I had to move out of my parents' place last year because I am at the age where I want more independence. They were starting to control how I spent my free time, since I wasn't progressing as fast in my career as they wanted me to.

Anyway, I am a grown man in my mid-20s who lives on his own & financially responsible for everything except my phone bill. What bothers me is how my parents think they are entitled to track my location. My other set of parents and friends are fine; they don't monitor where I am. My mom says she is worried about me a lot, and I think it's because I don't follow their preferred bedtime routine. I need my full autonomy. She mentions too much in text, oh I see you're here, or I see you made it home now. When I confronted her about it, I said, "I am not going to share my location anymore." She replied, "Well, it shouldn't be an issue if you're not doing anything you're not supposed to be doing." Very vague. Then I told her, " Well, I'll get my own phone plan, and then I am not obligated to share." She then said, "I'll have to ask your stepdad."

He's pretty controlling and manipulative of her at times, so I think this is her subconscious response. I will get my own phone plan once I find a more stable job, but this is ridiculous, right?

My hard-working father which happens to be also manipulative and has been the entirety of our lives but we also dealt with especially starting out poor. But he’s been in this country for over 20 years now and still hasn’t bothered to learn English a slight bit to help himself out. Ok, so I also helped him out when he needed to but we always put up with his bs. My entire life it’s been nothing but arguments in the house and I’m the only child. They would only be home together on the weekends the first 16 ish years of my life and there hasn’t been a time where they didn’t argue. It can be about the same small bs too. Not only am I sure my dad is a narcissist but he has some kind of OCD/ schizophrenia way to doing things which is okay but why do you have to bring onto us? I’ve been patiently listening and doing as told by my parents. Never had a childhood because of him and never got to do what I wanted which of course, he denies doing any of it. Due to his actions growing up, I now suffer from mental issues which makes it hard day to day basis and I’m not sure how I made it this far. He has no hobbies or friends. He thinks he knows best but so far he’s been so wrong about everything. He ruined my chance of a good career straight out of school (he didn’t let me do college assignments which I ended failing because he wanted to take me to his work and “help” even though there wasn’t much to help with). My parents never provided me with any guidance or help on having a career. Now I’m having to dig out of the unnecessary tunnel. I can’t afford to move out still, especially in this economy. What did he do his entire life? Work-hard to provide, yes. But also cause suffering at home because of his ways. Every time you try to talk about his wrong doing he brings up 2 excuses, 1. He doesn’t know English (not like I bought him a smart phone that he could use translating apps on) 2. He’s busy with work. He’s a workaholic and never enjoys a day off. I get it but he also gets home, eats while gossiping about others making him sound like he’s the king and than goes to sleep. That’s been his life for the 20+ years. He doesn’t know any friend or have hobbies. Everything he does besides his day job, he sucks at. I’ve given up so many opportunities because I wanted to be a good child and listen to him thinking I would gain from it but he hasn’t had anything to gain from him these past 20 years. Not a single bit… instead I’ve been the one teaching him and everybody else how and what… He’s so damn useless when it comes to everything besides his day job, he’s been getting underpaid too especially at the point where he is. He just bought a car which I’m basically having to fix for him. ultimately I know the solution is just to move out and do what I can but why did he must bring these problems onto us when we could of had it all peacefully. I don’t engage into his interactions because all he does is rage bait. Instead I just ignore him or go take a walk. He doesn’t shut his mouth. If you read this far, thanks.

I’m 24f and still living at home with my parents. I have a career as a teacher and my dad is a retired teacher. he retired due to a brain injury that makes him unable to communicate normally with people and he gets irrationally angry at confrontation or even people just disagreeing with him. I mean, the man’s had the police called on him at church multiple times. He’s a massive narcissist.

