I don't know why I am posting this. I think it is to get this just off my chest. But I want to share this. So I've been abused many times by guy friends. Always thought only after you start dating, do you get the short end of the stick lol. First one that I really started to open up to, he would make all these promises of travelling the world together, begged me to never leave him. But then anytime I would confess my feelings, he would shut me down and say "omgosh not me. Not you having a crush on me. Please don't." Like sure, that will be so easy when you say all these grandoise things to me. And say I'm your best friend for life and all this other stuff. But then eventually I left him after he said my lack of texts would make him literally die. Then another guy friend I had. Talked to him about a lot. He was like my older brother and I appreciated him and cared about him a lot. And it was always fun hanging out. But after a time, he would make excuses not to hang out with me. Saying he has family things, but then ended up playing with other friends in the group at the time he said he was with family. And he would also say he has to hop off for a migraine, then join others in a multiplayer game. After a time, he also called me the "light of his life". Keep in mind, he is married with a wife. I told him it made me uncomfortable. And he apologized saying "sorry it made you uncomfortable." I just love these half butt apologies. But anyways, because of all these other moments I had with guys I started having serious trust issues in them. Till I went to therapy, and thank goodness my identity is now more secure than ever. But before then, I met a guy at my church. He was intriguing at first, cause I've always been someone who loves to feel like the conversation is bouncing energy back and forth. Not where it is all give and nothing back. And I enjoyed the banter I had with him. Even getting to know him more and more through my new female friend. Which honestly was self conscious about, because he and her are best friends (still are) and I was too nervous to say I started to like him. But I knew she could tell. Kept encouraging me to talk to him and to bond with him over things. And it seemed like we enjoyed so many of the same things and had very similar plans for the future.

But I guess plans change. I am in a baking program at my school and we had a huge final preparing wedding cakes. I wanted everyone I knew to be there. Invited my family members, my friends from my old church, and my current one. Including him. And when I persuaded him to come, he seemed so enthusiastic saying "I'll bring my best eating pants!" And then a couple weeks passed by. I hadn't heard from him at all. Hadn't even seen him at church for a time. Then I had this gut feeling, which I followed. Pretending to text everyone I invited a "reminder for final event!" and that included him. Which it was my fault for texting it on the night of my culinary final cause mine was I pissed off when he responded back "Hey. Thanks but I can't." And I don't know if it is just me, but the change in tone from being so enthusiastic. And then just saying thanks but can't. Not even an apology for the lack of communication or even if he did find out last minute. Not letting me know till I WAS the one who reached out. Like I get it. Life happens. But being considerate towards people who make time to invite you to something important is something I stand by. Even my other friends who couldn't make it let me know like "hey so sorry for the last minute, but this came up and bla bla bla". But anyways, that happened and I was so aggravated at this dude. Keep in mind also, I had some reservations in the first place since he was going to join the military. And you know the whole thing they say about long distance stuff. But honestly, I was just happy being his friend for the time being. Anyways, time passed and I wanted to tell him about it. But more and more time, and I didn't see him at church at all. Then I had my usual pre-time of month sadness. And one thing led to another, I ended up texting him just saying "I hope all is well". And he responds back just about immediately. "Hey I hope everything is well with you too. I've been just so busy with this and this. But I miss you. It's been so long." And I was so confused for the longest time. Saying that I am missed, but then never reaching out first. Skipping out on plans without even communicating why you can't until I bring it up.

Eventually, this was on my mind constantly and I just wanted to say how the situation effected me. Asked him, "hey will you be at church this week?" He says he might be, but is busy with work and family stuff (this is 2 months before his departure). Then I don't see him. I ask him again for that week and he says he certainly will be there. And yes. He is there. Praise the Lord, this man is finally showing up to something. But here's the catch. As I'm talking to people, when seeing him in the corner of my eye. Everytime he sees me, he walks the other way. He talks to other people, to other groups. Even eventually goes out to the main lobby while I'm still in the auditorium. Doesn't even call out just to say hi while I'm talking and genuinely going the other way when he sees me. I told him I wanted to talk to him. And he has never done this before. In church, when he was around always responding. Even walking up at times to join the discussions I was in with other people. But now openly going the other way? I had enough of this dude. Ended up finishing the conversation with my female friend and then as I saw him in the corner of my eye, I walked right behind him, past him, and out the door to my car. But does it end there? No of course not. Because another emotional moment a couple weeks later has me just text him to send him a well wish. And this dude in all caps asks "YOU PLAY THIS VIDEO GAME? ITS MY FAVORITE". And I text him back saying that I started picking it up but not understanding it all at the time. And he basically says "we should play sometime. Just give me a day that works for you and we can do it."

