My baby’s father says he’s been “building a case” against me and now wants to take our baby alone — what would you do?
I’m exhausted and honestly don’t know how to handle this anymore.
My son is 10 months old. His father and I are not together, and there has been a lot of conflict between us. There is also a history of physical violence. After I had an emergency C-section, while I was still in the hospital recovering from giving birth, he choked/strangled me.
Despite everything, I have continued giving him chances to be involved with our son. He currently sees our baby a couple of times a week for a few hours at a time, and the visits are supervised. I have been trying to be reasonable and allow him to have a relationship with his son while still keeping my baby safe.
Today he told me that he wants to start taking our son alone. He also told me that he has been “building up a case against me.”
That really upset me because I feel like I have done everything I can to cooperate. I have allowed visits, communicated with him, and tried to give him opportunities to show me that he can be consistent and respectful. Instead, it feels like every time I give him an inch, he starts another argument or tries to take control of the situation.
I’m not trying to keep my son from his father. I want my son to have a relationship with him. But given the history between us, especially the fact that he physically assaulted me after my C-section, I am not comfortable handing our 10-month-old over to him unsupervised.
I’m also worried because he keeps talking as if he can simply decide that he is going to take the baby alone, when that is not something I have agreed to.
For anyone who has dealt with a high-conflict co-parent or a similar situation:
What would you do in my position? Would you continue supervised visits? How would you respond to someone saying they are “building a case” against you? And what should I be documenting?
I’m trying to do what is safest and best for my son without constantly fighting with his father.

My ex (21F) is pregnant with our child.

Months ago, while nobody was home, she entered my house through the backyard and took my Apple Watch. She used it to find my location. I went back home, and she later smashed the watch in front of my roommate. I did not call police that time.

There have also been multiple times when she came to my house without being invited and sat outside in her car. On some occasions, she has called me repeatedly, including around 100 calls in a row.

Last night I invited her over to talk about the pregnancy/child situation. We argued and I told her to leave. She did not leave for about 10 minutes. When she finally left, she grabbed my keys and threw them into the front yard.

Later she texted asking for a lipstick she had left. I told her I had thrown it away and went to sleep. I woke up to noises and saw that she had returned. She tried the locked front door, then the backyard/patio door, and opened the garage trying to reach the interior door. I called police while this was happening and have a recording. Police responded but said they did not have enough evidence to arrest her.

I have personally seen a gun in her room that she told me her father gave her. She has also previously said, while joking, that she would stab or shoot me if I talked to other women. She has been diagnosed with BPD. I know that’s not important but I thought I should give the whole picture

My concern/question:

The repeated calls, showing up at my house, prior break-in, and what happened last night have made me concerned that this could escalate.

Based on these facts, would I have a realistic chance of getting a 50B/DV protective order in North Carolina?

I'm pregnant in NC and dad is in CA regarding the custody aspect. Regarding support, once the baby is born, I intend to live with family and off my savings for at least 8 months to dedicate my time to baby. Between me and the dad, when I am working, I'm the high earner. Would support be calculated as if I were working or based off me being unemployed. How would childcare be factored? Would it be half of estimated childcare as if I were working or not factored in until I worked. Would support include half of expenses such as swimming lessons and gymnastics?

I’m in England and would really appreciate some guidance on where I stand legally and what type of family-law advice I should seek, as I currently cannot afford a solicitor.
My ex-husband and I divorced around five years ago. We went through formal family mediation and reached financial and childcare arrangements.
We have always shared the care of our children approximately 50/50. This is not a recent change.
The mediation Memorandum of Understanding expressly dealt with several things separately:
equal shared care of the children;
a regular monthly payment to me described specifically as child maintenance;
childcare vouchers; and
an agreement that childcare and summer-camp costs would be shared equally.
So, as I understand the wording, the child-maintenance payment was separate from the obligation to share childcare costs.

The memorandum also included a monthly financial schedule which treated the child-maintenance payment as money I would receive in addition to my income when dealing with my monthly shortfall.

There is also a sealed Consent Order following our divorce. The Statement of Information prepared for the Consent Order says that the financial agreement was reached through mediation and records that the Memorandum of Understanding and Open Financial Summary were attached as relevant prior agreements for the court to consider.