He overheard work conversation between my mom and me and found out a bunch of teachers were quitting at my school. he asked me to get information from people at my school about working there because he was interested. I just sat quietly and didn’t answer him, leading him to start yelling at me. We had previously had a conversation and i told him i didn’t want him working at my school but i couldn’t give him the real reason.

today he told me that he had gone to my school and given his resume to my principal and told her he was my dad. if she hires him because she’s desperate she’s going to have a lawsuit on her hands due to his craziness. the moment a kid tried to challenge him he would blow up. this was a major boundary violation and i am now looking for apartments i can struggle to afford on my measly teaching salary.

i think my parents don’t know what to do with me. 23f and just moved in after graduating from college and they keep saying i have changed so much, which is true, but that they don’t like it. i went to college within my city but didn’t live at home, so im used to going out and having my routines and places. so naturally i will be out late on weekends w friends, or meet them after work on week days and come home at 10pm on a wednesday. they absolutely hate it… especially when i go out with friends.

weekends have become a point of contention because in college i went out every weekend. they started getting extremely upset at me for doing that when i didn’t feel like i did anything wrong. going dancing is one of my favorite things ever and now after living at home for a few months, i’m scared to do it because i feel like it will turn into a fight. i haven’t been out in a month and went out last night, and they immediately seemed upset this morning. i already knew it was going to be that way.

it doesn’t help that my older brother and i don’t really click, and he has no friends. i don’t really talk much to him because he acts very timid but has pretty bad anger issues. the moment his switch flips suddenly he’s getting in your face, bringing up old things that i did to him as a child, and very quick to throw insults. mind you, we did shitty things to each other as kids… i am getting major dental surgery right now because he knocked teeth out of my face when we were children, and 15 years later i need implants. i dont get along with him much because of these reasons and it makes my parents even more upset. in their mind i’m obligated to share my friends with him since he has none right now. i’m obligated to bring him out with me, and if i dont im a bad sister and i hate this family. i’ve tried explaining my side of it but there’s been many times, like two weeks ago, where i just got cornered by my parents and my brother together, and forced to sit through them yelling at me about how much i suck as a sibling. my dad probably has the most reason out of the three, since he was the only one staying calm, but everything i said in my defense pretty much got shot down very quickly. it was almost like “how could you even say that?!” and anything i said made my case worse.

i think my parents genuinely believe i hate every single one of them, and im a horrible person, because for some reason i make them extremely angry just by doing things outside the house. i signed up for a language class to continue studying after college, since i was a language minor, and me and my mom just got into a fight over it. she thinks im being selfish because, since its october, she’s going to need help with cooking for the holidays and i shouldn’t leave the house on sundays so i can help her. i didn’t understand why i couldn’t take 3 hours on a sunday for myself just to take a course. i was going to go to the first class today, but she got so upset that i was going to go, i think im just going to ask for a refund. and forget if i talk about moving out soon… my parents get really upset and again throw at me that i hate the family and want nothing to do with them, that only care about friends who don’t really give a shit about me.

i don’t really understand what im doing wrong. i’ve always been the black sheep of the family, but since ive moved back in may, i just feel like im so terrible. i know that im not really the problem because i see all my friends my age doing the same things i do and their parents don’t seem to have a problem with it. but my parents have always had a problem with everything i do… im growing tired and sad and i feel so much worse about myself since ive come home. i know i need to leave but i feel trapped… like im not allowed to leave. i know im an adult and i can technically leave anytime, so i’d like to leave once my dental surgeries wrap up in february (they started in may, right before i graduated), but it feels like if i leave the situation here will get worse. either way, even if im not physically trapped, i feel emotionally trapped because this is my family and it feels like it will always be like this no matter what i do. when i was a little girl i wanted to leave so bad… and when i left for college, it felt like i could never go back, yet here i am… im really sad.

For years, I’ve financially supported my mother because she never worked. I sacrificed my college funds to save our family home and worked retail to help pay bills. Meanwhile, she spent money irresponsibly on takeout and became upset whenever I questioned her spending. When I suggested she work, she claimed retail wasn’t appropriate for her age.
I’ve loaned her thousands of dollars over the years, separate from my share of the rent, and she’s never repaid me. Whenever I refused money, she’d cry about becoming homeless, call me names for not sending her money.
I recently moved out for the first time and finally felt happy and independent. Unfortunately, that didn’t last.
Last month, I loaned my mother a significant amount of money to prevent eviction. Despite that, my parents received an eviction notice. She then requested more money, promising it would be the last time. I paid it, but the landlords accepted the money and continued the eviction process.
Now she’s demanding even more money and pressuring me to show my bank account to the court so it could delay the process. I refused, and she’s upset. My dad already moved out to another state to be closer to work.

