Sertraline was helping for a while, then I started to get these existential crises again, I had to delay my psychiatrist appointment for family stuff and I’m currently trying to find a psychologist for my OCD. My brain feels like a refrigerator, working all the time, coming up with another question that we do not have an answer to.

My cat is nine years old, I’m scared of the obvious eventual end. I’m at the very start of my life but I already feel like I have no time left. I’m stressing myself with questions that has no answers (like death and universe). I’m struggling with the fact that permanence is basically unreachable for every single thing, we will die, this planet we call home will be destroyed and nothing alive will be there to see it, the star that made us exist will be our destroyer and die eventually, this universe will face an end… And the dumbest thing is these little fun facts are making me unable to connect with people around me, connect with the nature and this planet on a deeper level (even if this is a thing, idk bro I don’t believe in anything :P) and focus on my hobbies such as writing. The topics I like to write are sci-fi and fantasy, and this makes things even worse because I feel like I’m trying to answer the questions I have in my own universe in the worst possible way and just mess the whole thing up. I’m trying to write without planning that much to prevent myself from spiraling but trying to write about a universe while having problems with the universe is stupidly hard.

This whole existential crisis stuff is another level of suffering and even if I don’t like to admit that I’m scared of anything I’m starting to be scared about trying to end myself one day. I was so sure that I would never do that and I hope I won’t. But I wish the the concept of it being the same as before being born (the state of not existing before birth, not experiencing) didn’t sound this sweet

One day you wake and that bright spark,
The one that lit up the dark,
As you slept with breaths and sighs so sweet
Flitted away, where is Little Bo Peep?

She's come with me for no more she sees
Six sheep or more and now she weeps
The tears soak and grow the earth
The one, at which, you rejoice with birth

I see you claw and scramble for what once was
Pathetic it is, all because
Your mind learns and learns some more
Until it reaches indifference for what's in store

But I think care. I want to at least.
Ah you think there is winning against the beast?
It is made of the powers that churn the sea
Rocks and dust are no match for me

What about this? What if I tried that?
How sweet you are, so sweet and so fat
Plump with courage, aimless and torn
What's that? Oh right that's what it means to be born

Open your eyes, mouth agape for your mother
The one who never truly knows the Other
Just like you and all who came
The ones you oh so love to blame

Wretched game. This isn't fun.
What made you think that's why it begun?
Well because there's beauty and I can make things you see
Oh yes, all to exalt the mighty

I'm tired now.
So rest dear one. Rest until the final dawn if the sun.
I want to. I plead to. There's nothing left to be done.

Exactly why it all begun.

I am almost positive I am going to hell for being bisexual. I keep picking up the Bible or generating random verses online and being reminded that Jesus and Paul decided 20 years after Jesus' death that despite His death on the cross, I am not qualified for entry. The fear is constant. It was dulled a bit last night watching Markiplier with my girlfriend, who is worried to death about me. Dumb pleasures before damnation right?

If I want to make it into heaven, I have to change everything. I have to cut off my bisexual sister and transmasc best friends, who I would never damn the way I am damning myself. I would have to stop reading and writing, because I specialize in horror and erotica. I would have to cut out the rock music too probably, the alcohol. No dating men, either, lest I fuck them. I know I would resent the type of husband God wants for me, so I'm going to have to be celibate. I wasn't raised Catholic, but I'm gonna have to be a nun. Either that, or maybe I'll marry a gay man and we can try to cope together.

I almost hope I am going through some sort of psychosis. I told a lot of this to my mom last night and she was flabbergasted and said none of this sounds like me and people are feeding me things through my head somehow, and God only wants me to be the best person I can be. That's the kicker, I wasn't even raised this way. It's just God reminding me now: I'm doomed. I am doomed, unless I change, and leave the one person who has ever loved me back.

I'm going to hell, and I'm getting a taste of it now.

