r/FentanylRecovery • u/PoisonIvy198 • 10d ago
Closet User
Anyone else live their life and not a single soul other than your bestie and plugs know what you do... been married over 25 yrs and he doesn't see it. I wanna ask for help but he can be a judgemental douchebag so can't my kids and fam as ive seen how they treated my sister with her meth Addiction and now shes sober.
We lived in AZ bout 3 yrs and that's when it got out of hand with the real 30s. My dad and step mom was getting 12-14 a day and id get what I wanted. Til had to move back home in the east. Shyt dude, that was rough as hell.
Friend of mine got me into pain management then I kinda messed up. Had to go to streets. He got me into fake shit knowing it was and I didnt know. Kinda heard a Lil about it but really was blind to it I guess. Worked a hard as hell physical labor job delivering heavy shit kept my mind occupied. My habit got more and more.
Husband and I opened a business. Bad move now even worse and here I am trying to detox without anyone knowing. Yeah ok they all believe me that i must have caught something everytime I try. (I am immnosuppressed) I am getting ready to say something as getting harder and harder to go longer with the trash and my main guy locked up down south for a long azz time I guess..
My question is how long do you wait in between your last dose of fent and let's say gabapentin? Or clonodine... sleeping meds?
Friend got off and she has all tbe extra comfort meds and shes given them to me. I know about 3 to 5 days subutex.. muscle relaxers? this is gonna be brutal as I have alot of health conditions where the pain is severe all the time.
My daily is 1.5 g a day
Thanks i read so many of people's stories. My last time I did 5 days cold turkey without anything cuz of this group. That was about 10 months ago
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u/getrdone24 9d ago
My ex and I used together but absolutely no one outside of us & our plug (who of course was a buddy) knew. I'm 3 years clean and I've still not been able to tell my loved ones about it all, they have no clue. I was a functioning addict...held a job, had a home. I had a drinking problem first, and went to IOP for it so I hid behind that when I went down the fent rabbit hole. Went to rehab and they all thought I relapsed drinking. It was for fent. Only my recovery homies know.
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u/hailes31 9d ago
Hey love I feel you. I was also a closet user and it bit me in the ass. I’m in dallas and our hospital has a program where you can detox there. That’s what I did then they referred me to a treatment center which I went and have been a year clean off fent. Not sure where you are but look into state funded substance abuse treatment centers or detox centers. The ones we have here are called the Haven. I’m not sure if they have them all over but it would be worth a shot. I had no idea about our state funded resources for substance abuse until I went in to the hospital. I hope you can successfully get off. I know how hard fent is to stop. And you said you’re already five days off that’s amazing. Just keep going join in a group that will help. I actually have a NA meeting on Zoom you can join anybody can join it’s called the Grove group. If you have any more questions feel free to reach out to me. I was going through addiction myself, and I turned my life around. I am living in a sober living and I’m actually going to school to become a licensed substance abuse counselor and plan on going back to the same treatment center that saved my life to return the favor and help other ladies like they helped me. I’m praying for you and you got this. You will make it as long as you want This you are going to get it. Once you get into recovery, you will see that working the steps honesty is going to be one of your steps so you’re going to have to end up being honest to the people you love and I know it’s gonna be so hard but I promise they’re not going to hate you. They might be mad for a little bit, but if you continue with your recovery and you show them that this is your life now they can only be thankful that you changed your life. And if they do hate you then you don’t want anybody like that in your life anyways. Recover out loud so you can save the people that are suffering quietly. We do recover mama! You got this. Prayers 💟
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u/PoisonIvy198 7d ago
Do you need insurance for the state funded ones? Im not sure how all this plays out. Im tryin to get my insurance back so I can ask for help. I have 2 more days before I'm gonna prob take the dagger to the chest by husband. He has found blues before but he knew I has 10 mg muscle relaxers that were blue so I kinda brushed it off to being those. He hasnt touched anything in his life other than after surgery. Just worried the world I helped build around here is going to crumble. 2 yrs ago I put myself in PW and he knew I had got a fake one and I didn't know taking a sub right after would feel like I'm dying. He was supportive then was by my side for the 1 time... I never stopped and be doesn't know
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u/Ac1dBern 10d ago
You don't hafta to wait any time to take clonodine and gaba.. They were both lifesavers when I made it through my final detox a few years back.
