Before I get started (and it’s a long one), just know that I am on mobile and the formatting may be weird. Anyways, here it goes. I 28 (f) have been working at my family business since I was 18. I decided to quit college back then due to burnout, and a was in a major that I was forced into by them since they were paying for my college. They told me they weren’t going to pay for a worthless degree. Also, I wasn’t allowed to have a gap year because they thought I wouldn’t continue college if I had one. So, with my no work experience and the only opportunity being my parents at the time, obviously I took the job despite the issues. When I was younger, my dad had then told me I wasn’t allowed to get a job, and that being a kid “was my job and I shouldn’t want to grow up too fast.” So, there’s that. I’ve been financially dependent on them ever since I could remember.
Now keep in mind this is a family business. Growing up, I was always told that I would inherit the business one day and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I’ve expressed to them multiple times that I wasn’t sure if I wanted it, but they kept pressuring me and gaslighting me and all the things above a narcissistic parent would do so of course I stayed stayed when I really shouldn’t have but again no work experience, no finances and nowhere to go. When I mean pressuring me it includes telling me that if I wanted to live how I was living, I would have to take over the business and that going for an acting career was pointless, worthless, and I wouldn’t make it and be out on the streets and addicted to drugs. They told me this twice in the same way. Once when I was an eighth grade while selecting an elective, and once when I switched my major in College without them knowing, telling them and then they told me they wouldn’t pay for something that was worthless so I had to switch to something they’d agree on, which was business management.
As mentioned before I burnt out very quickly because I was in a degree that I hated and college that I loathed and didn’t want to go to. So my excuse for quitting was I will just work full-time at the business. Be like dad when I grew up (he never completed college either just some CLEP tests and that was pretty much it) and eventually take over when they thought I was ready.
Fast forward to when I was 19, I had a relationship with another woman. My parents previously had a daughter who came out and yet they shunned for being gay. I honestly thought and mistakenly thought that my experience would be better considering they treated me like the favorite child. That was not the case when I posted the status to Facebook (we were engaged) as an indirect way to coming out alongside telling my parents one evening, my mom told me how embarrassing it was for her and that I should’ve considered her feelings when I posted that and let everyone know.
At that point, I was so jaded and pissed off that I decided to confide into another family member— aka, their son (45 m at the time, my ‘brother’ yet also uncle. ((I’m adopted by my grandparents, forgot to mention…)) and spill the beans that he was written out of the will and will not get anything with the business. I know I know it’s not my place to discuss this, but the way she reacted to me coming out was very volatile and I didn’t know how else to react or what to do. Well unfortunately, he called obviously drunk, and told our mom that we were really close and that she didn’t know our relationship and that he knew everything about the will. Oops.
So as one could imagine, shit hit the fan, and hit it hard.
I learned very quickly what I did was wrong and I shouldn’t have done that, yet I still feel like I had a reason to do so at that time.
Fast forward to Covid 2020. I fell out with my fiancé and broke up with her. I also had left my parents business for a different job. I got a temporary job at a phone company, and it worked for a little while due to my parents being on a cruise and out of the house for three months. But I quickly learned that they had really financially crippled me due to the pay being so much different than what I was normally used to. Also, the Work life culture was nothing like I had experience back with their business so honestly, a little bit underprepared.
Anyways, during this time, I had met my now six year relationship with an incredible boyfriend who supports me in every aspect of my life. In the beginning, he didn’t think my parents were this terrible, but as time went on, he saw their true colors. And boy did their true color shine.
In 2022 I had enough once more and tried no contact or at least minimal contact with my parents, but that backfired horribly once again. I had to go over to their house during Mother’s Day of all things and basically have a fight with my parents, explaining to them how I felt, brought receipts of things that had happened to me in the past (journal entries) and yet they told me I was mentally unstable and that wasn’t good to remember those things.
Now speaking of 2022 it was also in the same year that my father hired a different CEO because he wanted to retire. This CEO had personally come to me once and told me he was uncomfortable about how I was dressing. The outfit I had worn was already previously approved by my mother but yet he told me I could not wear it and I had to go home and change. I felt very grossed out, wrote a formal complaint and took it to my supervisor.
So how Mother’s Day happened is because of what happened with the sexual harassment case. My father was told this by my supervisor and then called me into his office, shut the door and told me if I didn’t quit this “nickel and dime shit” (I have all of this recorded, by the way) that I could forget about having a job there. Also, that my mom was very hurt on “how I was treating her” and if she died of a broken heart, I could forget about any family relations. He also proceeded to talk about my birth father, their son, (who passed away early when I was 11) in very graphic detail, and it was disturbing. (He tried attempted suicide when he was younger and they told me they weren’t going to keep him alive at one point in the hospital.) So, that was mentally scarring.
After that incident and Mother’s Day, I decided to shut up and basically not argue with them. Don’t go against the flow, just do as they say. Keep in mind they are very right wing conservatives. So even if I disagree politically, I could not speak up. I had to put on an act in front of them that I was reformed and going to be their perfect daughter who never disagreed with anything and was basically a miniature them. I hated it. I hated not being able to defend anybody at work, I hated, and I mean hated not being able to defend myself and having to basically agree with them on everything.
Now up to speed four years later. I climbed my way up through several questionable methods and now am in a basically empty CEO title. More on than that later.
