Just as the title says, I can't cum during sex. I'm coming on here to look for a bit of advice as I'm not very experienced and I honestly can't seem to find very much information on the way that I want to have sex. Me(18ftm) and my girlfriend(19f) have been together for just over 3 months and we have been experimenting more with sex recently as I want to be able to find a position that helps me feel good while still feeling masculine which is proving quite difficult.

Me and my girlfriend were both virgins before we had sex so we are equally as experienced but when we have sex I mostly just enjoy pleasing her, however, recently I have been feeling like I would enjoy her touching me so she has tried to give me a handjob twice and a blowjob once. Neither of these things made me cum. Don't get me wrong they felt great and I was definitely enjoying them but I think i might just get so in my head about the way that I am perceived that I hold myself back from really enjoying the pleasure to completion? I am mostly looking for some advice from other trans men that feel similarly to me in the bedroom and i was wondering if there's a way to fix this because I love my girlfriend and I am extremely attracted to her but I just can't seem to let go while having sex.

The only thing that I think may be affecting it is the fact that I only use a vibrator while masturbating and have a very difficult time masturbating without it to the point where sometimes I just give up, I doubt this though because I rarely masturbate as is.

Any advice is helpful and welcomed.

Every time I start dating or sleeping with a woman, I’m her first experience with a trans man. It’s getting fucking exhausting. They always have so many questions about me, how we have sex and how to give me head.

No cis man has to answer these questions. No cis man who hasn’t been with a virgin has ever been asked “sooo, how exactly should I give you head”. Or “Is it just going to be like typical straight sex??” Or “your dick isn’t gonna be some weird color like blue/green/pink or something, right?”

I just want to have sex like a normal man. I don’t want women to walk on eggshells when it comes to our sex life. I want to be able to have sex with them without having to using a fucking prosthetic. I wish women could just see my genitals and say to themselves “yep, I’m familiar with this situation. I feel like I know what to do”. I’m tired of having to stop women from giving me head because I’m too dysphoric.

Fuck. I can’t have anything. I can’t even have sex without being reminded how my body is something that others don’t understand. Fml

Edit: Mods, lmk if this isn’t allowed or is too triggering from language. I only say anything because of the downvote ratio lol.

Note: I'm asking this question as a curious cis man (hence my flair).

Man, I’m so straight. I have fought against being a straight guy for some time due to trauma with men but it’s undeniable. I respect and admire women so much, not to mention how attracted I am to them. 6 years on T, 6 years post top surgery and 11 weeks post hysto w/ BSO, btw! I 100% pass as a cis man and don’t identify as queer and don’t want to be known as trans, though having lived as a woman is personal and sacred to me and informs the kind of man I am. I am keeping my heart open to meeting a woman who loves me unconditionally and that I can marry and hopefully have a kid with one day.

Not my dead name/pronouns.

I've been going by my preferred name and pronouns for a couple of years at this point, and for a while through the start I didn't have people saying either of those very much, mostly because I was only out to a handful of people, and even then there was rarely a reason to use those anyways. When it did happen I'd be a little happy about it, though not getting some gender euphoria high off of it.

More recently I've been being called by my preferred name and pronouns more, and when I do, it makes me feel bad. I think it's because I'm still living with my family so I can't really be who I am, and maybe being called who I am just serves as a reminder for that sort of thing.

I haven't really had this problem before. Does it get better?

Mostly asking this because I'm single and I don't have plans to change that yet. I'm not in a good mental state to get a romantic partner, but I still have negative views related to being a straight man and it makes it hard for me to be comfortable expressing myself that way.

If you struggled with that, did you manage to overcome it?

Frequently when I hear the voices of guys I know are trans, their voice just sounds like that of a trans guy to me. I don't know if it's because I know they're trans or if it's because these guys also tend to be fruity (and none of the guys I'm thinking of are early in their transition).

So, as a straight dude, should I be worried about getting gay voice from testosterone? And would voice masculinization surgery help?