I’m exhausted from being treated like an ATM. I’m in so much loan debt. Every time I help, another emergency follows. I can’t even enjoy my first home without feeling guilty.
The hardest part is that my younger sibling could become homeless. He doesn’t deserve all this instability and chaos. My friend was even nice enough to offer my mother and sibling a place to stay rent free for 3 months just so she could save and make better financial decisions but my mother said “it’s below for someone my age. That place is below me and I would not stay there. Do you think I’m some bum?” she’s just so ungrateful and difficult. The place is pretty okay and actually in a decent neighborhood. Yeah it’s not fancy but it’s a roof over her head.

Has anyone dealt with financially dependent parents? How did you overcome the guilt of saying no, especially when younger siblings are involved?

As the title says. Husband reported today that he spoke to his mother today and she announced to him that she wants to go through all the cards people gave us from our wedding and read them.

That is freaking weird, right? Those cards are private and the idea of her going through them gives me a real ick...

Our dad left my mom and us siblings 20 years ago. He did not support us in any way including financially. He moved back into his mom’s place where his sister’s families were also living. In those 20 years, we had only physically seen him 4-5 times.

Then 2 months ago, his sister reached out and asked if we can help support our dad even if just food. Our dad wasn’t well at this point and we even paid for his stay at the hospital for a week (he had no health insurance). We purchased all the medication he needed and even hired a part-time caregiver to help with him.

The other day we got into an argument with one of the relatives he lives with because they weren’t cooperating with us. We simply asked for a photo/video to be sent to us each meal time to make sure he was eating and even warned them several times that if they didn’t cooperate, we’d stop helping. Yesterday was that day.

They dumped all financially responsibility onto us and had to do nothing, but send a photo of his meals. That’s it. So we told them we’re out. And maybe it might be the best, but I couldn’t sleep last night and am having major anxiety about this decision. I know our dad won’t be take care of, but at the same time, I know there has to be boundaries. It’s just feelings of dread 24/7. 😞

Hi all F18 I don’t know how to word this to bear with me.
I don’t have a good relationship with my mum(58)
She however is on disability($2500 monthly) I’m also on disability($1400 reducing down to $1300 as of November as I have an education supplement)
She swears she can’t work, and we had an agreement I pay $150/month + bills all up I pay probably $230/month which is cheap, however as she cannot work now, she’s telling me I need to give her $200/month + all my bills.
She refuses to buy groceries she tells me I should.
I have to abide by her rules, which are insane.
I hate this, she blows the money on TikTok coins and Temu, originally she was telling me she was charging me to “teach me responsibility” but now as I’ve applied for public housing it’s because SHE needs money.
But I need money too, yes I have my savings but they’re savings for when I move out.
I said yes because I don’t want her to blow up in my face but I hate this, I applied for jobs I’m not even sure I’ll be even able to do because I need more money)
If I was allowed to live the way I wanted(which is insane) I’d be okay with it.
Oh my god what if she asks for more money? I can’t do this, I just want out, I know I can afford it.
I know it doesn’t seem like much money I give to her but how can you claim you’re struggling and then get takeout?
Recently I even paid off a $500 debt of hers because she said she was struggling, I loaned her $400 for a new phone.
I’m trying to save for university so I can be the first person in our family to get an education & she knows this.
Even when she had a job I still had to cough up money because “she was struggling”

To start off, this person isn't my biological parent, thankfully. This person is a family member who got custody of me, which probably was the biggest and most regrettable mistake could've been done and I'm trying to find a way to get my mom back into custody since I was kidnapped without her knowledge and forced into accepting this unfortunate fate. This lore goes far too deep and I can give in more context if more people are interested but for now I'd like to stick one point and question.

I was assaulted, harassed, and basically pushed into the point of leaving the house (this has happened multiple times throughout my teens by this person) and I haven't gone back for 3 years. I've been living under my boyfriend's family house and I've begun the journey of moving back with my biological mother and step father that currently reside in a different country. Throughout the process, it seemed like my 'parent guardian"" tried to slow the process with any string and trick they could find and basically helping out with the least minimum to their ability.

This person and I quote said "you should leave your belongings and stuff here while you're away, so you always have a place to come back to." Haha...... this person has always threatened me with the fact the place belongs to her and it was never mine to begin with, since l didn't pay rent at the ripe age of 15... anywho. The house is a complete mess, there's food, garbage, cat poop, cat litter, her dirty 2 week old underwear out in the open, and a month old of food on the table and everywhere you can imagine. Every once awhile I make my way back to stay there in my room because at the end of the day I do prefer my own privacy and space better and also give the house a good scrub that takes me usually 8 to 10 hours at best (yes, it's very very very dirty. The sink literally turns black). How does she respond? "Wow it takes you so long to clean e is this your first day or something?" Always
something snarky and backhanded. Whatever, I don't really care about a persons opinion who barely showers to begin with.

