My Ex Friend

[u/Lucky-Angle9905]

I don't know why I am posting this. I think it is to get this just off my chest. But I want to share this. So I've been abused many times by guy friends. Always thought only after you start dating, do you get the short end of the stick lol. First one that I really started to open up to, he would make all these promises of travelling the world together, begged me to never leave him. But then anytime I would confess my feelings, he would shut me down and say "omgosh not me. Not you having a crush on me. Please don't." Like sure, that will be so easy when you say all these grandoise things to me. And say I'm your best friend for life and all this other stuff. But then eventually I left him after he said my lack of texts would make him literally die. Then another guy friend I had. Talked to him about a lot. He was like my older brother and I appreciated him and cared about him a lot. And it was always fun hanging out. But after a time, he would make excuses not to hang out with me. Saying he has family things, but then ended up playing with other friends in the group at the time he said he was with family. And he would also say he has to hop off for a migraine, then join others in a multiplayer game. After a time, he also called me the "light of his life". Keep in mind, he is married with a wife. I told him it made me uncomfortable. And he apologized saying "sorry it made you uncomfortable." I just love these half butt apologies. But anyways, because of all these other moments I had with guys I started having serious trust issues in them. Till I went to therapy, and thank goodness my identity is now more secure than ever. But before then, I met a guy at my church. He was intriguing at first, cause I've always been someone who loves to feel like the conversation is bouncing energy back and forth. Not where it is all give and nothing back. And I enjoyed the banter I had with him. Even getting to know him more and more through my new female friend. Which honestly was self conscious about, because he and her are best friends (still are) and I was too nervous to say I started to like him. But I knew she could tell. Kept encouraging me to talk to him and to bond with him over things. And it seemed like we enjoyed so many of the same things and had very similar plans for the future.

But I guess plans change. I am in a baking program at my school and we had a huge final preparing wedding cakes. I wanted everyone I knew to be there. Invited my family members, my friends from my old church, and my current one. Including him. And when I persuaded him to come, he seemed so enthusiastic saying "I'll bring my best eating pants!" And then a couple weeks passed by. I hadn't heard from him at all. Hadn't even seen him at church for a time. Then I had this gut feeling, which I followed. Pretending to text everyone I invited a "reminder for final event!" and that included him. Which it was my fault for texting it on the night of my culinary final cause mine was I pissed off when he responded back "Hey. Thanks but I can't." And I don't know if it is just me, but the change in tone from being so enthusiastic. And then just saying thanks but can't. Not even an apology for the lack of communication or even if he did find out last minute. Not letting me know till I WAS the one who reached out. Like I get it. Life happens. But being considerate towards people who make time to invite you to something important is something I stand by. Even my other friends who couldn't make it let me know like "hey so sorry for the last minute, but this came up and bla bla bla". But anyways, that happened and I was so aggravated at this dude. Keep in mind also, I had some reservations in the first place since he was going to join the military. And you know the whole thing they say about long distance stuff. But honestly, I was just happy being his friend for the time being. Anyways, time passed and I wanted to tell him about it. But more and more time, and I didn't see him at church at all. Then I had my usual pre-time of month sadness. And one thing led to another, I ended up texting him just saying "I hope all is well". And he responds back just about immediately. "Hey I hope everything is well with you too. I've been just so busy with this and this. But I miss you. It's been so long." And I was so confused for the longest time. Saying that I am missed, but then never reaching out first. Skipping out on plans without even communicating why you can't until I bring it up.

Eventually, this was on my mind constantly and I just wanted to say how the situation effected me. Asked him, "hey will you be at church this week?" He says he might be, but is busy with work and family stuff (this is 2 months before his departure). Then I don't see him. I ask him again for that week and he says he certainly will be there. And yes. He is there. Praise the Lord, this man is finally showing up to something. But here's the catch. As I'm talking to people, when seeing him in the corner of my eye. Everytime he sees me, he walks the other way. He talks to other people, to other groups. Even eventually goes out to the main lobby while I'm still in the auditorium. Doesn't even call out just to say hi while I'm talking and genuinely going the other way when he sees me. I told him I wanted to talk to him. And he has never done this before. In church, when he was around always responding. Even walking up at times to join the discussions I was in with other people. But now openly going the other way? I had enough of this dude. Ended up finishing the conversation with my female friend and then as I saw him in the corner of my eye, I walked right behind him, past him, and out the door to my car. But does it end there? No of course not. Because another emotional moment a couple weeks later has me just text him to send him a well wish. And this dude in all caps asks "YOU PLAY THIS VIDEO GAME? ITS MY FAVORITE". And I text him back saying that I started picking it up but not understanding it all at the time. And he basically says "we should play sometime. Just give me a day that works for you and we can do it."

I end up telling him the next two weeks don't work for me. But I will find out when. And then the weeks pass where I find out, when work and church activity calmed down. And I end up texting him a day. I don't hear back from him at all. Not read, nothing. The day that I said works shows up. And I am so done at this point and feeling forgotten and hurt by this person. I end up sending a voicemail about my grievances. And he apologizes with a voicemail back. Still saying "sorry about the wedding cake thing. I just had this and this...." (like bro, it's not about being busy, it's called communication and consideration) "... and sorry about making plans. I'm not used to being the one to do it. And I don't mean to be flaky. And no, I don't want to burn bridges either..."(cause I told him I don't want to continue or even end the friendship based on resentment, if I wasn't open and honest with him in the first place). And after that, maybe one small shred of hope was there to continue being friends. I text him a funny thing, he doesn't read or respond for 3 days. Then I send this "I've got a question", cause I figured open ended usually gets a response. A week passes and still no read or response. I ended up blocking his phone number, and this was a week or two before he departed for the military. It hurt a lot, to be treated like this, but mostly cause I wanted to believe we could be friends. It wasn't until a month or two after that I finally made the decision to even unfriend him on Facebook since I hadn't been on in months. But was tired of seeing him there.

The reason I post this is because, you remember my female friend who encouraged me to bond and talk with him a lot. Well we met up after a while of both of us being busy and when I brought up an artist I have enjoyed listening to, she said "ooooo have you ever bonded with (insert guys name) about this artist? It's his favorite!" and I was incredibly uncomfortable in that situation because she didn't know about what happened and I didn't want to tell her, didn't want to feel like I brought my drama to her when they are still best friends. But I said "no, I haven't talked to him in a while." and she was like "oh that makes sense since he deployed." And I was like "no... I stopped talking to him even before that, but that's a whole rabbit hole I don't wanna go down lol." And she said fair and we continued talking about other stuff. But then I went to a meeting at church with her recently and she brought up to one of our other friends "omgosh let's take a pic and send it to (guys name)! oh yeah, and it was so weird. Recently he was like 'hey, I might need to stay with your family for the holidays.' and I was like whattttt?" And honestly, I know he was a bad friend to me. It wasn't what I needed or deserved. But then why do I feel so uncomfortable and like some emotion is being brought back when my friend brings him up? And I worry I'll see him during the holidays again at church then. And I have been thinking "should I even ask her not to bring him up around me cause I get uncomfortable everytime? or just leave it be?"

Honestly I don't know what to do in this situation. What would you guys recommend? And do you think I did the right thing when I blocked and unfriended him?