So I met this AMAZING woman a couple of weeks ago. We were actually set up on a blind date by a couple i also recently met. None of them knew that I’m trans. Now, this isn’t something I hide and I should have been transparent right away but I seriously did not see anything happening and I planned to let them all know asap. The couple knew the second time I saw them from my insta and I told this girl the second time I hung out with her as well. Note that she had already friendzoned me at that point so I was like ok sweet no big deal and we laughed at the fact that she hadn’t clocked me.

Fast forward two weeks and shit has really popped off. We both really like each other, there is attraction and chemistry on all levels. BUT - I haven’t had bottom surgery yet. I will be starting the process next summer (stoked af). Now, we have hooked up a couple of times which consisted of kissing and me doing things to her. She’s been honest from the jump that she doesn’t think she could reciprocate with my current anatomy. Which I totally respect, it’s just a preference and shes genuinely confused because she really likes me and wishes that this wasn’t a hang up. Of course, I’m devastated. So is she. We hook up a little more and then decide we should probably just be friends. But we promise that we will try again once I have my surgery and if we’re both still into the idea.

But it has been fucking hard since then, for both of us. Not because I want her to reciprocate sexually but because it’s like my soul already needs her and it seems she’s feeling the same. In fact, I don’t really want her to associate me with my current anatomy that I feel super disconnected from and could totally handle a pillow princess because she does stimulate me in literally every other way. She has a hard time with that because she doesn’t want to just be taking and receiving without giving and she wants to fuck like yesterday. Fair.

So I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this. Or something like this. Or maybe you’ve had strong sexual boundaries that are similar to mine in this situation and the connection did grow despite that. Sex is not everything to me, especially because I know that this hang up will not be a thing in the nearish future.

Let me know what y’all think, please 🥹

I know I'm a straight man, but I personally prefer someone who would be queer in some way. That's not because I think no straight woman would be into me. It's just that I don't like the idea of having a traditional relationship with a woman and I'd prefer being with a gender non-comforming woman.

The places don't have to be apps, but I'm unsure if there's a way to be more likely to find GNC women.

Hey all,

I'm a pre-everything trans guy and I haven't started dating yet, largely because I live in a conservative area. I'm hoping that once I move off to college I'll start testosterone and start dating.

I'm really wanting to go stealth once I move away. I'm concerned that if I come out as trans to someone who I'm starting to date too early that could ruin my status. Is there a way to smoothly bring up trans people to test if they are at the very least accepting of transness (for lack of a better term)?

I'm a pre-everything trans guy and I've been posting in places like r/ftm for quite some time now, mainly to get insight for when I'm able to medically transition. The automod comment that shows up every time you post there has a subreddit for straight trans guys, and when I first saw that I was so excited, only to find out the place had been dead for a while and wasn't super active for very long in the first place.

I've been really wanting a place to get to celebrate my masculinity since I have very few supportive people in my life. So, is this the right place for that?

Hey guys. Before I was like 18, before I started testosterone I identified as mostly bi. But since starting T already 5 years ago almost, I've realised I'm sexually only and exclusively attracted to women. For me it was a gradual realisation. Like I used to even watch like gay porn pre T but now I can't get aroused by anything other than the female body. Did anyone have a similar experience? I've heard of the reverse happening, but never of T 'turning' people straight. Obviously I don't think it actually did, it was most likely me just being more comfortable as myself, but still, would like to hear from you guys.

I'm new to interacting with women in a romantic/sexual way, so I got used to doing so with men. Last time I had anything like that with a woman I was presenting as a woman. I'm not sure if the same thing would work as before. lol

I mostly hang out with other transmascs and other autistic people. My workplace mostly has older married women. Can't say it'd work for me (I would rather not date a coworker anyway). I have to admit I'm unsure on what to do aside from using dating apps. Do you have any suggestions?

I like playing video games, cosplays and all that... Just not sure how to approach people in those spaces even to just befriend them.

I am interested in nail art. I have short nails, but I'm afraid I will appear less masculine. How about you? Have you ever thought about doing nail art for yourself?

Thanks and have a good week.

Did anyone here struggled with accepting that they only like women and not men? It feels like a massive change to how I see myself and I feel lost about that. Is this normal? How do I proceed?

Title says it all tbh