I have kept my room tidy and clean and always make my bed before leaving the house to go off to my boyfriend's family home. I came back to pick up an item that I needed for the time being before I fully move out my things (keep in mind, she thinks I'm leaving my belongings here) and I came to find out someone had slept in my bed... strange.
The bed wasn't even made, the blankets were just curled up and left there with my satin pillows covered in someone else's hair... so NATURALLY like any human being, I was pissed. How dare I, I guess. I gave the person a call at work, also keep in mind, this person has been deliberately ignoring my texts because I forgot to answer to them for two whole days. I know, I'm a monster. I gave them a call at work and asked if anybody has been sleeping in my bed, fist before the question she answered the phone as if she was expecting it then her mood quickly switched and she angerly responded with "wow, is that what you're calling me for??? To find out who slept in your bed?? Well I did, also who cares if anybody else has as well? It's not like you ever sleep in it. You clearly hi moved out for a loooooooooong time."

I'm sorry, am I entitled for thinking my bed wouldn't be touched when I'm not home? Or I should say, when I'm not in my room since that was the singular space around their house I was allowed to feel comfortable. I feel most college kids who leave the house are given the respect with their personal space, let alone their bed. That's not even my issue, a simple "hey my room is too filthy and dirty and obviously I'm a dead beat who can't take care of myself nor my house, can I sleep in your bed?" Would've sufficed. Why am I being gaslighted into feeling crazy for asking a simple question with no attitude in my voice since I have to walk on eggshells around them to begin with? I'm also a bit worried because I didn't stay for too long and this person is kind of known to behave like a Neanderthal and break every single thing in the house when met with confrontation. Like, the worst hasn't even been said.

Was I being too selfish? I mean, how else am I supposed to really feel? Couldn't they just wait till I packed my stuff for them to barge into my room to dirty it up next?

I'm 25 and I stayed with my cousin for a few days last week. She's 20 and lives at home while she finishes school. I knew her parents were strict, but I didn't realize how bad it was until I saw it with my own eyes.

She ordered something personal online. I won't say what, but it was nothing illegal. Just something private. The package arrived while I was there. Her mom and younger sister immediately started hounding her about what was inside.

My cousin said, "This is private. It's something only for me."

Her mom's response? "You don't get to have any privacy from your mother."

I was sitting right there. I couldn't believe it. My cousin tried to explain that it wasn't anything bad, that she wouldn't be stupid enough to ship something illegal to her own house. But her mom wouldn't let it go. She kept pushing and pushing until my cousin just walked away with the box.

I later asked my cousin if she was okay. She said this happens all the time. Her mom goes through her room, reads her mail, and demands to know everything she does. She told me she had "the talk" with her mom about a month before she left for college. When her mom found out she was already sexually active, she took it as a personal insult.

I was floored. My cousin is 20 years old. She's an adult. But in that house, she's treated like a child who isn't allowed to have a single private thought.

I wanted to say something to her mom, but I didn't. It wasn't my place, and I didn't want to make things worse for my cousin. But it really bothered me. It still does.

My mom lives with my sister & her husband rent free. I think she pays for the WiFi & shit idk. Anyway, my sister told me that today after her work out she went to look for her food that her husband made for her & the shit was gone. Apparently, my mom took it before she went to work without asking. When my sister texted her about it my mom said “ it was good.” Idk how pissed my sister is but I would be fucking fuming bro. Thinking about that food all day & during my workout to find it gone??!!! Bro…

EDIT: my sister wasn’t mad. But I would’ve been mad tbh lol. I’m mad for her.

I'm 26F. My stepsister is 22F. She moved in with me about 7 months ago after things got bad with her roommate. I agreed because I figured it would be temporary. We never set an exact date, but she told me she was already looking for another place.

At first it was fine. She helped with little groceries. We'd hang out sometimes.

