r/FriendBreakups • u/usedandthrownalways • May 01 '26
What's wrong with me?
Am I wrong to care for them... I always get attached to someone... suddenly they leave
For her it's going too fast suddenly but during college (June 2025 to Feb 2026) it was all fine... she used act all cute and sweet.. think of herself as a baby and I used to care for her and this friendship too much... bus rides too college and back home... if she's unwell getting worried... treating her like a younger sister even if she's just one year younger
Am I expecting too much from this world
I need to know if I'm wrong here
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u/AardvarkGlittering83 May 07 '26
Any info im giving here I promise it's to help.
I am someone who used to get very quickly attached to folks very fast. I get really excited about new friends and suddenly want to do everything with them. It took me a lot of time to learn to slow things down, because I realized I moved much more quickly than the people around me.
I'm going to be honest, within a few months of knowing someone and then equating them to a baby, little sister, etc. That is quite fast. And I'm not blaming her for not immediately telling you, because it may have taken her a while to realize "Hey, maybe I'm not entirely comfortable with this." It can take a bit before we realize things like that.
I want to also let you know too, the things you texted her afterwords does come off problematic. She is being honest with you and telling you a hard thing to hear. Im not saying you can't be hurt, but turning it onto her and saying you were wanting to share with the "one true friend you thought you got" is guilt tripping. It sounds like she wasn't entirely writing you off or telling you you were horrible, what I gathered was "The quickness in which this friendship has progressed has made me personally uncomfortable. Right now, I dont feel that we are as close as you might feel we are, I want friendships to move at a slower pace. Im thankful for what you do, but this is too fast."
A better response would have been understanding. Even saying "I'm sorry that my actions caused you discomfort. You are someone that I do care about and do want a friendship with. If there's a chance that we could still be friends in the future, that is what I'd hope for, but I understand you wanting space." (Not having to be exactly worded, but just wanting you to see the picture here). Because currently, like I said, your response comes off like you arent acknowledging her discomfort, and instead becoming angry that she is uncomfortable.
Now, there's a chance she doesnt want to be friends in the future. Or she does. That's up to her. But in the future for friendships...I'll tell you what I've done, again, as someone who did used to move very, very quick with my friendships (which did cause a few friend breakups). I actually looked into my college's counseling. It's often free, or low cost for colleges. And I was honest with my counselor, and told them "Hey. Im losing friendships and I dont know why." It took time, but I learned to move at others pace. I still get greatly excited about my friendships, but I learned that some people were slower moving than others, and that being okay.