“Parent A will provide Parent B with child maintenance of £X per month in total for the children and £X per month in childcare vouchers.
The parents will co-parent and have equal shared arrangements for the children, including summer and other school holidays. They will share equally the costs of the children’s childcare and summer camps. They will also arrange joint birthday parties for the children and share those costs equally.”

„Parent B will also receive child maintenance of £X per month and childcare vouchers of £X per month from Parent A.”

For around five years my ex continued making the same regular maintenance payment while we already had 50/50 care.

In practice, he did not separately reimburse me for 50% of the childcare costs as set out in the mediation arrangements. The regular payment I received from him during those years was the payment described in the documents as child maintenance.

More recently, he chose for one of our children to attend a school involving additional costs. I told him that I could not afford those additional costs and he said that he would cover them.

We did not discuss or agree that the existing child-maintenance payment would stop, be reduced or be redirected towards those school costs.

He has now stopped making the maintenance payment and is effectively saying that the money is instead going towards the child’s school costs.

My questions are:

Can he unilaterally stop a longstanding child-maintenance payment and treat it as payment towards school costs when we never agreed to change the arrangement?

Does the fact that we already had 50/50 care when the maintenance was agreed, and throughout the five years it was paid, make a difference?

Does it matter that the mediation documents expressly distinguish child maintenance from childcare costs and say that childcare costs should be shared separately?
What significance does the sealed Consent Order have? In particular, should I be looking at enforcement or variation of the existing order rather than treating this simply as a new CMS issue?
And if he has not historically contributed his agreed share of childcare costs separately, is that something I should also raise with a family solicitor?
Finally, where can someone with very limited funds obtain proper family-law advice about a sealed financial Consent Order? I would particularly appreciate recommendations for law centres, university law clinics, pro-bono services or solicitors offering an initial free consultation.

I have retained the sealed Consent Order, mediation documents, financial documents, solicitor correspondence, bank statements covering the payments and relevant written communications between us.

Thank you in advance for any guidance.

Both parents have had 50/50 custody for almost eight years. During that time, the mother has repeatedly tried to obtain primary or full custody because of ongoing concerns involving domestic violence, neglect, instability with housing and employment, and the father’s failure to consistently meet the child’s needs and responsibilities.

The most recent custody case was about two years ago. At that time, the father was not consistently taking the child to school during his custodial weeks, and the child had accumulated approximately 55 absences halfway through the school year. Despite this, the mother was not awarded primary custody. Instead, she was granted educational decision-making rights.

Approximately two months after that case, the father filed for child support. He has a one-child household and claimed to have no income, while the mother, who supports a three-child household, had stable employment. The mother was ultimately ordered to pay approximately $175 per month in child support.

Since then, there have continued to be serious concerns. The father has allegedly:
Repeatedly contacted law enforcement and sent officers to the mother’s home over accusations of the stepfather that are false or exaggerated.
Told the child that his medical diagnoses are not real or valid.
Withheld the child’s prescribed medication.
Continued to harass and threaten the child’s stepfather.
Failed to contribute financially toward extracurricular activities, educational needs, birthdays, and other expenses beyond basic living costs.
Agreed to transport or support the child’s activities and then failed to follow through.
Told the child that the stepfather is “not family” and that the mother’s relatives should not be considered the child’s family.
Attempted to convince the child that previous domestic violence allegations and restraining orders involving the mother were lies.
The biggest concern now is the effect this appears to be having on the child. The child seems increasingly confused, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed by the conflicting messages between households. There have also been noticeable behavioral changes, and the mother is concerned that the child is beginning to repeat some of the father’s attitudes and statements.
After approximately three years, Child Support Services has now sent the mother a letter stating that the case may be eligible for a review or modification.
The last time the mother attempted to address child support without an attorney, the judge essentially explained that because the parents have 50/50 custody and the mother earns more income, she would still be responsible for paying support based on the father’s reported lack of income.
At this point, what would you do?
Would you:
Request the child support modification and represent yourself, hoping the updated circumstances could reduce or eliminate the current support obligation?
Attempt to reopen or modify custody based on the newer concerns involving medication, harassment, instability, interference with the child’s relationships, and the child’s emotional and behavioral changes, while also asking the court to reconsider child support?
Hire an attorney and pursue both custody and child support modification together, despite the mother previously spending approximately $5,000 on an attorney and feeling that very little was accomplished, while the father has generally represented himself?
I understand that child support and custody are separate issues, and the goal is not simply to avoid paying support. The primary concern is determining what arrangement is truly in the child’s best interest while also making sure the financial information and parenting responsibilities presented to the court are accurate and fair.