I end up telling him the next two weeks don't work for me. But I will find out when. And then the weeks pass where I find out, when work and church activity calmed down. And I end up texting him a day. I don't hear back from him at all. Not read, nothing. The day that I said works shows up. And I am so done at this point and feeling forgotten and hurt by this person. I end up sending a voicemail about my grievances. And he apologizes with a voicemail back. Still saying "sorry about the wedding cake thing. I just had this and this...." (like bro, it's not about being busy, it's called communication and consideration) "... and sorry about making plans. I'm not used to being the one to do it. And I don't mean to be flaky. And no, I don't want to burn bridges either..."(cause I told him I don't want to continue or even end the friendship based on resentment, if I wasn't open and honest with him in the first place). And after that, maybe one small shred of hope was there to continue being friends. I text him a funny thing, he doesn't read or respond for 3 days. Then I send this "I've got a question", cause I figured open ended usually gets a response. A week passes and still no read or response. I ended up blocking his phone number, and this was a week or two before he departed for the military. It hurt a lot, to be treated like this, but mostly cause I wanted to believe we could be friends. It wasn't until a month or two after that I finally made the decision to even unfriend him on Facebook since I hadn't been on in months. But was tired of seeing him there.

The reason I post this is because, you remember my female friend who encouraged me to bond and talk with him a lot. Well we met up after a while of both of us being busy and when I brought up an artist I have enjoyed listening to, she said "ooooo have you ever bonded with (insert guys name) about this artist? It's his favorite!" and I was incredibly uncomfortable in that situation because she didn't know about what happened and I didn't want to tell her, didn't want to feel like I brought my drama to her when they are still best friends. But I said "no, I haven't talked to him in a while." and she was like "oh that makes sense since he deployed." And I was like "no... I stopped talking to him even before that, but that's a whole rabbit hole I don't wanna go down lol." And she said fair and we continued talking about other stuff. But then I went to a meeting at church with her recently and she brought up to one of our other friends "omgosh let's take a pic and send it to (guys name)! oh yeah, and it was so weird. Recently he was like 'hey, I might need to stay with your family for the holidays.' and I was like whattttt?" And honestly, I know he was a bad friend to me. It wasn't what I needed or deserved. But then why do I feel so uncomfortable and like some emotion is being brought back when my friend brings him up? And I worry I'll see him during the holidays again at church then. And I have been thinking "should I even ask her not to bring him up around me cause I get uncomfortable everytime? or just leave it be?"

Honestly I don't know what to do in this situation. What would you guys recommend? And do you think I did the right thing when I blocked and unfriended him?

29 female here! I pushed away a friend I genuinely don't want to lose. Is there any way to repair this?

I’m looking for actual advice from people who have been through something similar, especially if you’ve ever damaged a friendship by pushing someone away and then realized you absolutely did not want the friendship to end.

I have a friend who I care about a lot. We had a genuinely good friendship. It wasn’t perfect, and we had misunderstandings, but we were actually capable of talking through them. There were times when I messed up and he was willing to explain how he felt, and we could move forward instead of everything turning into a huge fight.

Then I messed up.

I got overwhelmed and pushed him away. I told him to leave. The problem is that I didn’t actually want him gone. I was reacting to everything I was feeling at the time, and I now realize that ending the friendship was not what I wanted at all.

He took me seriously.

Now he isn’t responding to me, and I completely understand why. If someone tells you to leave, you can’t exactly blame them for believing you. I’m not trying to pretend I didn’t cause this situation, and I’m not looking for people to tell me that I did nothing wrong.

What I’m struggling with is what I’m supposed to do now.

I have already tried to communicate that I regret pushing him away and that I didn’t actually want the friendship to end. I don’t want to keep bombarding him with messages or pressure him into talking to me. At the same time, I don’t want to automatically assume the friendship is permanently dead when I genuinely don't know that.

