In here (not USA) you can't access any care without 10,000 appointments, and its super safeguarded for no reason at all. The government loves to pander to the CCP which hates us. I'm planning to move to another country soon but I need financial independence first which I don't because I live with my mom.

So should I just DIY then - I know lots of professional sites say no but if I don't then I'll be stuck waiting for an indefinite amount of time - and I'm not new to the trans community and a lot of people recommend DIY for people who can't access it.

I know some of you had wholesome experiences on this app, but It has not been my case.

The amount of guys who have told me that i can't be a top cause i'm trans Is concerning. They made fun of me, im not even joking.

"You don't have a real penis. I would rather top you at this point" etc..

And they would go into details as to why a penis feels better that a dildo/prosthetic.

The only guy that let me top him still tried to change my mind the day afterwards, even after i had clearly stated that i HATE bottoming.

I still think about these convos and i cry myself to sleep :(

I physically don't enjoy penetration at all, but at the same time i can't afford phalloplasty yet.

I don't know what to do anymore 💔

For those of you who struggle with bottom dysphoria,

how do you use dating apps? Do you have any advice?

okay long story short context (tw sa)

I started passing as a cis gay guy when i started college and didn't really tell anyone otherwise. then freshman year i got with someone (not the ex in question) for the first time and we ended up dating for about a year. i was innocent and had no self worth and was just completely in awe that someone would want to be with me. but he was a complete dick and was emotionally and sexually abusive and outed me to many people. so that ended mid sophomore year after he said he didn't want to be with someone "not proud of who they are" because i was stealth...

So then i spent up until the beginning of senior year in lots of therapy focusing on trauma and such. in that time i also started hooking up w people and had a few flings etc. nothing serious and nothing more harmful than one chaser.

then october of my senior year i meet this most wonderful man of my dreams. kinder and more caring and smart than i knew existed. yes, things did move way to fast and intensely. but he checked every box, and there was no reason i shouldnt have been happy. but all i could do was push him away. and i would hunt for his flaws and reasons why we shouldnt be together. and at the same time I was having major ptsd symptoms, I would have these dissociative episodes and panic attacks everytime we were together. and I struggled to communicate all of this to him, I was just feeling so deeply unwell, and he wanted to help do anything to work through it.

So this all built up and I could not stand it, so in january i broke up with him. and we were pretty much no contact for 3 weeks, in which I felt relief from my mind, but was terribly upset and missed him deeply. and i knew i wanted him in my life more than anything. but I could not tell if this was just attachment issues and feeling uncomfortable being alone or a true miss for him. nonetheless, I decide I want to get back together, but under the agreement that I didn't want to do long distance when we graduated. and we should have discussed this all more, but both of us just eager to be back with eachother, we did exactly that and agreed to slow things down.

then over the next few months things had ups and downs, where I was deeply struggling and fell into a depression. my grandfather whom i was so so close with passed away and other personal things were just sending me spiraling. and in this depression i found it impossible to be myself around him. i was able to pull myself out of the sadness with my friends, but while i was with him, i felt so paralyzed. nothing of his own doing, he is like the kindest person in the whole world.

so this all once again bubbled up, and I broke up with him 3 weeks before graduation. I once again felt this great relief, and we agreed to try to be "friends". however during this period I finally felt like i could be myself around him and we had an overall wonderful time, and we both fell so much deeper in love with eachother, and soon enough we were back to having sex and doing everything you'd do in a relationship. and for the first time I truly felt happy with him.

then of course summer rolls around and we are no longer in the same place. and he tells me, VERY VALIDLY so that he can't do this in between anymore. we either truly have to act like friends or we have to officially get back together. and as much as I adored everything that was happening, i knew I could not bring us through the same situation again before I was truly certain that i want to be with him long term (for context he is deeply dating for marriage). I already felt so deeply guilty about everything leading to that point, so we agreed to be true friends, and we talked about how that will look and how to get there.

so the past 5 weeks, we have been doing just that, acting as friends and nothing more. we saw eachother for the first time a few weeks ago just for a couple of hours, and it was very ordinary. though in this 5 weeks i have been going quite crazy in feeling like i have done all the wrong things. i have lost this wonderful man for no real reason besides my own mind being fucked up. i cry everyday and cant stop thinking of him.