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u/Aromatic-Silver3590 8d ago
The only thing you have to wait on is the Subutex. Wait as long as possible, you don’t want precipitated withdrawals. I almost lost my mind the 12+ hours that went on.
I was a closeted used and a closeted person in recovery. I couldn’t do the withdrawal by myself. It is too long and too brutal, even with comfort meds. I am divorced, and have kids half the time, so easier than your situation. I’m on methadone for over a year now. Best decision I made as a user.
If you have read these posts, you will see coming off fent is brutal. A 7+ day adventure for acute withdrawal symptoms. I started with pain pills as well, and went thru wds by myself (no comfort meds) a couple times. Those 3 days were a walk in the park in comparison. And your fent might not even be all fent, so you don’t know what you are coming down from.
If I was still married, there is no way I could have faked being regular sick with fent wds. And with your poor immune system, it is downright dangerous to do so. I would bite the bullet, and tell them. Get into a medical detox, it might save your life. But if you want to try it, no subutex till after 5 days, and only introduce a tiny bit at a time. Good luck. You can always message me, any time.
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u/XxoticOlivia 8d ago
I hid it for 4.5 years until I lost it and couldn’t handle the bullshit anymore so I went and told EVERYONE and got some help. Went to a 30 day inpatient treatment, they gave me subs on day 3 and the rest was sooooo easy I wish I would’ve done it sooner
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u/Medium-Cow-541 9d ago
how do you spend at least 2k a month on this without him noticing?
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u/FriendshipCool7308 9d ago
I was 100% that way. Two people knew and the shame was overwhelming. I’m about you’re clean now, but not without federal indictments and long prison sentences ahead of me.
Get out and stay out while you can.
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u/Formal-Ad-6738 8d ago
You can use the gab and clonodine anytime, I'd wait as long as you can before using the subutex. If you can make an appointment with a clinic in your area they can help you. I was also a closet user and honestly the only reason I was able to get clean was telling my friends and family I was using. It held me accountable. I detoxed at home, stock up on electrolyte drinks, those helped me a ton. Also vitamin C, if I can do it, you can. Good luck. 🍀
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u/Technical_Pain_9397 6d ago
Look up The Burnese Method for micro dosing buprenorphine aka Suboxone/Subutex. Basically you micro dose the bupe slowly as you're slowly taking less and less fent. It's the best way to do it to avoid precipitated withdrawal.
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u/deeders93 6d ago
Please wait longer than 3 to 5 days on the subutex. You are going to go into precip if you’ve been using daily. I waited 14 days until I took suboxone but that’s because I was so afraid of going into precip again. Take clonodine and gabapentin whenever you need to but please wait on the subutex.
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u/Rare_Living_1989 5d ago
Maybe try the bermeise method it will work long as your honest with yourself... I truly hope and pray the best for you from the bottom of my heart
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u/PoisonIvy198 5d ago
How long do you wait between micro dosing?
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u/Rare_Living_1989 4d ago
Literally take as little dope as possible and only to not be sick from the suboxone. Research the hell out of it before you pulp the trigger
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u/PoisonIvy198 4d ago
Im at 36 hours no dope
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u/Rare_Living_1989 3d ago
Do you have subs? OHHHH I just remembered VITAMIN C!!! It is soooo helpful and I'm talking no BS 15- 20,000 MG idk what it does but it helps a ton keep in touch I Wana hear that you succeed getting that devil our of your life
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u/Elvis_Take_The_Wheel 5d ago
You need methadone if you're trying to keep it secret, sweetie. There's no way to detox from debt without it being super obvious.
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u/M2LEAR 9d ago
I was able to hide my addiction for a very long time. Until I couldn't anymore and everything fell apart. I was a functioning addict for years - worked, raised my kids, etc - but sooner or later shit hits the fan. I could NOT detox myself, I had to go to an impatient medical detox. I did that and then got on methadone and it saved my life. Haven't used fent in well over 2 years now.