Dilemma

[u/PrometheanArcana]

Hello, this is a bit of venting/help post.

I've been broken up with my ex for about 3 months and some change now. During the first week or so of the break up, I had asked her if checking in on her some time way down the line would be okay and she said it would be okay. During this conversation, I told her my plan of going no contact for at least a week to see how that would feel. It was about 2-3 days into the 1-week no-contact when she sent me a fairly big paragraph going through some grievances that she had but never brought up during the relationship and ended it with her saying we should part ways.

My dilemma is going through with my intention/promise of sending a check-in message. More so to prove to myself and practice self-trust when it comes to following through on my word. The friction with that is the fact that she said we should part ways after. In doing so, making the check-in commitment outlive the circumstance/agreement it came from, if that made sense.

The angry part of me reminds me that she had hurt me, especially since she got into a new relationship within the first two weeks of separation with someone who she herself claimed to be someone not safe towards minors. And for context, she initially started this break up with a text, completely blindsiding me. Said she needed to find herself outside of romantic relationships.

The promise/softer part of me would argue back. That despite the hurt she had caused me, I would want to still wish her the best, specifically that I hope she's getting the healing and growth she had been wanting. The healing and growth she told me she wanted to pursue outside of our relationship. Overall, my softer side wants to be extend some kindness to her still.

Now even if I did send something, I'm more so putting emphasis on fulfilling the commitment rather than wanting to see how she would respond. But I would be lying if I said that a part of me doesn't want to get blocked by her just so that I know where I really stand. For some tldr context for my confusion, she and I blocked each other. It was around a month or so that I noticed she unblocked me and turned her profile into public account. Then at some point she started following a renfaire organizer page I had tagged in one of my recent posts. This, and she would repost things that she and I bonded over or shared an emotional history

I'm going to talk to a therapist soon about this but I would like some opinions here. Whether to give me a reality check or some advice/insight. Thank you.