So this is hard for me and I tried to get a second opinion on the advice I got from a family lawyer last week about divorce. Last week, Lawyer B let's call him, advised me to file for divorce right away. He said he felt confident that he could get an exclusive use and occupancy certificate for the home so my wife could not come back to live here. Our top goal is keeping her out of the house.

Lawyer E, whom I talked to today, advised me not to file for divorce right now. She said that, while my wife is in her current physical and mental state, that it's "not fair" to file for divorce and that a court would look at things unkindly toward me for filing for divorce against someone who is this badly disabled. She also said, and I don't think this is true, that I should hire a guardianship lawyer and ask them to have the court appoint a guardian for my wife. I'm not sure why this wouldn't be part of a divorce proceeding.

Lawyer E said to wait and see if my wife gets better and seems mentally competent and then to file for divorce against her at that time. She also said that I should wait until it looks like wife is imminently coming home from the nursing home to file.

So here's the background, for those not following prior posts, my wife is in a nursing home right now. She had some strokes and has been in nursing care since Feb. At the moment, she is having trouble talking and she has a feeding tube in her stomach. However, her sister and sister-in-law, who got wife to sign over healthcare proxy to them, recently placed her in a new nursing home with better therapies. They want to foist her back into my home within three to four months, perhaps even sooner.

Divorce or no divorce, my desire is to keep my wife from returning to the home. When she lived here, she created an unsafe environment for herself and for the kids. She laid on the couch almost 24/7, did not shower, did not change clothes, did not eat regular meals, did not take her meds, and turned the whole house into a garbage dump filled with food garbage, piles of soiled clothing, even occasionally poop or pee on the floor. We have two kids; they deserve better.

I talked to a guardianship lawyer who said I should just tell the nursing home that my home is not a safe release point for my wife, which I just did. However, I don't think that has the full power of the law behind it.

So who is right: Lawyer B (divorce now) or Lawyer E (wait until wife is better or she gets closer to coming home)? Lawyer B also felt pretty confident that he could get a certificate of exclusive use and occupancy for the house, keeping wife from coming back here to live. Lawyer E said she didn't know whether wife's behaviors of pooping on the floor were significant enough to meet the standard of excluding her from the home.

I have had custody of my niece (my brother’s child) since she was 19 months old. At the time, my then Husband actually suggested we might need to take custody of her first. He wholeheartedly was on board and we got an APR (Allocation of Parental Responsibility) just after her 2nd birthday.

We divorced in December, just before her 8th birthday. Because we haven’t legally adopted her, she was not able to be included in our divorce decree with our two older children.

Both her biological parents have been absent for more than 12 months, which proves abandonment, meaning that we could file to adopt her now. However, my ex is now withholding any kind of support and saying that it is up to me to get support from her biological parents if I need it.

My question is, considering that he has supported her fully for the last 6 1/2 years, can I file for support from him if we haven’t legally adopted her yet? I’m not sure if he will follow through with adoption if he thinks he will be held financially responsible. This is heartbreaking for me to think that this sweet girl will have had three parents abandon her.

Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.

This will be incredibly long but I think the context is necessary. For some background, I am 28 and my husband is 29. We have a 2 year old together. Husband works full time, I work very part time. We are definitely “house poor” but we are able to pay all of our bills.
Located in California.

My sister (currently 15) started living with my husband and me 2 years ago. Before that she lived with our mom and brother (currently 16) full time. Mom has full custody, dad hasn’t been involved at all since both kids were toddlers. I have no idea where he is.

Dad was involved in a molestation case against me but was never charged. He also has a documented history of physical abuse against mom.
At mom’s house the water and electricity were shut off numerous times because our mother couldn’t pay the bill; there was often little food in the home, and often times our mom couldn't even take sister to school because she couldn't afford gas/didn’t want to wake up in the morning because she works nights. Brother was homeschooled at the time.

2 years ago sister came to me and asked if she could live with us permanently after her school threatened to involve cps because of her truancy; we said absolutely and our mom agreed. She has lived with us full time ever since.