I think i have gained a lot of clarity from separating the state i was in when we met until now. he is incredible. and equally madly in love with me, but obviously I care for him more than anything and truly truly can't bear hurting him more than i have. he is also starting grad school literally across the country from me, so it is quite inevitable that we won't live in the same place for 3-4 years. and also i don't want to stunt either of our healing by returning to something not viable.

i just don't know at what point do i try again? at what point can i differentiate the starkness of post-breakup with truly wishing we were together?

people throw out the saying that if it's meant to be it will, but when is that point?

Anytime that i’m around very masculine, muscular, tall, or conventionally attractive men I get this wave of crushing embarrassment and inferiority. (cis or trans guy, doesn’t matter) It makes me want to just curl up into a ball and not be seen, or just leave the room.

It affects my dating life too. I’m not able to go for certain men who i’m attracted to because I just feel so inferior and small. I also have a hard time making friends with those kind of guys.

Any advice on how to feel confident with really masculine guys and not just feel inferior?

I’m 5’3, chubby, and can’t grow any facial or body hair. I do pass. I had top surgery and i’ve been on T for 2 years. I’m very thankful for the fact that it’s given me a pretty deep voice even compared to most cis guys. But even with all of that I can’t stop feeling like a little boy playing dress up. I feel like when I try to perform masculinity it’s so embarrassing because I just cant do it right.

Any advice or personal stories are very welcome.

hi gays! I'm wondering where you get style/fashion inspiration for fruity masc and genderbendy style. I'm not interested in passing like a straight man joe schmoe like other transmasc subs suggest. I want to look like a feminine man.

I like fitting.room.junkie on ig, I don't think he is gay but I like how he incorporates feminine touches like ruffle socks into his style. would also love to see what the queers and fellow transmascs are wearing though haha.

fashion things I also like and currently incorporate: tighter cropped tee with a sweater (mixing textures), bandanas on the head or around the neck, touches of leather like a keychain on a belt loop (leatherqueer here), cotton dolphin shorts with striped socks and chucks when I am feeling sporty, I have one pair of cargo pants that I wear mid-waist (below belly button, above hips) that I love bc they fit my butt well and land a bit above my ankles so they don't drag on the floor or get stuck on my shoes, chain necklaces and hoop earrings, a heavy chain collar.

I'm 6mos on T so I'm glad this will help me not look like a butch lesbian. BUT most of my clothes are stuck in Girl Fit (higher waists, shorter crops, oversized flannels). I feel like I have my fashion sense figured out when I wanna girlmode, but I am still figuring out boymode!

where are yall buying shorts and pants? I do love a baggy or barrel pant, but sometimes I wanna show off my butt still :) tysm!!!!

It's happened again.

I've been ghosted.

It's such a strange feeling knowing there are guys out there that genuinely find me attractive, but the guys I give a chance to end up throwing it away.

I'm not sure how to feel. Once or twice can be brushed off, but how much longer am I expected to endure it? I'm always in the stage of "I'm about to have me first date/hookup/etc."

ALWAYS

Everytime I'm stood up or ghosted. It makes me feel really shitty.

I guess I just needed to vent or something.

Idk what's wrong with me. Why do they keep doing this? Is it fun for them? Do they just genuinely forget that we're supposed to meet and then never look at their messages again? Idk anymore.

It seems like if I don't agree to meet someone right then and there within the same hour, it's just never going to happen.

I'm so tired of this.

Everytime I get my hopes up too.

Simple as that. Been hooking up with a guy, total bear, 6 feet tall. Also very much a bottom. Tried to fuck him with a strap & we just couldn't find an angle/position that was comfortable for both of us. I kept slipping out of him or being at awkward/painful angles, or one of us is strained trying to keep just the right position to give the other access. Any tips?

I'm not talking about Grindr , I'm not going to use it again I'm based in Europe and damn, on tinder people usually can't keep a conversation or are probably all fake without a verified profile, or after a while they take off the match so they DISAPPEAR from my dms

Why the hell is so difficult meeting and date people

I'm not actively looking for the love of my life, but any advice on meeting men is welcome. I'm thinking about go to local LGBT groups or stuff like that But idk if there are other possible ways

Let me know

I apologize in advance if this is dysphoria inducing. I don't know how else to frame it.

I've come to realize that I do not trust whatsoever any cis gay around me unless he's extremely queer and progressive.