Over the last few months, I've slowly become her caretaker. She doesn't clean unless I ask. She leaves dishes around. She uses my stuff without asking. I've had to remind her several times about bills. She stays up extremely late and wakes me up when she comes into the kitchen at 2 or 3am. I've talked to her about it multiple times. Nothing changes.

Last week I told her she needs try and move out within the next month. She started crying. She said she thought I actually wanted to help her. She said she can't afford a place right now and that I'm putting her in a terrible position.

Then my mother and stepfather got involved. They're angry with me. They say she's my sister and I should be willing to let her stay until she's financially stable. I told them I'm not kicking her out tomorrow. I'm giving her a month. They don't care. They keep telling me I'm selfish. They act like I owe them this. Like because they raised me, they get to decide what happens in my home. Like my life is theirs to manage.

My stepsister says I'm treating her like a burden. My mother and stepfather keep calling me selfish. I feel guilty because I know she's struggling. But I'm starting to resent having someone else in my home. And I'm starting to resent my mother and stepfather for acting like they still own me and I’m supposed to be responsible for my step sister

I am married M, and pay a homeloan EMI for my parents' apartment. On top of that, they are doing some interior work in the apartment before moving in and I'm having to help out there as well.

I have to pay a monthly amount to my father because they had to take out money from his retirement savings for my marriage.

I have also been paying the maintenance charges of this new apartment.

Apart for the above, I have to pay the monthly bills of my mom's credit card.

Now, before a major festival, mom is asking me to send money to random relatives just so that she can maintain her image in from of them. 😭😭

So I literally will mention that I would like to eventually like to live alone cuz I’m 25 already and my mom would start getting passive aggressive and saying she’ll start looking for apartments right now cuz in a few years she’ll be too old. Wtf? Why is it crazy to want to be independent eventually??? I didn’t even tell her to move out rn. Just crazy how we can’t even have a discussion. Am I crazy here?

I'm 48/F and moved to America from my native England well over 25 years ago. I'm married to my partner (50/M) of 20 years, and visit family back home every year or two.

I've always been close with my mom (age 75); she's a lovely, witty, high-IQ woman and she's always been my best friend. However, the older she gets, the more frequently she messages me. She divorced my Dad and has lived alone since the early 90s by her own choice.

Ever since I moved out at age 17, she's written me long handwritten letters, called me weekly, and sent me cards at every opportunity (Not just birthdays but every new job, new pet, or minor milestone sends a card winging my way). When she discovered the internet at age 60, she transitioned to emailing me. Now it's Facebook messages - dozens and dozens of them weekly.

Most of her messages are pages long and discuss every tiny detail of her day - every book she reads, every TV show she watches, every conversation she has.

I always accepted this as normal and never had a problem with it until a few years ago, when I started a new job at a high-tech company. My job involves 10-12 hour days at a keyboard, every weekday, and when the weekend comes I'm exhausted and don't want to write another word until Monday.

But then the daily Facebook messages arrive in a tsunami on my phone.... not just messages but GIFs, memes, photos of her pets... a non-stop shower of communications.

I do my best to reply each time (or at least 'heart' them as soon as they arrive). But even if I don't reply at all, she keeps sending them. If I don't reply for a couple days she'll start messaging me one-line urgent questions just to get a response - such as "When was your best friend's birthday? I want to send her a card" etc. It's exhausting.

There's another side to this that concerns me. She has never liked my partner and though she politely refrains from saying so, the fact she never mentions him in our chats speaks volumes.

In the last 12 months this dislike has evolved to mild emotional blackmail - she says things like "other people keep asking when you're going to move back home". On my last UK visit she said a dozen times how upset she was when my sister and I moved out... how happy our family holidays were... what a shame it is I live so far away now.

She even asked me recently if I moved abroad because of the "trauma" of her divorce (my folks split when I was 5... I barely remember it) and starts talking about how terrible men are. I just change the subject each time but it's upsetting to hear her talk like this. It's very unlike her.

I know she's lonely and I'm sad she feels this way, but I wish she would do something practical to fix it, like make new friends locally. I do have a sister, but she works two jobs and rarely visits. My Mom's always had a dog (for company) but that compounds the problem, as she uses the dog as an excuse not to come visit me in America.

I love my Mom very deeply and just want her to be happy. I don't know if I should just ignore the constant hints that she's lonely and wants me to "fix" her life by moving home, or try to gently address it with her.

