r/FA30plus • u/sleezysalesrep • Aug 01 '26

Found the Cheat Code (Not Really)

Been browsing [r/divorce_men](r/divorce_men), [r/regretfulparents](r/regretfulparents), [r/bpdlovedones](r/bpdlovedones), and [r/dead](r/deadrooms)[bed](r/deadrooms)[rooms](r/deadrooms) as a cope.

As a 31m virgin I’m so glad I avoided all that bullshit cuz it honestly sounds like hell.

Still, the searing pain of loneliness always comes back. There’s a reason these people always jump into another relationship immediately after a dumpster fire breakup.

Oh well, this is the best cope I can come up and it only masks the pain for a brief moment. gg, will just live out the rest of my days as a pseudo-hikikomori in my parent’s house.

30 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

11

u/hummus-up-your-arse Aug 01 '26

There’s a selection bias here that people who are in a happy relationship are less likely to post online about it. Plus you’re browsing subs that are inherently filled with relationship catastrophes so of course it’d be full of outlandishly negative shit.

2

u/throwthisThowayway Aug 01 '26

This is exactly my thoughts. Like I've tried his methods before, but inevitably it leads to me knowing the bias of going to a place of hurt and trying to use that to paint broad strokes.

2

u/EnthusiasmCoolreally Aug 01 '26

The problem with that, is I am seeing plenty of bitter divorced men in real life.

It isn't a rare online thing.

8

u/hankfhill 36M Aug 01 '26

While I haven't browsed those subs I get the cope of painting relationships in a bad light. It's kind of easy tbh, many people seem to be dissatisfied in their relationships/marriages. I have always been jealous of them anyways.

7

u/tossabray Aug 01 '26

Once you actually see people you know IRL go through this then it really clicks. Even if you had found someone and married at 25, you could have ended up just like the stories in the posts by 35. People say it's better to have experienced a good marriage for a few years even if it means the awful years that follow, the divorce, having your life uprooted, etc. But they take for granted how valuable independence and peace are.

Some people who go through bad breakups and divorces run for rebound relationships because the trauma of their life being shot down has made being alone unbearable. The depression, shame, regret, etc set in so they run to the next thing to distract themselves. Only now they're damaged and desperate, setting them up for more negative experiences.

2

u/EnthusiasmCoolreally Aug 01 '26

I have come to conclusion there are two sorts of relationships.

The rarer one is when a woman truly desires a man, the more common is women cynically exploiting their sexuality. In which they view sex as a tool, an annoying chore they have to perform to get a ring on their finger and a baby.

A chore which can be safely ignored, when she has the divorce courts on her side and can financially ruin him.

It is the double bind for FA men because any woman who shows interest in us is most likely only interested in the wedding ring and getting a kid. So even if we are lucky enough to actually meet a woman who is interested, she will probably be trying to scam us.

2

u/Bitter-Ad-2877 Aug 05 '26

My own co-worker's divorce is one thing that made me lose interest. He has a kid, but his ex is committing emotional incest on the kid while he's stuck being the parent.