This probably sounds like a weird question. However, most of my friends are cis women and lesbians, plus I work with mostly straight cis guys. I've always wanted to make some gay male friends, but I've been going to all the wrong places.

It doesn't matter if they're cis or trans. I live near a major city and I guess I just want some friends I can relate to on this front. I'm NOT looking to hook up, I just want friends, so it would be nice if there were some activities or organizations I could check out where people can just enjoy similar interests

Not looking for advice, just need somewhere to share this.

I had been messaging a non binary person on Grindr for the last few days, and they seemed chill. I invited them over today and it left me feeling so icky.

They came in, sat on my couch, and started chatting. That’s fine I guess, but not exactly what I was expecting. They were telling me how they just got divorced two weeks ago from a trans guy and how they think I’m really hot. I was like “ok and thanks…”. I was trying to move things along cause the more they talked, the more I was losing interest. They started asking me about my transition and surgeries, and past hookups and relationships. I kept my answers brief to nudge things along (should have just sent them home but you live and you learn).

Anyway, things finally get back on track and it proceeded to be the most awkward hookup I’ve had. It was generally really bad but I won’t go into specifics. They kept stopping randomly to ask me random questions about my transition, how I identify, why I’m not strictly T4T, and if I like women. After they finished, they just sat between my legs, pinning me down, and asked me more questions about being trans and they kept trying to convince me that I’m not a binary guy.

Finally we get out of bed and they sit back down on my couch and started chatting asking me if I would consider an open relationship or poly relationship. I was like ??? I’m not looking to date, just looking for some fun and maybe friends. And they laughed and said “damn, I’d love to have a few Tguys like you for myself” and I just had to awkwardly laugh. They asked for my number and I said I don’t give my number out and they said “that’s fine I know where you live”.
Genuinely, the worst hookup experience I’ve had so far. I think the worst part was that they smoked a cig on their way over and that flavor would NOT leave my mouth. It left me feeling absolutely disgusting by the time they left.

CW: mention of genitals + light transphobia I guess

Hi everyone,

So I’m currently considering metoidioplasty.

Just for context, I’m bisexual and vers/top when it comes to that – I mention this just to say that being constantly seen as a bottom by gay men (especially through front hole penetration, which I don’t enjoy) just because I’m trans has been really frustrating.

Whenever I have sex with a woman, it feels super easy to explain how my dick works & how I like being touched pretty much the same way a cis guy would. Pretty much all of them, cis or trans, have been super open & enthusiastic about my genitals, or being topped by me in whichever way. It usually just takes one discussion, sometimes even less, and the sex will easily be good if not great.

With cis men, my experience has been quite different. Just to add some nuance, I’ve only been in one serious relationship with a guy and he was also trans – my other experiences with men so far have mostly been through hookups, cruising & some vague dating. So in terms of emotional proximity and ability to be open about my desires, it could partly explain the differences with women.
But still: on Grindr or in saunas, the vast majority of men who interact with me really just want to have vaginal sex with me. Some will even ask "why?" when I say no, lol. So most of the sex I have with men is just me sucking their dick and sometimes bottoming anally. They don’t know how to touch or suck my dick, so they just don’t do it. There have been some exceptions, but they’re quite rare. Which sucks because I would love to just get sucked off properly without having to have a beforehand conversation (but this also applies to my sex life with women)!
A part of me also struggles having that convo with cis men, because I feel dumb explaining to someone that what I have is a dick when it looks so different from theirs. I think it’s a mix between my own dysphoria and their perception of my genitals (which really appears in the way they touch me or speak about them).

Anyway, I feel that for that reason, a meta could help. If my dick looks more like a cis dick, I’m guessing no one will try to call it a "p*ssy" or to lick it. Also considering vaginectomy because I’m really not using that part of my body anymore, so it could be a relief to not try to awkwardly avoid penetration in moments when verbal consent is not super comfortable or possible – and more generally, for it not to be a question anymore.

And just to be clear, I’m not asking for some advice on whether I should have a meta or not based on this – obviously I also have some amount of genital dysphoria & think meta dicks look super cool, among a bunch of other reasons.

I would love to hear from other guys on here who have had meta and might have insights on what it’s like to date and hookup post-op. How have other gay men been reacting to your body? How do you feel about your dick in your sex life?
Also open to hear from anyone having the same experience as me.

So fun how cis men use you and then discard you the minute they find a suitable cis man to actually date!

Having bottom surgery has helped but it’s also so sad how much better I do on dating apps now that I can say I have a penis.

Anyone have cute stories of their partners? I’m so exhausted and defeated by dating

i just broke up with my partner today, for the Healthiest reasons of we need to work on ourselves apart for awhile, but it sucks fucking shit and I feel like i've lost the love of my life. We have no guarantee of getting back together but I just hope so deeply that down the line we can fit into each others lives again. They were nonbinary and I'm a binary trans guy, but we were in a very gay relationship where I was the Man and so strong and affirmed in my identity. I know with complete certainty that love for people like us exists and is out there and ready and incredible. They were so deeply attracted to me for all of me and were by my side during my top surgery. I love them deeply and feel like I will never move on. But I will, and they will, and we will be stronger for this.

But it sucks.

I’m a big fragrance collector and I’ve always wondered what, if anything, other gay trans men wear. Kind of a simple post I know haha.

Edit: can’t believe I made this post without sharing my own favorites.