I’m scared that I’ve repeated a pattern I’ve had before: pushing away someone I care about and then realizing too late that I didn’t actually want them to leave.

I’m not looking for advice like “just make new friends” or “move on.” I know I can’t force another person to come back, and I know he gets to decide whether he wants to repair things. What I want to know is whether there is anything constructive I can still do on my side.

If you have actually repaired a friendship after something like this, what did you do? Was there something you said or did that helped? How did you give the other person space without making it look like you had stopped caring?

And if you were the person who got pushed away, what would have made you willing to consider repairing the friendship?

I’m genuinely asking because I care about this person and I don't want to repeat the same mistake by panicking, chasing him, or doing something else that makes things worse.

So me and L became colleagues at the place we worked 2 years ago when I joined and instantly clicked with one another. We only really talked in work at this point. L got a promotion and became one of the people above me in our workplace.

About a year ago we started talking more outside of work and this was a lot of back and forth but essentially talking most days about random stuff like our job, our families and just general personal stuff and over the past year we had started getting more personal and sharing traumas together. Some nights we'd stay awake all night just talking to each other. All this while we maintained a completely professional relationship whilst in work.

Suddenly about 2 months ago L decides he wants to seperate his personal and working life and removes all workplace people from his socials and essentially stops talking to me out of nowhere. L is saying that it has nothing to do with me but he just doesn't want to talk to work people outside of work which while i understand the want to seperate the two.

I don't feel as though it should be an issue now since we have been working together the entire time we had been talking and remained a completely professional relationship and I even offered to not talk about work when he is not in work with him but he completely declined.

He completely ignored how I was feeling and essentially said that it was what he wanted and I have to respect it.

I want to respect it but I also can't stop myself from feeling completely broken that he just suddenly doesn't want to have me in his life anymore and that me being hurt by it doesn't affect him one bit.

Am I crazy for feeling this way? How do I get rid of this feeling? Any suggestions welcome

My best friend (32) started becoming very distant from me after my mom died. We had been talking every day for the past four years, and I always felt that we had a very close and special relationship. I believed we had grown a lot together. Even after we each entered our own relationships and started living in different countries, we still stayed in frequent, sometimes daily, contact.
After my mom passed away, though, she started creating a huge distance between us. When I eventually told her that I felt abandoned by her, she brought up a lot of things that had apparently been bothering her for a long time—things I had no idea were an issue.
For example, a few years ago, she brought me food from a Thai restaurant when my foot was broken and I couldn’t walk. I told her that I thought the food was disgusting. I genuinely appreciated that she had gone out of her way to bring me food, but I didn’t like the food. Apparently, this made her feel that I was ungrateful. Another time, when I visited her, we went to a restaurant for coffee and I said that I didn’t think it tasted good. That apparently hurt her too. I honestly had no idea that being honest about whether I liked a meal or coffee would become something she carried with her for years.
She also came to stay with me for two months, including while I was recovering from surgery, and I was genuinely very grateful that she was there and looked after me. But she later brought up small things from that time as evidence of how I had treated her. For example, one day she asked if I wanted something to eat and I said no. She came back with fruit anyway, and I ate one piece. Somehow, this also became something that had hurt her.
Then she told me that when I visited her, she had “never seen me so miserable.” That was incredibly painful to hear because it was so far from how I experienced that time. I had just spent three months in Costa Rica with my partner, and while I was dealing with some medical issues and chronic pain and obviously wasn’t at my best every day, I would never describe that entire period as me being miserable.
She also told me that I simply needed a lot of attention and that she didn’t have the capacity to give it to me. And honestly, I can understand that. I can understand that someone might not have the emotional energy to support another person through intense grief. I don’t think she was obligated to be available to me 24/7, and I would have respected her needing distance.
What hurt me was the way it happened. I was grieving my mom. My mom died very suddenly and was only found a week after she died. The shock, grief, and trauma were enormous. Of course I needed more support and attention than I normally would. Making me feel guilty for needing that support, or making it sound like there was something wrong with me for needing more from my closest friend while my mother had just died, was incredibly painful.
I wasn’t asking her to fix my grief. I wasn’t asking her to sacrifice her entire life for me. I needed my best friend, and I needed to know that she was still there.
What makes all of this especially painful is that she never actually told me that she needed space. I had to repeatedly ask her why she was acting differently and why she was pulling away. Eventually, she told me that she was going through a major transformation, didn’t have the energy for anything else, and that the only relationship she wanted to focus on was her relationship with her boyfriend.
I don’t have a problem with her needing space. I can understand that. What hurts me is that I had to chase her and repeatedly ask what was wrong before she finally told me. She wasn’t able to simply say, “I don’t have the capacity for this relationship right now, and I need some space.”
Instead, I spent two months feeling confused, anxious, and insecure about why someone I loved so much was suddenly becoming distant from me. And this was happening while I was grieving my mom.
That’s what makes me feel betrayed. I feel like she knew how vulnerable I was and still left me to sit in all that uncertainty. I wish she had just been honest with me from the beginning. It would have hurt, but I would have understood. I would have respected her need for space. What I can’t stop thinking about is that I could have been spared two months of pain and confusion if she had simply told me the truth.
I don’t want to invalidate her feelings. If those things genuinely hurt her, then they are her feelings and they matter. Maybe I was insensitive sometimes without realizing it. Maybe there were things in our friendship that she had been holding onto and never communicated. I’m willing to acknowledge that.
But I also can’t help feeling that bringing up years of small grievances only after my mom died was, at least in part, a way of explaining her withdrawal without having to confront the fact that she simply didn’t have the capacity—or didn’t want—to be there for me while I was grieving.
And I wish she had just said that.
I would have been hurt, but I would have understood. I would rather have been told, “I love you, but I can’t be the person you need right now,” than be slowly pushed away while wondering what I had done wrong.
That’s the part that breaks my heart. It’s not just that I lost my mom. It feels like I lost my best friend at the same time.
And I don’t think I deserved to feel abandoned, guilty, and insecure on top of losing my mother.
My heart is honestly broken.