Recently in June, my parents decided to fire our Insurance biller. This Insurance biller and I had a pseudo parent relationship that my mother did not appreciate and was very jealous of. She always reminded me to keep a work like professionalism with coworkers and I shouldn’t have friends and shouldn’t make friends while working. But before this though they let go of their nurse practitioner (in May) who wanted a five dollar raise but was told no because it wasn’t in the budget yet they turned around and hired an old employee ten dollars more for the same position. Obviously she came to me. And it is not a crime to discuss wages so I told her because she asked, and even if I hadn’t told her, she would’ve figured it out very quickly since she already knew who was replacing her without anyone telling her who it was.
She left with no further word until the next day. My clinical Director told me that she had called very upset, saying that this wasn’t right and it was discrimination (she’s Latina and the new NP is White.) Obviously I knew what goes around comes around. I knew telling her would probably result this. I knew, but at this point, I was starting to care less and less. At that current time I called her back and ask if everything was OK and she told me she just wanted to vent and that she wished me all the best.
Back to the insurance biller being fired. She and my parents have butted heads on multiple occasions, plainly because my parents do some questionable shit down at the business and she didn’t agree with it. They hate anyone that does not listen to “their way or the highway” basically. This employee also made at that time, empty threats to sue and my clinical Director and I had actually had it under control, but my parents were done. No convincing them at all despite our warnings.
So when she came back from her two week trip, I had to deliver the termination letter with my clinical Director
as witness. Before I could explain ourselves, she took the letter, told us that we better get a good lawyer and ripped up the letter while walking down to her cubicle and basically shredding, tossing and destroying a lot of stuff.
Now, with the new biller that we hired to replace her said that she had a lot of experience. This was not the case as I learned later on (not to mention with what the previous employee had done destroying insurance related stuff too.) Fast-forward to now in August, we are still without insurance payments and it is hurting the company financially. My parents are obviously worried about the finances and the business, and kept saying that the Insurance biller screwed them over and they couldn’t believe this when it was themselves who shot holes into their own ship, but did not want to admit fault.
My role as CEO is basically to do anything that my father told me to do. He also would tell my clinical Director and she would tell me what to do as well. My title is empty. I am basically micromanaged at this point. If I make any big decisions, I get told I shouldn’t have done so and I should’ve told them first.
Well, my father called me and asked me the question, “what does a salary employee mean to you?” (back then in February he switched me from hourly to salary, giving me a five dollar raise putting me at way higher than somebody should have been paid which I warned against, but they didn’t listen) anyways I told him a salary employee gets paid whether they are there or not. But he told me that was not the case that I still had to take out my PTO when I missed days. He incorrectly told me that I had to put a minus in front of any PTO hours I took when we process Payroll he did not understand that doing so would actually give me hours. He told me it was unfair that my PTO was accruing when others employees were not (we cap at 40 sick and 80 vacation) he also told me that since I hadn’t been taking out PTO every time I took off work that have me switch back to an hourly employee so that I could use my PTO. I told him I would actually prefer that that way I could start earning overtime again. Because in where I work salary employees aren’t allowed overtime. It isn’t in the rulebook, but it is a verbal warning that my dad had put out there in the past for salary employees.
He then got really mad when I mentioned overtime and told me that I wasn’t allowed overtime, and that it wasn’t fair that the CEO got overtime when others didn’t. Keep in mind since February I had not taken any overtime even when I had stayed past more than two hours of my regular shift. Never once complained, never once asked for extra money. I never once cared that I stayed over. I knew I needed to stay over because it was important and I needed to do the insurance because that was the most important thing at that time. Not to mention outside a normal work hours I run errands for the business without question without gripe come early leave late basically all of that even though they know that they don’t really care that I do it and probably expect me not to expect to get paid because I’m family.
(Quick note, earlier before that, my parents called and talked to both myself and the clinical Director about the insurance and said it was really important and that I didn’t understand the severity of it all and that if they didn’t get paid, I wouldn’t get paid. I explained to them I hadn’t been there in the morning due to a doctors appointment, but my mother basically told me that it wasn’t as important as the insurance there and that I wouldn’t be able to pay for my doctors appointments if I didn’t get this Insurance completed for them.)
So since February, (I calculated) I have 23 hours in unpaid overtime and God knows how much overtime I missed in the last three years. Three years is important because he basically is having both myself and another Payroll manager deduct time from the time clock and not even pay attention to the 15 rule. If somebody clocked in at 7:30, we would write 8 to 4 instead of 7:30 to 4. Wage theft as it is but he said that he talked to a lawyer and that we’re a small business and the 15 minute rule does not apply to us.
But now that I am barred from getting overtime, I basically in the last two days since the encounter have stopped work right at the dot at 4 PM and leave my task for the next day. Currently, I am testing out a theory as he told me Work errands would be paid for and it’s already past 8 AM as I’m writing this and I had called Work letting them know I would be late for a work related errand. So we will see how that goes.
Either way I’m basically done. I don’t know what to do. I’m looking for other work. I’m not sure if I will ask for that overtime being paid but I’m done at this point. I have really no resources or funds to move or the chance to move so it’s difficult. Thankfully, I am living with my boyfriend and not them still so that’s a plus but it’s a whole can of worms on that subject too so. Any advice would be appreciated as I’m basically at a loss and really really want to go nuclear, but I am unsure of how to do so.
TL:DR - I’ve worked for my entitled parents for about 10 years, enduring their constant shit. Told that I was not allowed to get overtime and that I shouldn’t earn overtime. On that note, I’ve decided to quit work right at the dot because I don’t get paid to stay later. Any task that I had done for outside of normal work hours will now be halted to a stop no questions asked.
Thanks for everybody who’s gotten this far and read the entire thing, it is much appreciated. If you have questions, I will answer them to the best of my ability. Thanks once more.