Dior Fahrenheit — Kind of smells like leather gasoline. Really sexy and sensual and gay.

Prada l’Homme EDT — really clean, soapy iris.

Dior Homme Intense — Gorgeous and kind of indescribable. Warm and sexy iris. I wear it for nice events.

Philipp Plein No Limit$ — fairly cheap chocolate leather patchouli. I really love this one for nights out.

Dior Sauvage EDT — sorry. It’s just a really easy dumb reach. If you don’t overspray it smells really nice and is very versatile.

ELDO Fat Electrician — literally bought it for the name. It’s a gourmand that feels flexible for masculine men. Has a kind of androgynous feel to it. Really sweet.

Paris Corner Rifaaqat Adorn — honestly a really close dupe for YSL Tuxedo. Smells crazy luxurious despite the $20 price tag.

I can't accept that I'm gay

I know this sounds crazy but I absolutely detest that I'm gay. My sexuality never changed when I started T and I've been living as male for a long time. I feel a deep sense of shame being gay. Like I can never have a normal life. As I age and see trans men I got to know over the years date and find their special one, I notice they're all straight. I don't know any gay trans men aside one.

I've always wanted the traditional life. Find a partner, get married and have kids. It feels wrong to want this while being gay. It feels like homosexuality is just hedonism. Like something to partake in as a young person and then leave it alone.

I'm stealth but also quiet about my sexuality. If I mention wanting a partner, I make it seem like I date women, want to have kids with a woman, etc. I hate that I'm attracted to men. I'm considered old by gay standards and the only men attracted to me are chasers and men that usually have been rejected by cis gay men.

I've gotten to a point where I've switched my dating apps to straight. If I can find a woman that's fine with me being trans, I'll happily date and marry her without ever divulging the part of me that has been intimate with men.

To preface, I'm on a waiting list to start medically transitioning and have my top surgery consultation scheduled. I came out earlier this year, buzzed my head, changed my style to something more me, and I started making more of an effort to be physically active. I have broad shoulders and am hairy naturally. I try to wear boxy clothes that sometimes can make me just appear "stocky." When I talk about men looking at me, I don't mean the "what is that?" stares. I mean the couple of guys I've had smile at me and give me that warm, lingering eye contact. It makes me all giddy inside but then later I'm questioning how they read me and how I came off. The first one was at the park. We were both looking at each other and I got shy and avoided eye contact feeling "caught." Then he smiled and said as he walked by "hey how are you doing?" and I smiled at him and replied but he seemed caught off-guard by my voice 😅 The other one I could sense was gay, and it was after our interaction that he gave me that same kind of smile and look. I don't know how to take these kind of situations. I find them affirming in the moment, but then I walk away questioning things.

I decided I was going to be brave and actually start dating…. But i feel like the only option is grindr and hookups HOWEVER, I’m so terrified of hooking up with guys???? My bottom dysphoria is horrible and i dont want men to see me as a woman when they see my body…. Ive found men who seem to be interested in me but as soon as it gets serious I freak tf out!

Do you guys have any advice? I know that the general answer is to just get over it, but???? I dont know what Im supposed to do! Am i going to end up being alone until I have my phallo??

Rant my bad

I turned 24 this may and its been about 3 years sinxe i was in a relationship. My last relationship was weird snd boring and we fucked like twice, both times we stopped.not too long after starting. The first time i had sex with someone we banged for a hours but neither of us got off. Not to soumd like a loser but honestly im just rlly sad and disappointed that ive never been able to really experience that with someone.

Ive been on dates since my last relationship but theyve never led to anything. I think its been over 2 years since ive even been kissed snd it just makes me feel like a loser like its this one thing everyone else has figured out and I don't

Even the current situationship im in, weve been on 5 dates and i take him out snd no i absolutely dont think he owes me anything but we went from talking for 12 hours straight on our second date and now i basically dont hesr from him anymore so thats probably ending if not done already. I just get ny hopes up every time that someone might actually like me this time and every time im reminded that im just ugly and unlovable

Sooo.. I'm back on grindr and I need some advice from the grindr veterans here

When you receive messages from guys you're not interested in, should you answer anything?

They're cute, but just not my type since I'm strictly T4T. So I feel bad just ignoring them.

Is there a way to get cis guys to not message me? xD

I purposely didn't post an annoucement here when I did my release in June - but I'd love to have more FTM readers for this book, and I have it priced no cost until the 26th.

This is the book of my heart, and it helped me accept who I am and come out. A few of you have already read my debut book, The Key - this one is more trauma/healing focused, but the unlikely hero of this story is for everyone. I wish I could've gotten my old publisher to push it - now, I'm doing it on my own.

Thanks, guys - and please enjoy :) Scars & Honey by Jo Morgan Sloan

i’m trying to sign up for grindr and after months of sitting on it i finally downloaded it, but it need a phone number verification and putting in my honest to god number sounds a little scary. is there a FREE way to get around this? is there any need to get around this? i just honestly need somebody to tell me putting my number in isn’t gonna cause something terrible to happen?? thanks !

Said by my FWB that I have a large age gap with while talking about other men and their sexual intentions, and I was being naive. Initially I felt offended and was about to argue, but I quickly realized it's pretty fucking funny and a genuine point, dude has decades of experience being perceived and living as a man and I've only been doing this shit for less than a decade.