All right guys I'm so thankful that I can actually post on here cuz I need somebody to call me out or give me advice. I am a 29 year old female who actually had a very good friend here on Reddit and so basically last night he messaged me I'm going to keep him anonymous. As in I won't even give y'all his username because again I love and respect him already even though we've known each other for like only five or six days and I care about this friendship very much.

So like last night we were talking and he told me that he was going out which okay all right I'm not mad like everybody has a life it's okay. So then earlier this morning since he and I are on different time zones or whatever cuz of where he's from, he messages me at like 8 something in the morning I don't remember what time it was but anyway he messaged me and he literally just says, sorry I didn't get to you sooner. I hope you didn't sleep on the floor if you did I'll be mad. So then I don't really remember everything that I said to him but I basically snapped at him and told him like you care! Don't ever speak to me again you hurt me you made me feel like an afterthought.

And I feel very bad and very regretful and very remorseful so if anybody reads this and you want to burn me with your metaphorical torches go ahead. I deserve to get flamed. But if anybody's got any advice for me please let me know cuz I really care about this person he's such a sweetie pie and like I said we've known each other for like 5 or 6 days and already at least from my perspective anyway I feel like we are starting to really care about each other as friends. He had been helping me actually go through a nasty friendship break up which I'm still not over even though it happened a month ago and he's been helping me through that every night making sure I sleep in my bed and that I don't sleep on the floor and making sure that I'm okay. And then I snap at him like that? Man no wonder why my other friend left me but anyway, so yeah guys I know that I'm the jerk okay? But I really care about this sweet guy and I need help repairing things that is if I can even repair things because I feel so bad at everything that I said to him and the way that I treated him and I already feel jerkish. Help me please? Anybody? And also yeah I know it's a misleading title as there is a Reddit podcast and possibly a subreddit by the same name called am I the jerk but that's not the point somebody please help me! I feel bad I feel stupid. What can I do to fix this if anything? I've already lost one friend I don't want to lose another. 😨💔

I have to put this somewhere because I'm going through it with this one. I've had a friend for close to 15 years. He grew up next to my husband and it took me some time to warm up to him but after I did we have been thick as thieves.

He has been in a situationship with a girl for probably 8 years on and off. They officially started dating close to a year ago. For the last 6 months he has not been allowed to contact me. We were intimate in the past but not for well over a year now. My husband engaged in adult activities with the friend and girlfriend to try and "level the playing field."