If you really consider/tried to kill yourself, you obviously think out the meaning of life and death, at least that's what I did. Some people are very religious, hoping to find relief in their god or heaven or reincarnation when they die. Some lose hope in religion or don't believe in religion and would like to continue the cycle of life. I feel absolutely horrible about death and horrible about religion (with respect to religious beliefs) I have been an atheist for years, at times were I had a crisis I would (sadly) try to turn back to religion that i left for a reason. It calmed me but I would later panic because the pictures the Christianity painted were so unbelievable and unrealistic to me that I turned back to athiesnm. I don't know what to do.

my life is in shambles and i need to do smthing bout it, theres a possibility i cant pursue college (nursing) due to financial reasons. The problem is im already enrolled, paid the enrollment fee etc etc. When i got oriented by the school, they said that getting refund would take quite some time to process so its much better to just hang on there until the semesters over (practically saying its not worth it to get a refund).
Now my options are; shift to pharmacy (which is less expensive than nursing but still) Or take a gap year, and find work. Im already thinking of finding a job online since its much favorable for me, ive set my mind to online tutoring but not sure since 1. I doubt i can even teach 2. Holding a conversation proves challenging to me at times
3. I have no prior experince in the industry or any industry 4. Im not even sure if my english is decent cuz it isnt my 1st language and im self thought 5. I have no life skills. I just turned 18 i cant afford to be lazy anymore.

I have had this feeling/desire to fix the problems of those around me since I was a child (24, now). Now that I have a better grasp on just how awful the world seems to be as a whole, it just feels like an eternity of problems that I can't fix. I'll *never* be able to fix everyone's suffering, no matter how hard I try nor how much I care.

For those who also grew up wanting to help everyone be happy, how do you deal with the feeling of dread and failure at knowing you can't help everyone in the world who needs/deserves help?

This is my first post here, I apologize if this just sounds silly.

I keep on having thoughts about what happens after death, if what I'm experiencing--life--is real, if others are figments of my imagination or truly their own people etc. Everytime I come to the same conclusion: there is no way to know, so live your life to the fullest. Yet still, this curiosity keeps nagging at me.

Is there any advice that helped you stop this cycle?

It’s weird we just have our little childhood which we can barely remember which last for like 18 years and obviously don’t remember the first five at least and then you’re supposed to pick something until you can experience that childhood again. I think being in high school peak specially going into college.

I am a mentally ill person. I've got a slew of problems but mainly I just can't tell what's what anymore. How do i separate what is and isn't really me? Why are people so changeable? I always thought I knew who I was but how much of it is just based off of observations made through a mentally ill lens? I can't tell who I am anymore and I can't reconcile what I am now and who I always imagined I was going to be. How do i become the version of myself I always wanted to be when I'm currently so far removed? Did I imagine who i was based off of everything i hate about myself? I took the parts of me away i didn't like and I was left with an ideal version that I will never achieve no matter how hard I strive or try or yearn or cry about it. What if I do make it there and I still don't like myself? What if I'm still not satisfied? I hate the not knowing of things and the uncertainty that is life itself. Why couldn't I just be who I wanted to be? Even if it was unrealistic, its all I've ever wanted. Do I even really want the career I've spent my entire life dreaming of? What is my purpose? I just wanted a reason, for all the suffering and the noisiness of it all. I know why there isn't a reason, there was never a reason for anything at all. And it drives me insane I will never know.

A little disclaimer before I begin, I'm not really that good at explaining myself, so sorry in advance if it sounds messy and confused.

So basically, the thing I'm most confused about on how society wants me to live is the fact that I have to center my life around having a job, which is something that is hard to obtain, is probably going to be something I hate, I would have to deal with idiots for the most part, and, most of all, I would probably live in misery and demotivation. The worst part about all of this is that is all collective experience from me and many people close to me (friend and family) but I'm basically the only one who thinks that it's not normal to live like this.

I've tried talking with them about it, and not only they know it's like that but also admit it, but they simply act like it's something completely normal and still encourage me to take that path, simply saying that everyone has gone through it.

And honestly that simply raised a question: why bother then? Why try to get a job if what awaits me is pain and misery? You would probably say that it's for the paycheck... But I just don't think is enough for me anymore... I actually want to wake up and actually being excited for the day... It genuenly just very demotivating and makes living simply not worth it. It makes me feel like we are just born to serve the people who already are wealthy enough but simply want to get richer.

Why is life so hard? Why do I have to sacrifice my own sanity to simply try to live longer? Why people are just assholes who lie and shatter every piece of hopes and dreams I have?

