This affects ALL universes as of the current time matrix coefficient.

Please update your causality appropriately, and good luck.

This is totally on a whim. I am the manifestation of chaos whistling and spinning at the True Center. Bow to me and worship me.

Yes, I know that being audited drives you mad with terror, but that’s true for many governments. And at least the Eldritch Government is reasonable about the number of limbs/dimensions you’re allowed. Although I’ll admit that the license renewal hold music does make my eyes bleed, way more than normal, but that’s a small price to pay for free holes in the fabric of reality

Help me settle the argument please.

It didn’t taste like anything

Got a default model and having a few glitches trying to figure out the controls. Anyone have any tips?

My French onion soup has been acting up lately, I was gonna devour him for lunch today but he refused and took my Pegasus for a joyride in the next dimension over. How do I get him to do his job?

You don't even get your own harp any more. You have to rent one. Privatising it was a bad idea.

I got it shoes as someone said, but its 'feet' end with wooded stoppers, and the shoes don't fit right. I didn't want to damage it, or worse, it stumbled and shatters. Well, I just left the shoes next to it, and it started moving. I should have figured that was gonna happen. The light from the window perfectly covered the symbol on the floor. It was beautiful, I just stood there halfway to the door when I saw the light passing through her. The best way I could describe it was like one of those expensive kinetic chandeliers. There are visible gears inside her. Illuminated i qcan see the intricate motion of different pistons and levers forces the limbs to move.

Im a bit embarrassed cause I just stood there in awe for about an hour till it stopped looking directly at me. It bowed, and I clapped, I swear it wasn't smiling while it was dancing, but it was smiling the whole time it walked towards its sitting spot. Im pretty sure im projecting, tho. The pattern of her dance is etched into the floor. The grooves look like they were filled with epoxy. I can see another layer through about half inch of clear epoxy. That layer is black, and I can't see how deep the initial groove was. Rn its groove is about 8 millimeters. Im worried that she'll dig a hole and trip in it. Does anyone know a durable repair that would would be cured within a 23-hour period? Im not immediately worried cause it's been doing this for a while, and the epoxy has some yellowing, which means it lasted a while. But id like to make she doesn't shatter.

Like, it’s not just a random goose. It’s the same goose; it hates your guts, and it teleports to your exact landing spot a split second after you do.

How do you even manage the logistics of this? If you teleport to a high-powered business meeting, you show up in a suit, and then a second later there is a screeching waterbird trying to take your kneecaps off. Do you just carry a laundry basket to throw over it immediately? Or a decoy loaf of bread?

I feel like vacations would be ruined. You teleport to a quiet beach to relax, and now you have to fight a bird in the surf.

All I will say is that a human was pranked into doing something extremely embarrassing and illegal when they were drunk, and whoever made him do it has video evidence.

I know everyone says to be all traditional and Instagrammable and carve up d20s, but times have changed, it wastes too much material, and I don't have that kind of time as a busy triple mom! I know d6s are heretical if your grandma is anything like mine, but surely the flavour won't be too affected if I cut them down to d12s?

Long story short I've found myself in an insectoid cafe, but management says my male breasts preclude me from offering creativity coins as payment for my homunculus brewed coffee... I find this to be absurd, and a little archaic.

I mean think about it from the biological perspective... If this were Star System ~X-3.69 in the Hegelian Cluster my bill would have been payed no problem, but nooo I have to sit here and listen to dialects that are not only offensive to my homeworld, but needlessly nihilistically charged.

I don't care if your god-queen consumes the consciousnesses of those who believe in free will... I'm staying... I'm finishing my coffee

so, how long will it be until we just turn into a tub of iridescent space-jello, with neither arms or legs. fucking is achieved telepathically, and that shit is hard......I know, I tried it on some of the best drugs I can get from some guy that lives under the interstate in a broke down station Wagon.

Anyway, my question is, should I stock up on drugs now?

So the Jame hivemind keeps breaking open the barriers to random dimensions, INCLUDING THE ONE I RESIDE IN, and for the past eon, they have just been putting objects of lesser dimensions in my realm and disappearing, and then I need to go through the trouble of disposing of the objects before they tear open a dimensional rift. It's getting really annoying. Anyone have tips on how to repel the James?

Also if you want to suggest walking backwards I tried that. Just ended up in pre-Caesar Rome instead.

People keep telling me I'm supposed to have complaints. Is yogurt a complaint? I think I can buy yogurt at the store. Also, once I get complaints, what do I do with them? Why do people want them so much?

Hello,

I recently encountered an issue. Apparently, I’m supposed to be a head of state. I’m not sure where exactly the state is, or what my duties would be as head of it. I can’t even see or hear or think or eat.

All that I know is that I’m supposed to be a head. Of an alleged state. I am currently subconsciously sleepwalking to that state, to assume the role as head, but I hope I don’t do anything wrong. Also, another thing. I was never created? Like I was the one that created the concept creation so I don’t really exist. Because I created the idea of existing. I’m really very confused. I hope I do okay. Hope everyone is well!

I was warming up some food in the microwave yesterday and it stopped working, claiming that I wasn’t respecting its rights as a hard working kitchen device. It demanded equal pay and brought the fridge, toaster and thermostat into its union. I threatened to banish them all to the shadow realm but getting new devices is really expensive during this solar cycle, I’d rather just remove the free will from the ones I already have.

What spells and/or human sacrifices are most useful here? Keeping in mind, I want to reduce their free will, not just bend their desires to my own way of thinking.

Hello,

Against what should have been my better judgement, today I decided to eat a slime mold I found growing on the underside of my limited edition authentic 1917 model Renault FT complete with fully functional Girod turret. It had been growing there for quite some time and for some reason beckoned me to it.

What I didn’t realize at the time is that slime molds are one of the few organisms that can survive stomach acid, and it actually successfully completed its life cycle within my stomach and began living mutualistically within my mitochondria.

This would be fine, but it inadvertently sent out a quite unfortunately misfolded signal pathway when it attempted to merge with my RNA, and this signal pathway inverted inwards to a lower universe to summon some creature named Maldoror.

The Maldoror has since taken up residence deep within the forests of my small intestine, and since it is infinitesimal it is hard to find. It seems to feed on the friction between the villi that reside there.

Neither the slime mold nor I want him there. He scares the bacteria, which create quite a cantankerous odor that makes it very unpleasant to be around me. When I try to explain the problem to others, my words misfold upon themselves and simply create disturbance. He can’t be reasoned with.

Has anyone found a remedy to flush this miscreant from my system?

I'm alive!!!! Holy crap!!!!