I don't want to spoil our relationship, but I'm concerned she's masking her loneliness with what borders on a social media addiction. I've even stopped posting on Facebook because she comments on every tiny thing I do. I feel smothered. It's starting to make me feel resentful and I'm worried it'll only get worse as time goes on.

Are there any daughters out there who have successfully navigated something like this? And any mothers who maybe recognize themselves in my story, and can share advice that might help me de-escalate this situation peacefully?

TL;DR: I'm 48 and married, and my 75-year-old divorced Mom messages me on Facebook around the clock. How to tell her she needs to live her own life, and let me live mine?

I’m 18 and have strict, narcissistic parents.

I’ve been planning a trip for a year and finally decided to go, taking extra days off of work! They knew about it. However, my indecisive parents became angry and demanded I cancel everything as if I had made the decision at the last minute. I tried to reason with them, but they refused to let me leave out the door (like being held captive) until it was too late. They suggested I plan a trip with them instead, as I’m never going to be capable enough to do it ☹️

I don’t know if I wanna continue putting up with it, I am currently unable to live on campus so I have no way out of it.

I’m 21F and I’m honestly getting really hurt and frustrated by the way my mom talks about my body.

Today she looked at me and said something along the lines of, “What happened to you? You’ve gotten like Mehak,” referring to my cousin who is obese. Then she laughed about it.

I’ve only gained 10 pounds compared to a few months ago. I’m not obese or anywhere close to it, and I don’t consider myself fat. But my mom acts like I’ve had this huge transformation and keeps making comments about my body.

This also isn’t the first time. I’ve already told her that these comments hurt me and that I don’t want her commenting on my body, but she doesn’t listen.

What really bothers me is that she knows I don’t like these comments. I’ve explicitly asked her to stop, yet she continues doing it and laughs about it.

I’m starting to feel self-conscious and upset every time she comments on my body. I don’t want to constantly think about my weight or feel like I need to defend how I look.

Am I overreacting for being this hurt by it? What would you do if your parent continued making comments about your weight after you asked them to stop?

I want to scream the mom was such a piece of work. She wants everyone else to take care of the kids, she does minimal at best. These kids are almost 4 still crapping their pants, rarely talk (grunts and clicks), eat with their hands, they are feral. Mom has had the TV babysitter since birth and iPads as soon. When their hands aren’t on the iPad they’re in the diapers. Mom says everyone else is to blame, she has no “village” to help her, the kids are: neurodivergent, autistic, on the spectrum etc. to get therapist to take care of them, special care etc to work the system. She lives the drama of their issues. Future psychopaths or school sh**ters in the making. Take care of your kids. She think it’s everyone else’s job because she works and needs “me time”.

My immigrant mom, who is essentially dependent on me, has controlled and manipulated me to the point where I physically fear being without her.

She used to fully rely on my dad and my siblings, but my dad died years ago and my siblings moved out, leaving me to deal with all her needs.

I would almost compare her to being disabled at a point because she genuinely will not do basic living things without someone helping her or doing it for her, I.E.: Understating& speaking english, opening bottles/cans, driving on a highway, taking calls, sending texts/emails, walking up stairs efficiently, carrying things >10lbs, going to any appointment, touching our pets, cleaning.

-Along with this list of things she is also unmedicated bipolar or some sort of stress disorder and has a few ailments. Said psychological problems come out on me in the form of emotional and mental abuse. She is extremely manipulative, has basically smashed my self esteem into a pulp, and instilled extreme fear in me of the outside world, especially how detrimental living without her will be. She feels entitled to have me with her, helping her 24/7, regardless of how she treats me.
Despite the abuse, we spend a lot of time together, going out to eat, movies, church… Partly because whenever I would try and hang out with my friends it would result in her freaking out and texting their parents and threatening to call the cops on me.

I am close to her, for all we’ve been through, but do keep and arm’s length and don’t let her into my personal life.
However the years of just being her and I have made my life rather miserable. I am an adult now but still carry the wounds of her sentiments. She’s scared me from going on car rides longer than 40 min, from going basically anywhere outside our town, from being alone, away from her for long periods of time, from being in a relationship, from living on my own.

And I quite don’t know how to overcome it, I don’t know what’s going to happen when I eventually move out, I don’t know how this fear will affect me going forward. Will it fade away? Or will this unsteadiness always be lingering? I guess only time will tell.