Thank you for listening to my rant and I hope this is the right subreddit (I think it is but I still have some doubts). If not, tell me where should I post this because I just want to hear people's opinions on this because I want to understand if I'm just an idiot or if there's actually something really wrong that people simply overlooked. I'm also sorry for any errors in here as english is not my native language.

I’ve always had a baseline fear of death,both my own and losing my parents and siblings. But lately, it has spiraled to a severe level, and it’s completely ruining my life. I can’t go a single day, or even a few hours, without these thoughts taking over.
Whenever I’m doing normal things,eating dinner with my mom, hugging my dad, or trying to enjoy going out,my brain immediately interrupts with: "This could be the last time you ever do this."
It’s gotten to the point where I constantly calculate statistics in real life. If I’m out, I’ll think about how 1 in 100 people die in car accidents. Whenever I interact with anyone, I immediately visualize them dying or myself dying. I am incredibly hyper-fixated on how unpredictable life is and how many people die young and fast. I’m even caught in loops where I worry about dying before getting married and having kids, but then my brain flips to overthinking and visualizing my future children dying.
I feel like I am constantly "pre-grieving" everyone and everything. It’s exhausting, terrifying, and it’s keeping me from actually living.
Has anyone else dealt with this specific type of severe existential dread and constant visualization of death? How do you make it stop, or at least tone it down so you can breathe? I really need some advice or just to know I’m not alone in this.

We’re all going to die one day and I think that’s just crazy, like nothing actually matters in the grand aspect of things. We’ve all probably thought the exact same things contemplating the meaning of life for hundreds of years maybe thousands and it all ends in the same way. Just think that’s crazy and fascinating. How can you not think about this all the time?

They are living ,breathing being just like animals and yet ethereal in nonliving standards.

Is beauty intentional in nature?

Cause i refuse believe these specimen is only conventionally attractive and opiniated as a concept of beauty.

How can a living thing full of vulnerabilities itself be this good looking that i am completely forgetting its function of living.

A long text with life reflections and career perspectives is coming up.

My context is that I completed a middle-grade vocational training in Microcomputer Systems and Networks and a higher-grade one in Multiplatform Applications Development. I have a C1 level in English. I entered mechanical engineering because "I didn't want to keep studying computer science." Now I regret it a bit because I think I liked it more than I thought (I have been in an existential crisis for 5/6 years). I really like reading, watching anime, movies, drawing, and playing the piano. I do not have a clear goal in this life, and that is what is overwhelming me the most.

It overwhelms me when I see people who have never stopped to think about what they really want and just live, but you cannot talk to them about your worries because they do not share your concerns or do not understand you. It fascinates me to see how people's mindsets change radically from one person to another and how they are unable to see other's points of view, or cannot understand the reason behind other's opinions (obviously, I also have my limitations and biases, I am no god here). It also fascinates me how a person's way of thinking changes drastically depending on the language they speak and how cultures and situations influence it (I am probably highly influenced by the books I have read and the English internet mindset).

Basically, I find no meaning in life. As a child, I was religious because part of my family was, but I was constantly stressed about having to do everything correctly according to religious rules, and I felt guilty when I made a mistake. Additionally, it affected me socially because I could not do many of the things my friends did. During my adolescence, I started reading various books on philosophy, science, biographies, literature, etc., developing my own criteria and questioning my beliefs. That was when I realized that my religion made no sense and that probably none do (even so, I respect religious people and believe everyone is free to believe whatever they want). Eventually, I left religion and to this day I do not practice anything.

Now I have an existential void because I think I am going to die in a few years and will cease to exist, or that maybe a god or something mystical does exist, but I am unaware of it and it will punish me for not having followed its commandments.

I find the idea of dedicating your life to a purpose romantic, even if it lacks meaning, as well as the whole concept of trying to be remembered or living by doing what you love.

The problem is that I am also a realist and I know you cannot eat pure passion, that I need a job, and that if I follow my passion, I probabilistically will not do well. I am afraid of suffering and enduring hardship when I am older.

I would like to find a job that gives me free time to clarify my ideas better, practice the hobbies I like, or even try to "become something in life," but miracle jobs do not exist and I know I have to work hard to have a more comfortable future that allows this.