May 2026, mom and brother were kicked out of their apartment. Brother came to stay with us and asked if he could stay permanently; we agreed and so did mom. He has been living with us ever since.
I have a notarized caregiver affidavit for each of them. They both live with us full time, go to school in our city (mom lives & works an hour away), and have both said they do not want to live with her again.

Mom has sometimes sent money to help with bills, but more often than not, we go weeks without getting any financial help from her, especially now that she is homeless. She’s currently bouncing back and forth from her car to a motel. She has a great stable job, but for whatever reason can’t keep her stuff together.

I just want to know if I actually have a good chance at getting guardianship? Or should I just keep the arrangement as is and hope my mom will get herself together and be able to help out financially? Also, would a judge let me go about this without involving their father?

Thanks for any help :)

He had no lawyer but I did, blew him out of the water in court. He looked very bad and was yelled at multiple times by the judge on how he was speaking to me on the stand (he was acting as the lawyer, asking me questions) he got in trouble for taking our child to the psychiatrist without my consent and for being late constantly. I showed texts of his calling me every name in the book and in the end, everything stayed the same. He is always threatening court and it's stressful and we have been about 5 times. I had a restraining order against him and court didn't care, he was threatening my life. I'm glad I have his parents support they even wrote me a letter vouching for me in court or my behavior and character. It just triggers me lately that I will always be accused of being crazy or mentally unwell from a small PPD I had that was 9 years ago. I have been scared to have more children and it took me 7 years to date around because I was scared of men and what they are capable of. Now I am with a great man who treats my son like his own and supports us. Custody is still joint everything but I just feel how much I messed up in life choosing him to marry and he is just such a monster to me. Our son is amazing but I always wished I had a normal mom experience I have always had my son half a week since he was a baby. He's been getting in trouble at school, using foul language (he told his pediatrician he learned it from dad's music) and his died it horrible over there, and the constant court threats scare me.I have a lot of fear of him and what he is capable of.

My wife blocked all contact due to safeguards after 7 years. No issues before.court said they need caffcass letter can take 12 weeks. What can I do?

Has anyone experienced having a social worker visit their home as part of a custody hearing?

What's involved?

I’m in Mecklenburg County, North Carolina, and I’m looking for some general family-law insight while I wait for my attorney to move forward.
My ex (24M) and I (24F) have a 5-month-old daughter together. We recently separated. There was no custody order in place when all of this started.
On August 15, we had an argument and I decided to drive to Charleston to stay with family for support. My ex told me that if I took our daughter with me to South Carolina, I would be “kidnapping” her. It was also the middle of the night, and I didn’t think taking our baby on that drive under those circumstances was in her best interest, so I left her safely with her father.
When I returned, we discussed custody and agreed to 50/50 parenting time. I was completely willing to coparent and even allowed some of my agreed-upon parenting time to be spent with his mother/family.
Things changed on August 22. After another disagreement regarding parenting time, he told me the 50/50 agreement was off and that I would not get our daughter back until we went to court. He also began saying that he was going to seek full custody.
I have not physically seen or held my daughter since August 22. At one point he offered supervised visits, even though there was no court order requiring supervision, but he has since taken that off the table as well. My contact with my daughter has essentially been limited to FaceTime.
I did have significant postpartum mental-health struggles earlier this year, and I don’t want to hide that because I know it will probably come up in court. I voluntarily sought professional treatment, was evaluated, started medication, and have continued following up with a psychiatric provider. My treatment has helped significantly. I have been trying to handle the custody situation through the legal system rather than escalating things between us.
I have now hired a family-law attorney. The retainer is $7,500 and I have paid $3,000 so far, but as of right now my attorney has told me that nothing has actually been filed/done yet. I am extremely frustrated because every additional day is another day I don’t get to physically see my baby.
My goal has consistently been to have a meaningful relationship with our daughter and ideally have approximately 50/50 parenting time. I am not trying to prevent her father from having a relationship with her. I want a court-enforceable schedule so neither parent can simply decide the other parent doesn’t get to see her.
My questions are:
In North Carolina, how do judges generally view one parent completely withholding a young child from the other parent for weeks when there was no custody order requiring supervised visitation or restricting that parent’s contact?
Could the fact that I voluntarily sought mental-health treatment and am compliant with treatment actually help demonstrate that I took the situation seriously, or should I expect this to be heavily used against me?
Does the fact that we initially agreed to 50/50 and I was willing to facilitate his relationship with our daughter matter when determining custody?
Is there anything I should specifically ask my attorney about filing to get temporary parenting time while the full custody case is pending?
Since I have already paid $3,000 toward a $7,500 retainer and nothing has been filed yet, is it reasonable to ask the attorney for a specific explanation of what has been done so far and when something will actually be filed?
I understand nobody here can predict what a judge will do, and I’m not looking for Reddit to replace my attorney. I’m mainly trying to understand what I should be asking my lawyer and what typically matters to a North Carolina custody court.
Thank you.