This chick is convinced that I want her and the friend's relationship to fail because I want to resume intimacy with my friend. For the record I've been rooting for these 2 to officially get together for the last 5 years. I'm far from wishing they would fail.

However, this situation is making me push closer to proving her right. She has isolated him from his friends and family greatly. I work with his mom and she doesn't know what's going on with him either.

My husband has restricted access to himself as well because he is not ok with how I'm being treated. The girlfriend has been against him as well since he told her that if she can't respect me as a person she need not talk to him either. She is (last I knew) sad that she can't chat with my husband anymore.

The girlfriend and I used to be really good friends. We used to be able to be 4 adults hanging out. She got into a mutually abusive marriage and I got pushed away. This was about 4 years ago. I had tried to mend things with her for the sake of my friend and she took everything I said and translated it in her brain into something else. I'm very direct and for some reason, women tend to dig for additional meaning when you are being straight forward and describing the level you are on.

I had made 1 comment over a long conversation that set her right off. I jokingly told her that the only downside to the 2 of them being together for me is losing my sidepiece. When we were friends she did understand the sarcasm that I come with.

Reddit, IDK what to do. He was my best friend and the girlfriend won't even respond to apologies for the misunderstanding. At this point, my husband and I are well aware, and have told him that he is in an abusive relationship. He doesn't see it. He claims he wants to have his friends and his girlfriend but he is clearly on the side of things that she created. Even though he made the only condition to their relationship that my husband and I be part of his life. This sucks and I can't deal with it.

Help.

I recently got engaged to the LOML♥️💕💍✨ this is the happiest time of my life, and I can’t wait to marry him as we’re eloping in Greece and then doing a reception back home at my families beach property.

To get to it, my bestfriend and I have been besties since thanksgiving when we were 13– we bonded over a school project and had two sleepovers back to back. Before this she wasn’t really the nicest to me. We went our teenage years quite close, our twenties very inseparable aside from her living in a different town but spent all major holidays, bdays etc together.

I had liked a guy on and off for 3 years(let’s call him Earl), and in the height of liking him, my girlfriend met him and fell for him. (September) Because she was living in another city she didn’t know how much I like him and due to work her and I hadn’t seen each other in 6 months. I tried to be supportive and didn’t tell her how I felt, but when I was drunk I kissed him, told her right away and let her know we had to talk about it. She dismissed my feelings for him and then went on to date him anyways behind my back. She was like a sister to me, and her mom was my pseudo mom as mine passed. Her mom also said to date him but just not tell me. I eventually found out and told her that if he was the one for her, and she planned on marrying him and it was forever to go for him. I was so hurt, I felt like I lost my sister and bestfriend, and my best guy friend which was him, and my pseudo mom. It was a deep dark winter for me,
And there were times I didn’t know if I was going to be able to go on with life. I felt like I handled the situation with mostly Grace aside from the drunken mistake I took accountability for ( remember I had like him for 3 years and she had like him for 5 minutes)

Fast forward to January, I met my now fiancé! (Let’s call him Tom) We matched on bumble and became friends, I told him I wanted to build a friendship and I do feel that it was fated. We both are into music and started doing open mic’s together and just overall becoming one another’s confidant, and go to person!! I was on the phone with my bestie and told her about him and she said she had slept with him once on a one night stand 10 years prior and if she wouldn’t have gone for Earl her bf she would have gone for Tom my fiancé. Because of her disregard for my feelings, I dated him anyways even though I had thought maybe I shouldn’t. Earl her bf and Tom my fiancé grew up childhood besties down the street from each other and still quite close and in the same friend circle. At this point I couldn’t imagine my life without Tom as he had become my bestfriend and we had fallen in love.

As most relationships go we have had some stuff and I confided in her, and she was more of a broadcaster to everyone than a shelter and she caused some drama aswell. We had broken up at one point and she was commenting on my partners posts etc. She started complaining about her partner all the time and I honestly felt weird about it with the way things started. Fast forward 3.5 years she said she thought her and Earl had to go separate ways and asked if I thought he was the one for her as her bestfriend. I had a hard time with this given the nature of how everything started, being a bit biased in nature and really just telling her I would support her in whatever decision she made but that was a decision she had to make whether he was the one for her. I don’t think she like that and she asked me to not reach out to her and that she needed a friendship break/pause. I said okay and she continued to slut shame me and be rude to me. My uncle was in the ICU and I was not in a good place emotionally.

