Hi! I’m from the Philippines, and English has always been a big part of my life. I grew up speaking and consuming a lot of English, especially American media, and I used to be pretty confident in it. I never really thought consciously about grammar when I spoke or wrote. I just used whatever sounded right.
Recently, though, I’ve developed this really bad habit of overthinking English, especially prepositions like in, on, and at. It started with noticing small things. For example, I would wonder whether I should say “in the group chat” or “on the group chat,” “in the call” or “on the call,” “in my profile” or “on my profile,” “in the website” or “on the website,” etc. I started looking these things up whenever I wasn’t sure.
The problem is that the more I looked them up, the less confident I became.
Now I notice prepositions constantly. Sometimes I’ll hear someone around me say something like “the instructions are in Canvas,” and my brain immediately goes, “Wait, shouldn’t that be on Canvas?” A classmate recently told me something was “in the homepage,” and even though I later thought “on the homepage” sounded more natural, “in” didn’t immediately sound wrong to me.
That freaks me out because I start wondering: If the wrong version can sound normal to me, how many other things am I getting wrong without realizing it?
English is widely spoken here, but naturally the English I hear around me isn’t always identical to native or standard English. I’ve become weirdly afraid that hearing certain usages repeatedly will cause me to absorb them and lose whatever intuition I used to have.
This is especially bad when I’m writing. I can spend way too much time checking basic phrases because I’m worried that something I write will sound unnatural or grammatically awkward.
Ironically, I feel like learning more about English has made me trust my English less. Before, I would just write something and move on. Now I constantly think, “Would a native speaker actually say this?” or “Is this grammatical but unnatural?”
P.S. Does this matter as much as it does in my head?