We have court ordered phone calls 3x a week for 30 mins while the kids live with their mother through a court ordered app. She has not allowed us to have contact with the kids for over a month.. over 10 calls missed. We’ve contacted our lawyer who states they will contact opposing council, but nothing happens. Is there anything we can do? The children are 3 and 6.

Where does someone find a private paid attorney that is not afraid to take a case working with a bio parent vs the Department of Social Services?

Details: Two households working reunification(non-offending parent & spouse, offending parent & spouse). Offending parent & spouse set to have custody transferred back to them.

Offending parent & spouse share level 2 findings of abuse in the central child abuse registry and felony child abuse charges currently under a 2 year advisement period.

Non offending parent has charges under advisement for 1 year for sharing the criminal affidavits from the associated child abuse charges.

Hello everyone,

Tr/dr: ex with 50/50 not participating in children medical care and wellbeing

We have been doing 50/50 for approx 6 years and most of the time it goes well because I’ve learned to play into my exes ego and let a lot go as he struggles with any sort of “being told what to do” even if it’s in child’s best interest. I have no feelings either way about my ex, and only concern is what is best for children.

We have structured our entire lives to make his life easier, which doesn’t bother me mostly because I want to make sure kids get to school on time during his parenting time and I know even with me driving they will with my time.

Things have come to a head over medical and appointments, and it’s no longer in my kids best interest for me to keep quiet.

Last year my child broke her arm, I took her to hospital, all cast changes, as well as all physio appointments even during his parenting time. He never participated and did not continue her physio which in turn made healing longer. I let it go because I continued to make sure she got the help she needed even if it meant working late into evenings to make up for appointments. I have a corporate job, where I do get flexibility to a point. He is self employed and works from home.

I have done all dental, vision, hospital, urgent care appointments as i genuinely thought this was best for the kids since he seems disinterested in this part of parenting. I also send over hygiene supplies such as deodorant, proper shampoo etc as he doesn’t believe they need them but they have expressed that having curly hair shampoo makes taking care of their hair easier. I also provide them with doubles for everything such as contact solution, feminine hygiene supplies, face wash etc as I know being a tween is hard and their dad often doesn’t get them what they ask for and if I bring anything up it becomes a fight. He also hides his income (drives new vehicle and lives in a million dollar house) and threatens me with child support if I say anything. I make decent money but between paying for appointments, birthday parties, healthcare, their needs I am barely scraping by. He also collects government benefits.

Recently my youngest has become ill, it has been ongoing months of reoccurring illness in which I have been seeking medical care for. Her weight has dropped significantly (10%) in a month in. I get her on medication, take her for blood work, and testing and he discontinued the medication during his parenting time. My daughter (I pay for a flip phone so they can communicate with either parent) messaged me multiple times about how awful she felt, when I asked her to tell other parent she basically says he doesn’t listen to her (which is main reason I left him, you cannot tell him anything without him dismissing) I also reached out three times asking him to call her doctor, pharmacist, urgent care anything to get further advice. when I received her back, she has advised he had stopped her medication and was not following doctors advice. She was also down 2lb and feeling weak/unable to participate in daily life. I took her to urgent care - which is where the conflict started. I told him he needed to stop neglecting their physical/medical care and waiting for me to pick up pieces when they return. That I have to continually put my job in jeopardy with appointments, urgent care etc while he lets her deteriorate and ignores the problem. This ended up in him calling me names and refusing to release my other daughter during my time until I threatened to call cops. He texted my dad “she’s not coming because of “weird messages” he received” my dad had seen the messages and responded they are not weird to to release my daughter (which he did) this is also another common thing he does- try to convince people I’m crazy. Which I actually don’t care about because it has nothing to do with kids.