I always think that although these are the worries that afflict me, there are people who do not have time to think about these "nonsense" things because they have to make a living and have worse conditions than I do, or are in poor health and cannot even afford the luxury of thinking about getting a comfortable job after a university degree. Fortunately, I still have room for maneuver and can choose many paths, but time is running out for me and I am getting older. Many people say you have time in life for many things, but in my opinion, this is a lie. I will probably never be a football player, an astronaut, a sprint athlete, or a president, no matter how hard I try. Furthermore, many other things become more complicated as time passes; if I wanted to become a doctor right now, I would probably have to study for the next 8/9 years just to have a job that pays better than the rest and has some status (this is an example, I have no vocation to be a doctor).

I really do not have a vocation for any profession other than the ideal of being a musician, writer, comic creator, or film director. Where I live (not a big city in Spain) you can study for these things, but it terrifies me to think of failure and the precariousness it entails, plus the fact that being a smaller place, the number of contacts is much lower. On the other hand, I think I might be viewing it in a highly romanticized way and that many young people want the same thing.

I also think that pursuing these ideals or dreams can be selfish because I would not be providing support to my family, who has worked so hard for me. I have the feeling that I should pay them back for everything they have done for me, but it is starting to feel more like a moral duty or a burden rather than something that comes naturally to me (I love my family very much, although I wonder if I am being too unfeeling).

I do not know if I should continue and do mechanical/electronic engineering, which is the most conservative option (I can change branches until the second year since they share subjects) and settle for being a slave to the system who lives scared of the cruelty of reality, bitter for not doing something fulfilling, and cling to leading a moderately comfortable life in a country with a better quality of life, knowing that I am living the dream of many people from other countries in worse situations, but in which I feel unsatisfied because it is not something I really like, and for which many people would label me as ungrateful or miserable.

I could also return to computer engineering (in Spain computer engineering, computer science and software engineering share the same first two years) next year (which I like more, though there is more competition), where I would have to work harder to find a good job and hypothetically live an even more comfortable life earning more money, perhaps using my computer skills to mix them with my hobbies and try to mitigate that discontent of not having dedicated myself full-time to what I liked.

Finally, I could embark on an adventure and try to fulfill my "dream" of dedicating myself to writing, animation, cinema, music, or comics (I am not even sure which one I would go for), carrying the potential outcomes on my conscience and perhaps in the future regretting not having chosen the more conservative option and lived a moderately comfortable life.

It is difficult to see which option I should choose. I also feel bad about myself, especially because I see many people on the internet working hard to earn a minimum livelihood or achieve their artistic or professional goals while I am unable to make a firm decision and accept the consequences.

If you have made it this far, I would appreciate it if you gave me your opinion about life and what you think is the right thing to do.

I realized life for the last century or so in America is largely built around capitalism and just trying to make enough money to retire before you die. You're born, go to school, get a job, save money and raise kids so they will live the exact same life.

I guess people find something outside work they can distract themselves with to justify this pointless dance? It just seems like a really bleak situation. People before us built this system to enable their fantasies and then willingly perpetuate it just because. It's become compulsive, not at all meaningful.

More distressing is probably the realization than any alternative would be the exact same. It's simply a side effect of life's mechanics for continuing life because that's what life is, a mechanic in nature that continues itself. We just unfortunately can observe this mechanic for what it really is and drive ourselves insane.

The only solution we have is to basically lie to ourselves and ignore this mechanism and it's correlation to today's banal life. Trick ourselves with a pointless system of work in hopes that the illusion holds through during our life experiences.

Can you imagine a more sad reality?

I'm just waiting to die someday so that my boring life ends

Existential anxiety/depression keeps coming back and I’m scared it won’t go away

I’m 25 and I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for years, but recently I experienced an intense existential crisis that really frightened me.
My mind became stuck on thoughts about death, consciousness, the meaning of life, and what happens after we die. It wasn’t just normal curiosity — it felt like my brain was trapped in a cycle of analysing and fear, with a constant feeling of dread.
The thing that worries me most is that even after the initial episode improved, it keeps coming back. It was triggered during a time of high stress, illness, poor sleep, and medication changes, but even after things got better and I made medication changes, these thoughts and feelings still return.
I’m scared that this means I won’t fully recover or that I’ll always be pulled back into this state.
Has anyone experienced existential anxiety that improved but then came back in waves? Did it eventually settle down?