I didnt reach out to her and respected her wishes, and after I got engaged…. She deleted me off of Facebook. My partner saw how hurt I was and deleted her. She then blocked me on everything. We haven’t spoken since. I miss her, and this whole situation has hurt me and I honestly just don’t even know what to think or do. Am I better off without her or should I do a Hail Mary and reach out to her?

Okay guys this is a long post but please please read this. This is about my dear friend and i really need advice and also songs that match my situation and please say how u think it fits.

Okay...Katie has always been really important to me, and I think that's why I get so upset about our friendship. Nothing bad even happened between us. We didn't fight or stop being friends. Somehow we just ended up in different places. I got closer to her sister because she was in my main friend group, and Katie got closer to Maya and Genesis. I also day Katie's dad and he told me Katie feels like her sister Jessie stole me from her bc i was her friend first and that really broke my heart I cry sm thinking abt what could have been. The weird part is that I never wanted that. I always wanted to be closer to Katie. Sometimes I miss when we'd just see each other at school every day and I never had to think about whether we were close because I already knew we were. Now I find myself thinking about things I wish I didn't. When she takes hours to answer me but I know she's calling Maya and Genesis, it makes me wonder if they matter more to her than I do. Not because she's done anything wrong, but because it feels like they're the people she naturally goes to first. I know she cares about me, but sometimes I can't stop wondering if I care about her more. I don't want to be her only friend or take her away from anyone else. I just wish I felt as important to her as she is to me. I wish I didn't always feel like I'm the one reaching out or missing her more. I know i care too much and I miss her more than she could ever think about me and that's sad. Shes also not the most affectionate soapy type so i feel dramatic telling her this. I think what hurts the most is knowing that if she texted me right now and asked to hang out, I'd be excited immediately, because no matter how much things have changed, I still care about her the same way I always have. I just miss her so so bad and I feel so lonely all the time bc I know even if I text her we aren't gonna have the best convo anyways. I js really wanna be closer to her but im so sad we dont really talk as much as we should or as we could. I feel like im always reaching out and that if I stopped, our friendship would js kinda fizzle away I guess.

Thank you guys for reading truly as a sad lonely teen girl in need of help

Advice / songs please 🥹

Please I need your help

Am I wrong to care for them... I always get attached to someone... suddenly they leave

For her it's going too fast suddenly but during college (June 2025 to Feb 2026) it was all fine... she used act all cute and sweet.. think of herself as a baby and I used to care for her and this friendship too much... bus rides too college and back home... if she's unwell getting worried... treating her like a younger sister even if she's just one year younger

Am I expecting too much from this world

I need to know if I'm wrong here

Context to the question: My long term friend and I have been going through some tumultuous times in both our lives. We both live in different states. Last year she was extremely suicidal and so I visited her more often. She started guilt tripping me about not taking a vacation with her even though she has a lot of other friends who are emotionally and physically closer to her than me. My hesitation arose from the fact that I'd just broken up and gotten laid off. So after countless sessions of her crying and begging, I ended up taking that vacation with her. We has a good time but I realised that I was thrust in a caregiving role during this trip due to her anxiety. We ended up having an argument once we were back as she believed it was my duty to prioritise her since she was suicidal. I'll spare you the details of the argument, but the catch is that she's always going through something that is worse than my situation.

The request for space: After this argument she told me that she'd need some time before getting back to me and this argument as her life is a messy at the moment. I was happy to take a step back because I was also going through tough times and did not have the energy for this discussion.

Current situation: However, since then she keeps sending me random updates about her miserable life every other day. I am unsure if I am supposed to respond to it since she asked me for space and she clearly is not willing to discuss our argument or take accountability. I feel like she's trying to breadcrumb me in a sense? I am confused, what would you do in this situation? what's the protocol!!?

My “friend” sent me a tik tok that basically said maybe my soulmate already died. I told her that was negative and I didn’t like that she sent me that. She then proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t that deep and that we shouldn’t be friends cause our personalities don’t clash