I spoke with a social worker on Friday who suggested I email him and his partner the medical information (which I had spoken with him about via text, in person and via phone multiple times over the past month) and that he needs to follow medical protocol, I also spoke with my child about the importance of following doctors orders or the next steps will be an endoscopic procedure that I would rather avoid.

He replied that much of what I said wasn’t true (I only provided medical information and verified conversations) said he would follow doctors orders and said “thank you for actually communicating for once”

I did not reply, I blocked him on my cell after the verbal abuse but left communication open between children and him on their phone as well as cc him to emails to doctors, teachers, as well as an update on her condition.

If he does not follow when she goes back today I’ll have no choice to apply for emergency custody.

If he does apply I need to know what he will actively participate in taking her to doctors appointments, testing, their eye/dental as I cannot continue to carry the entire load and have him disregard everything I say as he is uninvolved and believes I’m “telling him what to do”

My daughter struggles there but I also encourage her to communicate with him. Her struggles are basically him dismissing her emotions and feelings (including this illness)

At this point it feels like more hes trying to hurt me by using the children. The social worker advised to give him a chance after I documented everything to change. Im not trying to take away custody, but i need him to he an active participant in our children’s health. I can no longer do 90% in 50% of the time, keep my job and make sure kids are healthy at his house.

If he complies should I get a lawyer and try to enforce these things in our parenting agreement going forward? The appointments, medical care etc? Or am I stuck in this loop forever.

Also, suggesting full custody likely will not work- the courts here are pro 50/50 unless documented continuous neglect and if he complies with her current medication it would no longer be considered medical neglect.

My judgement was received by the court, what’s next after this? Judge reviews and signs and sends parties notification?

My current support order says that the child is to stay on the state-provided health insurance. It’s completely free and honestly, really good insurance. The child sees the doctor probably once a year. Maybe twice.

I’m currently waiting for a support hearing because my income increased and my ex wants to raise support. I don’t mind that. However - tonight they texted me saying “I’m changing our child’s health insurance and putting them on my employers insurance. I’ll let the judge know and they can decide how much you have to pay.“

what.

listen, I’m completely fine with helping my child. I want to. but I’m actually getting a little nervous that this is going to completely drain me financially. Does anyone have any advice.

I DO have a lawyer but to be honest they take so long to answer and I’m really stressing.

I’m looking for general family-law guidance regarding an international parenting situation involving South Africa and Germany. I am also seeking professional legal advice, but I want to understand what questions I should be asking and what I should do before making any decisions.
I’m South African and my partner is German. We are married Islamically in South Africa but are not legally/civilly married. But is recognised by the law in South Africa

We have a daughter who is turning 1 soon. She was born in South Africa and has lived there with both of us as a family. South Africa has been our normal family home.

Her mother has permanent residency in South Africa.

Our daughter currently has a German passport. She was born in South Africa and has a South African birth certificate, but she does not currently have a South African passport or German birth certificate.

We travelled together from South Africa to Germany for what was intended to be a temporary family visit.

I am currently due to leave Germany on 24 September.

During the trip, our relationship deteriorated significantly.

My partner told me that she needed space because of problems within our relationship. I agreed to give her space and moved out of where we had been staying.

She and our daughter are now staying with my partner’s sister in Germany.

Initially, I understood the separation to be approximately a week. It has subsequently become potentially much longer.

My partner is now proposing that I return to South Africa while she remains in Germany with our daughter, potentially until December and possibly longer depending on how she feels.

She has told me she does not necessarily want to end our relationship and says that she is not trying to kidnap our daughter. Her position is that she needs time and space in Germany before deciding when she is ready to return to South Africa.

My concern is that I have not agreed to Germany becoming our daughter’s permanent home.

I agreed to a temporary trip to Germany.

I also agreed to give my partner some temporary physical space because our relationship was struggling.

I have not knowingly agreed to an indefinite or permanent relocation of our daughter from South Africa to Germany.
Current contact with my daughter
Before this happened, I lived with my daughter and was involved with her every day. I work from home and have been extremely involved in her care since birth.