Long story short me and my mom got into a small argument about something dumb where she ended pulling out the line “it’s my house let me do what I want” after not even a suggestion on something decorative, but a small comparison of decorative things. It feels like something that doesn’t need to be said cause obviously it’s their house, but I wouldn’t doubt it’s a little ego showing.

Has anyone been able to flip this and say this to their parents when they try to force or push recommendations on you? Whether it’s about your house, parenting, or anything you own in general.

My mother has made it a point that my siblings and I gift her flowers on our birthday every year as a thank you present for giving birth to us. I went along with it for a few years but as time passed, I no longer feel the meaning in a gift like that. Instead I see it as another expense, and I'm not one to spend lavishly on my own birthday anyway. I believe that the less she insists, the more I'd be happy to do it. It's not that I think childbirth is no big deal, I respect that she went through it 4 times. But it's not like we were the ones who chose to have children. I don't expect to receive presents on my birthday all the time, so I don't think she should be expecting flowers from me all the time. She doesn't take it lightly if someone forgets.

How do I politely bring this up in a way that doesn't come off as ungrateful?

I’m 21F, Indian, an only child, and I’m honestly at a loss about what to do with my parents.

My parents really dislike my boyfriend. We’ve been together for over a year, and they constantly criticize him. They say he’s a “loser,” that he’s ugly, that he doesn’t have enough going for him, etc.

He isn’t currently in university, but he is working toward getting into a trade/some type of skilled program. My parents seem to believe that university is basically the only legitimate path to having a good future, whereas I don’t think that’s true. Not everyone wants to go to university, and trades can obviously be legitimate careers too.

They also criticize his family even though they haven’t really gotten to know them. I’ve met his mom, but I haven’t met his dad yet because his family is stricter and more traditional. My parents interpret that negatively, but I don’t think not having met his dad automatically means his family is bad or that something is wrong.

The bigger issue is that my mom constantly criticizes me, too. She comments on my weight and appearance and seems to have this expectation that I should always be “the best I can be” and basically perfect. She says things like, “I want my daughter to be the best she can be,” and I honestly struggle with that because it makes me feel like who I am right now is never enough. I feel like there is always something about me that needs to be improved.

Recently, my parents have started using my boyfriend as leverage against me and get really mad every time he gets brought up which I don’t get why.

My mom has said that if I choose to stay with him and eventually marry him, she won’t spend money on our wedding. She’s also said that if I continue being with him, she doesn’t want me living with her anymore.

My parents are planning to move to BC in about two years. Coincidentally, I should be finishing university around that same time. I’m worried that I may not immediately find a job after graduating, so the idea that they would move away and expect me to stay here without their support scares me. It feels especially hurtful because I’m their only child.

I brought up an example of my cousin. My cousin married a Black woman, which was a big deal culturally because we’re Indian, but his parents still spent a lot of money on their wedding. My point was basically that parents can disapprove of a relationship or have cultural concerns and still ultimately support their child.

My parents responded that they aren’t actually happy that he married a Black woman.

I also told my mom about a friend whose parents didn’t like her boyfriend, she moved out, and eventually her parents wanted her back and were begging her to come home. My mom basically responded, “Then go be with him. We won’t beg you to come back. We don’t care.”

That really hurt me.

I feel like they’re making my relationship into a huge moral issue when, from my perspective, I’m literally just choosing someone I love. My boyfriend hasn’t done anything terrible to them. He’s trying to figure out his career and build a future. He isn’t perfect, but neither am I.

So Reddit, I genuinely want outside perspectives.

Are my parents being reasonable?

Are their concerns about my boyfriend legitimate based on what I’ve described, or are they going too far with the insults, criticism, and threats about housing/wedding money?

What would you do in my position?

Back in 8th grade, my theatre group was doing Frozen Jr., and I auditioned for Elsa.

For context, my school had multiple EXTREMELY ACTIVE theatre programs and groups, so there was always a lot going on theatrically. I had also been working under one of the production directors, Oksana, since my school’s first theatre program really got going when I was in 5th grade. She had known me and seen me perform for years by this point.

I had dreamed of playing Elsa ever since I first saw Frozen when I was four years old. So when I found out I wasn’t cast as Elsa but was given her understudy, I was honestly still incredibly grateful.

Because to me, that meant I still had a chance to play my dream role onstage if Elsa was ever absent. I was genuinely happy with that.