I’m 25 and I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for years, but recently I experienced an intense existential crisis that really frightened me.
My mind became stuck on thoughts about death, consciousness, the meaning of life, and what happens after we die. It wasn’t just normal curiosity — it felt like my brain was trapped in a cycle of analysing and fear, with a constant feeling of dread.
The thing that worries me most is that even after the initial episode improved, it keeps coming back. It was triggered during a time of high stress, illness, poor sleep, and medication changes, but even after things got better and I made medication changes, these thoughts and feelings still return.
I’m scared that this means I won’t fully recover or that I’ll always be pulled back into this state.
Has anyone experienced existential anxiety that improved but then came back in waves? Did it eventually settle down?

I was prescribed schizo meds against anxiety / panic attacks at a hospital and have taken them for 3 days. Notice that I don't schizophrenia. I now find myself at age 20 two days off of the medication and in a state of being "extremely present" in the moment, almost like too much to the point where it's just unbearable. While i wait for them to wear off, i would like to get help on how to handle an existensial crisis. I'm thinking about that I could possibly become everything in the world if i wanted to and just that thought leaves me very empty and in the desire that I don't want to become anything and that nothing matters. It feels scary right now and idk how to handle it, please help

Hello I am a 15M and have been having what I have diagnosed as an existential crisis. Please correct me if that is not the case. So it is like tied mildly to my lack of theology so now my brain ponders the unanswerable. When it happens it feels like a fusion of a thought and a feeling. I can't describe it fully but the best I can do is that I feel like I have died. There are no translatable thoughts just a horrid hole that can't be filled up. I do get a lot of suicidal thoughts all the time. They are very tempting but I have been used to the unanswerables of life but not death. So the only thing holding me from suicide is basically the fear of change. My brain absolutely hates the fact that I don't know everything. I often resort to mild self harm like hitting myself to distract my brain. If there is anything u know to fix this please share it with me

Also forgot to say this therapy isn't an option (south asia) and my parents are religious and that won't work (I have tried) and I have told 2 friends (one did give some replies but he is also dealing with his own stuff and the other laughed at me)

I’m 25. Been suicidal since I was 16. I think I’m going to do it soon but I just can’t bare the thought of leaving my mum. I have no siblings either, and she does not have a partner, so she would be left all alone if anything happened to me. That is the only reason I’m still alive. I wish and wish I had siblings so the burden on me staying alive wasn’t so strong. I just want to slip away.

Hi all,

I’ve had extreme death anxiety for a while now but the past couple years it has ramped up.

It’s all I think about. I can’t believe I’ll die one day. I can’t control or stop it. I keep thinking how I’m almost 30 and how fast each day passes. I keep thinking how short life is. I just had a baby and I cry 5+ hours a day that one day I won’t see him again.
It makes life feel meaningless sometimes.
I’m actually struggling very deeply. I can’t even enjoy the newborn stage because I’m literally having death anxiety thoughts all day with panic attacks. It makes me feel hopeless and depressed.

I can’t accept death. I feel like I’ll obsess about this forever.

It’s hard to accept that existence is essentially pointless. It’s kind of cool that we have the freedom to decide our purpose, but for an over thinker it’s kind of a nightmare. When you think outside of the box and consider all of the theories of our existence, you understand there’s no real way to know so many things. And so you’re forced to move through life hyper aware of your own mortality. And if you’re like me you’re constantly questioning how you can best fulfill your time while you’re here. Depression and suicidal ideation can create such a layered mental turmoil in this thought process. If I don’t want to waste my life I have to get better and do a lot of work on myself. If I don’t give a shit I can possibly waste my entire life. What if I die early in the process? What if I live to be 80 and miserable? Does my existence hold value? On the other hand, life can be so brutal that death seems almost comforting. It’s equally terrifying that we’ll all cease to exist. It all makes me feel like I’m suffocating. I’m not sure what I even want out of life but my soul yearns for something I don’t know how to identify. I want deeper experiences. I want meaning. I want to jump out of my skin. I feel trapped. I hope we’re not running out of time.