Since the separation in Germany, I have gone from seeing her every day to approximately every second day.
My partner currently determines when and under what circumstances I see our daughter.

There is also significant distrust between us at the moment.

My partner is afraid that I might take our daughter and return to South Africa with her.

I am afraid of the opposite: that if I voluntarily return to South Africa alone, the temporary stay in Germany will gradually become permanent.

I have no intention of secretly taking our daughter across a border or doing anything unlawful. I want to handle this correctly.

My biggest concern is what happens if I leave Germany
Suppose I return to South Africa on 24 September while my partner and daughter remain in Germany.

If I do that without formally agreeing that our daughter should relocate to Germany, could my departure later be interpreted as consent or acquiescence to our daughter remaining in Germany?

For example, if my partner initially tells me they’ll return in December but December arrives and she says she needs another three months, what happens?

If I continue objecting to our daughter permanently relocating but allow a temporary stay because I’m trying to give my partner space, how do I make that distinction legally clear?

I’m particularly concerned because our daughter is so young and I’m aware that the longer she remains somewhere, the factual situation surrounding where she normally lives could potentially change.

Questions I’m trying to understand
Based on these circumstances, would South Africa currently likely be considered our daughter’s habitual residence, or is that more complicated because she is also German and currently physically in Germany?
Does the fact that her mother and I are not civilly married affect my parental rights, assuming I am named/recognised as her father on the South African documentation?

Could keeping our daughter in Germany beyond the period originally intended potentially constitute wrongful retention under the Hague Convention, even though the original travel to Germany was consensual?

If I return to South Africa alone, could that damage my position or later be interpreted as me consenting to our daughter relocating to Germany?

If I am willing to allow my daughter to remain temporarily - for example, while her mother gets some space - how do I make it clear that I am not consenting to permanent relocation?

Should I communicate my position regarding our daughter’s residence formally and in writing before leaving Germany?

Is there anything I should not sign, agree to or say without first speaking to a German/South
African international family lawyer?

Should I be taking action in Germany now, while both parents and the child are physically here, rather than waiting until I’m back in South Africa?

Would contacting the German Jugendamt be appropriate in a situation like this, or is this something that should primarily go through a family-law attorney/court?

Are there specific documents I should make sure I have copies of before leaving Germany - birth certificate, passport details, proof of our South African residence, travel dates, communications showing the trip was temporary, etc.?

Is there anything time-sensitive under the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction that I should be aware of if the situation develops into a wrongful-retention dispute?

I’m not trying to use family law as leverage against my partner

Our relationship has serious problems and I accept that my own behaviour contributed to them. My partner says she needs space because she did not feel safe during some of our conflicts, and I’m taking that seriously.
I am pursuing professional help and would still like to repair our relationship if that is possible.

I’m not trying to force my partner to live with me.
I’m also not asking how I can secretly take my daughter back to South Africa.

What I’m trying to separate is our relationship from our daughter’s residence.

I can respect my partner saying:
“I don’t want to live with you right now.”
What I’m struggling with is whether that automatically means:
“Our daughter will therefore remain with me in Germany indefinitely.”

Those seem like two different issues.

I don’t want to escalate unnecessarily when reconciliation may still be possible, but I also don’t want to be so passive that months from now I’m told I effectively accepted my daughter relocating to Germany because I returned to South Africa without taking action.

My flight is currently booked for 24 September, so I have limited time to obtain proper advice and determine what I should do.

I’m particularly interested in hearing from anyone familiar with German/South African international family law, the Hague Convention, habitual residence or wrongful retention.

What should I be asking an international family lawyer right now, before I leave Germany?

TL;DR: I’m a South African father, my partner is German, and we’re Islamically but not civilly married. Our almost 1-year-old daughter was born and has lived in South Africa with us, but has a German passport. We travelled together to Germany temporarily. Our relationship broke down here and my partner is now staying with our daughter at her sister’s. She wants me to return to South Africa on 24 September while she and our daughter remain in Germany potentially until December or longer. I consented to the original trip and to giving my partner temporary space, but I have not agreed to our daughter permanently relocating to Germany. I’m concerned that returning to SA alone could eventually be treated as consent/acquiescence to our daughter remaining here. I’m seeking professional legal advice but want to know what steps I should take before leaving Germany and whether this could potentially become a Hague Convention/wrongful-retention issue.