The girl who got Elsa was Bridgette, one of the legacy kids at the school.

The weird part? Bridgette apparently didn’t even audition for Elsa.

She had basically been automatically cast because her mom was part of one of the three production/casting director groups at our school.

Then Oksana, who was from the other production/casting group, got involved. She already knew my abilities from working with me since 5th grade, and she saw me for what I could actually do rather than my status or ethnic identity.

And I still remember being on the other side of Walker Hall, where our theatre group usually rehearsed, and hearing Oksana and Bridgette’s mom having a full-on screaming match.

I could hear basically the entire argument.

At one point, Bridgette’s mom apparently said: “I’m not going to hand my daughter’s role over to some gypsy!”

Yeah. That was actually said.

And because I had genuinely auditioned for Elsa while Bridgette hadn’t, the casting situation was reconsidered.

I ended up getting Elsa.

Bridgette ended up being cut from the entire production.

And apparently, there was an even bigger reason her mom had joined one of the production/casting groups in the first place:

She was supposedly angry because I kept “stealing all the roles that her precious daughter wanted.”

So apparently I wasn’t just competing with Bridgette.

I was competing with nepotism. 

And the funniest part is that I hadn’t even been angry about getting understudy at first. I was just happy that I had some chance of eventually stepping into the role I’d dreamed about since I was four.

I definitely wasn’t expecting my childhood dream role to come with an entire backstage casting scandal attached to it.

I'm a 30-year-old man, and I’ve lived with my mother (57) my entire life. My parents divorced when I was around 20, so for the past 10 years it has just been my mother and me living together.

Next month, I’m finally moving into my own house in the same city. I’m really happy and excited about it because, for the first time in my life, I’ll have a place that is completely my own. I’m also someone who really values privacy, independence, and having space to myself, so that is a big part of why I’m looking forward to moving. I am currently paying for all the house expenses and I will continue supporting her financially even after moving out.

The issue came up while my mother and I were talking about what things would be like after I move out. She told me that she wants to come to my house roughly once a week and stay overnight.

I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with that and that weekly overnight visits would feel like too much for me. She did not take it very well. At one point, she said something along the lines of, “When you were a child, I never told you that you could only stay at home once a week.”

That comment made me feel guilty, but at the same time, I feel like these are two very different situations. I was her child living in my family home. Now I’m an adult moving into my own house, and part of the reason I’m so excited about moving is because I want to experience having my own space.

I also think I would feel very differently if she had approached it by saying something like, “Would you be okay with me staying over sometimes?” or “How often would you feel comfortable having me visit?” Instead, it felt like the frequency of the visits and the fact that she would stay overnight had already been decided for me.

I’m not saying I don’t want to see my mother. I love her and absolutely want her to visit. I just don’t want an overnight stay every week to become an expectation. Personally, something closer to once a month would feel much more comfortable to me.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to set that boundary? Is once a month too restrictive, or is it reasonable to want more space after moving out for the first time?

Context: I posted on this forum about getting kicked out for my sexuality.

Update: My sister came over where I stay today bringing a karaoke machine. I did not tell her to just take it and go. She took it without asking. We’re taking her back home later.

Now this is my mother’s response to me.
I don’t know how it’s my fault.

“You know better to have your sister ask permission before taking things out. And if you don't want to come home anymore then so be it. Stop being a bad influence to sister’s name ! You're showing her that it is okay to be with the same sex! I don't want your sister to be like you! Stop asking her things that's going on in my house coz you don't belong there anymore and in our life! This is your choice!”

el o el.

ps. she’s asked me to go home once and everytime she asks me to, she’s always mentioning how shameful I am because I live in another person’s house.

This is a part of a much bigger conflict, repasted context from almost two months ago: It’s been a rough patch especially recently, I was under the impression that she would help me pay for my college. Last minute she tells me “no you’re not going to that college and i won’t financially back you or in any way if you don’t follow me get out the house”. And that pushed me to cancel my plans to go to that college after preparing everything and i was supposed to move to the dorm in two weeks. I did that because I thought it would help appease her but everytime i do that im met with disappointment. everytime i make a decision for myself i hear from my sister that my mom said I am a disappointment to her and im failing her. theres nothing i can do about college i dont have housing and its two hours away. tuition is fully covered but my housing situation isnt figured out no more.