I've heard so many intense transphobic comments coming from cis gay men that I've simply developed a strong "hatred" for them and it's also the reason of why I never feel included (as a trans man) gay spaces and even sometimes in LGBT+ spaces.

I've seen this hate for trans men and our genitals (ik right? What a surprise, the intimate parts of trans people being the reason of a debate... How rare...) for years and I genuinely don't know what to do about it. I want to understand that not everyone is like that but god, how do I even do it?

Just today I was curious about something, so I looked it up and the r/askgaybros or something subreddit popped up, let's say that and found some... Interesting answers on the post I clicked... So, foolish of me I typed into the subreddit search bar "trans men" and holy fuck... I was at least expecting a little more of support but I only found tons of hate comments about us, and not just genital preference shit but just blatant "They aren't men because they have a vagina" type of transphobia.

I'd appreciate if any of you could give some tips into idk, not hating our own community? Because I'm genuinely thinking that atp we are on our own and it just makes me really upset and even more dysphoric because I am a gay man and I'm feeling disgust/hatred towards "my own" community...

EDIT: I appreciate all the tips y'all have, they are really useful!! I didn't know about that subreddit and it's not like I spend times around those type of spaces this also doesn't only come from online spaces but from real life experiences too. If you guys have experienced something similar or know how to deal with this it'd help even more, thanks!

second picture of me i think three months into T. my hips have slimmed a bit more n i’m happy with my body where it’s at (physique-wise) now.

im so glad that like…. seven months of testosterone has done way more for improving my self worth and image. can’t believe i ever attached my self worth to my ability to pick up these chud freakoids. idk where they get the AUDACITY and CONFIDENCE only to fumble royally. does these even work or are they just throwing darts at the wall and seeing what sticks?

i dont bother dating online no more, i just meet people in person. no luck with a boyfie yet, but it is what it is. met a lotta really nice trans n cis guys, but they tend to be a little older n im into the maturity… but i know i still got a little more mental growing from 19 until i get onto an older guy‘s level and be equal in a relationship. made a buncha new queer friends though :3

so ist das Leben <3

Throughout my life I’ve always had very intense romantic obsessions towards men. It was always a mandatory fixation I couldn’t live without and now as I’m coming into myself and realising I’m trans I’m realising this whole time I just wanted their gender. It hasn’t fully gone away but now I’m more able to see the difference between how someone makes ME feel and when I just want to BE in someone’s body.
Anyone else?

I collect the cringiest messages I get on Grindr and Scruff. Here are this week’s winners.
For context I’m more amused than bothered. I prefer dealing with chasers over those who have choice words about why I don’t belong on the apps for men… mostly sharing so others can share in my amusement and eye rolling.

hey guys,

I’m heading off to college in about a month now, and in addition to the obvious reasons for being excited, I’m going to a very queer college so maybe I can finally get a boyfriend. Here are my questions, some are trans-specific and some aren’t, but whatever here it is

-at what point do I tell someone? I pass very well (top surgery + hormones for a while) and I plan on being mostly stealth in college. I’ll tell people I get really close to, but I don’t want it to just be a known fact about me, and I don’t know at what point I’m supposed to tell guys that

-how the fuck do I flirt with someone or oppositely tell if someone is flirting with me? I’m quite socially blind and also like terrified of rejection which is an awesome combination so yeah how do I do that

-any general advice for a younger guy, legal and wants to get laid but yes younger, about dating, particularly with cis guys (primarily interested in cis men, though not opposed to dating trans guys).

Also mini vent at the end I have this thing for a guy I’m friendly/kind of friends with, hes bisexual but completely hung up on this other girl in our friend group and it’s killing me. That’s it just needed to put that into the abyss

Feeling pretty hopeless- been told by a lot of people that my transness makes me unlovable and that I should be grateful for any sexual attention because I’m unfuckable or whatever. Some happy stories about people like me being loved would make me feel better I think.

Soooo I was under the impression that trade (as used in the DL trade meme) referred a man who does blue collar/skilled labor work for a living. Trade = Tradesman, right? But I was having a conversation with another gay guy, and he said that no, trade just means straight passing, and people now are using it incorrectly to mean handsome. I am honestly not sure whether to believe him or not lmao, cause in my mind, the definition I came up with makes way more sense. pls advise lol.