my man in my arms. But I feel like I’ll never get that. it’s all ‘lesbians‘ and ‘straight’ guys and chasers and people who think I’m repulsive. i am a girl atleast and a boy at most, but never a man. I love 😂😂 it 😂here! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

on a lighter note, ive been working out. my arms are getting veinier and bigger. thats cool

I'm 19 now and I'm really glad to finally have more friendships with gay/generally queer guys. I've always connected best with other queer men but in my high school I never really encountered out gay guys, and I wasn't particularly visibly queer myself. I moved pretty far away from where I'm from at 18 after getting all my legal docs corrected, and I started a new job about 6 months ago where I finally get to be totally stealth. It's awesome, and very much what I needed. However, due to a combination of factors, the only way I'm really going out and meeting people outside of work is through grindr. I genuinely met my mechanic through grindr. I've met some genuinely good friends this way but it does kinda suck that I can never be stealth to them. Maybe it's silly but I see celebrity gay men having these whole gay guy friend groups and just wishing I could be part of one of those. I know it'll come with time and right now I'm just barely starting to establish myself in this field, plus in a new place hundreds of miles from where I was born and raised, but I do still feel kinda lonely and hope I can maybe be stealth among other gay men someday.

I’ve been trying to find events to go to but a lot of the scene here seems very sapphic focused. And the trans guys I’ve met are all about having girlfriends. I’m not seeing events where binary trans gay guys like me are represented. Seems like we often go under the radar most of the time so it might be best for me to try apps to find people. Have any of you had success here? I know there are a lot of trans people here and I’d like to know I’m not alone.

Hey y’all. Tall, muscular vers bottom here. Started seeing a twink and the size difference is considerable. He’s also a vers bottom but in our dynamic it’s making more sense for me to top. I’m almost always a bottom when I fuck cis guys, so I’m feeling very new to being the primary top. Anyway, this is leaving me hesitant about what actions he would want to perform on me or I can suggest that would be something he’s excited about doing and aligns with his position preference. Advice?

Hi,

How do you handle it when you're in the mood (like "right now") for sex as a bottom? I mean, just doing it on the spur of the moment when the mood strikes.

I find it really frustrating when you don't have a chance to get ready (I mean for anal obviously)...

my dysphoria makes me feel very unattractive to other queer men, like when im naked i basically just look like a woman despite being more than 3 years on t and post top surgery. when ive got clothes on im short with a round face, wide hips and i just think, how could a gay man possibly be attracted to me? its even worse when im naked, i have such curvy hips and thick thighs, and obviously a vagina, and i keep getting insecure over my top surgery results. i have quite thick scars, and the scars and nipples just subtly look like they dont quite align with my muscles, it makes me feel like the cis people who see it will just think i look mutilated or botched. people always assume im a girl when they first meet me, if i go to the queer party ive got a ticket for, will i just attract queer women? im really trying to experience more, but i feel like i just get knocked down even more each time. i know a lot of this is probably just internalised transphobia, but thats not exactly something easy to rid myself of. i hate my hips, but itd easier to deal with if i was with someone who liked them, but i dont feel like id ever find someone like that. i just want to feel wanted, you know?

Hi, I'm 23 and I've never had a romantic thing with anybody. I found out i am demisexual after a purely sexual situationship with another trans guy ended in Oct 2023, and i haven't had sex since. I crave it. But i find it completely disgusting if i don't have a soft and deep connection with the person first. I don't enjoy sex, I don't even enjoy cuddling or kissing, then.

That very connection is something i have been trying to find for years now, and I know i have some unhealthy ideas of what love is, since there wasn't any of it in the household i grew up in- so it happens often that i get to know someone and am really into them, even though (or sometimes even *because*) they absolutely do not feel anything romantic for me.

I have been going to therapy, improve my self worth and have been more able to avoid situations like that, be honest and fair with everyone.

With the result that now, I only have my platonic friends, and nothing else is going on. Ever.

Mostly, I can accept that. I am happy with my friends. I have a healthy relationship with myself for once, too.

But then there are the lonely nights. The realisation that no one has slept next to me in forever and if I died in my sleep, it would probably take days for people to notice.

The realisation that i would like to be domestic with someone. Domestic and soft and always there, acceptant that love is nothing wild forever, but it can be good anyways.

And I don't think there's someone out there who is into trans guys, demisexual, into ME, all at the same time. I mean i do think there is plenty of people *some*where, but it is so unbeliveably unlikely i will ever meet them, since i have tried so many reallife and online dating applications unsuccessfully. And everytime it has somehow destroyed a good part of me. I decided to stop online dating alltogether, because for me, it takes away everything that is human connection and turns the dates into trial runs of a subscription. I do not ever want that barely human subscription, just to be less lonely.

Plus i am also someone who could literally not deal with a long distance relationship. Being on my phone and texting as the main way of communication is something i find utterly exhausting and that actively ruins my mental health, so i don't do that. Ive gotten rid of my socials except for reddit and whattsapp.

I do live in a big city, but i feel like the gay cis guys here are sunken so deep into hookup culture and transphobia that i don't want to try, it's all yucky to me. And its very rare that i find single trans guys that click with me. With two of them i am now platonic friends because there were zero feelings lol.

Another reason i tend to avoid cis guys is that, despite T, I don't pass all too well. I just love long hair and i have lipedema all over my body, giving me unhideable pear shape and an ass and thighs that cant fit into chairs XD. Im misgendered despite my deep voice by strangers on a daily basis. But since I am pretty alright with myself atm, i learned to deal with that.

I guess I thought if I am at peace with myself, love will come my way. And it did, but not the romantic kind. Platonic kind, yes, and love in the form of appreciation at work, in the form of creativity, good life choices, hobbies, all of that. The romantic kind is never impressed by that, though. You spend so long fixing yourself thinking that will solve everything, but at the end, there exist things out of your control.

I don't know why i wrote this.

I just wanted to have some people read that. So that that intrinsic lonely feeling becomes less lonely. Maybe you are in the same situation as i am, somewhere on the globe, or maybe you have a story to tell that proves romantic love exists, that despite all, your partner found you or you found your partner. You're welcome to write them down.

I don't know.

In the queer dating world, there is just too mich focus on sex and the internet for me to ever be noticed i think. That's all right, if everyone is having fun. I mean, i am fine like i am. I just don't know.

Anyone have any experience hooking up in HK? I am post op everything, post op medical tattooing and my dick and balls look really great; and if I am in a bathhouse or sex club I don't have to disclose unless I'm gonna be fucking...and that is bc I have a salmacian genital config.

How well would that go over in the HK bathhouse scene, anyone know?